Sunday, January 31, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Sorry I forgot to pray last night. With all that's going on right now I need to stay as close to You as possible. Please help me to reach out and tell people what's going on in my life instead of stuffing it. Thank You for the wonderful support system I have, I am truly blessed. Please take care of my finances and bless my new website and this one too!
I love You,
Emily

Sent from my iPhone

Sobriety Sunday

This weeks Sobriety Sunday is going to be on contempt prior to investigation.

I took {name withheld}to their first meeting this weekend. It was amazing to hear what he thought. He thought it was cool and that the people there were nice. He felt about it exactly the way I was wishing he would. I stayed out of telling him what I wanted him to think and feel about it and let him decide on his own. Which worked, he now knows it's not a scary or cultish place. And if he ever "needs" the program he knows it's there for him. But for now I'm the one who "needs" the program.

A person once told me the program was an excuse, and yes, the person who told me that is a drunk (I try to NEVER label anyone an alcoholic, that is a totally personal decision) An excuse? I'll take that excuse, that excuse saved my life, that excuse gave me new friends and a new family, that excuse keeps me happy and sober for $1.00 a day.

I knew nothing about the different ways to get sober when I first went sober. I knew two things, I COULD NOT DO IT ALONE, and that somewhere along the way you had you had to say sorry, which sounded horrible to me, I was an ass when I drank and saying I'm sorry sounded embarrassing. But I quickly learned that there are things or steps you take before saying sorry that prepare you for it. I am very happy I knew nothing about it, I went in with an open mind , foggy, but open and an open heart

I have heard a lot of peoples' opinion on the program, and they are all allowed to have their opinions, but it saved my life, I don't defend it, I don't really explain it. I know it saved my life, so I don't need to.

Did you have contempt prior to investigation, or do you still?

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Gavin's Birthday Party

We took Gavin and his crew to Laser Tag today . The kids had a blast, they got to play 3 games of Laser tag, have pizza, play video games and eat cake, great day! I had to take out a small loan to pay for it, but Birthdays only come once a year, so it was my pleasure.

Locked Out

I am perm-locked out of my car this morning. I forgot to get my Breathalyzer calibrated. I noticed that I was on a -7 on my way home from hanging with Beau last night. A -7 is when they lock you out, so I thought I had 7 days to deal with this. I don't know why, but in my head I had till Monday. Damn it! I started to kick my own ass (come on Em how could you be so irresponsible, there's no excuse, you know better) but you know what I realized, I'm not perfect. I have a lot going on right now and I just plain out forgot. I called the company last night and they told me what to do. I am still a bit disappointed in myself, but I'm about to do my morning prayers and turn it over!

Then today is Gavin's Birthday party! Now that is something to blog about!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thank You for tonight with {Name withheld}. The constant amazement with the program I stay sober in blows my mind. It truly amazes me how special the people You lead there are. Thank You God for letting me be part of such a wonderful thing. Oh and if You could help me deal with the whole Breathalyzer thing tomorrow, that would be great!
I love You,
Emily

Sent from my iPhone

Some Things are Just Meant to Be

K, so my day just completely turned around. When I was in Seattle my Mom and I ran across some adorable chocolate covered fortune cookies called Emily's Cookies. They were very cute and I thought it was very cool that they were named Emily. I bought 6 boxes and jumped right on their website when I got home. Today I decided to call them and see if we could do some business and guess what, some things are just meant to be...

I quickly told the guy who answered the phone a little about me and he passed me on to a nice woman named Amy. Amy is my big sister's name. I told her all about me and my blog and she jumped right on board. And guess what - she is Emily's big sister. Is that not cool!?

Here's what I have found... mmm... for every 50 businesses you call, maybe and a big maybe, 1 will advertise. And I only call businesses I use or have friends who use and love, so it's even harder. I had gotten so frustrated that I had stopped asking people to advertise altogether. But then this, it was the neatest, most fun and most meant to be business deal I have ever made. And on top of that, the cookies are deliciously good. That 10 pounds I lost - so going back on!

No Flinching

If you read my blog you know God and I play a game I call "No Flinching". I forgot, and He reminded me. I am flinching all over the place right now. I know God has got this covered. If I'm supposed to move home, you'll see me moving home, If I'm ready to meet the one, you'll read about him walking into my life, and if I'm supposed to be fully self supporting by May, that will occur.

I am going to allow myself for the first time in my life to just be sad:( I'm not going to fake that I'm not, cause then it just comes back later. I cried today, I never cry, it actually felt great. I even think I heard God say "Good Job" and that's when He reminded me not to flinch. Thank you God, I love You!

What to Do

I have lived in Arizona, with no family besides my boys for 16 years. Today is the first day I really looked at that. I have a habit of just trucking along, thinking of everyone other than myself. I guess when I'm thinking about others' problems I don't have to address my own. I am an alcoholic, now I would have been an alcoholic no matter where I was. But the rest of my hard times might have been a lot less hard had I had my family. I don't mean to feel sorry for myself, but I do right now. Without John (who I had to remove from my life out of respect for myself) I am really lonely. I stayed in Arizona after I had Beau, because I knew moving home there was no way I could focus just on him. Then we built a life here, and to me the most important part of being a single Mom was not moving my kids around. No matter what was going on in my life, where we lived and what school they went to stayed solid.

But what about me? I want to move home, I really do. I'm not sure I can mend my heart here, but I will try. I don't need to decide right away. But, in May I have to move and for the first time in 16 years I am thinking about myself, if only a little. The chances of me taking my kids away from their schools and friends and life is slim, in the end it's really not about me, at least not yet. Counseling perhaps??

