Sunday, December 13, 2009

An Anonymous Place to Comment

This post is for people to comment and find people chatting with each other, asking questions, giving or getting advice or just to come and read to feel less alone. I love you and all of your comments, they help remind me why I do this! You all ROCK!

35 comments:

  1. Hi. I am anonymous #2 who commented on a previous post - the wine drinking/making dinner mom. I would love to be able to comment and encourage other moms like me. I did not realize that the "wine drinking while making dinner" habit was something others were doing. For me it did start out as an escape from boredom. I was the mother of 2 young boys and a stay at home mom. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys so much and enjoyed every minute of being able to stay home and take care of them. However, my husband worked late and a lot and I often felt lonely. I did not have any other stay at home moms as friends. All my friends worked and did not have young children or children at all. So, I began to use wine to feel "lighter and less stressed/lonely at the end of the day. When my boys were little it was hard to have "conversations" to fill my void. Now, I have no excuse. They are teenagers and I very much enjoy their conversations. My husband works less, and I have made friends with other moms of my son's friends and schools. The problem is now it is a habit and I really need to stop. Sorry to go on. It just feels so good to speak out about this.

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  2. I will be anonymous #4:) I am remembering back to drinking while making dinner it just made the time go by quicker and made it less boring. But then I found myself drinking instead of making dinner. Good for you for sharing anonymous #2, it does make you feel better! I have found that after the 1st year of sobriety time flies. I will tell you the truth the first year dragged on pretty slowly then all of a sudden my world opened up and I was happy most everyday and time started flying! Getting sober is the hardest yet most rewarding thing I have ever done!

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  3. Hi Anonymous #4. If you don't mind my asking, how did you take the first step towards sobriety? Did you attend AA or do this on your own? How long did you drink? Thank you for commenting. It is helping me a great deal to hear that others have been or are in the same position I am.
    Anonymous #2

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  4. #4 is correct. Sobriety is worth the effort & #2 sounds like you have the desire. There are a million reasons to drink, but none valid. The internet is a good place to share thoughts & experiences but treatment is another story. I have another potentialy fatal illness.Cardio vascular, heart attack in 07. I can find support groups & advice on the net, but I need to see my cardiologist to stay alive. Alcohol can be more complicated. It involves body, mind & soul & requires more personal attention to heal & recover. Talking & meeting with people face to face who have been in recovery or just starting it is a good path to follow.

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  5. Hi --

    I am anonymous #1 on the previous post. First, thank you Emily for doing this! You are doing a lot of good for people, probably more than you realize. How did People magazine find you in the first place? Maybe you can blog about that sometime.

    Second, I agree with anonymous #2 -- as a start, it feels good to know there are others with this same problem (moms who drink too much wine while cooking dinner, initially starting as boredom). I'm amazed that there's anonymous #3 and #4 -- I'm positive there are many more out there, who either don't want to comment or who don't know about this blog yet. (I was reading Emily's blog ever since People magazine gave the address, although it took me awhile to comment. And I'm the type who never comments, but likes to stay in the background).

    I have one comment to share regarding wipsnide's comment about alcohol being more complicated. I read recently that Leonard Nimoy (Mr. Spock of "Star Trek" fame) was an alcoholic for years. In 1989 his wife asked him if he was happy, and he replied he'd never been happier. She asked why he continued to drink and he had no answer so that night he called AA and hasn't had a drink since. However, what sticks in my mind is in the book where I was reading all this, he stated, "Alcohol is very clever." Scary thought...

    Knowing there are other moms with the same struggle as I'm having is a source of strength to me. Thank you...

