Sunday, February 28, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

Feelings, lets talk about feelings.

When I first got sober what I remember the most is feelings, all of the feelings. It was like I was feeling, feelings I had suppressed for years all at once. Even though my brain was starting to get straightened out, I was still one big feeling. Another sober person once told me "If it didn't get better do you actually think I'd still be sober?" that helped, that gave me enough hope to hang on and allow myself time to heal, which I'm still doing.

How are you feeling?

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Courage

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day, saying... "I will try again tomorrow."

Forts are great

I slept in today, it was great and much needed! Then made the boys an easy breakfast of cereal. Now what to do about the massive fort that has been built in my living room. Chairs, blankets, couch unfolded...a mess! We're off to clean!

Friday, February 26, 2010

Friday Fun

No matter what stuffs going on, Friday Fun had just begun. Gavins having a friend spend the night, and Beau and his crew should be rolling in shortly! They crack me up, which is totally what I need right now!

Quotes are a great thing!

"Progress involves risk, You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first."

Hard Stuff

I have some hard stuff do deal with right now, stuff that's no fun,
but I know will bring me great growth, once I get to the other side of
it. And ya know what? It would be like a million times harder if I was
drunk. So nomatter what's going on in my life, I'm always happy I am
sober. Even through hard times!

I am so proud of you all, it's so cool to watch you all become friends
and support eachother! Em


Sent from my iPhone

Trying on my own

I tried quitting on my own once, I know a lot of people have tried tons and tons of times on their own, but that's not my story.

I did try once, for a week. Life did got a little better, then I drank again, you know why, cause I'm an alcoholic and that's what we do without help. The rest of the time I was just trying to moderate my drinking, which never worked out. What I didn't get back then is that alcoholism is a progressive illness and if you keep drinking it gets worse. So after that 7 days, it got worse, way, way worse. Until I got help, I had no idea that there was any kind of solution. I hung around after my meeting today, because I have a lot going on right now and it's nice to be around people that understand me and that share the same solution.

My moment

When was your moment?

I had just gotten my DUI (which I got 14 days for and am still paying the fine off) I had a thought that kind of knocked me out of denial, I thought to myself "How are you going to get anywhere if you can't drink and drive." I knew I was screwed, I drank all the time, and how the hell was I going to get more? Bam... I knew, I just knew...now I didn't ask for help that day, but very soon there after. If I got another one, that was like 6 months and I just wasn't willing to do that, no way. A million things were going on in my head, along with every excuse in the book, I don't know how I did it, well actually I do, thanks God!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord.
You lead, I'll follow.
I love you,
Emily

Women's Meeting

I haven't gone to my Thursday Women's Meeting in a few weeks, not good. I love it there, I feel safe there, they know me (and love me anyway:) I love them, it is my favorite meeting. Why have I not been in a few weeks, I have no excuses...I should have, I could have, and I didn't. I am still such a stubborn alcoholic, so tonight I am going, I gave a another sober person permission to call and yell at me if I wasn't there, everyone needs accountability reminders sometimes, especially me.

Good Friends

Had it not been for a few good friends, and all of your love and support, I would not be back in my happy place today. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of work to do and healing to be done. But I'm in a place of acceptance about that, which is super good. You know what I'm most grateful for (besides all of you)? Is that even though yesterday was a totally crappy day, I knew it was temporary, that's a total blessing of sobriety.

A New Day

Today is a brand new day, for all of us. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not here, so let's make today great!

I am up early, making coffee as I type, doing a little work and then going to class. I'm not going to lie yesterday was tuff. It opened up stuff that I was scared to look at, a friend came over and helped walked me through some of it, but I think it may be off to counseling today. The program I stay sober in helps a lot, but I'm getting that some more counseling may be needed to help me with the issues that keep popping up.

"Today is our day we're off to great places were off on our way." -Dr. Seuss

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Tea

OK, we are going to skip over the whole date thing - come to find out my heart is just not ready.

So you are all drinking tea, and I feel a little left out. So, I'm off to the tea store and if I'm smart, to class!

UPDATE: I am feeling much better. I had a good cry and just took my first sip of tea. It is so crazy to me how doing new things can be so hard. It takes courage, but at least it's no longer liquid courage! Just because it's hard isn't an excuse not to go out.

I'm going to give myself some of my own advice...Emily you are still sick and getting better, be easy on yourself, eat some chocolate (or drink some tea) take a bath, or a nap, stay in the moment and when you are ready, give it another shot.

Thank you guys for your support! We all ROCK! How are you doing today?

Almost date time...

List of questions -check
Cute outfit -check
Girls in line to talk about it after with -check

I should be all good, thank you so much for the feedback, it helped, it really did!

Grateful

I just am!

Mostly for...

-my amazing kids
-all of you
-the opportunity to try new things
-the roof over my head
-food in the refrigerator
-driving again

I have found staying in gratitude to be a life saver, and there is always something to be grateful for. Reminds me of a really hard time I had right after my first year, I was in a really ugly place and trying to think of something to be grateful for, anything. I went to be thankful for the air I breath, then thought "not really." very ugly place to be. Now looking back I see that I was saying that from my comfy bed, with a roof over my head and healthy kids...sometimes it's hard to see your blessings, especially when your scared or in pain, but there is always something to be grateful for.

What can we do for you?

This is for all of us actually - I need someone to help find us a new chat room - ours sucks. We're using the google blogger gadget and have never been able to connect everyone. So let's try and find a new one as my computer is not up to the task. So, could one of you super savvy, computer geniuses help find one. I think all we need to do to add it, know the html code, or something like that. Any help, advice or comments on our chat room would be much appreciated!

Date Day

Okay, today is date day. Now I'm not going to go blogging all about it, cause that ain't right. But I will share a little bit about how I'm feeling - scared - scared is how I'm feeling. I am a total open book (well almost) and I don't know how to share half of my story. I hear let them get to know you over time, but I have no clue how to do that, especially when I blog all about it. I woke this morning with like 10 excuses why not to go floating through my head - such an alcoholic!

So my plan is to ask him questions, to find out about his life. To tell you the truth, I need a break from talking about mine, and a chance to wear a cute outfit:)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Help us to do the things we should, to be to others kind and good in
all our work and all our play to grow more loving everyday.

I love you,
Emily

Sent from my iPhone

Other Ways

I only know 1 way to get sober, as I only took 1 route. I have no wisdom on any of the other programs. I use the one that has been around the longest, because that where the wonderful woman I asked for help took me. I also follow a few other programs, like flylady and the 4 agreements. Do I do them perfectly? Not at all... my house is a huge mess, I often forget to meditate, and I never think I'm doing my best, I am very hard on myself.