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
I heard today that when you're mentally obsessing on something or someone, to add that person or thing to your God box every time you think of them. I'm SO going to need a bigger God box. Please help me to do Your will, instead of my own.
I love You,
Emily

Fear as a Motivator

Come to find out fear can be a motivator. I had so little expectation of myself today, I was going to relax and take it easy, then I got a little scared. I need to be fully self-supporting by May, and that scares me straight out of my wits. I woke up today, went to a meeting, and to my suprise hit the ground running. I know I can succeed, it's not like failure is an option:) God has proven to me time and time again that if I do the next right thing and work really hard, He will bless what I am doing. He did it with my sobriety, He did it with this website, and if it's meant to be He will do it with my new project.

I'm off to work! I hope everyone is having a wonderful day!

The Day Ahead

Good Morning Friends! I'm not sure what the day ahead holds, but here are some things set in stone...go to a meeting, rest, help Gavin finish his book report. The other 50 things on my to-do list can wait, they really can, and if I have to remind myself of that throughout the day,I will. The only thing I really, really have to do everyday is stay sober, God has proven he will take care of the rest. EASY DOES IT, ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Please help my eye heal, and in the meantime I will rest. All of the
other stuff I give to You Lord Jesus Christ. I can't do it on my own,
I need You. Oh and thank You for the amazing people You have placed in my life.
I love You,
Emily
Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Comments Rock!

Your comments make me happy, even when skies are blue, I don't know what the heck I'd do without each and everyone of you!
Sent from my iPhone

Not a Happy Camper

I am not a happy camper. John and I are not speaking...again...I am stressed about money... again...went to the doctor today, I have to take eye drops and antibiotics 5 times a day...again...I am feeling a little insane and embarrassed that I have so many "agains" going on right now. I do have some good news though, I have lost 10 pounds! Stress can do that to a girl!

On a more positive note, Gavin and I had a fun day for his birthday, he hates when I blog about him though, so I won't.

Thank you for reading my whining:) XO

Eye Infection

When I get stressed out I get an eye infection. It is so not funny at all. It starts with a tickle when I blink, moves from being stuck shut in the morning to a full blown infection. One time I almost lost my sight over it. So, I will be going to the eye doctor today and then taking it easy. My body has a funny way of laying me out when I have a million things I think I need to get done.

Off to my morning meeting!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Before Retiring

Der Lord,
I can't, You can, I will totally let You!
You are my Hero,
Emily

Cheap Counseling

My Mom and I were talking the other day about the program I got sober in and I described it as cheap counseling. It's so much more than that to me, but I guess in a nutshell cheap counseling works. The coolest thing about going there, is I go and hear stories of people who did and do and think the same way I do. I am not alone in my battle with alcoholism, and I need a daily reminder of that.

My Mom said she thought a lot more people would go where I go to get help if they thought about it as the cheapest form of group therapy you could possibly get. I agree with her, but I totally understand the fear of walking through the door. I was very blessed to have someone incredible lead me through the doors. Luckily I knew nothing about it, so I didn't have a chance to do the whole contempt prior to investigation thing. I knew that I knew nothing about it, they were laughing and I was not, so I stayed. I'm not unique, it can work for anyone who works it.

I'm now going to knock myself off my soapbox and hang with the naughty one:)

Happy to be Home

I am so happy to be home. Still need to unpack, clean and pay some bills. But for right now I'm going to enjoy having the boys here and being home.

Were finishing up the book Gavin was supposed to read while I was gone, I read him a chapter to hopefully get him "into" the book, his book report is due Friday, so we have a lot of work to do. We're reading Tales of the Fourth Grade Nothing, great book! Tomorrow is Gavin's Birthday...the big -10-...

The big guy...still in trouble. The only thing he has going for him right now is he fessed to what "really" went on. It is hard to respect the fact he tells me things and in the same turn deal with it in a way that doesn't break his trust. It's a fine line, and right now I'm having a really hard time with it. I raised him so he knows telling me the truth will always, always get him in less trouble than lying. I guess I just need to remember who my main priority is and it's him, not worrying about how other people raise their children or what they think about me or about him. Tuff one!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Please help me on my flight tomorrow and to deal with my boys with love and grace once I arrive safely.
I love You,
Emily

Sent from my iPhone

Food + Nature = :)

I was feeling pretty crappy earlier, sitting in anxiety and wanting to go home. Then I remembered something, I had not eaten one thing today, that is dangerous for me.

So, I ate a sandwich and some chips, then took a nature walk in the backyard of my Mom's condo. I am feeling much, much better now.

Teri and the Twins

My oldest, dearest friend is pregnant with twins. She already has 3 boys under the age of 9, wowzer! She is an amazing, organized Mom and I have no doubt she will do a fabulous job!

We went to Starbucks for coffee this morning, this is how our conversation went...

Me: Are you scared to have 5 children under 9?
Her: I'm too busy to be scared!

Me: When you first told me you were pregnant I just knew it would be a girl. Did you?
Her: I knew I couldn't handle any more boys, so I was hoping.

Me: How did you feel when you found out it was not only a girl, but two of them?
Her: I about fell off the table, but very glad they were girls.

Me: Are you going to hire a housekeeper or nanny or something?
Her: Yes, just to help with the babies, we're going to try and keep the older one's lives as normal as possible.

Me: What do the boys think of this?
Colin (8) -I am going to teach them how to play basketball and soccer.
Jack (6) -I ain't changing any stinking diapers.
Nathan (3) -Asked where their boppy's (blankets) were.

Good thing for Teri our friend Stacy owns a business for Moms of multiples.