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  6. Hi this is Anonymous #3. I want to thank Emily as well for her courage to do this blog...I am so glad I was at the hairdresser's reading the People Magazine. I really find it a little bizarre that there are others out there like me. It's kinda funny how we all hide it so well yet we are all so eager to share because I know we all want help. It's the "where to start"? I have thought about what wipsnide said about going further away to an AA meeting...might be good for me to see what it is all about. To be honest I thought before (ignorantly) that AA was all a bunch of old drunken men....if I ever do get the courage to go there were probably be alot of women there with the same problem. Fortunately or unfortunately, however you look at it, I went for a CT Scan and have found I have a large amount of fat in my liver which I know is due to the alcohol so I have to stop or it will lead to cirosis.

    PS...I am very happy there are so many commenting...

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  7. I so did not get sober on my own! I knew there was no way I could do that! I called on someone I knew was sober and she took me to an AA meeting, when I got there by the grace of God I felt at home. She used the word We a lot and it made me feel so much less alone. In the beginning meetings were the only place I felt okay, so I went to like two a day! I understand you girls fears of going to meetings, but you would be shocked at the "normal" people that go to them. In fact I once saw my dr. there and a neighbor. Anonymous #4

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  8. Hello A#1, There are many adjectives to describe alcoholism, & Mr.Nimoy is right to include clever as one of them. This illness thrives on "acceptance by denial". It is difficult for me to deny my heart ailment after having a heart attack, or for a cancer patient to deny their illness after finding a malignant growth, & now for #3 after a CT scan reveals some physical evidence of alcohol damage. Sounds like #3 will act on it, but many alcoholics at this stage still deny alcohol as the culprit. I would call that a pretty clever disease that knows how to survive & spread among us. A "Scary Thought" indeed #1...

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  9. Here's a silly question. Will alcohol always define who you are or can you eventually just become you without the alcohol?

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  10. Hi you guys! I am so proud of you for commenting. I know it took courage. This is so how I wanted this section to work, keep coming back and helping each other and let others know they are not alone! Anonymous #1 what a good idea for a story, I will get right on that. If anyone else had a story idea please let me know:) To the last question, no alcohol will not always define you, not at all. The best part of sobriety is you become a way better version of you and for me alcohol is kind of a non issue as long am I'm working a program. I love you all! Have a great day! Emily

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  11. I really need a meeting! It's crazy even after some sober time I forget that is the best solution to my problems. anonymous #4

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  12. Hi everyone,
    I am writing today because I know nobody in this wide world will understand me like you mums.
    I never drunk or abuse any substances untill there come the time of my divorce. Six years ago I realized that I was sitting on a dead horse, as they say. My then husband did not love me and it all came down to money. Sounds familiar?.
    He abused me psicologically and phisycally on a daily basis. I tried to hide all the drama from my kids as best I could. My son Carlos, age 13, still remembers some incidents. So I was not very succsessful...
    I never took him to court, although I went to the doctor's for a report, because I was always thinking about my kids. What will they think about their father in jail??
    So I started to drink a little bit of beer at night to ease the pain, nothing major.
    Finally he left, once he was sure that I will pay him some money, and there I was on my own. Trying to get a job, etc.. You know how it is. That was 6 years ago. I met my now husband about six months later after my divorce. He was also in the same situation so we talked and became best friends before we met. A little detail, I was living in Spain, he is American.
    So to make things shorter, we ended up married, bought a house and I came over to live while waiting for my kids. You can imagine custody battles, psicologists, the work.
    And me here having to deal with his mental x-wife and his three kids that decided that they wanted to live with us.
    Meanwhile I don't have my kids and kept drinking and taking care of everyone...
    I know the illness of alcoholism has progressed and I need help big time.
    i still don't know how to deal with my kids not being here while I take care of my husband's kids. I drink, it is all i know to ease the pain,
    Please help,
    Paloma

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  13. Hello friends! I am so grateful there are women trying to get sober/stay sober/want to be sober. Wine during dinner prep was a given. I tried to wait til 4 pm and Oprah came on. I can't tell you the number of shows of hers I saw about alcoholic moms while drinking from a coffee mug.

    I passed out at a party with my husband's work folks last December and knew I had to get sober and I HAD to get help.