I understand there is more than one way. I know about some of them, but not all. Please share if you took a different route. I totally dig the one I took, so don't bag on it, but please feel share your wisdom.

On a lighter note...

Beau read this to me a second ago, and sometimes the best medicine is a good laugh...

Little Johnny is sitting in class and the teacher says "I'm going to say a quote and the first one to give the right answer gets to go home early." She says who said four score and seven years ago... Johnny opens his mouth to answer but Sally yells out Abraham Lincoln. The teacher says very good, you may leave. Then she says, I have a dream.... Johnny opens his mouth but Lisa yells out Martin Luther King. Lisa got dismissed early. She then says, ask not what your country can do for you.. Johnny starts to say... but Dawn yells out JFK. She leaves too. Johnny's pissed. He yells out "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" The teacher turns around irate and yells "Who said that" Johnny says "Tiger Woods.... can I go home now?

I almost didn't publish this, as I feel it is a bit like taking a pop shot at one of our own, but I'm sorry it's FUNNY!

Emails

I am sorry If I have not answered your email, I am doing my best. Many of them touch my heart in ways I could never explain. Know I understand how many of you are feeling, I have been there. I know it was hard for you to reach out for help, please know they will be kept confidential and I feel honored you have shared with me. Many of the questions you have asked are answered on this blog either by me or our amazing commenters. Read what we have shared, read the comments, take some of the suggestions and then comment yourself (when your ready)

A NOTE TO MY COMPUTER: I think you can, I think you can!

Socializing Sober

I'm not going to BS you on this one, it was hard for me in beginning. In the beginning I avoided them (some by force, as I was an ass when I drank) But after I got a few months I started re socializing...slowly...I would go and stay for about 30 minutes, then say I didn't feel well (cause that was the truth) and leave. I felt out of place, like I had nothing to contribute to the conversation, and yes it was uncomfortable. But each time got easier, and now I can hang like Rock star, most days.

I keep hearing these questions, and sooo asked them of myself in the beginning...Will I ever be able to talk on the phone sober? Will I dance again? Will all of the stuff I love to do ever feel right? Yes, yes and yes, in time. Going sober is a bit of a grief process. Easy, allow yourself time to heal. And why worry about that, WERE ALL SUPPOSED TO BE TRYING TO STAY IN THE MOMENT, one second, one minute, one day at a time.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Dating Sober

I didn't really get to watch the bachelor tonight, it was really important for me to spend sometime taking to another sober person, so I spent an hour on the phone sharing with a women who has more than a decade of sobriety, talk about wise!

I did see the part with that little douche Wess, what a jerk! But mostly missed the rest. Feel free to fill me in!

Okay, now about me and dating. I haven't dated in sobriety, unless you count the date where my Mom came. It will be weird, I am nervous, WHAT WILL I WEAR?

This was going to be a whole different story, one with more whining, but guess what!? I just got asked out on my first date in sobriety:) I haven't met him, but not to worry Annette, he comes with a very good letter of recommendation!

Powerless

My computer is a true test of my patience today. It is teaching me how powerless I truly am, but maybe that's not such a bad thing. I am not only powerless over alcohol, I am also powerless over people, places, things and outcomes. That's pretty darn powerless. But like I've said before once you admit your powerless, you regain your power, by taking action of the things you CAN change.

The more I turn my will over, the more I let God handle things, the more serenity and happiness I get. You would think that because I know that it would be easy and I would just do it. Maybe one day, I am only just starting this journey. But for now I have to practice everyday. I don't just turn my will day over once a day, I turn it over all day, over and over again.

It is wonderful and amazing to see you guys helping and supporting each other. What's going on, on our blog is truly amazing. I just babble on the front page and you guys make it magic. Thank you!
XO, Em

Commenting... for the very first time

There are a whole lot of thing I don't know about, and how it would feel to comment on here for the first time is one of them. I hear it's really hard. Because I don't really know how it would 'feel', I asked my BBF Annette to share her story.

Annette's Story....

I read Emily's article in People magazine sometime in early November. My first thoughts after reading it were, "I'm not alone!", "I'm not the only mom out there like this!" and finally......"I KNOW I have a drinking problem!". I immediately got on emilyism.com. At first, I didn't comment - I just spent a lot of time reading her entire blog (including all comments) from the beginning to the end. I kept reading her new posts/comments every day for about a month.

I was afraid to post....I had never said to another person before, "I am an alcoholic". And here I was about to say it to complete strangers. I remember being really paranoid that someone I knew might have read the People magazine article and would get on emilyism.com and read the comments and realize it was me, even though I commented anonymously. My alcohol-abused, paranoid brain kept telling me that if I commented, some how, someone that I knew would find out. So I didn't comment for a while - just kept reading - and realizing more & more every day that I truly did have a problem.

I finally got the courage to start commenting in Dec. '09. I had already hit my bottom on 11/14/09 and was doing my 30 day stint of not drinking all on my own at this time. I was very angry, pissed off, unsatisfied, anxious, bored, tired a lot and basically, I wasn't drinking to prove to my husband that I didn't have a problem. But in reality I REALLY, REALLY wanted to drink. I can't find the exact post because it's been so long ago, but I remember just sitting down and beginning to type a shorter version of my story and asking Em for help. Of course I didn't listen to her at first - I just kept commenting here & there and reading what Em & everyone else was posting. During that time I got to know mommaof3 and Randy - they were very helpful & supportive as well, but I just wasn't ready to take any action i.e., go to a meeting.

On day 30 of my "do it on my own", I decided to reward myself that evening with 1 or 2 cocktails - hell, I had just spent the last 30 days not drinking a drop of alcohol and I had done it all on my own - I deserved a few drinks! Well, as you probably already know, those 1 or 2 drinks turned into an entire pint of vodka and when that was gone had to finish off the small bit of vodka left in the pantry. I woke up on 12/16/09 and knew in my heart that it was the day I was going to quit drinking AND I wasn't going to try to do it all alone this time - I was gonna get help. I was tired of fighting, myself & everyone else, I surrendered, I basically was sick & tired of being sick & tired ALL OF THE TIME!

I commented on Em's blog that I was done, I was gonna get myself to a meeting that Friday nite and get with the program! At that point, I wanted help MORE than I was worried about someone I knew reading a comment I had written posted on Em's site and figuring out it was me. But thinking back.....WHY would anyone I know be on Em's site in the first place? They are all normal drinkers, not alcoholics......that's the way the alcoholic mind gets - it gets paranoid, insane, crazy!