Good Morning

So, I'm still in Seattle. They were trying to charge me like a million dollars to change my flight, so I'm staying until my original departure date, which is the crack of dawn tomorrow. I am going to coffee with my oldest, dearest friend Teri today. She is prego with twins (story coming soon:) I love her and am so excited to see her!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thank You for an awesome day with Dave. Take good care of our crew up there. Also, please take care of my boys and hold the fort down until I get home. Thank You for the ability to accept the things I cannot change.
I love You,
Emily

Sent from my iPhone

Balloons to Heaven

Dave and I have one major thing in common, we shared a best friend. Spencer passed away suddenly a few years ago, breaking not just our hearts but the hearts of everyone that knew him. He was an amazing guy that touched the lives of everyone he came across. To me alone he was a best friend, brother, father figure and hero. Today we sent balloons up to him to let him know we love and miss him, we also sent one to our Dads. We hope they're all up there together, looking down at us with pride.

Sobriety Sunday

I don't know about you, but I so take my alcoholism with me on vacation. I have said it before and I will say it again, the deal comes along and with force! This time I pre-planned and found school before I even mentally started my vacation. I have learned that planning your vacation around your meetings is how it needs to be done, not the other way around. At least for me.

As for classes in other cities, so fun! The school here has a cafe, lounge and Internet, super cool! But, the coolest about going to class out of town is no matter where you are the people are welcoming and the format though it may not be exactly the same, is comforting.

Update from home: everything is okay, not happy about what went on, but I will let it go for now or at least until I get home to kick some ass!



Sent from my iPhone

Dinner at Daniel's


Okay so here's the scoop... I kind of came up here to go on a date with an old friend. I was having complete failure to launch back home. I would get asked out and come up with some stupid excuse why I couldn't go (I'm busy, I'm not ready, blah, blah, the truth being I love John and I'm scared to move on) I figured going on a date with a friend I've known since high school would be a safe start.

We went to Daniel's Broiler a wonderful steak house, on the top floor of the Bellevue Hyatt (see photo of the amazing view above). I have been to Daniel's many times and it never disappoints. It was so good! I had my favorite appetizer, Filet Mignon Steak Strips and my Mom had hers, Dungarees Crab Legs. Yes, he let me bring my Mom, how stinking cute is that? After dinner we all sat at the piano and listened to their wonderful singer/pianist Jim, who has played there for many years and is fabulous!

Then, I got some disappointing news from back home. I am trying to get an early flight out, but it ain't looking pretty. I may just have to stay, try to enjoy the rest of my vacation, and leave it in God's hands, which in this particular situation is difficult. Prayers Needed;)

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
As you know I am very annoyed right now. Drama back home when you are on your first real vacation in two years is stressful and putting me in self-pity. I am going to bed and placing it all in Your loving arms.
I love You,
Emily

Lunch at Cafe Pirourette

My Mom, sister and I all went to lunch at Cafe Pirouette, an adorable little cafe in Bellevue. It was so nice to be together, it feels like ages since the last time. My Mom and I are relaxing and resting up for our fancy dinner tonight. It feels like all I have done since I got here is eat, better than drinking I guess!

You Can Blog That!

I had forgotten how witty and sarcastic my friends from high school were. Here is a example...

Last Nights Fun


Last night was super fun! We went to the Goose, a small dive bar I hung in often as a youth. If I had not moved I would have ended up on a barstool there daily for sure. Not to worry, like a good alcoholic, I found an equally divie dive bar in Arizona which I hung in daily. I am very grateful those days are behind me. It was so neat to see some of my old friends.
I am going to class then out to lunch with my Mom and sister, fun, fun, fun!

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
It is so late, but I wanted to say a quick Goodnight. Thank You for getting me here safely, and letting me have a wonderful time with good, old friends, sober! I was worried about it, and because of You I was all good.
I love You,
Emily

Friday, January 22, 2010

Taco Time


I am a happy woman. My friend Bickel picked me up from the airport and took me straight to my favorite fast food restaurant Taco Time, which we don't have in Arizona. I ordered what I always do, a beef soft taco and mexi fries, yum-yum-yum!

Beautiful

The view when the plane makes the turn to land in Seattle always
amazes me, no matter how many times I see it. I am so excited to be home!

Washington Bound

Okay guys this is my first "true" sober vacation. I planned it to be my first flight, my first trip home and my first sober vacation alone. But, God had another plan, and slipped Hollywood in there real quick.

I waited 2 years to visit home, as I feared it would be a trigger for me. Families are tough, even if you have a great one. It is also my first time home since my best friend Spencer passed away:(

I have a wonderful mix of friends up there and should be okay. I will be going to a meeting daily, and if I need more than one the 'school' is right by where I'm staying. GO TO THE PROGRAM I STAY SOBER IN! I will be blogging my great time and any bumps I have along the way. I love you guys, and know that every time my phone bings with a new comment, you have just blessed my heart:)

I have decided tweeting is my new favorite thing, so you can either follow me on Twitter @emilyism or read them on the left of this site!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
I am calling it an early night. Thank You for the great day today! Please keep me out of fear and anxiety on my flight tomorrow. And please bless John on his vacation of thought, may he figure out what he needs to. I know I don't have to tell You how special he is to me. I hope Beau and Gavin have a great weekend, and know how much I LOVE THEM!. I know You already do, but please keep an eye on all of them.
I love You,
Emily

He Touched Me, He Looked at Me

My kids are driving me crazy this afternoon. I don't know about your kids, but mine are normally just plain rude to each other. He touched me, he looked at me , he's in my room, blah, blah blah. They actually got in a jello fight today, nice right!? I made them clean it up and sent them both to their rooms.