    Tomorrow will be one year since my last drink. And this past week has been so easy. Honestly drinking has been far from my mind. But like Emily has said, it took many months to get to this point. In fact, right around month 11 was supremely hard, I really felt like giving in, I didn't want to do it anymore.

    A friend of mine pointed Em's article out in People and I've been reading this blog ever since. I started my own blog to vent and gripe, but haven't written much

    offhersauce.blogspot.com

    Keep on keepin' on!

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  14. Dear Paloma, You certainly do have a lot going on at 1 time. All I can say about your children is prayer & patience in huge amounts. I've never lived thru that experience & I hope & pray for a solution for you. Alcohol I have experience with, & it only appears to stop the pain, temporarily. It is only more fuel for the fire in the long run & can only make your tough times worse. Alcohol is very clever & you need to outsmart it. You have come a long way by recognizing it & wanting to stop. Now, maybe you should follow # 4's example & find a meeting or call a hot line for some personal help from those who have been there. I'm sure everything will work out for you soon. Prayers on the way...

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  15. This week may be tough for many of us.....I plan to check in here daily, another way to be held acct. My normal group won't meet this week, I am wondering if I need to find another meeting to attend.....thoughts?

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  16. I will also be posting daily. As all the drinking around this time and family not getting it bothers me. I am so thankful for my morning meeting, it is the best way to start the day. Here are somethings I do if I can't make it to a meeting pray, read, call another sober person, take a bath. Who has all their shopping done?

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  17. SUPER rough day today. Didn't really think about drinking, but had a hard hard time with my kids. Anxiety attack at the restuarant at lunch and had to leave to go see my sponsor when my husband got home at 7.......

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  18. O' sweetie I wish I could give you a hug. I guess these kind of days are what they mean when they say "Easy Does It" be sweet to yourself. I often have to remind myself that I'm still new at this. Good for you for going to meet your sponsor! Tommorrow is a brand new day! Maybe it's a full moon, cause after cookie baking my kids turned into a total pain in the ass! Em

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  19. Going to my annual girls night out for xmas tonite. Met with my sponsor last nite & then attended a beginners meeting - was a good meeting. I'm feeling really good about tonite & not drinking. Not ready to give my girls all the details - simply gonna tell them I don't feel like drinkin tonite - don't want to bog down the party with my AA stories. Will save that for another time. My sponsor & I talked about this and if I start feeling like I'm gonna cave, I'm gonna walk outside, call her and then probably make the RIGHT decision to call it a nite & go home. I'll update tomorrow how it went. Annette - sober since 12/16/09

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  20. Annette,
    Hi sweetie. Sounds like you have a good plan set up. In my first year or so I could last between a 1/2 hour to two hours in that kind of situation. I always prayed for Gods protection before I went, still do. With all the flu going around it won't seem weird at all if you say you aren't feeling well. Make sure to let us know how it went. Will be praying for you, Em

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  21. Seems this time year always brings out the lows & highs in everyone leaving us middle roaders clammoring in one direction or the other. This will be my 5th season sober & have always found it the most rewarding part of my week. It is really the only way to get through the chaos, good, bad & indifferent.
    I just got word that an old friend from my late wife's support group has succumbed to the illness as well, they all will eventually.
    I'm very glad we have our people & system in place so we don't have to meet the same fate.
    Happy times to all. Make it a safe & sober holiday...

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  22. Annette- How did it go? I've been thinking abt you. My friend Jennifer is also praying for you, so that you might have an extra measure of strength right now......

