I was doing some reading tonite & related quite a bit & thought I would share. It is from the book "Keep It Simple" Hazelden Meditations.
"We were out of control. Our addiction was in control. Addiction managed everything. It managed our relationships. It managed how we behaved with our families."...."But we pretended we managed our lives. What a lie! - Addiction ran our lives, not us. We weren't honest with ourselves. Our program heals us through self-honesty. We feel better just speaking the truth. We are becoming good people with spiritual values. Our spiritual journey has begun"
I liked this as an add on to my post yesterday because my addiction did manage my life. I proclaim to have been a "functioning alcoholic" when I was drinking.....well of course I am going to title myself that. I believe that I used to keep up with everything.......so that I had lots of free time to drink once I had everything done, and no one could really say anything because I had gotten so much accomplished. Now if that is not my addiction managing my life, I don't know what is!
I would sit at stoplights at noon and wonder if anyone else in their cars at that same stoplight were partaking in a mixed drink as I was. I would go to several different liquor stores so the clerks wouldn't think I was an alkie, I would drive my empty bottles up to the Sonic to throw them away so my husband wouldn't find them in case he ever felt like digging thru the trashcans (which he never did - waste of my time & gas to drive to Sonic), I would wake up and plan my day "around" my drinking. Having a drink before hiting the gym is not exactly "normal" behavior.....I did that! Hiding bottles, getting pissed the next morning when I couldn't remember where I hid them; drinking from bottles in our pantry that my husband drank from too and trying to remember where the liquor level was before I drank from it when he was out of town, so that I could go buy a bottle & fill it back up to that same level, when the kids were younger, worrying that they might tell Dad how often we go to the liquor store (they liked it cuz they always got to pick out a sucker)....the list goes on and on and on and on......it got to the point of utter & sheer exhaustion. YES, my life was unmanageable because my addiction was the manager....and it was all about him, all of the time.
Remember that you can comment anonymously - share what's on your mind, ask questions....you would truly be amazed at what a feeling of relief simply comes from sharing your story.
Missed ya today Em....must have not been able to get a signal - hope you're having a wonderful time!