Thursday, December 31, 2009

Not Looking Pretty

I just woke up from a very deep afternoon nap. I'm not sure if it's my PMS, the full moon or if I am hiding from the New Year. But whatever it is, it's not looking pretty.

I have a crap load of New Year's resolutions or goals, or whatever you want to call them spinning through my head. Become fully self supporting, start working out, quit smoking, get my house organized, find a new boyfriend, divorce myself from self pity and self seeking motives. Kind of putting a little pressure on myself you think. I am flipping going to get back in bed and sleep this out!

What are some of your resolutions or goals for the New Year?

Taking my Inventory

Last night the person closest to me totally took my inventory. I don't know about you, but I hate having my inventory taken. And yes, it pissed me off, and I turned around and took his (it is progress not perfection). What I am amazed by, is that it didn't take me long to reflect on what he said, and come to the conclusion that he may be right. Sometimes people close to you can see defects in you that you are totally unaware of. So even though I got defensive and it pissed me off, I am very grateful. I have some work to do, and because of sobriety and my relationship with God I am not scared to do it. So thanks for taking my inventory, you jerk:)

New Year's Eve?

This is how "not" into New Year's Eve I am...I am sitting here thinking, is this the night people are supposed to go out? I feel old, really old. I may be going to a dress up party with my friend Sasha, which is exciting. I love dressing up! But for some reason what I really feel like doing, is crawling back in bed and ignoring the whole deal. I will be blogging my way through the day, if not for sanity sake alone.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Movie Night

The other night I rented the movie Julie&Julia. I have wanted to see it for the longest time, not only because it looked cute, but because it's all about blogging.

I'm not sure how great I thought this movie really is, I was only really interested in the blogging parts. Which I totally related to. When Julie got all stocked about her first comment, I totally understood how she felt, that's how I feel when I get a comment. And blogging even when you don't feel like it, so you don't disappoint your reader, I get that also. It was a cute movie. My favorite line was "Damn, that's hotter than a stiff cock." So funny coming out of the mouth of classy Julia Child's.

I can't remember the last time I actually sat down and watched a movie (well actually I do, it was the Hannah Montana movie). I use to go to bed watching TV every night, but since I started this blog I've been to tired at night to watch it at all. So it was very nice to relax and take in a movie!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Funk

I am in A FUNK. First off, it is totally my PMS week, which always sucks and makes everything seem so much worse.

I woke up late this morning for class and almost didn't go. I was full of excuses. I went to class last night, I am going to be late, I didn't tell anyone I would be there. Dangerous place for an alcoholic. I felt like laying in bed and feeling sorry for myself all day. Thank God I didn't, as I have a tendency to turn one day of self pity into a month. I got up, got ready and went. I was 15 minutes late, but I made it.

There is a whole lot going on in my life right now, some good stuff, some bad. Just a lot and I'm overwhelmed. I'm not really ready to share about it yet, but maybe one day.

So for today I am trying to make this my mission statement..."You have everything you need right this second," which I do, but it's still super hard to stay in the moment with so much going on. I need a hug!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Teenagers + Liquor Cabinets = :(

When I first got sober I had a bottle of Bailey's in my refrigerator, and when I shared that with my sponsor, she told me "Get rid of it, or I won't sponsor you." So I did. Once in awhile my drinking friends bring a bottle of wine over. They always ask if it's okay, and take it when they leave. So my house is pretty much alcohol free. Deliver me not into temptation.

It has come to my attention that some of the kids in my son's freshman class are drinking. It is so scary. I drank when I was a teenager, and never stopped. I know every trick in the book. Sure I know my house is alcohol free, but what about other kids' houses. I can't expect every one's to be. But parents please, please be aware that even if you have a "good kid", curiosity is still always going to be there. It's hard for teenagers to say no. I taught mine that he's going to be offered shit throughout his entire life, so to come up with his own funny way of saying no. I suggested "No, I'm good. If I drink my Mom will put her foot up my ass." hehehe. All I can do is give him the information, like if you get a MIP (minor in possession) or an MIC (minor in consumption) you don't get your license until you are 18. Now, to a boy that's a huge deal (I'm hoping huge enough). I also teach him that no matter what, he will get in less trouble if he tells me the truth. And yes, sometimes that's hard, I don't always want to hear the truth (like freshman drinking for example) but it is better that being clueless.

Here are some suggestions to get your house safer....

