Friday, April 30, 2010

Two Wolves

Nerfed while in Prayer

So this morning I was peacefully saying my morning prayers, and out of no where Gav straight capped me with a Nerf bullet. I went to yell at him (unfortunately still my first reaction) and instead I paused...I don't know about you all but I am over taken around here with Nerf stuff! I don't even flipping believe in guns, but orange ones seem to be taking over my house! Any way this is what ended up happening...he knelt down beside me and together we said our family prayer, It truly was a beautiful moment, I am blessed...

Lord,
Please help us to do the things we should, to be to others kind and good. In all our work and all our play to grow more loving everyday. Amen



Buzzed Driving Prevention - Emily's Story

Check out this video on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DB9WxnfBILU&feature=youtube_gdata


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Thursday, April 29, 2010

My New Meditation Book

I got a new meditation book today! I love, love, love it! It's called "Keep it Simple" Each day there is a meditation, a prayer and an action to take. The daily action is my favorite part. I'm almost always willing to take more action for my sobriety, I'm just sometimes not sure what to do. I love the idea of being able to take a simple action daily to help me move forward in my recovery! I'm super happy to have a neat little book to follow! Does anyone else have this book?

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A Rash

I have had this like heat rash deal on my chest since I got sober. It is totally out of control right now...stress? It's starting to make me insecure and uncomfortable. I put some rubbing alcohol on it today, didn't really like putting anything on me with that word in it, but whatever, someone suggested it and I thought I might as well give it at try. I've already tried steroid cream (which made me feel nutty) and tea tree oil. Any other suggestions?

Grateful Moment

I am having a very grateful moment. I am so grateful to be present in
the morning for my boys. It was something I strived for during my
drinking, and failed at often. I love seeing myself being the Mom I
always was, but that alcohol tried to snuff out. And on top of that
I'm SUPER grateful to be able to drive them to school again!!
Yeah...kids and mornings and driving!

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A Broken Heart

I questioned writing this story because I thought maybe you are sick of hearing about it, but I'm going to share it because I'm sick of feeling it, and maybe it will help.

Break-ups sober SUCK! I've always drank my way through them, then promptly found an equally douchie dude to replace the last douche. This time I'm sober and know better -dang it- The un-healthy me says "What's wrong with a rebound man?" Ummm, a ton! If I don't deal with the issues that I have, like choosing emotionally unavailable men and find some understanding and peace as to why I put up with what I did in my last relationship, then the next one won't be healthy either, and that's just not okay with me. But for now all I know is it hurts, my heart hurts. I know, know...time and God will heal all wounds! Just wish he'd hurry!

Now off the pity-pot, I have a meeting to chair!

Monday, April 26, 2010

A Busy Day

Thank Goodness that today turned out to be a busy day, helped keep me out of my head! I went to a meeting, did some much needed paper work, had a wonderful business meeting with an amazing woman (look for some neat and amazing things coming soon!) - then to Gavin's baseball game (he got a triple and pitched like a rock star!) then home to start on his book report. See - pretty busy day! I even managed to get some laundry and packing done...WOW!

Right now, right this second I feel tired, content and at peace...Thank you God.

It's going to take more that 5 minutes...

I have always given myself like 5 minutes to get over everything in my life. You are fine, it's not that big of a deal, get over it. Well, this time my body and mind just aren't going to let me get away with that. I'm going to have to work through some stuff that I don't want to. But you know what, I'm willing to do it, first of all if I don't I won't end up staying sober, and second of all, I'm sick of the same crap popping up again and again.

I always tell everyone "Give yourself a year and do the work you need to do on you." So now once again I need to take some of my own advice!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Beautiful Butterfly

Sobriety Sunday

Tonight is the much anticipated airing of ...

-The Hallmark movie-
When Love is not enough:
The Louis Wilson Story
I would love for everyone to share their ideas and thoughts on this special movie!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

A Quiet Night

The boys are off at sleepovers, I have my sleepy time tea and I'm ready to crawl into bed with my pup. Wish I could give you some exciting news, like I was going out dancing or had a hot date, but not yet, that time will come again, but not yet:)

I do have one great and super rad thing to share...I stayed sober today! What about you?

Friday, April 23, 2010

Who God intended me to be...

