Monday, November 16, 2009

Tuff Day

I don't talk much on here about my relationship troubles. But for my own healing I am going to a little bit tonight. I have never ended a relationship without a fight, someone cheating, mass drama or without threats of a restraining order. Just knowing it is not what's best for me, knowing it is time to move is a blessing of sobriety. But here's the deal it hurts, you can feel it, there is no more numbing agent. I have a heavy heart and am sad. Even though it was a long time coming and I have tried doing it a million times it still sucks,the guy's my best friend. It was a very very co-dependant relationship and at this point in my sobriety I recognize that...even picked up a chip for it tonight (that was weird)I just want this person to know I love him and am thinking about him and wish him the best! With that being said I am going to cry myself to sleep. You can't reason your way out of your feelings and right now I am feeling sad:(

2 comments:

  1. Eulene Johnson, Nashville, TNNovember 17, 2009 at 5:36 AM

    Actually, Emily, I know exatly how you feel. We all have days like that, drunk or sober. Yet, it is much better when we are sober, isn't it! We can always remember that "This, too, shall pass." But, when we have a trying day, it is so easy to forget that.
    I have been sober for 17+ yeats, and am so thankful that I am. No more blackouts, no more slapping someone in the face, no more having men tell my husband that I can drink any man under the table. Yes, it all happened to me. I was 53 years young when I went to my first meeting. I don't remember much about it, except that I talked too much about my relationship troubles that people got tired of hearing it. I did this approximately 5 years. Another young lady at a recent meeting told me that some of them were worried that I wouldn't get it, but I did, because I was determined. You see, I have a large stubborn streak.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It is so much better sober! No urge to stocker call, slap him or chase him down the street:)It is also wonderful being okay with being alone. Don't get wrong I still want to find the "one" I am just in no hurry. I am willing to wait and let God pick him out. Some one told me when I first get sober that what you think about most is your God, so I am spending the time I need to in prayer and meditation. Thank you for commenting! The comments and e-mails keep me out of my head, and I am very grateful for them. And 17+ years is amazing!! Thanks again, Emily

    ReplyDelete