I have made some wonderful, supportive friends right here on Em's blog - this was the 1st place I admitted that I was an alcoholic. I continue to visit this blog every day and comment here and there when I have something to say. Sometimes it's silly (see the Letter of Recommendation), but most times I'm serious. I eventually quit posting as Anonymous and began to sign my comments with my name "Annette", and now I have a google account which acknowledges me as "Annette" as well. It's very therapeutic to me to have a safe place to vent, rant, tell my story, read others' stories, and get support from many. It's always nice to hear other people's perspectives on different issues. You can constantly learn new ways of doing things or learning new ways to look at/think about things. It's a very necessary & beneficial part of the recovery process. However, I couldn't do it without meeting with other alcoholics face to face.

Throughout the past 2 months I have celebrated my 1st meeting, 30 days sober and 60 days sober with Em & everyone on her blog. I have also shared some of the bad days, asked lots of questions and learned a lot. This truly can be a wonderful support tool for all of us, but you have to comment in order for all of us to get to know you - and we WANT to know YOU! I know that it's really scary, but share your feelings, thoughts, questions.....with ALL of us. We are ALL in the same boat here.....and we WANT to HELP!

And yes Annette, I do believe that is the longest post on emilyism. You are adorable, thank you for sharing so honestly and I love you!

Broken Brain

Some days I feel like my brain is holding on by a thread. It has been damaged. Some of it I was born with, some of it I did myself, and some was done by the traumas of life. It's wounded, that I know for a fact. Will it ever be fixed, not if I don't stay sober it won't. I don't think I have a relapse in me, God, I hope not. I don't think my brain could take it. I'm scared I'll never make it back. So one day at a time, sometimes one second at a time I battle it. Alcoholism almost took my sanity, by the grace of God I got it back, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep it.

When I first got sober I was wrecked -grey, sweaty, hot then cold, constant cravings, head spinning, feeling feelings I didn't know I had- I couldn't piece a sentence together, I don't know how I hung on. By the grace of God and my willingness to listen I guess. I listened to every word the people that got sober before me said, I didn't know what else to do, so I listened. They were the ones laughing, not me, so I listened. And come to find out they did know what they were talking about. Thank God.

It's down again

I refuse to let my computer control my happiness, but it's trying
really hard to right now. I have a really long post to write and lots
of very special emails to answer, and without a working computer it is
a challange. I will pray. Go to class. And run our blog from my phone
today. Emily

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
I pray for every alcoholic/addict that still suffers. It breaks my heart to think how many are out there feeling hopeless. May they all find their way. Please help me to stay sober and balanced. You lead I'll follow.

I love you,
Emily

Needed a break

It's working, but not real quickly.

I really needed the break anyway.

I went over to my amazing friend Jill's house (she had a little kick-back:) She made a yummy dinner, we all chit-chatted, then we watched the show again, it was only my second time (and probably my last) , it is really raw for me still, it was really hard for me to sit there and watch another alcoholic being treated so harshly. I know, maybe that's what she needed, still I didn't like it.

Okay, that just made me giggle and think about the people I help outside cyber space. When and if they read this, their going to be like "What are you talking about, your totally harsh on me." Yes, I can be tuff, it's because I love you, and expect great things from you! So maybe it just annoys me when it's done by someone who doesn't understand, because to truly understand alcoholism you have to be an alcoholic. At least that's what I think.

Anyway I had a great time! Thank you so much Jill for the much needed break and support. I am blessed to have you as a friend!

My computer has crashed

OK, so it finally crashed, and yes I am very stressed about it. I will
let everyone know when this really big, crappy problem is fixed.

Comments will still be posted!

UPDATE: I am going to take the computer crashing as a sign, and get out of cyper space for awhile. I will open chat next Sunday, that way I will have a whole week to add the people who wish to be added. PLEASE know that when you comment you are not bugging me you are blessing me and the others on this site. Happy Sunday!

Sent from my iPhone

Sobriety Sunday

Don't try get sober alone, there is no need for that. There is so much help to be given, that's how alcoholics stay sober, by helping people. So by asking for help, you are actually helping someone else, see how it works? It's a big, huge, happy circle of help.

Here are some ways to get help...pray, call another sober person, go to detox, go to rehab, go to a meeting, go to a support group, go to a counselor or psychologist, comment on this blog, send me an email, pray.

I am going to open chat as soon as I figure out if I have softball or not, it's raining here so I'm not sure. Em

*chat is open, if you want me to add you, please send me an email.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

I'm Home

Okay, so I'm home, thank goodness! Doing stuff for the first time sober is always really strange for me. It is crazy to me that I can tell the masses my life story, yet feel totally uncomfortable at a dance. I have a lot going on right now, so I will cut myself some slack.

On a positive note, I had a good friend to go with. Thanks Marie! And also, that I went, I knew I may be uncomfortable, and I went anyway, growth:)

And that picture of me I had up, why didn't you guys tell me I looked whacked?:)

Ready for the 80's Party

Is this 80's enough?

Beauism

Hahahhaha...Beau just told me that if there was a "When I tell my parent's a story, why does it always have to become a life lesson?" fan page on facebook, he would join. I totally do that to him, hehehehe. I need to work on that, it's tuff - I don't want them to have to go through what I have. But still they should be able to tell me a story, without me giving them unsolicited feedback:) Oh...come to find out there is one, good deal, I'm not the only parent that does it.

80's Party

I am going to an 80's party tonight. Parties sober are very new to me, but I'm really excited. Any suggestions of what to wear?

Another Sugar Hangover

I've said it once (or more) and I'll say it again, I don't know about you, but what I eat can complete affect my sanity and my serenity. I ate like crap yesterday, and because of it I feel crappy. Dang it, I know better!

If you are in the beginning of sobriety try to eat really healthy, it helps A LOT! But while you are doing that, eat some chocolate, cool right!? Someone told me that when I first got sober, and it really did help. There is some actual scientific reason why it helps, but I think we all know I'm not all about science. So, I'll just say it makes you feel better:)

A wise friend just told me one of the scientific reasons...there's a lot of sugar in alcohol, so gum, chocolate and hard candy help with cravings. I have so many people in my life that know so much more that me, it's great!

An Anonymous Place to Comment

OK, I've done this once before and it worked really well. The deal this time is everyone needs to stay anonymous under this post, yes even me. Anywhere else on our blog - out yourself all you want:) That way everyone can ask the questions they need to ask, and share their wisdom, hope and faith freely.

Breathalizers...super fun.