As you may be sick of hearing, I am going through a lot of changes, growth and personal development. As I grow into my new sober life, everything is a first...the first time moving, the first time not smoking, the first time with out a man in my life, the first time I am starting to look at and face fears I have always run from, the first time I am looking at what really matters to me, and what doesn't. It's strange and new and uncomfortable, but by the Grace of a very loving God I am becoming a little bit better, and little bit stronger with each passing day!

Sometimes strength and growth come in the manner of tears, which it did for me all day today. But I'll take it, as I believe that... TEARS ARE GOD'S ANTIBIOTIC.

I think mostly I am crying because I am lonely, but what I have learned in the past few weeks is I'm never, ever alone...I always have God. And when I need a hug or to hear something from another person, God sends me an angel every time.

I can feel myself starting to evolve into a strong, confident woman, the woman God intended me to be...and that is 100% because of my sobriety!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Sex in the City

I don't know if I told you this about me, but Sex in the City is my most very, very favorite show!


iheartquotes "I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. ~Sex in the City
Ic_reply
Ic_fave

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Powerless

How do you know if you are powerless over alcohol? I don't know about you, but trips to jails and institutions was my heads up, along with a few things on the following list....

Do you forget what you say when you drink? Pass out, black out, pee your pants, have DUI's, lose jobs, families or your self respect over your drinking, do you know in your heart that you truly are an alcoholic, but continue to drink? Have you tried and tried and tried on your own and failed every time, each time kicking your ass even harder than the time before. Are you a fraction of the person you once were or know your supposed to be. Are you scared shitless that you'll never be able to survive the day, night or week without alcohol, much less ever actually be able to live life happily without it? You are the only one who can decided if you are powerless, but if this list hits home...?

There is a solution, but not until you admit there's a problem.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Build your foundation

I am moving it is scary...but I don't have to drink over it.

I am not longer talking to the man I thought I would one day marry ...but I don't have to drink over it.

I am depressed and scared... but I don't have to drink over it.

I quit smoking...but I don't have to drink over it.

I built my foundatin on solid ground, I listened to the advice of the
people who had gone before me and I held on tight, prayed with all my might, and because of that
I don't need to drink over it.

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Every Women Should Know...

...How to fall in love without losing herself...
...How she feels about having kids...
...How to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining a friendship...
...When to try harder...and when to walk away...
...How to have a good time at a party she'd never choose to attend...
...How to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely she'll get it...
...That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...
...That her childhood may not have been perfect, but it's over...
...What she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
...How to live alone even if she doesn't like it...
...Whom she can trust, whom she can't and why she shouldn't take it personally...
...Where to go...be it her best friend's kitchen table or a charming inn in the woods when her soul needs soothing...

I found this today and loved it! It is all stuff I am looking at in myself, and working on.

What are you working on?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

We have found a new home

We have found a new home! Right down the street, in the same school district and still within walking distance to all the boys friends -PERFECT-

The challenging part is we are going from a 3 bedroom house into a 2 bedroom apartment...can you say down size? I actually have a friend that's a pro at organizing and moving, she came over today to help me look at it all in a new light.

GARAGE SALE...A BIG HUGE GARAGE SALE. I believe that is the answer.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Friendship


Life showed up...

Someone commented asking why at 2 1/2 years sober did it still seem so hard for me. Very good question, and one I totally would have asked in the beginning of my sobriety.

Well, the best answer I can give you is that life showed up. The things I had put on the back burner in order to get sober now have to be dealt with. I no longer have liquid courage, so some of them are very scary.

I try to share as much of myself as I can on here, so when life shows up your going to hear about it:). I often feel bad sharing the hard times at all, instead of being the ray of hope I wish I could be all the time. But I refuse to log into this blog everyday and bullshit you, I just won't. When life shows up, dealing with it sober can be hard -really hard- But it's possible, it really is. During my drinking days I couldn't ever imagine going a day without drinking, much less ever being able to go through the challenges of life sober and with grace...it's amazing!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

Sobriety is hard, it is the hardest I have ever done. The most rewarding, but the hardest. But even right now when my place is full of things that overwhelm me, never once have I thought... "Boy, do I wish I could go back to that mean, crazy, falling down, moral less drunk I was." Shows me sobriety and all the hard work I have put into it is worth it. It's not always what I dreamed it would be (at least not yet) but it is way better than it was. And for that I am grateful! What are you grateful for?