1. Lock your liquor cabinets
2. Take a black sharpie and mark your bottles (that only worked for my parents once, as I learned to add water)
3. Keep your cigarettes (if you smoke) and car keys close to you
4. Know their friends and friends' parents

If they are going to drink or smoke, at least you are not the one providing it, right!?

This could be interesting, share your tricks to help stop teenage drinking or share your story of your own teenage drinking.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

The Chat Room

Look for "Emilyism.com Group Chat" on Sundays. Time to be determined by our rad readers.

If you would like to join in on our group chat send me your email address emilyism.com@gmail.com

Sobriety Sunday

Let's talk about the holidays. They're hard, expectations are high, family issues are brought to the surface and it's just an all around stressful part of the year. Like I've said before, last year I was in such a funk that I swore I would not celebrate the holidays again. I got over it and came out with a whole new outlook. This year I decided that we would do exactly what we felt like. No commitments, no painful family obligations and no expectations. It worked - we had a great holiday. But it took 3 years in sobriety to get there...year 1, too wet brained to care, year 2 too depressed to function, year 3, BAM got it... IT ROCKED! See what I mean about holding on, it's worth it!

Now let's talk about New Year's. My first New Year's in sobriety sucked. I had plans with some other sober people and they never called. Being dissed in sobriety is painful. I laid on the couch feeling sorry for myself all night:( Then last year was a bit better. I was just coming out of my funk and went to a neighborhood party for a bit. This year I could care less what we do, really for me everyday is a New Year. And as for New Year's resolutions I've never stuck to a one. So this year I am not going to set myself up for disappointment. My New Year's resolution is...sometime this year I hope to start working-out.

What I really think we should celebrate is national "Thank God we made it through the Holidays Day." Who's in?

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Date Night


Gavin and I had a date night at BuzzBerry tonight. Gavie had a banana & strawberry smoothie and I had a yummy blended coffee drink. I am so glad to have them in the neighborhood!

Financial Insecurity

Well, it's over and like most of America I am sitting in financial insecurity. I didn't go crazy this year, it was a very modest Christmas. But still when you start out broke even modest spending is a strain. I am flinch, flinch, flinching. It's stupid really in the last few months every time I went to freak about how I was going to pay my bills something would give. I need to trust that I am doing the right thing and give the rest to God. In the beginning of my sobriety I turned my finances over. I had never paid my bills on time and was horrible with money. So I just turned it over to God, and when I did amazing things happened. There were times that I was positive I had overdrafted, I would call and check and there would be like $1.00 left in my account. I never did the math on it, I knew who was taking care of it. So today I am going to remind myself that right now, right this second I have everything I need.

I so hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! I am so excited to hear how yours went!

30 minutes later...
OMG, it just happened again. I had just enough money in the bank to pay my car insurance and then the boys accidently charged my card to download songs instead of using the itunes gift cards. I had accepted that I may have to return one of my presents to take care of the overdraft fee. I just called the bank to hear the damage and sure as shit I have $1.20 left in my account. YEAH!! GO GOD!!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Our Family Dynamics

It all started out with just Beau and I. We have this like silent special thing that we don't really ever have to talk about...we just have each others back. My kids are my light, had I not been blessed with them my road would have been way more brutal. Beau's an awesome kid and even though he's 14 and that can be tough, we're still pretty tight. Beau and I both have a kind of strong we'll kick your ass personality, unlike these two...

Gavin is everyone's baby, but he's mostly John's. John doesn't have any kids of his own and he kind of (well totally) babies Gavin. He lets Gavin climb all over him, sit in his lap and has been caught still carrying him around. It's adorable really. They are both so sweet, way sweeter and more laid back than Beau and me, I mean really, they let me dress them alike today:)






and sometimes it looks like this....

even when they gang up on me I know how totally blessed I am to have 3 amazing boys to love and adore!

Merry Christmas



We are to sexy for our boots, to sexy for our boots, boots, boots!

It was a wonderful Christmas morning! I hope everyone is having a fabulous day!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Gratitude List

I'm going to go ahead and make a gratitude list before one of my sponsors tells me to;)

1. For my two beautiful healthy sons
2. For my super rad friends
3. For food in the pantry
4. For the roof over our heads
5. For being sane (sort of) and sober
6. For knowing what live and let live means
7. For being able to drive again
8. For having all my Christmas shopping done
9. For you reading my blog!

Beauism

Beau just asked if today was Christmas Eve, When I told him it was tomorrow he declared today "Christmas Adam." hehehe

Poor Me

Yes, I know what they say about self pity "Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink." But I feel like a little cry baby today. So I am going to get it all out, then continue on with my day...