I had to get my Breathalyzer re-calibrated this morning. I had a refusal to blow... really?! I think I'm pretty sure I didn't fail, I don't even use mouth wash with alcohol in it. So annoying, but after going two years without driving, I am so stinking happy to be back on the road, that most days it's a pleasure to breath in that damn thing. A pain, but not driving was certainly a bigger pain!

Friday, February 19, 2010

You are Important

So I don't get lost, I need you guys to do something for me. When I reply to your email, reply from that e-mail. Keeping it on the same thread is really important, as my memory sucks and if you do it on a new one I forget where we are. Eventually I will know and remember you, but until then, let's do it this way:)

I can only answer current emails from my phone, so if I'm out and about or my computers not working (it's really old, and crashes numerous times a day)that may be why I haven't answered your email yet. If you sent an email the day of the show and I don't get back to you by Monday, please resend it. You are important, and I don't want any emails going unanswered.

Did you know that your comments and e-mails are how I get the courage to go out there and share my story. If it weren't for you I would have no clue if it was helping people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Post Pulled

My bossy sobriety helper, told me not defend or explain myself or the program I stay sober in. So, if you caught the post I just pulled you know what's going on, a little bit of bull on yonder, which I have been told is none of my business. My sobriety helpers are tuff on me, I think that's a big reason why I'm still sober.

The List

I've gotten a lot of requests for the "list" of things I do everyday to stay sober. It varies from day to day, but the one thing and I do everyday, is pray. I must turn my will over like 200 times a day. Turn it over, take it back, turn it over take it back. I am still such a work in progress. But here are the other things I do to stay sober.

-I go to meetings/class
-I talk to another sober person almost everyday
-I read and study that really special book I don't name on here, and I do the work it tells me to do
-I try and follow the book The 4 Agreements
-I help other people
-I pray and meditate
-I follow a pretty strict moral code, as I'm not a real big fan of creating anymore wreckage for myself to clean-up
-I try to stay in gratitude at all times, as self-pity is an ugly thing on me

Hope everyone is having a WONDERFUL day!

How I'm "really" doing

Pretty darn good actually. I am sitting in gratitude, which is a nice place to be. I'm a little overwhelmed, but very grateful about it. I had someone ask me today "Why you, what's your story about?" I don't know why me, I'm not unique and either is my story, not at all. Maybe it's that I'm willing to share my story publicly. As scary as it is I know it helps people. I am not proud of being an alcoholic nor am I embarrassed by it, it just is what it is, I guess that's why I can share so openly.

I'm really proud of everyone that's commenting and e-mailing - I know it's hard to ask for help, but it's the first step in the right direction. So good job! You all ROCK!

Been in Rehab? Write a Review.

Please take a moment to share about your experience. Think of the comfort you would have gotten had you been able to read about people's real life experience in the rehab you were thinking about going to. That's what Real Rehab Review is all about! Helping people feel a little less scared in their journey to sobriety.

To write a review click HERE

Thank you

I want to say thank you to the people that made it possible for me to share my story in such a huge way.

-Thank you Mom for being there, I could not have done it without you!
-Thank you to Dr. Phil and his amazing staff for being so understanding and helping me share my story comfortably,while respecting my wishes.
-Thank you to MOMBOMB for the cute and adorable clothes. You guys ROCK!
-Thank you to all 3 of my boys for holding down the fort while I was gone:)
-Thank you to Annette, Jamee and Randy for commenting daily and letting me know that you are there for me and that my blog helps you. {BIG HUGE HUG}
-Thank you last, but not least, to God, for the opportunity to help so many. I pray I am up to the challenge.

Guilty Parenting

I think one of the biggest things that stops Moms from getting sober is guilt. Guilt for what they have done to their children. The fact is the only way to fix that, is by going sober. Lots of days I still feel guilty about the damage that may have been done to my kids as a result of my drinking. But you know what,that doesn't help them one little bit. What happened, happened. All I can do is stay sober and show them that I have taken responsibility for my actions. They need to know that, as they will be responsible for their actions as they become adults. I also came from an "alcoholic" family, but I can't go around blaming my problems on that, and I don't want my kids going around blaming their problems on me or anyone else for that matter. I now have tools, a God, and a clear head to guide my kids, to help them take responsibility for their actions, by showing them that I am taking responsiblity for mine. That is a blessing and a direct result of hard work in sobriety.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

What I did

I keep getting the question over and over again. When you knew it was time to get sober what was the first thing you did? It's important, so before I go to bed here's the what I did...

I knew of 1 sober person, I went to her and asked for help. She saved my life that day. She gave me a tiny bit of hope by using the word WE. She's still bossing me around to this day:) It's going to take me days to get through the emails, as I'm answering new emails responses to my responses come in (see-WOW-God:) So if your at that place, if your really ready, call someone you know that is happily sober. And don't worry that your bothering them or me for that matter. You are a blessing, we can't stay sober if we don't help others. Good-night

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thank you for the opportunity to help others in such a huge way. They say you never give anyone more than they can handle, so I'm not flinching, but dang:) I know you will give me the words to answer all those emails, please help me to wait for you instead of getting all free willed. You lead, I'll follow.

You are my hero,
Emily

Feeling Raw


That was my actual face expression when the coffins were brought out, I think it was in very poor taste. If alcoholics could be bullied into sobriety everyone of them would be sober. And that's the only negative thing I'm going to say:)

I am very raw and humbled right now. It is very, very weird to see yourself on the Dr. Phil show. I may need to go to class here sometime soon.
I don't really know what to say. I watched the show with two really good friends and my kids. We explained things to the boys as they came up, like being an alcoholic is not a choice, it is actually a brain disease with a genetic component. Sobriety on the other hand is a choice, it is the hardest yet most rewarding thing you will ever do. We also explained to them why Mary's behavior was not shocking to us, but in fact very normal for an alcoholic at their bottom. I also shared with them how proud of her I am. Then I danced around for a minute saying "I'm a rock star, I'm a rock star." Then straight into "Holy crap, I just told the nation I was an alcoholic." Well, cats out of the bag now:)


I am off to answer emails, thank you for your love and support!

Real Quick

I wanted to pop in and update real quick and say "hi". Thank you guys for letting me know how it kind of went, it doesn't air until 7:00 here, so I'll be like the last to see it. I am getting excited and nervous all at once. I am sooo happy if it helped you, that's why I did it. We are so not alone, and now we have each other. I love you all, Emily

COMMENTS- I'm getting a lot of really touching comments, they and really open and honest and I'm really proud you for sharing. I just want to make sure everyone understands the difference between commenting and sending me an email. An email is private and comments post under the blog entry for everyone to read. I am holding a few comments right now, because I feel that they might be to personal to share. If you don't see your comment published it's because I'm worried you meant it to be private. If you don't mind shoot me an email and let me know. I want emilyism.com to safe for everyone, please know your privacy will be protected. My email address is... emily@emilyism.com Please be patient with me, I am trying to answer them as quickly as I can.