Have a Happy and Wonderful Sunday!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Danaism

My friend Dana came up with this bumper sticker, and I happen to think it is one of the funniest things I have ever seen!

"I can't afford a speeding ticket, please go around me. Thank you."

Friday, April 16, 2010

Girls Night Out

We had a great girls night out last night! For any of y'all that thought maybe I got myself into a little wild and crazy trouble last night, and that's why I didn't post till this morning -not so much- hehehe -head out of the gutter- hehehe.

It was a very pure and innocent girls night out...we went to a meeting, out to dinner, and then took a walk around the park. It was nice! Not wild and crazy, but nice!

Today I am doing some packing, taking my boy out to lunch, and then let's see... probably more packing:)
Do it! Move it! Make it happen! No one ever sat their way to success!

Packing, Packing, Packing

I'm starting to get serious about packing. Gav's room is almost completely finished (best to start with the messiest room first) Then I am moving out to the garage to try and sort through what stays and what goes. This moving crap is a big job and not all that easy when your in a funk, but I'm going to give it a short, then tomorrow I'm going to do it again!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

My Womens Meeting

Yeah, for Thursdays! I love, love, love my women's meeting! We know what's going on with each other lives, it's so nice not to have to start the whole story over, we all just pick up where we left off. We really could spend the entire hour just chit chatting and catching up on each others lives. Such a great group of women...I am blessed!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Grateful

I am sorry for the late post...I have been grossly into myself today.

I had a friend stop by just a bit ago and give me a little homework assignment...txt her 3 things I am grateful for every morning...and she will do the same back.

You know what I'm really grateful for...smart friends!

I'm off to bed...zzzzzz

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Family Night

Well, family dinner night has come and gone. Nothing like 10 minutes with the fam:) We ate dinner and read out of our manners book...take care of your stuff, clean your room when your parents ask, and so on! Let's see if it does any good:)

Hope everyone is having a wonderful evening!
I don't really have much to say these days, much work to do, but not a lot to say. Wish I did, writing on here, even when I don't feel like it, is a healing experience. I have been writing in my journal, which as much I think OMGosh I would never share this, the funny thing is, once I get past it and heal and grow from it, I probably will share it. It's just hard to do when your in the middle of the muck. Off to a meeting!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Healing

heal.ing, noun.
1. the recovery of something lost or impaired.
2. the curing of wellness or health.
3. Biblical: an act that God performs on ill or broken minds, bodies or broken relationships.
5. Personal: the restoration of spiritual, emotional, or physical wholeness.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

Triggers, let's talk about triggers...Airports are a big one for me, they always meant game on, you are on vacation, so drink as much as you want. People drinking all casually on TV is also a biggie.

What are yours? And what do you do about them?

Saturday, April 10, 2010

I'm not drunk...

I've actually found myself answering "Well, I'm not drunk, so that's
good," when asked how I was doing over the past few weeks. I normally
try to be way more positive than that, but I don't have it in me right
now. The fact I am not running to the bottle is a miracle all on it's
own. -thank you God- I'm feeling a ton of feelings and the first thing
my alcoholic mind thinks is how can I make myself "feel" better...We
can go to a meeting, pray, call a friend, embrace that you are actually
feeling your feelings or take a nap... But I cannot drink, nor do I
want to, which is another total MIRACLE!!

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, April 9, 2010

It's So Easy

In due time
if you take the right steps
doing the footwork
never to forget
His love
As you move onward and upward
through the road of life
being open to his touch
maintaining through strife
The dreams will happen
as they materialize to be true
knowing you trust your faith in God
and in You!

This beautiful inspirational poem was written by my dear friend Merry <3

Progress is Perfection

I heard "Progress is Perfection" the other day, and loved it. I am always worried about not doing things perfectly, so much in fact that I somethings give up on a task all together just because I don't think it can be done to perfection. It is amazing to me that you hear what you need to hear at just the right time. This quote reminded me to keep on going, to keep on chipping away at God's beautiful master plan for me. Get out of bed, put a smile on your face and just try!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Thankful

I am so thankful right now! It feels that each time I am at a point where I just want to give up, get back in bed and forget it all, an angel pops in. This time it was one with a loving heart, a strong message and a great knowledge of the work force. Reentering the work force petrifies me, and she gave me hope. Hope that I could do it, hope that I can support this cute and adorable family of mine soon!

