Saturday, July 10, 2010

The Almost Date

The whole Internet dating thing TOTALLY goes against my old fashion ways. This is how I think it should go...man calls women, man picks up women and opens the door, man pays and feels like a good man for doing all of these things...why you ask? Cause it's his damn job as a man! Now I know that the "times" have changed and it is now acceptable for women to call a man and totally do his job (GIRLS IF THEIR INTO YOU, THEY WILL CALL) Just because times have changed (and as you can tell I don't think it's for the better) doesn't mean I have to!

Okay, now on to the almost date part...boy as me out to coffee, boy calls...so far so good...boy procceds to explains that after a few dates chick should kick down...I think to myself "Dude I'm poor, if you want to date me you have to pay." I think I even said that out loud...a few other things made the RED FLAG fly...I'll go easy on here, cause dude look up my blog (after I told him not to)...was the looking up the blog the last kicker before I cancelled? No, him asking to meet closer to him for coffee was...I am very proud of myself for not going, and dude took it like a champ, didn't seem to mind at all!

I have yet to be on an "internet date" as I always find something wrong with them first. But tomorrow I am maybe going to go play bingo at my church with a very cute boy. Fun huh!?!?!?

10 comments:

  1. Emily, when I moved to Boston I didn't know anyone and I did internet dating, it was hysterical!!! make it fun, I have so many funny stories about that, anyway, I met and married my husband on a dating site 3 years into it. It's a nice distraction!! Sorry though Emily, you shouldn't pay, I don't care how poor he is, he could make you dinner then!!! Real men do want to treat a women right, after you get to know eachother you can share a little more, maybe cook for him or something, but until your exclusive DON"T PAY!! Because he may be saving his money for his date the next night, LOL!!! I would date 2-3 different guys a week, granted, I didn't always like them but I had free meals!! It's a numbers game, Have fun!!

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  2. Hey Emily, I have a wonderful boyfriend that I met on a free internet dating site. I don't have a problem paying. I'm not not old fashioned, but I work and can take care of myself and am not looking for anyone to support me. I paid for pretty much everything with the last boyfriend (he'd never worked, trust fund ran out etc) so I picked up and paid because it was hard for him to. Ultimately, that was a mistake. A couple really needs to share in the finances. Anyway, here's my take on the internet thing. There's always something better out there.... and everyone is always kinda looking for it. So with this guy, after 2 weeks of 4 and 5 dates a week (yes, we were into each other) I hid my profile and told him I did. I'm not looking for someone better, I'm focusing on what we have. I think it freaked him out a bit at first, but I put it out there. Another 4 or 5 weeks later, I brought up exclusivity. He thought it was kinda weird because for him it was obvious we were exclusive and he said that has always evolved and been assumed by others. I told him I don't make assumptions and it should be easy enough to talk about if we both want it. We did... I knew that... but I need to be able to ask and talk.

    My best advice is to be who you are with the internet dating. Trust your gut. Lots are looking for hook ups... good for them if that's what they want... the one thing that was most shocking was the number of 27 yr olds (I'm 43) that would contact me. That whole cougar thing.... well, it's not for me, but I think it's a myth the women are chasing those boys.... I think they are the initiators :-)

    ~NW

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  3. Hi, Emily --

    I admit, I've always sort of wondered why you haven't found a great guy yet -- you have such a kind soul, a giving heart, and you look great!! And you're funny -- but my unsolicited advice is to keep an open mind. I met my husband when I was in my early 30s; he was back in school, trying to get a college degree (he had a tech education and had worked for a few years), and lived in a house he was taking care of for family friends. He was working part-time for minimum wage in an ice cream store and had very little money -- he asked me out several times before I said OK. Sometimes he would pay, other times I would or at least help. I remember he thought I needed some better outdoor footwear so he bought me some (I didn't really like the style or color, but I still have them and still use them after all these years, so they were high quality!), but his mom had to pay because he didn't have any extra money.

    Yes, I realize this might sound like a poor choice of a guy to spend any time with, but what sold me on him ultimately was that he had a dog who absolutely worshiped the ground he walked on and she was so well-trained and not spoiled at all. So I knew he had a good heart. And I was so right.

    We have now been married 16 years and have two boys. When we had the first boy, my husband quit his job and became "Mr. Mom". Now that the boys are older, he works part-time (low pay) but he does a ton of stuff at home, fixes stuff I could never do, and teaches our boys all about fishing, hunting, etc. He is wonderful to my family (even when they aren't so wonderful). He volunteers in our community and helps neighbors with broken lawnmowers, etc. all the time. We can easily pay our bills and still save for retirement with my job. So the bottom line is to focus on the guy's heart.