How it Was

I wrote this story on the way back from the Dr. Phil show.

I want my present and future readers and friends to know how it "was" for me, when I was drinking. Alcohol was my best friend, it was what I looked forward to, what I thought about the most, and in the end all I cared about.

Alcohol lead me to the gates of insanity (I'm saving that for the book). My human best friend "John" left me, I had drank away every dime I had, I was looking at jail time for a DUI, my house was a disaster and my life was a wreck. But even with all that, I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol. Alcoholism is not a choice, I did not choose it, and I did not want it, but there was no denying I had it. No matter how badly I wanted to, I couldn't stop. I was powerless, and like I have said before, the second you admit that you are, you regain your power.

I remember being around sober people for the first time, they were happy and laughing and I thought what the frick are they laughing about? This is not funny. But I wanted what they had, so I listened to them...Thank God. The best part about being around other alcoholics is that they understand, you are no longer alone. And on top of that, we are a fun bunch of creative people, we happen to have a disease that only a lot of hard work and a higher power can put into remission, but that doesn't make us any less than anybody else. I now have what they have -happiness- and so can you. Hold on tight, have a little hope, give it everything you've got, and I promise you it will get better.

Wondering

I'm already a mess today. What I'm wondering about is what people think. Not good. Just to set the record straight, no I am not dating Mike, or Dave. But they are single, so if you would like to date them, go ahead and send me an email. You are going to have to be a pretty stellar woman, because they rock, and if you want me to set you up with one of them, you are going have to also!

This could be kind of fun actually...mmm...Let's call it project pimp Mike and Dave out (Dave is the hot guy in the balloons to heaven story). They are so going to kill me:) -hahaha- If you are an amazing women, if you are beautiful inside and out, and are looking for an amazing guy. let me know. hahaha-

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Who took the Bandana Pictures?

I get asked all the time, who took the butterfly picture? The answer is, my friend Mike. He's an amazing photographer, amazing! Here is the story...

I was about 6 months sober and on my first sober camping trip. I was sitting around feeling totally squirrely and then this guy I had never met was like, "I'm going to go take pictures." I don't know why, or what made me ask, but I asked to go with him. He said sure, and off we went. That guy turned out to be a professional photographer. He's really good, and I'm not kidding. Until him, I had never really taken a good picture. And the fact he got good pictures of me with no make-up on, makes him a magician.

Mike had recently suffered a mind blowing loss that year, and now I know that on that day, he just needed a friend - so did I. He's really special to me, and I'm pretty special to him too. It is something we don't really need to talk about, we just know. I mean really, when we are together butterflies pose.

A letter to my disease

Dear Alcoholism,

You are seriously pissing me off. Normally I am grateful for you, but not today. The fact I have to take time out of my busy schedule and tend to you is very annoying. You are so predictable, I know exactly what you're thinking..."She's tired and hungry and she's worrying about stuff she normally lets her God handle." -attack- nice try, I caught you. Seriously, I have un-friended you, get a hint! I know you'd really like to take up where we left off, but tuff.

So I am going to do your most unfavorite things, pray and go to a meeting. You are no match for God, so get over yourself.

Emily

Dr. Phil

If you haven't caught my subtle hints, here it is....

I am going to be on the Dr. Phil Show Tomorrow!


I don't know about where you live, but where I live it airs twice. Once in the afternoon and once in the evening. Now I'm pretty sure that the new episodes air at night, but I'm not 100% positive. So I am going to watch both shows today (which is a lot of Dr. Phil for me:) and figure it out. The second I do I will let you know.


If your wondering if I'm nervous, the answer is YES, very!

Thank you guys for your love and support, I could not do this without it!

Pain Killers

Yesterday I was playing around on Gavin's Power Wing scooter and tried to pull a tricky trick, which promptly landed me on my ass. It hurt so bad that it knocked the wind out of me. It was also a bit embarrassing, so both my ass and my ego were damaged in the incident.

I'm such a little addict that for a moment a pain killer sounded like the solution. Um, hello Emily it didn't hurt that bad! I don't know about you, but I never took pain killers normally. If I had them I took them, whether or not I was in pain.

Today my tailbone hurts pretty decently. But taking a pain killer is not an option. And I know that because the only time I ever took one in sobriety, even though I was in pain, and it was prescribed by a doctor, I almost relapsed. It was traumatizing and I can't say I'm all the way in the place where I'm grateful it happened, but it did give me a new sense of seriousness about my sobriety. On top of taht it taught me what "Drink time will come" means and that I can't monkey around, AT ALL!

Has anyone noticed that my God knocks me out when I think I have the most on my plate? I'm going to trust that what He has prescribed for me is an aspirin and a little "Easy Does It".

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thank You
Love,
Emily

Sent from my iPhone

"My worst day sober, is better than my best day drunk."

I used to hear people say that and think -Bull Shit- Now I get it. I have a solution today, I don't always use it right away, but I have one. I was a train wreck when I was drinking, I drove myself crazy -literally- It was horrible being that uncomfortable being me. I was always asking myself what is wrong with me? Now I know what's wrong with me, I'm an alcoholic. I remember hearing stuff in meetings and thinking -Oh my God, it isn't just me- They had thought, felt and done the same things I had, I was no longer alone. So you know what, even my worst days in sobriety, knowing I am not alone and that I have a solution and a place to go where people understand, makes it better than any day when I was drinking.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Issues

Come to find out I have a few. Some I knew about, and some that have recently surfaced. Damn it, just when I think I have my issues, or quirks, or defects (whatever you want to call them) under control, more pop-up.

Come to find out I don't like to be touched by strangers. Now don't get me wrong, I am a total hugger and high five giver. But recently learned that I have this "Um, don't touch me" thing going on. I have no clue when it started, but I'm going to work on it. Boundaries are new to me, I've spent a lot of time alone over the last 2 years and re-socializing and learning how to set emotional and physical boundaries is new to me. So dealing with that should be fun, -not-

I've got some more, but I am so not blogging about them, at least not yet. Maybe one day, but not today:)

Hope everyone else is having a super great issue free day!

Pain

My very first softball game was great! Come to find out I do kind of suck, but who cares, it was soooo fun! I will practice this week and go next week bringing my A-game!


