Amen to that sister! I'm working on just surrendering my heart and soul to God so I can live the life he's always wanted me to live. Pressure off of myself, just let him be in charge.What an amazing life that would be.
Hey everyone....sorry I haven't been around lately...I'm workin on my Step 4 and am currently in a world of shit right now...it sucks revisiting all my wrongs, fears, resentments of the past that I drank over. My sponsor & I agreed upon a finish date of the 15th...I can't wait to be done with it...but I have to start "writing" it all down before I can "finish"...so far I've just been battling with all these thoughts in my head...it truly sucks...but I know I have to do it in order to heal...nobody said it was gonna be easy I guess.
Okay...guess I wasn't done yet...I also found out at Friday nite's meeting that a guy that I had grown pretty close to at my home group (we always said that we must have been separated at birth...we were so much like brother & sister) decided to go back out. My FIRST thought/feeling was "jealousy"..if he could go back out, I could...he's probably doing just fine drinking socially...I can do it too. That's all just in my head...I haven't talked to him or anything...for all I know he could be crazy drunk 24/7 and miserable...but my brain is telling me that he's just fine...because my brain wants me to drink..."I" want to drink...but I won't, I can't...I can't go back. I stayed late after last nite's meeting and talked to a gal that recently went back out after 2 yrs of sobriety for 6 months...she's only been sober again for 22 days...I told her how I was feeling and asked her lots of questions about her experience of going back out...she gave me her phone number, put it in my cell and told me to call her immediately if I ever feel like that again...she said DON'T DO IT!!! She told me how quickly it got out of control...."again" and that it totally wasn't worth it. She also told me that there has been absolutely NO pink cloud for her this past 22 days....she lived on a pink cloud during the 1st several months of her initial sobriety, as I did for like the first 6 months. Glad she told me that as I don't know if I could start over in this program again without that pink cloud...it saved my life the first 6 months of my sobriety. I'm glad I talked to her...I think between workin on my 4th step, my friend goin back out and not workin a good program for the last month or 2..it's all coming down on me like a boulder...trying my damndest to pick myself back up! So.......if you don't see me on here as much as I normally am..don't be alarmed...just workin thru a bunch of "stuff/shit" within my frustrating, stubborn alcoholic brain/self. Em.....it's definitely gonna be September for us girl...I've GOT to get this 4th Step done & over...you really don't want to meet me right now...I'm a wreck...hope everyone else is doing great & stayin sober. Luv you all!!!!
Annette, thanks for being honest. I'm sorry your friend went out, I understand your feelings of being a bit jealous, envious. how can people drink and be in control. I loved to drink, but I am learning to love being sober. Somedays are easier to love then others, but I'm with you!!! It's great that you were speaking to the women who came back, it's nice that she is open and sharing. Your paving the way for a lot us, you and emily!!!
I have a lot to learn. I never heard of this phrase "pink cloud" before, so I googled it. Scary what I read. Can anyone explain it better, though? What's it all about? Does everyone experience it? What causes it? What causes it to disappear? Emily, can you help?Anonymous