Sunday, July 18, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

I'm going to share a journal entry with you from my 1st year that is really hard for me to even read, but I think it's important to share.

February 2007
I find my mind calling me a dumb bitch all the time, it's ridiculous and I know it, but it still happens. I pray to God that it stops, it is such a horrible thing to call myself. I've always felt kind of dumb, but in no way shape or form do I consider myself a dumb bitch:)

I wanted to share this because sometimes the way we talk to ourselves, especially in early sobriety is brutal. It does get better, I promise. By using positive affirmations and the tools I have learned from the program I stay sober in I have learned to talk to myself lovingly and with kindness. It is still something I have to work on everyday, but I am so grateful that I have the tools to even know how to do that. Today I know what to do if my shitty committee tries to take over. I also know that I deserve to be talked to lovely by people, especially by myself.

7 comments:

  1. Thanks so much for sharing that!! I am so hard on myself. I am in early sobriety and I call myself names all the time. I feel so stupid most of the time. I am more patient with strangers than myself. I am really going to work on that!

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  2. Hi all!

    I am new here. Just went back and read a lot of old posts from months ago. I see a lot of us are very similar - moms who drink daily while making dinner, scared to visit a meeting, scared to be "found out", wanting to do this "alone together".

    Emily - in a post in December you said something about setting up an "anonymous board" or site or something like that to hook up those of us with a desire for that. Did that happen? Is it here? Is there a better or another place to go?

    I am tired of the fight. It just may be time to surrender, which I read in those posts. Surrendering means being brave enough and having the power to attend a meeting.

    As a new topic, I would love for Emily and others to discuss their very first meeting step by step. How did you get there? How did you find the info? I am afraid I would break down in tears when I walked through the door.

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  3. Great post, Emily, and one many of us early in sobriety won't quite "get." Please keep posting this type of early-help (and intermediate-help, etc.) thoughts on your web site!

    Through someone I met on your blog, I "discovered" a website called women for sobriety (dot org). It has a 13-point "New Life" program that is helping me tremendously, along with their on-site free literature. Here's the 13-steps for anyone interested, and the steps directly address what Emily felt and wrote above.

    "NEW LIFE" ACCEPTANCE PROGRAM


    1. I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.

    I now take charge of my life. I accept the responsibility.

    2. Negative thoughts destroy only myself.

    My first conscious act must be to remove negativity from my life.

    3. Happiness is a habit I will develop.

    Happiness is created, not waited for.

    4. Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.

    I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.

    5. I am what I think.

    I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.

    6. Life can be ordinary or it can be great.

    Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.

    7. Love can change the course of my world.

    Caring becomes all important.

    8. The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.

    Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.

    9. The past is gone forever.

    No longer will I be victimized by the past, I am a new person.

    10. All love given returns.

    I will learn to know that others love me.

    11. Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.

    I treasure all moments of my new life.

    12. I am a competent woman and have much to give life.

    This is what I am and I shall know it always.

    13. I am responsible for myself and for my actions.

    I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.

    (c) 1976, 1987, 1993

    To make the Program effective for you, arise each morning fifteen minutes earlier than usual and go over the Thirteen Affirmations. Then begin to think about each one by itself. Take one Statement and use it consciously all day. At the end of the day review the use of it and what effects it had that day for you and your actions.


    The person I met here who showed me this knows who she is (and I am SO PROUD of her!) -- I'll let her identify herself if she wishes at some point.

    I can't take any credit for this, other than thanking Emily for putting this web site together, which allowed me to meet my amazing anonymous partner in this process of growth.

    Montana

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  4. Great topic! You don't need to be afraid of your first meeting.
    Mine was great. You actually are not required to say anything!
    The women you are with will tell their stories.You are required to say nothing. Just listen and learn. And you will, I promise.

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  5. Montana,

    I read the 13 affirmations. I choose to focus on #9 The past is gone forever. I will focus on this today and see if I have any success with this process.

    I love those affirmations. They make so much sense. Thanks for sharing.

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  6. Emily, thanks so much for sharing your personal thoughts. It takes a lot to reprint something you wrote to yourself!!! You are always so honest and helpful to others.

    Anna, I am traveling, but I will tell you when I get to a computer .

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  7. I sat in my weekly step study for a year before what our discussion leader said EVERY week started to sink in. Things (and people) are not good or bad - black or white. So that means I'm not all good OR all bad. Like they say, it's about progress, not perfection. My higher power doesn't expect me to be perfect. As all of this has started to sink in over the last year and a half, it become easier for me to give myself a break and realize that I am just who God wants me to be right this second.

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