The only thing is I woke up in pain, ouch, ouch, ouch! I don't work out -ever- so my body is feeling it! But it's all good, maybe it will give me the motivation to start working out.

Then after the game I went over to a friends, and we had a sober, single girls party. It was so nice to be around women who are coming into their own without a man, now don't get me wrong there was plenty of talk about men, but mostly we talked about us and where we were in life and how we got there. We Rocked Valentine's Day!

It was an all around great day!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Batting Practice

K, so I just had batting practice with the boys, and come to find out I don't suck, at least not with a light saver and a tennis ball. I crushed it. Beau's best friend is an amazing baseball player (he was even in the Little League World Series) and gave me some awesome pointers. Thanks guys!

Sobriety Sunday

Anyone need me to share about something specific? Let me know and I will write about it. If you want me to keep it anonymous you can send me an email emily@emilyism.com

Happy Valentine's Day! How are you spending the day? And what are you doing today for your sobriety?

Saturday, February 13, 2010

A Trip to the Store

Gavin and I just got back from the store, we went for an ice cream run. It's nice when it's just he and I, we catch up, he shares about his life and I share about mine. I don't want to share too much of this, but I kind of have to spiritually re-guide him when it's my week. Remind him to be grateful, to help others and thank God for what he has. I love our talks, he is so sweet!

It was a bit hard in the store tonight, there were people everywhere buying flowers and cards and balloons. I thought to myself -maybe next year-

I reflected a lot on that today. I've been so trying to stay in the moment and make it on my own, that I forgot that it was okay to want a man. A man who shares the same belief that if a relationship is to work, God must be the center. A man who adores me and I adore back, the one I cook dinner for and am excited when he walks through the door. Because he's not here yet, I decided to be where I was and make something of myself alone. Which I am very glad I did. But, there's something missing. I have been a bit of a hardass lately and had forgotten that it is my right as a woman to want to be loved and cherished. That not wanting to be alone and needing a partner is not weak, it is human. I'm not all that ready to date yet, but just giving myself permission to want a love, is a big step.

My Mom always says "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find prince charming." Scary, I have only kissed one man since I got sober, YIKEES!

And as for tomorrow, God will be my Valentine!

National TV

I am not really allowed to blog about it yet, but I can say this - I am really nervous about watching the show I was on. It upset me when I was there, and I'm thinking it may upset me when I watch it. But you know what, it's not on yet and I refuse to spend the next 5 days obsessing over it. I am watching it with a safe group of people and once it airs it's over. That part at least. There are so many women suffering alone, I hate that. If sharing my story helps them, then it's worth it. But the thought of being on national TV next week, is becoming a reality. That's my real story I shared, the one I lived, the one I walked, the one I felt. Sharing my story was not in vain, it was to help people. If I remember that, the outcome or how they edited it doesn't really matter. But it had better help an assload of people, cause sharing it was really scary:)

So that's where I'm at, How are you doing?

Friday, February 12, 2010

Friday Fun has Begun

Well, it's on like Donkey Kong around here. Beau has like 4 friends over and Gavie is hanging with friends. My friend and I are going to live vicariously through them tonight:)

T.G.I.F

Friday, Friday, fabulous Friday! I am hanging with an old friend today. I miss her and am really excited to hang out!

This weekend I am going to have the boys help me practice for softball. Both of my boys played Little League, Gavin still does. So I know all the rules and how the game works, but can I catch and hit? I'm hoping!

Little League is a huge part of our life. The season is about to start for Gavin and it's baseball, baseball, baseball from there out. I love everything about the Little League park. The excitement of having your kid up to bat, the snack bar, hanging with friends and family, love it always have, but in my drinking days it was a whole lot harder. I had to figure out my drinking around games, and that was really hard when they both played and there were like 4 games a week. Adjusting your schedule and dinner time and making sure uniforms are clean is really hard anyway, add being drunk all the time and it was a nightmare. I am very grateful to be doing it sober today!

Thats about all I have planned for the weekend. What about you?

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Sober Softball

I have wanted to play sober softball my entire sobriety. The first year I was too sick, and the second year, still too sick and also scared of the commitment. I am still scared of the commitment, but I'm gonna give it a try, heck maybe I'll love it!

I just spent the last hour picking out my outfit for the scrimmage game on Sunday. If you know me, you know I love clothes. I think if none of this internet stuff pans out, I definitely could try my hand in being a personal shopper. Shopping, love it!

So even If I suck, I will do so looking cute!

Growth

As you can tell from my last few entries I have been in pain and struggling, not really with drinking, but with life. In the beginning of my sobriety I would be in massive amounts of pain and then come out of it with a huge amount of knowledge and growth. That is happening to me now, but with life instead of drinking.

I have a new sense of calm, many things to reflect on, and some work to be done. That is okay with me today, because I know the reward is great. I am grateful that I have a solution, and getting drunk is no part of it. A wise person once told me "You can't think your way out of your feelings." another told me "Feelings aren't facts." Feeling your feelings is hard, but the fact I feel them today instead of numbing is a blessing.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Young People Rock!

I went to a class full of young people, they were amazing! I truly believe they are going to be the ones to change the world. The courage it must take to get sober before even your 21st birthday is something I can hardly wrap my head around. They Rock, they truly do!

On a serious note

Yesterday was a huge learning experience for me. I am a total open book, always have been. The fact that helps people has become one of the biggest blessings in my life. I will not let anything make me a closed book, sitting with myself closed blocks me from the sunlight of the spirit.

But yesterday I did learn that I need to start protecting myself, if just a little bit. A P.O. box, privacy settings and a few other things are being put in place, so I can feel comfortable doing what I need and love to do, which is helping people. Helping other people is what I have learned keeps an alcoholic sober. Sharing about what we've been through and how we got better is the most healing process I have gone through.

Thank you guys for being such a huge part of my life! XO, Em

Letter of Recommendation

I love the fact my sheer fear became the motivation for the funniest email I have ever received. Here is my first letter of recommendation...

this hear Jinny. this is mine letter of recomendtion for my x.

he is purty much a okay guy - he only beat me a cuple times a week if I didn't have his cold beer waiting for him when he got home.

He has lots of kids running around the
town. But you don't got to worry bout that cause he dont much see them rugrats.


Thank you A, for making my morning start with me laughing my butt off!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Invasion of Privacy

I was doing much better after my meeting, then I came home to a complete invasion of my privacy. I know that by putting yourself out there publicly you take the risk of having people think it okay to contact you in anyway they see fit, it is not okay with me!

