Gavin and I just got back from the store, we went for an ice cream run. It's nice when it's just he and I, we catch up, he shares about his life and I share about mine. I don't want to share too much of this, but I kind of have to spiritually re-guide him when it's my week. Remind him to be grateful, to help others and thank God for what he has. I love our talks, he is so sweet!
It was a bit hard in the store tonight, there were people everywhere buying flowers and cards and balloons. I thought to myself -maybe next year-
I reflected a lot on that today. I've been so trying to stay in the moment and make it on my own, that I forgot that it was okay to want a man. A man who shares the same belief that if a relationship is to work, God must be the center. A man who adores me and I adore back, the one I cook dinner for and am excited when he walks through the door. Because he's not here yet, I decided to be where I was and make something of myself alone. Which I am very glad I did. But, there's something missing. I have been a bit of a hardass lately and had forgotten that it is my right as a woman to want to be loved and cherished. That not wanting to be alone and needing a partner is not weak, it is human. I'm not all that ready to date yet, but just giving myself permission to want a love, is a big step.
My Mom always says "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find prince charming." Scary, I have only kissed one man since I got sober, YIKEES!
And as for tomorrow, God will be my Valentine!
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