They have this unspoken deal that they can treat each other crappy, but if anyone else treats them crappy, the other one gets protective and pissed. Even though I really wish they would show more brotherly love, I guess they do in their own backwards way.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thank You for all of the incredible and amazing people in my life, I am so blessed. Thy will be done, not my own. Your plan for me is so much more than I could ever have dreamed.
I love You,
Emily

I'm Home

I am so happy to be home. LA was an amazing and a huge eye opening experience, but I missed my boys! I walked into a spotless house (THANK YOU JOHN!) and big hugs! I gave the boys their presents, which I guess weighed 11 pounds, cause my bag was 11 pounds over, which cost me $50.00. But they love their stuff, so whatever.

For the next 3 days I am giving myself completely to my program, I need to refuel, badly. Then I am leaving for Washington on Friday, which was supposed to be my first sober vacation and my first sober plane ride. But, when Hollywood calls I guess you go running:)

Tomorrow I will post the pictures of our fun in Hollywood!

Staying in tne Moment

I am having a hard time leaving yesterday in yesterday, and tomorrow in tomorrow. I am thinking I hope I did okay. I spoke from my heart, but I had so much more to say. I am hoping that the woman I came here to help is doing okay and that she will make it - Lord hear my prayer.

I once heard a saying that I thought was a bit crass, but I really get it today. "If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow you are pissing on today."

I will try to stay in the moment by taking it one second at a time today.

Monday, January 18, 2010

I have made it...


I remember when my friend Sasha blogged about getting her own dressing room, I was so proud of her and a bit jealous I must admit. This is a picture of me in front of my very own dressing room! See Sasha, were halfway to the Sasha & Emily show:) I promise, promise, promise I will let you all know the second I find out when it airs!

Wonderful Women

I can't tell you much about the show until it airs. What I can tell you is that it was really scary, but the wonderful women above made it way less scary! Thank you girls, you ROCK!

My Mom said I did great, good to know cause I can't remember a damn thing. Thank you guys for your wonderful comments! I can't wait to get home so I can post the many fun, fun pictures I have for you to see! XO, Em

The Big Day

Well, today is the day, I am so sending God through the door first!

Here is a picture of my darling Mom. We had a wonderful day yesterday, walked around Hollywood, ate a fabulous lunch and looked for stars. I am so happy she is here!


Sunday, January 17, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Please help me to choose my words impeccably tomorrow and may as many people as possible be helped by me sharing my story. Thank You for removing my anxiety today, and I am sorry it took me 4 hours to do that simple task:) I love You God.
You're my hero,
Emily

Sobriety Sunday

Okay, I only have a minute to write, as my Mom is on her way here from the airport:)

What I want to share is that when you go on vacation YOU TAKE YOUR ALCOHOLISM WITH YOU. I didn't plan what meetings I was going to go to before I left, which was a BIG mistake. I woke up needing a meeting stat, and it took me hours to find one(not because there aren't a million, but because I am directionally challenged;) I have never in my life been happier to walk into a room!

I'm off to meet my Mom in the lobby. Happy Sunday!!

Breakfast with the Stars

This morning I had the pleasure to dine with 3 up and coming stars. Tatyana, Aleka and Katrina.They are here for their Aunt and Mom's movie premiere. These little women were fabulous and excited, and it was my honor to have breakfast with them! When you one day see their names in lights, know I always knew they were going to be stars:)

Their Mom 'Getta Anand' wrote a book called The Cure, which CBS turned into a movie staring Harrison Ford. Neat, right!? I got a chance to meet this amazing woman, she is witty and wonderful and very humble about her amazingness.

LA is so my kind of town. if just for today. My Mom comes in this afternoon. Tonight is the Golden Globes, which is filmed right on the same block my hotel is on. We will soooo be star watching tonight!!

Off to class......

5:15 in my World

So I woke up and I was all like, "What in the heck am I doing up at 4:00." Then I realized that it is 5:00 in my world. So, Good-morning.

I need a meeting more than I ever have since my first year of sobriety, just do. So today that's the goal. I have this tendency to think that I leave my alcoholism at home when I go out of town, and that's just not the case. The little bugger comes with me, and with force.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I love You,
Emily

LA


The flight was twice as scary as I thought it would be. I got on the airplane and went straight into panic mode...it was horrible. Then a nice older couple sat next to me. I looked over a few minutes after they sat down and they were holding hands. I thought to myself that is the cutest thing I have ever seen. So every time I got scared or panicky I just looked over at them holding hands, it warmed my heart. So thank you lovely couple from Nebraska. I hope you have a wonderful cruise!

Then I told my story to what could turn out to be millions. My story is now in the hands of the {name withheld} show, let's see what they do with it. All of my publicity stuff has been wonderful so far, I have made lasting friendships and would work with any of them any time. Let's hope this turns out just as great.

Then to the hotel, which is where I am right now. My Mom gets here tomorrow, thank God and we have all day to play. Then Monday is the big day!

What I found out through this mini time of jet setting, is when it comes down to it, I'm a homebody. I miss my kids and the most exciting part of this trip for me will be shopping for something wonderful to bring home to them.

Blogging from the Airport

Okay, so airports have gone way high tech since the last time I flew! I am sitting in a leather chair, with plug-ins right by my gate, cool!! I got a little scared, and started getting a little anxiety right when I got here, but I got a little something to eat and now I am feeling much better.

This is my first sober flight. Airports are a trigger for me because once I entered one I was on vacation, which meant I could give myself an excuse to drink even more than I already did.