I have a friend who is suffering terribly from this disease, it is so hard to keep your mouth shut when you know the solution. I know all I can do is reach my hand out, but it's really hard when you care about someone and they don't take it.

My computer, which is a piece of crap, is making what should take me 30 minutes a day take me about 3 hours. Even though I am grateful to have a computer at all, I still often feel like throwing it.

And last but not least I don't feel well. I totally have a damn cold:(

All done:)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

I am Sick

I am sick again. It happens when I get stressed. It's like God uses it as a way to get me out of my own way. It forces me to relax and take it easy. Damn, he's smart. Good-night everyone, sleep tight!

Monday, December 21, 2009


This amazing house is right in my neighborhood and the ditto house is right across the street from it. So funny!

Making Sugar Cookies


Today we are making sugar cookies. I am not much of a baker and what I mean by that is I can't even get jello to set. I am a pretty good cook, but baking not so much. So I bought the pre-cut easy to bake ones.

Other than baking cookies we have very little on our plate today, as I locked myself out of my garage. The garage is where my Santa workshop and laundry are which is what I had on my agenda for today. So I am just going to enjoy having the boys home and holiday spirit in the air (talk to me in a week and I most likely will have about had it with them) but for now it's wonderful!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Don't Defend and Don't Explain

I was taught early on in sobriety not to defend or explain my actions. It is so much harder than it sounds, but I try. I know I am doing the right thing in life right now. Not everybody can be an Emily fan, come to find out, as I have 1 hater commenter. Here's the amazing news I don't take it personally cause it's not, nor do I feel the need to defend myself any further.

I prayed for two years to be able to support my family in a comfortable fashion, and though we are not there yet I am working every second to get there. Here is something I have not shared, I have no high school diploma and no matter how much I study to take the GED test, the fear of taking it is overwhelming. I will face it one day, but not today. The fact God gave me an opportunity to support my family doing something I love, amazes me daily. I am starting a new website (I can't wait to tell you guys all about it!) and don't worry emilyism.com will always, always, be my top priority, but I need to make a little money so my prayers of being able to support my family can come true. Thank you guys for reading my blog. I love that it is becoming a place where people come to share. Your amazing comments and emails warm my heart. XO, Em

Sobriety Sunday

It is crazy how my attitude on drinking has changed when it comes to my children. I used to think that when my kids turned into teenagers I would be the "cool" Mom and let them drink here, as long as no one left in a car. Now, not so much. Beau my oldest is 14 and he, along with his friends, are easily some of the most informed kids out there. They know all about alcoholism and drugs and what the use of each of them normally leads to. That's all I can do really is inform them, as I believe knowledge is power. Of course the fear of them drinking or using is there, but if they do the chances of getting caught are pretty good. I have a hand held breathalyzer (I sell them if anyone wants one) and his Dad sells drug test kits for a living. But I also know that teenagers experiment, and to think that he never will is naive. I just pray this disease skips my kids. My little one once said "I'm never going to know if I'm an alcoholic, cause I'm never going to drink." Brilliant really!

I am off to class. I will write from my journal later:

I am picking a journal entry that is close to my heart. When I read it I can feel the feelings like it was yesterday. I guess that's good,the fear of ever going back there keeps me willing. I'm not sure if I have shared it with you guys but it's the page I opened up to so here....

July 2007 (I think)
I almost drank this weekend, the only thing that stopped me was God and the thought of standing up again. {name withheld} drank 4 days straight. It hurts so bad and I have never been so angry.

Reading that sentence takes me back to that lonely, horrible weekend. The day I wrote it I talked to another sober person who said to me "Do you really want make him your God?" It pissed me off enough not to give him my sobriety. She also told me the thing you think about the most becomes your God, and that's what I was doing. I went home and prayed and just like everything else eventually it did pass.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

No Flinching

Right now if I didn't stay in the moment I would be in huge trouble. I have a ton of things I think I need to be worrying about, but I don't. God's got this life of mine covered and for the first time in my life I know and trust that completely. So God and I have this little game called "No Flinching". The second I go to worry ("How am I going to pay my bills, will my websites take off, what is going to happen with my house?") the sentence no flinching goes through my head and throws me back in the moment. I am really grateful for it, right now this moment is all we really have. And right now, right this second I have everything I need.