Next thing on my agenda...write a résumé.

Powerful Women

"Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the ground in the morning Satan shutters and says, "Oh shit, she's awake."

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

S.H.M.I.L.Y

I read this story years ago and loved it. I'm not sure if it's the original or if I rewrote it from memory, anyway I found it and love it so much I wanted to share with you...

A child tells a story about his grandparents....

As a little boy I remember finding notes all around my Grandparents house. My Grandma would hide one, then Grandpa would find it and hide one for her. After years and years of doing this they got very creative about hiding places. They could be found in the glove box, the fridge and even on the toilet paper roll. The one thing that stayed the same is what the note said...S.H.M.I.L.Y. We never knew what it meant, only that it meant something special to them. Last year my Grandmother died of cancer. At her funeral there was a large yellow ribbon that said S.H.M.I.L.Y. As my Grandpa stood up to say his final Good-bye, he softly sang..."See, see my love...See How Much I Love You." I consider myself lucky to have ever seen a love as great as theirs!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Happy Tuesday

My Tuesday is turning out to be much better than my Monday. I'm packing and cleaning and starting to do all of the things that I have been too depressed to really dive into.

I am finding out that I have some stuff I have held onto way too long. I'm not really a pack rat, but kind of...which is super hard to admit...I hate clutter...but over the years I have accumulated some...just like I have said before, the "old" is not coming with me...When I go to make the decision to get rid of something I still kind of like or that I think I may need one day, I will just have to deal with the little tug on my heart. See a tug on my heart...really!? It's just stuff...Good thing life is Progress not Perfection.

Monday, April 5, 2010

It's my Birthday

Well, I spent the day throwing myself a huge pity party. I tweeted that it was a surprise pity party, but it really wasn't. I had it all planned out yesterday, tell no one that it's your Birthday then throw a huge pity party that you are all alone on your special day... see pretty pre-planned.

I really am a bratty Princess. I normally tell everyone like a month in advance that it is almost my Birthday and then celebrate it for not just the day, but the entire month. Not this year, I just didn't feel like it. I miss {name withheld} and it sucks, he did a decent job of spoiling me on my Birthday and its hard to be alone. I'm sure he's relieved to be off Princess duty this year:)

I have some major goals for this year. Stay sober, don't smoke, Simplify my life, eat healthy, work-out, embrace being a single Mom and try to cherish every moment of it. If all my goals are accomplished it may just be the best year of my life! WOW...look who has gotten off her pity pot.

Positive Thinking -Day 14-

"Minds are like parachutes they won't work unless they are open.."

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Hahahahaha

Positive Thinking -Day 13-


I can't
GOD CAN
I think I'll let him.

Hoppy Easter!

The bunny had come and gone. I just got a note that she ate way too much
candy last night and has one heck of a sugar hangover -poor thing-

This Easter is very special to me, I think mostly because I'm closer
to the Lord than I ever have been and also because I am in so much
graditude that even in hard times, when I'm not sure I'm going to make
it, he blesses me and warms my heart. Thank you Lord Jesus Christ for
saving all of us ding-dongs:) I love you!

Have a Hip-Hoppity Happy Easter Everyone!!

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Saturday, April 3, 2010

Positive Thinking -Day 12-

I found this on my girl Sasha's blog, love it and her!....

Nothing is impossible, the very word itself says
"I'M POSSIBLE"!
-Audrey Hepburn

Thursday, April 1, 2010

30 Days

It has been 30 days since I have smoked, 30 long painful days.

Why didn't I tell you? I didn't tell you because I didn't actually think I could do it. I still can't believe I have. I was a REAL smoker. Smoking was the first thing I did when I woke up and the last thing I did before I went to bed. It was how I rewarded myself for a job well done, and how I soothed myself after a hard hit. The grief process has been painful and brutal and very much like when I quit drinking. I never want to do this again, never. So one day at a time, I will hopefully never smoke again.

How did I do it? God.

Positive Thinking -Day 10-

Dream big...

"Believe in your dreams and you are certain to find dreams are realities of your subconscious mind."