So, even though I am a bit anxious, I am happy to be getting the first flight out of the way. And if for some reason I panic, I can always have them page friends of you know who:)

Happy 30 days to BBF Annette

I am sooooo proud of you! Thank you for giving me the pleasure of watching you get sober one day at a time! You are a true blessing to me and to the other readers on emilyism.com.

Annette you ROCK!

I wish I was still sleeping....

I so wish I was still sleeping in the fabulous hotel bed, but not in the cards for today.

I am up and getting ready for LA. Here's the deal, I can't blog from my phone, but I can tweet and Facebook. I will be tweeting my way through my trip to LA. So you can get updates by reading my Twitter or Facebook on right side of emilyism. I will write a post as soon as I am settled. Thank you so much for your encouraging words! I love you all!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
I am so humbled right now, and in awe of my life, which has been given to me through Your grace. Thank you God, thank You. Please help me to choose my words impeccably in the upcoming days and to pause when agitated and doubtful and ask You for the right thought or action. Thy will be done.
I love You,
Emily

Dinner at Deseo's

This is me getting ready to go to dinner, could I be any happier, nope! I can't wait to write this review, this is the site where my review will be published, check it out!

My Poolside Cabana

OMGosh... I am poolside in my very own cabana. If I was any happier I would burst! Soon, I am going to float down the lazy river and then take a poolside nap. This is the life! Here is a picture of my cabana...

Heaven

Okay, I am all checked into the Westin Kierland Spa and Resort. I checked in, then they sent me right over to their wonderful spa, where I am happily drinking a smoothie they named "calm" and waiting for my massage. I am in heaven, and quite possibly the luckiest woman on earth.


Thursday, January 14, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
I can't-You can-I'm so going to let You.
(the rest is between me and my HP tonight:)
I love You,
Emily

Drunk Dialing

During the last few years of my drinking all I really wanted to do was sit on the back patio and drink. If I couldn't find someone to drink with, I would drunk dial whomever would listen. I created mass drama via the telephone and woke up every morning with total fear and regret about who I called, or what I said. Looking back, it was horrible, but at the time it seemed normal, it's just what I did. It took me months in sobriety to have a comfortable phone conversation (maybe it was God's way - shhhh, My child - you have talked enough:)

I am so grateful to wake up in the morning and not have to wonder who I called, or what I said.

My drunk dialing cycle looked something like this...

get drunk-drunk dial-pass out-wake up sad and scared about who I called and what I said-drink to feel better-drunk dial-passout- then wake up sad and scared about who I called and what I said-drink to feel better-drunk dial-passout-wake up feeling sad and scared about who I called and what I said....

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results." -Albert Einstein

The Scoop

I keep getting asked if I am in LA -nope, not yet- still in Scottsdale. If all goes as planned I leave for LA on Saturday afternoon. I do have some exciting news for you though....

Tomorrow, I am writing a hotel review for my friend Haya's website! Is that not the coolest thing ever!! I get to spend the night in a fancy hotel, lay by the pool and then go eat dinner at their fine 5 star restaurant. Never in a million years could I have ever dreamed I would end up doing something so cool. Kind of the dream job, right!? So tomorrow, I will be blogging poolside!

Turning my Phone Off

I am shutting my phone off for the next 24 hours. I will still be publishing comments and answering emails, but the phone is going off. I need a minute.

With that being said, I never want to appear ungrateful for the amazing busy life God has given me, because I am so super grateful, but I will not be helpful to anyone if I don't stay healthy.

So, if you need me, send me an email or leave a voicemail which I will be checking:)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
They say God only gives you what you can handle, boy do you trust me. Thank you for getting me through my fear, it was scary God, and I didn't like it. I am so grateful for the incredible support system I have, You truly have blessed me with amazing people in my life. Please help me stay focused on my primary purpose and I will give You all of the responsibility and all of the praise.
I love You,
Emily

My Moment of Panic

I'm okay...now. I had that moment, that moment of sheer traumatic fear of opening myself up publicly the way I'm about to. I guess if doing public appearances was easy, more people would be doing them. I almost backed out of the whole deal, doing stuff in the media is hard on me. But I believe it is the fastest way to help the most people. If I can get alcoholics to understand THEY ARE NOT ALONE, then I have done, what I believe God wants me to do. So when that panic hit I did what I was trained to do, I called my sponsor, I prayed, I called my counselor and my best friends and they loved me through it and then told me... go on with your bad ass self:)

Busy Bee

I am a total busy bee today. I have a list of homework from my web guy, which I am flying through! I am mentally packing for LA, which is way more fun than sitting in fear. I am also trying to clean and set things up so my household runs smoothly while I am gone. John is staying at the house to take care of the boys, which is great, they have some crazy "MEN" things planned, which I've been told is none of my business:) Thank you guys for your beautiful comments during this crazy time, I love you all! Off to be a busy bee.......bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Great job today! Everything just fell into place. I am starting to get fearful about going on {name withheld}. I know it will help people, but it's still scary. I have so many people praying for me right now, can You hear them? Thank You for them God, thank You. I am very tired, so I am going to cut it short, I know You don't mind. Please help me stay in Your will, instead of my own.
I love You,
Emily

Post Pulled by Emily

God's Holding the Cards

I felt like I was holding a lot of cards this morning - great hand, but still a lot of cards. So I handed the cards to Jesus in my morning prayers (let's see what He does with them!) As I did this, the song "Jesus Take the Wheel" came on my ipod - very fitting. My higher power often talks to me through music.

Does yours?