    ***** :) *****

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  23. I MADE IT AND HAD A GREAT TIME!!! Got to the bar at 7 p.m. - we all ate dinner and chatted - not too hard so far - then the drinking began! I stuck with my iced-tea and only one person asked if I was the DD for the nite. I replied that I wasn't, but could be if someone needed me (depending on how late I stayed). I just told her that I didn't feel like drinking. She said, "well good for you". I then went outside & called my sponsor to check in w/her - she was a little concerned since I only had 7 days of sobriety under my belt - we chatted briefly & I told her how great the nite was going and told her I'd call her tomorrow. Went back inside and what was sitting right in front of me at the table but a BIG OL ROUND OF SHOTS!!! The gal that bought them put one in front of me and I said, no thanks - I'll pass tonite - and as we toasted, the other 10 girls raised a shot glass of Kamikazee's & I my iced-tea! Had loads of laughs & girl talk, crazy home-made ornament exchange and I decided to take off around 10:25 p.m. and actually walked out the door with a few other early birds from the group. I feel soooooo good! I went, didn't drink, didn't feel the need or pressure to drink - AND HAD A GREAT TIME . . . .and I'm not hungover like the rest of them probably are this a.m. - Score one for me!!! Thanks for everyone's support!!! Have a Merry Xmas & a Happy (Safe & Sober) New Year!!!! Annette - Sober 8 days now - yea!!!!

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  24. Hooray!!! Doesn't it feel incredible?!?!?! Each night you make the right choice you feel stronger and more confident. I am so proud of you! I actually had a few moments last night at a party thatI really wanted a buzz. Then reaized I did NOT want the after effects....shame, headache, regret.

    Score one for the good guys!!!

    {LoVE}

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  25. A correction from my last comment. It will be my 6th holiday season sober, not 5th. 5th being what I would drink... The years are hard fought, don't want to leave one out.
    Congrats Annette, nice goin' I always carry one thought with me when visiting the dark side.
    There are no valid reasons for taking a drink, only piss poor excuses... Best Wishes to you...

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  26. mommaof3 - good for you too!!! Yes, it was very nice to wake up this a.m. w/no headache, shame, and total memory of EVERYTHING I said and did last nite - let alone not having to worry about driving home! Glad you got thru too! You're right - I made the right choices last nite and today feel stronger & more confidant! Have a wonderful day! Annette

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  27. I am so glad it went well Annette! You guys ROCK! We can so get through this hoilday safe and sober...GO Us, GO Us...Emily

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  28. Hi --

    I am anonymous #1 on the earlier posts. I check Emily's blog every day (sometimes more than once a day). I haven't seen anything from anonymous #2 or #3 for awhile. Are you out there still? How are you doing?

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  29. So because I don't drink I sometimes give myself permission to eat whatever I want. Not good. Especially with a bunch of holiday junk around.

    Do you give yourelf permission to slack in another area because you are working hard at staying sober?

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  30. OMGosh I so did. My first year I ate everything I felt like eating. I also gained 25 pounds and at a 1 1/2 had to go on the South Beach diet...(great diet by the the way) I now watch what I eat cause I feel so much better when I do. But at first all I heard is chocolate makes you feel better, so I ate as much chocolate as I wanted and the truth it did make me feel better. So YEAH chocolate! And yes I do give myself permission to do other things such as smoke when I know damn good and well that it is gross and time to quit. Soon I will be going to nic-anon. I will blog all about it. Em

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  31. I am doing good. I had a really good run today....rarely happens! And a good visit to the chiropractor....another new thing...

    How are you?

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  32. I totally admire people that run! It is so on my to-do list:) I am kind of doing crappy. I don't like to talk about it on my front page, but I am going to court with my x soon. He really is an ass, decent Dad, but a cheap ass. I am trying not to obsess over it, which is turning out to be hard. I am meeting with my sponsor later, a very needed thing on a day like! Em

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  33. Happy happy New Year, Em, Annette, wipsnide and all the anony girls :)

    Doesn't it feel super great to wake up this morning without a headache or wanting to throw up or wondering if you kissed someone you shouldn't have last night?

    I am praising God for my sobriety!

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  34. Happy Saturday everyone! How are you all doing? Me, I'm great, my computer is back up and working and I seem to be coming out of my New Year funk:) XO, Em

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