Friday, December 18, 2009



There are so many people I want to thank for the amazingness of this video, I don't even know where to start. First off thank you God for giving me the words, as this video was completely unscripted. Thank you Sheryl for allowing us to use your home. Thank you Vance for the practice run and stepping in before I totally froze. Thank you Ali for making my hair look better than it ever has. Thanks John for showing up just in the nick of time. And thank you to the amazing, wonderful people at Home Front for being understanding and patient with me and for making a video I can be proud of. Last but not least thank you to the ad council for doing a campaign on this important topic. I love you all!!!

Great Day

I had a great day today. I got a ton done which always feels good, then sat in gratitude for the rest of the day. I am so grateful for having such awesome friends. Thank you Sasha and Bickle for making my rad day even radder, you guys ROCK! Then Gavin and I took a road trip (so I am blogging from Surprise). We loaded up on gas and food, then chatted the whole way there. It is so nice to be sober and able to focus on him and all of the amazing and brilliant questions and things he has to say. I will go to bed to tonight counting my blessings!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Excellence

"Excellence is caring more than others think is wise; risking more than others think is safe; dreaming more than others think is practical; and expecting more than others think is possible."

It is None of your Business

In early sobriety I constantly bitched about these court appointed alcohol classes I had to take because of my DUI. I hated going, as far I was concerned I was doing what I was supposed to be doing without having to be told, and why should I have to go to classes with people still in denial. I don't know about you but most alcoholics I know don't like to be told what to do. I felt like I had to defend the program that was saving my life. After enough bitching someone came up to me and said "IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU!", and yes that person did kind of yell it, but it worked, that one sentence changed my life. I was always worried what people thought about me and whether or not they liked me, now I try to remember that is none of my business. It is like what they say in "The Four Agreements" (great book by the way!) Don't take anything personally. What people do, or say or think, is a reflection of them and their realities, and has very little to do with you. I still worry about what people think about me, but it doesn't consume me like it used to. Thank God for the book "The Four Agreements" and that wise person!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Wisdom or an Opinion?

Here's my opinion if you haven't actually been through something and learned from it, then go to give someone advice it is your opinion, not usually wisdom. Now I do believe that God uses people which is why I added the word usually. I also believe that when I hear something twice I had better check it, which I do with a group of very wise people. I have a friend who asks if I would like feedback before he tells me what to do, now that is wisdom! We all know what people say about opinions. If you don't, here - "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one." Sorry for the little rant had to get it out:)

Happy Birthday

To my wonderful, fabulous, beautiful commenter Mommaof3 Congratulations on 1 year Sweetie. What an incredible accomplishment! May this coming year be the best year of your life! And girls she wants a party so get on under neath this post and throw her one!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I couldn't imagine my Life without Alcohol

Before I got sober I couldn't imagine going 1 day without drinking (sure if I was so hung-over I couldn't get out of bed, otherwise I was drinking). How was I going to talk on the phone, go to the boys' games, hangout with friends, without drinking? I couldn't even fathom the idea. And for about 8 months of sobriety, doing all that stuff was hard and totally awkward. Then slowly as I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, without even noticing, I start enjoying that stuff sober, to a much greater degree. I am present now and focused on what I am doing. When before, I was always distracted and creating drama. I am so thankful I stuck in there, had I given up I would have never known how wonderful sobriety is!

Driving Buzzed is Drunk Driving

Check out my story...

http://buzzeddriving.adcouncil.org/

and remember to always designate a driver! Let's all stay safe during the Holidays!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Grateful to be an Alcoholic

Weird right!? What I mean by that is if I wasn't an alcoholic I never would have taken the steps to get better. The steps I took to achieve sobriety gave me my life back. From the minute I walked into "class" and saw other sober people laughing and having fun I knew it could be done ( I actually thought what the hell are they laughing about, this is not funny) but they were laughing and I was not, it gave me hope. Today I giggle and laugh and in a weird way my alcoholism gave me that, if you know what I mean.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will.
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill.
When funds are low and debts are high.
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with it's twists and turns.
As every one of us sometimes learn.
And many failures turn about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don't give up though the pace is slow-
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out.
The silver tint of the cloud of doubt.
And you can never tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when your hardest hit-
It's when things seem worse that you must not quit.

An Anonymous Place to Comment

This post is for people to comment and find people chatting with each other, asking questions, giving or getting advice or just to come and read to feel less alone. I love you and all of your comments, they help remind me why I do this! You all ROCK!