Monday, January 11, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thanks for keeping me out of fear today. It just kind of felt like I was coasting. It was nice. I am so grateful that You are the one running this show. Please help me to keep it that way. Please help the many people suffering needlessly from alcoholism, and may they each find an angel to help show them the way, as I did. You know I would so write a story on her. but she would kick my butt! Thank You for her God! You really are brilliant!
I love You,
Emily

God's Stimulus Package

I believe God is in the process of creating a stimulus package for the good old USA (the whole world really). I actually think it's always been there for us to tap into, but because of the state of our economy, people are tapping into it more than ever. I think the name of God's Stimulus package should be....

"The Hand that Gives Gathers."

Amazing people in my life whose sole purpose is to help others are starting to succeed in amazing and creative ways. It's wonderful to watch God at work. I think He would like people to stop asking what they can get and start thinking about what they could give. I have this crazy feeling that the people that are doing that will be rich beyond their wildest dreams, they really are already.

So the next time you're in financial fear, think about asking God for a stimulus package, He's way more effective then our government.

Manic Monday

Well, today is Monday, and I easily have 50 things to do. But you know what, I have already been to a meeting today (thanks to the -meeting reminder- from my BBF Annette) and really if that's all I get done today, then so be it.

I heard today that we alcoholics are overachievers, and I realized I kind of was, which is so funny because when I was drinking, I was easily one of the laziest people I know...YEAH BEING SOBER!! I am so motivated in fact that I forget to relax and take it easy...so today if I need to put those 50 things aside and take a nap, I'm going to without guilt. (Okay maybe a little guilt, I was raised Catholic after all:)

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thank You for my serenity. With so much on my plate, the fact I am calm is a miracle, thank You. I am sorry for the times this week that I was quick to anger. It is hard when people are slow to be supportive and it frustrates me, but that is no excuse for me to be rude, sorry. I have a friend in pain, please help her God. Thank You for my wonderful boys and the amazing life You have given us.
You are my one and only hero,
Emily

Sobriety Sunday

Today we are going to stay in the solution, cause that's where I need to be.

When you're in a rough patch or a tight spot, what is the first thing you do?

If you are still drinking, go ahead and say drinking. It's not like we won't understand. That was my solution for everything, scared-drink, happy-drink, anxious-drink.

Hi guys, I'm back! Sorry for the short S. Sunday today. As you can see I'm working on the emilyism title. Crazy busy day! I am sooo ready to chat! I will be logging on at 4:00!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thank You for my crazy, busy day. I could feel Your presence throughout the day, it was nice. Please go first in my upcoming adventures, and I will follow. To watch what You are turning my life into, which I thought was over, is amazing. Is it weird to say that I am proud of You?
You're my hero,
Em

MomBomb


Today, I got MomBombed. It was amazing! MomBomb is a small Mom owned boutique in Phoenix. It is a child friendly, hip, wonderful place. On top of that their clothes are AMAZING! It came to my attention that my fashion sense was lacking. If I am going to be the fresh, hip, sober Mom that I want to be, I needed fashion help and STAT.

I have some stuff coming up where I really want to look and feel great. So I called MomBomb and gave them the 411 on who I was and what I was all about, and the owner without even asking what she would get out of it, jumped on board.

Getting MomBombed is when they dress you and tell you how fabulous you are while shooting down all your negative thoughts and ideas of your body. It was amazing. I walked away feeling beautiful and hip. Faye, the owner, also told me not ever to wear my overalls again and that I needed my eyebrows waxed, which she promptly hooked up for me, love her!!!. They ROCK, and that's putting it mildly!!!

When it came time to pay, let's just say when I make it to the top they are so coming with me! So if I happen to end up on TV soon in some darling clothes, know they're from...

I have no Clue

I have no clue what I am about to write. I have like 10 stories halfway written that are fun and neat, but I'm not in the mood to finish writing them, or it's not time to write about them. Mmmm...well I guess I'll just write about my day, which was amazing!

See, damn it, that's one of the stories...shit. Ummm...okay look for these stories coming soon....

-MomBomb
-God's Stimulus Package
-The Hotel Review
-The Rad Web Guy
-Dr. Phil
-My New Website
-A Trip to Seattle

As you can maybe tell I have a lot going on this month. It's crazy. I am soooo blessed.

But, enough about me. How in the heck are you guys doing????

HELP

Could someone please tell me why when I add spaces in edit it shows up, then when I publish it they're gone. WTH!?!? Hehehe...Thank you Aaron!

I have a web guy! He is young, sober and brilliant. I will be writing all about him and the new website he is creating for me soon. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. YEAH, Aaron!!!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Thy Will Be Done

Your thoughts are your will, because your thoughts become action.
You can't control your first thought, but you can control your second one.
Turn it over to God and don't take it back.

I heard each sentence of this from 3 different people, at 3 different times. I wonder if they know they changed my life, probably not. Giving your second thought to God, easier said than done right? It was how uncomfortable I was that made me give it a try. I quickly realized that if I turned the thought of wanting to drink over, it removed the obsession. This is what I said each time the thought of drinking popped in my head...

-God I offer myself to Thee, please take that stupid thought away from me-

He did. Then slowly I learned to do it with all my stupid thoughts. Now don't get me wrong, I don't do it perfectly. Sometimes I enjoy stewing in my crap, sick right? But most of the time I'm okay about turning it over. Once in awhile the obsession doesn't leave right away, then I know I need to take action, or call my sponsor or read the special prayer on page 63 of this really cool book. Sometimes I turn a little to many of my thoughts over and God will pop one back in my head and tell me... "that one is not stupid and your supposed to be thinking about it."