    Again, it's unsolicited advice, so maybe I shouldn't have said anything...but it sure worked for me. I can't imagine my life without him. Actually, if I really think about it, I can imagine my life without him and it scares the heck out of me.

    Montana

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  4. I'm old fashioned too! Don't pay! No way in hell! If a guy wants to date you, he will do whatever he has to to make it happen. Second job.....oh well.....don't pay!!!! (I'm 40 BTW)

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  5. Hi Emily & friends. Great topics lately, I've been listening instead of talking lately, part of "my program" of recovery, but I thought I'd chime in the guy's side here.
    I am "old school ', cuz i'm older, but he should pay, gladly! without a score card. Internet or face to face, unwritten laws of nature still apply.
    I just had my 8th anniversary with a girl I have known for 30+ years. My late wife Elizabeth passed away in March of 01. Kathleen & I were friends & began seeing each other shortly after. Most of what I know about dating I learned from her relating stories to me. She was divorced for some time before we got together. She did internet, radio station & other methods. She tells me, "You never would have made it out there." She is a lot like you Em, pretty, smart, self willed, & supporting, mother of 3, kind, generous & an overboard caretaker. I kept waiting to find out why she was available. I found out when she told me she refused to settle for less than she was worth. Told you she was smart. Now I'm still amazed that I'm the one that was worth it.
    All I know is that I passed the first date test, & the first kiss test. God's will, not mine.
    When it comes to dating, chicks rule, as it always should be...

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  6. Hi Emily! It's kind of funny that this is the topic for today. I just decided to put myself "out there" on an internet dating site. Set it all up the day before yesterday and I am scared to death. This is new to me. I have heard of many people finding love online and I am 34 years old. I've never been married, have no children and I'm not getting any younger when it comes to wanting at least one child. I'm really struggling with "should I email him" or just wait and see if he notices me and likes what he sees. I have had several messages but none of these guys jump out at me. They are either my parents age or just not what I am looking for in different aspects. I like the topic. It is very fitting for me as I am there as we speak. I am very independent and don't have a problem with taking turns paying. But, yes, I do like the "old-fashion" way in that a man takes care of the woman. What if I seek him out...do I pay? I probably would offer only for that reason, deep down hoping that he would be a gentleman and pick up the tab. We'll see how this all works out. I find it a bit scary. I have been out of the dating scene for many years. If I am not mentally/emotionally healthy myself, I won't be good for anyone else. I'm afraid of being judged for my past, not necessarily for the alcohol/drug addiction, but for the depression, the DBS for depression (Deep Brain Stimulation), I'm on SSDI due to memory/cognitive disability due to shock therapy, scars from self-injuring. That is enough to scare a man away. And I know this doesn't have to come out the first date and maybe I'm looking too far ahead, but when I do find someone, it's going to have to come out. That is my biggest fear. I just have to give it to God and let Him take control of all that when the time comes. I need to stay in the present. SO hard for me sometimes. But thank you everyone for sharing your stories about internet dating. I do know people find love so I'm trying to remain hopeful. God, let Your will be done. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

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  7. Hey Montana
    My husband also has a kind heart, so funny, our dog worships the ground my husband walks on as have all of other animals (kind a St Francis effect, lol) Such a wonderful person.

    Amanda, Hang in there. When you find the right person your past won't matter one bit!!! If your past matters, they are not the right one for you and you will know it.

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  8. Thanks for the love guys!!

    Amanda Annie is totally right on, the right man will see that your past is part of who you are, not all of who you are. We can do it girl! One date at a time!! Em

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  9. Thanks so much for the encouraging words Annie and Emily! Deep down I know this...but it's still scary, mostly due to issues of rejection and abandonment. But all will be well. And you're totally right...if they judge me for my past, then they aren't the one for me. Thank you girls!

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  10. Amanda, I know it is hard to share your past, but I had a lot of issues I had to tell my hubby about before we got really serious and to be honest he didn't even blink!! That's how you know, good luck ladies!! Just remember have fun, don't take it to seriously, give people a chance, I almost didn't respond to my husbands email because I thought he was a dork!!!! Oh right, because I dated so many stellar people, LOL. make a list of what you truly want in a partner, at least 5 things, make them deal breakers. Stick with the one that measures up because your all worth it!!!

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