Sobriety Sunday

I am going to talk a little about the holidays. The only thing this holiday season and last holiday season have in common is that I am poor. Everything else is totally different, thank God. Last year just like with Thanksgiving I was so depressed that I could hardly leave the house. This year I am doing great. I am remembering what the holidays are about, for me it is about Jesus' birthday and spending time with friends and family. I teach my kids that it is about giving not getting. Now don't get me wrong, they get plenty, as Santa "their Dad" has plenty of money. I explain to them how neat it is that they get all this stuff and it isn't even their Birthday, and that I think all Jesus would want for his birthday is for us to do good for others, pretty good deal really. One year we visited a nursing home. I am not sure what we are going to do to give back this year, but am open to suggestions.

If anyone has a certain topic they would like me to share on please let me know:)

Saturday, December 12, 2009

A Night on the Town






I am going out with a group of friends tonight. Most of them drink, so this will be my first official time being the designated driver. The only deal is that sometimes I can't hang long with people that are drinking. Sometimes I can, but sometimes I can't and I never know how it's going to go. So I'm not sure I will make that good of a DD. I guess I will just drive the people home who are ready to go when I am, and the rest can cab it. I will share all about my night and post pictures later.

I am home sober, safe and sound. Will write all about it in the morning!

Good Morning! The last picture I posted is of the ceiling of the place we went. Crazy right!? Some of you may recognize it, yes it is "The Coach House" one of the oldest bars in Scottsdale. They really go all out for the holidays and so do their customers. There were people dressed up as Santa, Mrs Claus and elves. But what I remember the Coach House for is that it opens at 6:oo am, I went sometimes that early...now that's yuck!

So about my night, we got there around 7 and until about 9:30 I was having a great time chatting it up with friends. Then I noticed a switch in the environment, more people bumping into me, people starting to slur and so on. I thought my friends Becky and Tiffany are at their house watching a movie, maybe I will head over there. But I stuck it out. I did a little experiment to see how long it would take to get a cup of coffee or a glass of water, they were really quick about it, but didn't have a hot pot of coffee. I chatted with who I think was the manager and told him that it would be nice for sober people and designated drivers to have some coffee, I don't think he had ever looked at it that way and seemed open to it, nice guy!! So all in all it was a great night!

BuzzBerry

A super cute new little smoothie and coffee shop just opened in my neighborhood. Here's the deal with my neighborhood. Neat things open up and people think it's wonderful, but then they don't go often enough to keep a new little business open. I love BuzzBerry. Its staff and owner are great and I want to keep this wonderful little business in the hood. So I guess what I am saying is, buzz your butt over there and get yourself a wonderful cup of coffee and pastry or a delicious smoothie. You will be impressed, I was. My blended coffee drink was way better than the one I get at Starbucks and $1.00 cheaper. So buzz on over and get your buzz on!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Home Alone

I am home all alone tonight. Beau is spending the night at a friends and Gavin is at his Dad's. I remember the nights of being alone in early sobriety being horrible. I was physically and mentally uncomfortable and painfully lonely. The only thing that got me through the weekends I didn't have my kids was watching reruns of America's Next Top Model. It was the one thing that made me feel a little bit better. I would practice saying "Easy breezy beautiful Covergirl" in the mirror. I got my chance to do it for real with the People photographer (so super cool!) Now being alone is something I cherish, something I look forward to. I never want to go back to that lonely place and I know as long as I stay sober I don't have to.

The Pawn Shop

I went to a local pawn shop to sell some old video game equipment yesterday. I was hoping to get a bit of Christmas money. Holy crap what a twisted little world Pawn Shops are. I worked at a Bail Bonds place once, so I am not totally clueless, but was still in a bit of shock yesterday. First of all there was a kid in there I knew, trying to pawn stuff, I really doubt he was doing that to buy his Mom a Christmas gift. Then they offered me $20.00 for equipment that retailed at $700.00. I thought to myself "Who in their right mind would do that"? Then the Pawn Shop world started to became crystal (Crystal being the operable word) clear to me. Who would do that? A person desperate for money to buy drugs or alcohol (by the grace of God go I) or on the brighter side a single Mom trying to feed her children. I once pawned some very special earrings to feed Beau, so I do understand it's not always bad. When I came clean and told the sales guy I was going to write a story on his shop he got a bit nervous. He made a decent trade with me. I asked if they give more money in trade and they normally don't, which is a bit disturbing. I asked him if he was aware of the fact people often pawn things for drugs and he answered "Yes, but I like to go with the belief that there are more good people out there than bad" Cody was his name, nice kid really. I asked what items they sell the most and they told me tools and DVD's. I walked away thinking it may be a really great place to shop, they had some great stuff at really reasonable prices. The only problem is I then had to ask myself how much of it is stolen?