Sugar Hangover

I woke up late this morning, with a headache. I was like -What the heck?- Then I asked myself maybe could it have been the 7 Cokes you drank yesterday? A sugar hangover, are you kidding me! I know better. So all day yesterday I was running around like a crazy woman over drinking too much sugar and caffeine:(

I have a gratitude list the length of a novel and instead of sitting contently in that, I was allowing fear and anxiety creep in. So today, no sugar!

I am going to a meeting, getting my breathalyzer re-calibrated (that is a story all on its own) and then cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.

Hope you all are having a peaceful, wonderful morning!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Before I Retire

Dear Lord,
Please help me to do the things I should, to be to others kind and good, in all my work and all my play, to grow more loving everyday. As You know I ran around in fear today and I know that fear is disloyalty to You and I am sorry. During this time of excitment in my life, please help me stay close to You. Help me to follow Your will instead of my own. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all You do for me. You Rock!
I love you,
Emily

My Women's Meeting

Tonight I texted one of my BBF (best blogging friends) that nothing in me wanted to go to my Women's meeting tonight. I almost didn't go, but I knew I needed to. I could not stand myself today. I am acting like a complete bitty. My fear is quickly turning into anger and it ain't pretty. So I went, thank God.

I had forgotten how incredible the women at my Women's meeting are. We didn't meet over the Holiday and I had forgotten how much I needed them. I can tell these women anything, I love them very much. Their support and love is what got me through my darkest hour and keeps me humble through my most exciting moments. I love them all and am so blessed to have them in my life!

Naptime

With all that's going on in my life (like maybe being on Dr Phil:) I almost forgot that I am a 1 nap a day kind of girl. For my first year of sobriety this is how my day went...kids, pray, meeting, pray, nap, pray, kids, pray, meeting, pray then bedtime.

Then life started happening. It's like God handed me a new, amazing life all in a 3 month period of time. I am so grateful, but I am exhausted. So I am going to go back to basics now...nap, pray, meeting. I hope you all are having a wonderful day!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Before Retiring

After reviewing my program I realized I am a total slacker about praying at night. So, as part of my -Keep Emily Accountable- project, I am going to start blogging my nightly prayers.

Lord,
Thank you for my many blessings today. Please bless my upcoming projects and may they be Your will instead of my own. Please keep me out of fear and selfishness. Please help me to stay focused on my primary purpose.
You are my hero,
Emily



A Cure for Carter

I have had the title "Cancer is starting to piss me off" saved in my drafts for a few months now, I was just waiting for the passion to write the story.

A few months ago someone very close to me had a brother diagnosed with cancer, then someone in the program I stay sober in, was diagnosed. To see their pain is painful. I started to feel my passion brewing. I felt powerless...what could I do? I was already sending in the pink lids from Yoplait yogurt, such a smalI thing, I wanted to do more. I wondered for a split second, if I took on another cause would I lose sight of my primary purpose? Talked to God about it, he said "Nope, you'll know when."

Then I friended an old friend from high school on Facebook and found out his little boy has cancer...it made me so sad that it knocked the wind out of me, now I felt PASSION and God said "when".

This angel's name is Carter Kronmal and his Daddy's name is Dan. Carter has a rare form of cancer called, neuroblastoma, he was diagnosed right after his 2nd birthday and has endured 6 rounds of chemo, see...PASSION. I want him all better God, please!

For the month of January all donations on emilyism.com will be going to Carter's family. I know most of the readers on here believe in the power of prayer, so pray for his complete recovery-please-let's pray our way to a miracle guys...Carter deserves it! You can also donate on behalf of Carter here....

http.seattlechildrens.org/way-to-help/donate/commemorative-giving/

Amazing Blogs

My friend Sasha has given me some homework...go check out other blogs and ask to be added to their blog roll.

So high ho, high ho off to be added to blog rolls I go.

Holy cow, I had no clue how many AMAZING blogs were out there. I am humbled. I am impressed. I am a bit jealous of their talent. I was so stuck in emilyism land that I had no clue how many amazing, incredible blogs were out there. So start checking out my blog roll as I soon will be adding fabulous blogs. If you want to be added to my fabulous blogs-blog roll please email me at emilyism.com@gmail.com

Good Morning

Good Morning everyone! Here are my goals for the day....

- call people interested in advertising
- find a "web guy"
- work through my enormous laundry pile
- go to a meeting
- stay out of fear

That's it in a nutshell. What's on your agenda?

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Accountability

Okay guys, I'm going to ask for a little help this month to keep me accountable. Could someone ask me every day what meeting I'm going to? I went 4 days without one. I meant to go, I planned to go, I think I might even have blogged that I was going, but I got too busy. That is just not okay! I got sober by going to meetings and like I have said before, they are my insurance. So for 4 days I was driving around recklessly with no damn insurance. I went to one today, so I am insured and safe to return to the highway of life. I have a crazy busy month ahead, and need to stay insured, so please ask me - feel free to ask me, "What meeting are you going to today"?

Monday, January 4, 2010

A Family of Three

Tonight I realized that one of my biggest dreams had come true. I was happily making dinner, and it dawned on me that I was excited for dinner time with the boys. For years I felt sad at dinner time, like without someone playing the role of "Dad" at the table, what was the point? But tonight that feeling was gone. We sat down and did our normal routine of praying and then sharing one good thing, and one bad thing, about our day. We have done it a million times, but tonight there was something different. I was content. Not in the routine of dinner time, but in me. I was content for the first time in a long time with my family being a family of 3. I feel so blessed to be in that place!

How the People article came about...

I have been asked a few times to write about how the People article came about. So here it goes...

