Saturday, July 3, 2010

Drunk Log

Today I got a chance to share about a part of my story that I normally don't. It's not that I'm not willing to share that part of my story, it's just that I don't unless it's to identify with someone.

I decided today that it's time for me to share a little deeper. When I tell my story I sorta cut out my "drunk log" completely, when in fact I need to share some of it, as it is what people relate to.

So here... I have been using alcohol to numb out since I was like 13...I was never ever comfortable in my own skin, or able to handle my feelings, and was always looking for a way out...It is fair to say I was mess from the get go...and when I say from the get go I mean it, I was actually born with a tooth:)

I'm going to try to share a bit more of my "drunk log" over the next few weeks, I'll try to keep it as PG as possible:)

10 comments:

  1. I have been reading this site since seeing it on Dr. Phil and I feel like I am reading my own life story. This site is amazing and it makes me realize I am not alone. I, too, started at a young age (14) and would have to say I've been in trouble since. If I wouldn't have decided that "everything was cool and I was in control" about six months ago, I would be celebrating 3 years of sobriety in two weeks. However, that is not the case and I am sitting here wondering how I let this happen and how am I going to get through day 2. I know I have to hand it all back over to God (and not take it back from Him), but I am finding it more difficult this time around. I am just struggling putting that "A" word with my name. I have never actually said that I was one; however, I know there is a problem. Yes, I guess you could say I am in DENIAL. I know I have to change again if I want to be around for my kids. When I stopped drinking before, only my husband and a few friends knew why. I am afraid if everyone knows, I will forever be labeled and that is the only quality that people will associate with me. Thank you for this site and for everyone's honesty. It really does help.

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  2. Mornin' friends-

    I had a dream last night that I drank again. The waitress asked me repeatedly if I really wanted vodka, then wouldn't let me order and juice or coke to go with it. She finally gave me V8. I had one sip then poured in the trash.

    I woke up pretty freaked out about it. Mainly freaked about the adamant way I told the waitress I wanted the vodka.

    Today will be tough........but you can be FREE from the bondage of alcohol over your life. Celebrate that freedom with some apple pie ;)

    there IS hope~

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  3. Hi, Mommaof3 --

    Thank you for your posts -- the other day you mentioned the brain can only handle one thought at a time, so you replace any thoughts of alcohol with happy different thoughts, that helped me. And I love how you always stress that there is hope.

    Happy Independence Day! I plan to be independent of alcohol today! :)

    Anonymous

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  4. Happy Fourth of July, all! For fun, you might want to check out: http://www.maylin.net/Fireworks.html and have your own electronic fireworks celebration.

    I hope everyone has a happy and sober 4th of July (Sobriety Sunday).

    Anonymous

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  5. I am 51 years old and drink a 12 pack everyday. Alcohol has really taken over every aspect of my life. I decided on my birthday last week I was going to stop but everyday I would buy beer. Scared to quit. Drinking beer is who I am and what I do...

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  6. Anonymous, you are not defined by the beer you drink!!! You can chose to not have that beer, it is your free will!! You can do it, you are more than someone who drinks, you are a woman looking for help that has a lot to offer. You can do it!! Your starting to take steps towards your problem. Hopefully you can come to this site for support and maybe find some support close to you, I'll be thinking of you, lots of luck!!!

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  7. I found this site after watching Dr. Phil as well. Although I'd read about Emily in People magazine prior. I am an addict - food, drugs, alcohol....whatever it is, I cannot do it in moderation. I had gastric bypass surgery 5 years ago this September. Over the last 3 years, after a very difficult situation, I began drinking more (I've always drank, my entire family drinks), and managed to gain 60 lbs back. I don't know where I am anymore. Every day I feel worse and worse, and feel more and more out of control. This weekend, I drank several vodkas, beer, one very large bottle of wine, plus a small bottle of white wine (I don't even like white wine)...and now I'm sitting at home alone, wondering what the rest of my life is going to be like. WOndering if I've done permanent damage to my body. I just don't know what to do.

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  8. You really never know when a part of your story will helps someone else in their recovery. I have come to believe through battling my own self will, my experience, and the experience that others have been so generous to share with me that the only way for me to stay sober is 1) One day at a time; 2) Going to meetings, 3) working wih a sponsor who works with you...someone you trust and with whom you can be honest with, 4) working those steps and 5) devloping and USING your network.
    By others sharing their exeriences with me I have found that it will "jar" something loose within my memory or conciousness that will help with my program. Their experience and how they relate to my own can result in self reflection, honesty. It can remind me that I need to remember Step One, remember to practice Step Three, and so a mini 10th step every day.
    Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. I am new to the blog, but your spirit is radiant! Thank you.

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  9. Hello, I drink 12-14 beers daily and have for the last prob 6-7 years as a typical alcoholic, I always say oh its Oklahoma 3.2 beer and it takes you that many to cop a "happy feeling", I find myself telling crazy stories to the dude @ the conveience store like oh my roommates always send me up here to get this, I am so sick and tired of missing Family functions due to the fact that my "alcohol timer" goes off daily around 3:30-4 and I don;t stop until 11pm-12am and then eat a bunch of garbage and go straight to bed, I as well found your story on Dr. Phil, and enjoy reading the articles for the fact they give me hope! I know that "I" have to be the one to ultimately decide to quit, I am just so scared I feel like I am the biggest drunk in the world, I mean 12-14 beers "every day"! = ( I am so sorry to my body, but I must not really be since I continue to do this!

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  10. I know exactly how you feel, I've been struggling with the drinking and the eating at night, too. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror. I have the same thoughts about what I'm doing to my body and why I'm still doing it. I just started reading the book called Alchohics Anonymous, I won it at a meeting that I attended. You'll be amazed at how it explains this disease and the "insanity" of wanting a drink even though we "don't want one." You're not alone, I've gone two days without a drink and I feel so much better already. The book helps and I'm going to start going to meetings again. The people are so nice and understand what it's like. You and I can do this, I know we can! Hey, and if you don't drink, you won't eat as much at night and you'll feel better about that, too. You can do it, please don't think that you're alone. You can beat this. Keep coming back to the site, it really helps!

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