If you are a woman looking for help or support, know you can contact me anytime you want pretty much in any way you want. You are why I do this, you are a blessing to me and to the other people on this site.

If you are a man looking for a date or a pen pal and don't know me in real life, unless you have incredible sobriety, pay your child support in abundance and on time, are adorable and wonderful and could give me a letter of recommendation from your ex wife, I'm not your girl:)




Fighting Back

Today I'm kind of wanting to hide, to creep back in my bed and not tell anyone about what's really going on. I know it's my disease trying to keep me sick, will I let it? Nope, I text a friend, called another one and am going to a meeting at 3. I had to work really hard to do all of those things, I didn't "feel" like it, not at all. But I am very sure of one thing, this disease will kill me if I lay down and let it. It waits for me to get weak, to have too much on my plate and then it tries to get me back. No such luck alcoholism, not today. Today I have the courage to fight back. Thank you God!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Class instead of the Bachelor

I was feeling lonely tonight, so I called a good friend. She was on her way to class and asked me if I wanted to go. Right away I said "Yes." Then I remembered that the home town date of the Bachelor was on...Dang it, What am I to do? I really want to watch it, but nope I'm going to class. Without class I probably wouldn't even own a TV anymore. A friend told me the other day that anything you put before your sobriety you will lose. Heck no, I love TV. So off to class I go!

My 8th Month

I don't know why I picked this topic, maybe to try to help me stay in gratitude. I am so grateful that I am no longer in my 8th month of sobriety, it was my hardest month. I almost gave up that month, I felt the worst that month, I wrote an angry letter to God that month. I was pissed, I had done everything I was supposed to, and still felt like crap. I often reflect back to that time and thank that same God I was angry with for giving me the courage to hang on. What if I wouldn't have? I would of never known the amazing life sobriety has to offer. My God, I'd still be lost. I know I haven't been sounding very grateful in my last few posts, I am, I really am. My entire life is God's grace as a direct result of the time and energy I put into my sobriety. So, if you're at that place where you've had it, where you want to give up...don't, IT GETS BETTER-I PROMISE!

I will not Panic

I know I am doing the right thing in life right now and I refuse to let financial fears stop me, I just won't. I will trust that everything will fall into place in God's timing. But that is really hard to do when you're scared. Damn it, I am so sick of this! I'm off to call every rehab in the good old U.S.A! Go Real Rehab Review!

Sober Super Bowl

I had a great sober super bowl! I went over to a friends, ate yummy food and watched the game. It was all girls, which was so nice. No screaming and yelling, no belching or beer, no super loaded high fives, loved it! Maybe next year I will be ready for a big crazy party, but this year I was not. I had such a nice time, and getting out of the house was just what I needed.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

Today I am going to watch a good friend pick up her chip. It's at a meeting that I don't really feel comfortable in. But it's not about me, not today. I will leave my comfort zone to watch a friend celebrate her great accomplishment.

I was talking to a friend the other day and telling her that I often hear "I don't like meetings." My advice is always the same, "Then go to another one, until you find one you do like ."

When I feel that I have learned or heard what I need to, or am not hearing anything new, I head to a new meeting. The second I start making excuses to stay out of those rooms, I have mentally relapsed. And that ain't pretty on me.

I know that some people live in places with hardly any meetings, that would be hard. I hear there are great online meetings and if you comment on here we will help you, there really is help everywhere. I am figuring out that there are a ton of alcoholics in this world willing to do anything to help others get sober. We really are a special lot!!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Not to Worry

Not to worry, I have been informed that it was not a party they threw while I was out of town, but a "kick back". Mmmm, lots of kids, trashed house, {information withheld} sounds like a party to me, but whatever! The boys all brought me a card today, which I thought was very sweet.

The card had hot chicks on the front, and on the inside it says "It's nice to have a friend who shares our strict set of values." Very funny! I am going to enjoy this time of them "kissing up" and make them clean the backyard.

Not Calling

I want to call him today, I really do. I go through this every time I go any length without talking to him... Does he miss me? Is this hurting him as bad as it is hurting me? Then one of us calls, we catch up, talk about how much we miss each other, and boom, we're back in the same situation we were in before, yuck!. I need to get it through my head that if I call, the same guy will answer the phone and even though I love that guy and did consider him my best friend, he is the same guy who broke my heart, the same guy who told me a million times that he was never going to marry me ( yes he actually said that) unless I was just about ready to move on then he'd send mixed signals. Well guess what? I'm never going to marry him either, in fact, I'm never going to talk to him again. I mean really, at some point enough is enough. I know the definition of insanity, so about calling him today, probably not going to happen.


I know, I know "Never say Never". Okay I am going to try very hard not to call him one day at a time, and move on with my life:) Thanks for your support!

Friday, February 5, 2010

Sober Soles

I once heard dancing sober refered to as "Sober Soles". I thought it was brilliant! Today I decided I needed to get out of the house, so I'm going out dancing tonight with my friend Kathy. Not to worry, I am going to a meeting first and I'm not going dancing in some big fancy club (which I hated even when I was drunk), but to an old timer restaurant/bar where the average age is 75. It's where I can go just to dance without feeling insecure or being picked up on! I'm so excited!

I'm back, wild and crazy, I so am not! It was very nice to be able to leave when I was ready to leave. For two years I was on someone elses schedule all the time. I went, I had fun, and I left. Perfect night! I didn't end up dancing, not because I didn't feel comfortable doing so, but because come to find out I'm a little bit of a song snob. And they didn't play anything that made me want to get up and boogie, but still, it was nice to get out!

Not Sure

I'm not sure what I have to say really, my computer is broken, so I'm blogging from my phone. I'm a bit of a wreck today. It was 12 this afternoon and I noticed that I had no clue what meeting I was going to and that I hadn't eaten (not eating is a very bad thing for me) so I ate then took a long nap. I needed a nap, I was sad and cranky and did not want to deal with life, wanted to hide really. About not going to a meeting, that is ridiculous! I know meetings make me feel better and I know they are the solution to most of my problems, yet still some days I don't go until I'm in pain. I'm wondering how sober I will have to be before it is my first solution instead of my 10th. I'm such a stubborn mule sometimes!
Sent from my iPhone

Ask me a question

My computer is acting like poop today, but I can answer comments from my phone, so let's play a game. Ask me a question and I will try to give you an answer. Anything from "What's your favorite color?" to "What's your favorite step?" I will try to answer everyone. I am also hoping to get some story leads, like I did when someone asked for the list of my favorite things about being sober.