Okay, so I had just ended it with {name withheld} and was sad and lonely, so I sent a txt out to my girls saying I was going to need all the love and support I could get. They rallied, it was great! So that Friday Tam and I headed out for girls night out. We were out way later than we ever stay out and were having a blast. Then a scary friend of the guy Tam was talking to goes to sit down at our table. It was the craziest thing as he sat down I stood up, like God had a string attached to my head. I knew it was odd and decided to go out for a smoke. As I walked out the door I run smack dab into a good old friend. You know the kind of friend that no matter how long it's been since you've seen them you take up right where you left off. I hadn't seen him since sobriety so I told him all about that, and how I did it and felt about it, then we talked about recovery theories. Then he asked me if I knew what he did and I was like "Yes, you're a doctor." he then explained to me that he was a medical director at a rehab and kind of offered me a job. I was in a spot in my life where I had no financial hope and he shined a light at the end of my tunnel.

So I started volunteering there and one day the owner came and asked to talk to me. I was like "Oh no I'm in trouble again". But I wasn't, she sat me down and told me a reporter had called from People and was looking for an alcoholic Mom to do a story on. I knew what an amazing thing it could be right away, and told her to go ahead and give the reporter my number. Then I went straight to fear, I had Facebook friends that didn't know I was sober and I was about to tell millions...OMG. The reporter called me within 20 minutes and did a brief interview over the phone, then she told me she would let me know. The 3 weeks it took for them to pick me were the scariest weeks of my life. I went from excitement to panic to anxiety and then all over again. I had to prepare for them not to pick me and then for them to pick me all at once. Prayer, a ton of prayer went into it.

The fear of the spin. How were they going to spin it? Anything I said could be used in whatever way they wanted. Even though I had read People for years and never seen them turn a story into something mean it was SCARY!

Then I got the call that they had picked me, and wanted to send a reporter out. Sheer panic ran through me and I almost backed out. Then I paused and said a quick prayer..."It's just fear stopping you Emily." then I remembered what fear meant: face everything and recover. I asked the reporter on the phone if she would be the one coming out, we had talked often and I felt really comfortable with her. When she said yes I said yes and it was on. The reporter's name is Alicia, she is a wonderful person, as is every person I came in contact with during my People experience.

I didn't actually believe I was going to be in People until my issue came out, it was just to big to wrap my mind around. I was very happy with how the article turned out. It did end up taking on a spin of its own, as I was way more of a crazy ass drunk than they made me out to be, but the article helped people and that's all I care about.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Sobriety Sunday

What are you doing to stay sober today?

I am...praying, calling my sponsor and going to lunch with some sober friends, then having open chat right here on emilyism.com (I am so excited!) I am thinking it may be a bit of a pain at first, but once we have it figured out it will be smooth chatting!

Something just came to mind. Someone asked me the other day if I was open for debate about the program I got sober in, my answer "Nope." There's nothing to debate. I learned early on don't explain and don't defend. Today I'm thinking maybe I should have explained (damn thinking) so I will here. Meetings are my insurance policy, they are where I go to hear where I came from, and where I go to learn how not to go back there. It's not open for debate, it's what works for me..

I hope it's okay with you guys, but I may be all over the board today, as I have a ton on my mind. I am off to fly, I will write more later.

Had a great and wonderful lunch with some sober friends. I spent a year feeling a little bit sorry for myself that I didn't really have any close sober friends. Then the other day I asked what part in that did I play? The answer was a decent amount. Had I asked anyone to do anything lately...nope. So I did, and he was like okay lets do it Sunday...boom lunch with friends. I really can be a pain:)

Saturday, January 2, 2010

It's Complicated

Tonight, I went to see It's Complicated. It's only the second movie I've seen in the theater in sobriety and I had forgotten how much I enjoyed going. Very cute movie!

In a nutshell this movie is about a divorced couple who have a fling. The woman quickly figures out that her ex is still a douche. The douche was played by Alec Baldwin, who I actually think is a bit of a douche in real life, but that's just my opinion. Meryl Streep, the wife, was darling and brilliant as always. But the true star of the movie was young actor John Krasinski, as Harley. He is a total hottie along with being witty and aborable. I now have a decent size crush on him, and will be doing some internet stalking on this young man:)

Beau's Birthday Breakfast



Today is Beau's 15th Birthday. I often make my boys breakfast in bed for them on their special day. This year Beau requested, bacon, sausage and hash browns. Good thing he's young and his heart is strong, cause that breakfast is kind of an instant heart attack.
I love you Beau and am very proud of the young man you are becoming. XO, Mom

FlyLady

Flylady is a very cool organizational program that I once happily lived by. It's a simple, one day at a time program to get your life back in order. I am a huge fan of Flylady....

You start by shining your sink and the goal is to keep it that way! Then to follow simple routines. You can copy hers from right off her site or make up your own. Here is my morning routine...

-Turn the coffee pot on and unload the dishwasher
-Tweet a quote and check email
-Pour myself a cup of coffee and get ready all the way (meaning put my shoes on)
-Make bed and tidy bedroom and bathroom
-Throw in a load of laundry

I will add more after I make these ones habit. To keep me motivated I will remember how nice it was not to live in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) I'm off to fly, wish me luck!

Friday, January 1, 2010

The Law of Attraction

Happy New Year everyone! I stayed home last night. I hung out in my room so Beau could have a little party. It was great actually!

I'm going to try a little law of attraction here...

1. I will stay sober this year
2. I will quit smoking this year
3. I will say the am and pm prayer daily this year
4. I will eat healthy this year
5. I will start working out this year
6. I will follow FlyLady this year
7. I will find an amazing boyfriend this year
8. I will become fully self supporting this year

and you know how I am going to do all this, one day at a time. I will pray, give it to the universe (God) and go about my business of trying to do the next right thing. I'm off to class!