Monday, July 26, 2010

The Feeling Disease

I heard alcoholism refereed to as a feeling disease the other day. It cracked me up, I guess it sort of is. Did we not all drink to alter our feelings? I know I did. I didn't realize to the extent I was drinking my feelings away until the last few months (some are slower that others:) .

I remember when I first got sober I had all these rapid fire feelings. There was nothing really wrong, but I felt like there was, I went from happy, to anxious to sad to cranky and then all over again...it was really uncomfortable. My brain was like "Your fine, your doing great!" But my body and emotions were super out of whack. I had someone tell me that it could take up to 5 years for that to stop...I thought "Oh' hell it better not." You'll be happy to know it didn't, it took about 8 months.

Now when I'm feeling uncomfortable feelings I can usually identity why, but not always, sometimes it takes talking about it with another person and hearing their take on it for me to understand what's going on. So many years of "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine." takes time to undo!

How are you feeling today?

4 comments:

  1. I totally hear you on the feelings thing!! Today I am celebrating 3 months and I feel like the last 2 weeks have been the hardest with my feeling going haywire!!! I was told yesterday by someone that 3- 5 months was her real freak out point. The only good thing is we ARE feeling!! That's what will keep us sober!! To truly live life we need to feel everything, good or bad. I would rather more good though, but life is a roller coaster, buckle up on hold on, scream when needed, lol!!

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  2. I'm feeling today, precisely what you described in your 2nd paragraph above...just shy of 8 months, so I hope I surpass this phase really quickly coming up real soon...I'm feeling all my feelings that I used to drink away but in turn I'm feeling a new found freedom that sometimes is making me a little "wild" - want to get this under control - want my freedom to feel, but not the constant "desire" that has been coming with this newfound freedom. Who knows if I'm makin a damn bit of sense, but I feel better after sharin. Whew!

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  3. Hmmmm, feelings out of whack. Wow, I understand the meaning of that. My life is so topsy turvy these days. Still haven't had a drink, feel GREAT about that, but am dealing with a broken marriage. So my feelings are ALL over the board! So, THANKS for these posts, I have been reading daily and it has lifted me up. Love and Peace to all of you!

    God Bless!

    IowaJules

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  4. IowaJules - Sorry I haven't been around much lately...just got done with a REALLY busy, emotionally exhausting baseball season...so hopefully I'll have more time for my program, my recovery and being of service to others now. I'm still learning how to juggle working my program, being of service and still participating in my still ongoing, very busy life...I'm a work in progress, not perfection! I'm sooooo glad you are dealing with what's happening to you Jules & not drinking at it...just think what drinking on top of what's goin on would mean....it'd be a helluva lot worse...stay strong and keep reading, commenting, asking questions and don't drink...you're doin great girl!!!

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