Oh, and what is your favorite color? I know Annette, Jamee and Randy will answer this question and probably even Kim, but what about you? Are you hiding in cyberspace? You can so answer anonymously! Come on, we don't bite, in fact we have so been known to give big cyber hugs!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Not Wrapping my Brain Around it

I can't, I can't, I can't...really God, You want me to do that? "Yes Dear." That is the thought process I go through before I do something public. How do I do it? I don't wrap my brain around how big it is. I have no clue how many people read People magazine, I have no clue how many people watched the "Driving While Buzzed is Drunk Driving" video, and thank goodness I don't know how many people watch Dr. Phil. I go in thinking, "if it helps one person then it's worth it", and leave the rest to God, or at least try to. The emails I get show me that it does help people, which is the only thing that is any of my business, if even that is any of my business. The producer of the Dr. Phil show, James (who is super cute by the way!) tried to explain to me how many viewers they have, I was all like..."Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't do that". If I would have wrapped my brain around that, the only thing coming out of my mouth would have been "DUH". I was kind of duhish anyway and that was without wrapping my brain around it!

In Preparation

I got word that the show I was on will be airing February 18th (more info. soon). In preparation I am going to ask some things of you, my super rad readers!

One, if you see a typo, please email the title of the post where the oops is located.

Two, if you own a small business and would like to advertise please let me know ASAP.

Three, give yourself a big hug from me and know that you reading and commenting is what gives me the courage to do all of this.

XO, Emily

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Here are a few of our favorite things...

I got a request to write a list of my favorite things about being sober. I asked my BBF'S what some of their favorite things about sobriety are also....

Here was the one thing all of us had on our list... NOT MAKING ASSES OUT OF OURSELVES AND FORGETTING WHAT WE SAID WHILE WE WERE DRUNK! That by far for me is the coolest part of sobriety. The close relationship you end up building with God is also RAD!

Here we go....
1. Getting closer to God, willingly
2. The program we stay sober in and our sponsors
3. Learning a whole new way of thinking
4. Meeting BBF's (best blogging friends)
5. Forgiving ourselves and others
6. Knowing that we only have to clean our side of the street
7. Not throwing up in the morning while brushing our teeth
8. Not having huge unexplainable bruises
9. Being honest with ourselves and others
10. Not offending people or forgetting what we say
11. Being comfortable in our own skin
12. Peace and Serenity
13. Having people to call at any given moment that know just how we feel
14. Being a good Mom that only flies off the handle sometimes, instead of all the time
15. Dancing sober
16. Not blacking out/or passing out
17. Helping other people
18. Knowing that no matter where we are, there is a place we can go and feel at home
19. No more waking up feeling shame, guilt and worthlessness
20. Learning to deal with stuff instead of stuffing it or drinking over it!

Thank you Jamee and Annette! You girls ROCK!

Ping, Flinch, Ping, Flinch

I am a mess today. The ping thing is totally normal for what I'm going through. But the flinching needs to be talked about and turned over ASAP! I know it may seem like it has everything to do with {name withheld} but it so doesn't. I make it all about him, because I am a woman and if I can blame it on a man, I'm gonna! -lol- But really, I have a lot of other stuff going on. I have to move in May and I am starting a new business (which is costing me money and I am not making any). I am flinching all over the place today, worrying about things that are none of my business. Don't get me wrong, I trust God, all I have to do is go back and read my blog if I need a reminder of how well He takes care of me, but still I'm a little scared. I don't much like change and there's a ton of that going on in my life. Growth, what a joy.

If I've learned one thing in sobriety it's that I don't have to drink over it and that once I get through it, the blessings on the other side will be plentiful.

A Ping

I have been suffering from one second pings the last few days. When something new happens, or something exciting or anything really, I get a ping in my heart. Little anxiety, can't call, deep breath, ping over. It's interesting actually being that in touch with your feelings, at every point of new contact, strange really. But the thing I know now that I haven't always known, is that it will pass. I will heal. But for now, I miss him.

Widget Heaven

I am in widget heaven this morning! I always do my best work at the crack of dawn. It is when my house is the quietest, and when I am the most creative. I will probably need a nap by 10, but whatever.

I have wanted a sobriety counter on here FOREVER, and I finally found one. Check it out, SUPER FUN!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thank You for reminding me today that my primary purpose is to be the Mom You intended me to be, to stay sober, and to help other people achieve sobriety. Everything else is just a part-time job. The reminder tonight of how truly blessed I am was nice, thanks! I know I have been slacking on my morning prayers, so I will be adding that to my 30 day countdown, with the hope that it becomes a habit. Please help me to show kind and beautiful behavior at every point of contact, all of the time.
You are my Hero,
Emily

30 Days

After getting through my first 30 days of sobriety (which was painful and hard and something I never thought I could do) I started believing that I could do anything for 30 days. Once I committed to doing Pilates for 30 days, and totally did!

So, if you are following me on twitter, you know I am counting days. What for exactly, I'm not sure. No contact with {name withheld} and making my bed, for now. There's something therapeutic about counting days, about having a goal. My plan is to not stop at 30 and just like I did with my sobriety just keep on going. Here's to day 2!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thank You for getting me through the day with a positive attitude! And for peaceful and healing sleep.
I love You,
Emily

Sent from my iPhone

Grateful for Good Friends

I am so grateful right now for friends who call and ask how I'm "really" doing. I have such a habit of saying "I'm okay" or "I'm fine" instead of telling them how I'm really feeling.

Come to find out, you can be addicted to a person. Even though they're not good for you and it's totally unhealthy, you crave them, and miss the fantasy or what you wished it would be, instead of what it really was. Gross really, now alcohol is one thing, but detoxing off a person is odd to me and uncomfortable. I'm not sure how to word this, but after detoxing off alcohol everything else kind of seems like a cake walk. Maybe I didn't win the cake, but it was still worth playing and the cake wasn't good for me anyway. So the withdrawal from a person may be uncomfortable and annoying, but still I'm not grey or sweaty or in physical pain. So I actually have a lot to be grateful for!

I'm just trying to remember that you can't reason your way out of your feelings, they are what they are. And the more I allow myself to feel them, the healthier I will be. I met with my sponsor, can you tell?

My Healing Song of the Month

Thank you Annette!

My BBF Annette sends me a morning meeting reminder everyday. I love them, they are creative and lovely and make my mornings happy. This morning she reminded me that it was a brand new month. Which right now in my life, I needed to hear. A new month, a new start. Thank God! I did some things to help me move on last night, and will do some healing every day, but for now it kinda sucks. I am going to try and go to two meetings today, one for my alcoholism and one to help me make sure I don't put myself right back in this same situation in my next relationship. GO ME!