Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Solution

Sometimes it is hard for me not to talk openly about the solutionI use on here. Today I am in enough pain to start on what I find to be the hardest part of the program I stay sober in. It is the process (or step:) where you prepare to right your wrongs. Yes, after 2 1/2 years there is still stuff I have not cleaned up. I have shame tied to that, which I think has been stopping me from doing this life changing process. It's silly really, I know amazing things will happen after I do it. I know this because I have done it, and they have. I wonder if one day I will just do what I know I'm supposed to, instead of waiting for pain to push me into it. I really am a pain in the ass. But I know God loves me anyway, so I'm all good. Off to do some work.

5 comments:

  1. Sober and not fighting it anymoreJune 16, 2010 at 12:31 PM

    I know the pain oh so well Em. I have had many things in my hands that I have lost. The things I have put in Gods hands I still posses.

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  2. Emily - I always love your posts. They have helped me beyond what I could tell you - others as well. Just a thought to you.. You have a gift for writing. I rarely post but thought I should today. Peace

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  3. Hi Emily, I am so new to all the steps, my sponsor is "spoon feeding" it to me. She's great. One thing she did say and I don't know if it will help you at all. She told me when i first asked her to be my sponsor that I had to trust her and God, they are the only people that I have to tell the really bad things too, the most horrible, nasty, vial things!! She said she will never judge me, and God will never judge me, and that I SHOULDN'T judge myself. She just reminded me that as I go threw the process I am changing and growing and I should be proud, (as she giggled) of all the really unforgivable things I did. Without those things I wouldn't have ended up in AA and I wouldn't be growing to a better relationship with myself, my loved loves and God. i haven't started the step you are doing again, but you can do that step over again because you have grown and you are learning to admit even more to yourself then you could have before.

    BLAHHHHHHH, I hope it helps you a little, like I said, I don't know much but that made me feel at peace with my past and it helps me to be excited about the future and what I will learn about myself.

    Your the best Emily, thanks for posting things that we all have to think about!! Lots of love to you tonight, DON"T beat yourself up, your amazing.

    You give us a gift everyday, you share your sobriety with us, Thank you!!

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  4. I'll share the solution for you Em....AA ROCKS! This program of recovery literally saved my life, family, marriage - everything! Go AA!!!

    And go me....six months today peeps...I NEVER thought this possible. I am happier & more at peace today that I think I have ever been in my entire life....because of God in my life, my AA program/groups and all of you here! Love to all!

    Okay, so I posted a day late on Wednesday's post - good enough for me.

    Have a great day everyone!!!

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  5. This is my very first post to your site. I did see your story on Dr Phil and felt inspired to check out emilyism. I have been sober going on 4 years this fall. A part of me remembers the feeling that you are conveying about not struggling. I did not attend AA when I quit drinking, but I scared myself enough to know that continuing the way I was - I would die. My drinking became severe when my dad was dying. What I tell people is that alcohol became my best friend and my worst enemy. The place I came from was very dark and to this day sometimes it is hard to turn around and realize where I was compared to where I am now. I speak of myself as being sick then, but now I am well. It does take a long time, but everyday is a step forward and you can take that long breath and know that today was good and tomorrow will be good too. The choice does lie with each of us, but knowing that you are in control is key. My life may not be exactly as I would like it, I'm working hard towards that goal, but it is incomparable to what it was when I was sick. I look upon this website as a gift; for me personally it took this long for me to want to share, for me to realize that I want to listen and that I also want others to hear. Thank you for giving a place to make that possible. Your strength inspired me to take this first step.

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