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Prayers Needed

My friend Alicia's little girl is very sick and in ICU right now. Everyone please pray for a complete and speedy recovery for this 4 year old little angel!

Those Classes

We had family dinner night over at Tami's last night. Her new man, Eric,and I were chatting about me dating (he is much like an overprotective brother) he goes "Maybe you should wait for those classes to be over." I'm all like "What classes?" I can see Tami in the background about to crack up. "You know the classes you go to." A bit confused I ask "You mean meetings, that's a rest of my life kinda deal"? Tami quickly joined the conversation, and gave him the 101 on recovery. Here's what I know, when I am acting like a bizo my boys always ask "When was the last time you went to a meeting Mom?" I am guessing a new boyfriend will quickly learn that meetings not only help me stay sober, but help keep me sweet. I am thinking of calling meetings classes from now on, cause they kind of are.

Thank you Tami and Eric for the wonderful dinner and great family time! I love you both!

The Donate Button

Yes, I have re-added the donate button. Here's the cool thing about donations, you can donate if you want and if you don't want to, you don't have to. I got a little crap for adding one last time so I removed it, and consulted my peeps who promptly said "Put it back up" so I am. Please don't feel like you have to donate, you don't and I understand times are hard right now. But if you would like to, feel free. Thank you, Emily

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The South Beach Diet

What I eat has a great affect on how I feel, I know this, so you think I would eat super healthy right!? Not so much, I do great for awhile then before I know it I am eating like crap and drinking way to much caffeine again. I have woken up the last 4 days with a headache and stomachache. I know it is because I am eating poorly. Food also affects my mental health, I am just way happier when I eat right and lay off the caffeine. I am also getting a bit chubby which you women know is just depressing all on it's own!

So tomorrow I am officially starting the South Beach diet (again). That means two weeks of no sugar not even fruit, no bread and no pasta. For 3 days you feel like shit, then after that it's pretty easy. I am sure I will have a ton of complaining to do so here's the deal - I will do it all under this post so it does not become the main topic on my blog. If anyone wants to join me on this difficult yet rewarding journey that would be fun. And feel free to leave any questions or share your helpful hints with me in the comment section.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Gavin and The Oscar Mayer Mobile



Yesterday as we were pulling into the parking lot of the hotel my family was staying in Gavin goes "Look Mom, that is the coolest car ever!" I look and next to us and parked there was a hooptie car like ours. I asked him if he was kidding, he's all like "No, no Mom look." and there it was the Oscar Mayer hot dog mobile. Very cool! We looked around for the driver, but no luck.

I love Oscar Mayer hot dogs! My best friend Teri and I lived on them growing up along with deli turkey and Diet Coke. Anyway, Gavin thought the wiener mobile was super cool!

UsendU.com

Ever been on facebook and seen that it was a friends Birthday and wanted to do a bit more than just the old Happy Birthday to their profile? Have you ever forgotten a loved ones Birthday? Or ran out of time to send Christmas cards? We all have right!? Well it never has to happen again.
Without further ado I proudly re-present the working link to

UsendU.com

"Thinking outside the mailbox."
This site is amazing and one of a kind!
They are offering the first card free! Just add the promo code ei2001 at checkout.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Under Pressure

The power disconnect guy came to my house today and reconfirmed that good guys are still out there. He said the whole spiel "I'm here to disconnect blah,blah, blah" I asked him if he could come back or if he could wait while I called the company. He said "This is what I'm going to do blah, blah, blah" I don't want to say what he said because I don't want him to get in trouble, but it was very nice! And just in case you're wondering, no I do not just ignore my bills I paid them $100.00 last week, but you can't pay it all if you don't got it.

So I guess that's what I needed to light fire under my ass. I hit the pavement looking for advertisers. I got a few maybes and one company is going to do a trade. The selling part is my least favorite part of what I do. I wish I could just blog and answer emails, but I can't - that doesn't pay the bills. Now I know some of you are saying "Why don't you just add google ads"? There are a few reasons why, first I want to help promote businesses I use and love, second sometimes those google ads are racy if you know what I mean and the last reason is I find them kind of annoying. So I figure I put it out there, I did the foot work and now I will just go on with my day.

And a special thanks to Dan the smartest web guy ever for fixing the www.usendu.com ad! Look for the story on this great site soon!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

A Funny Joke

A friend told me this joke today...

A Mom and her little boy were on the plane, the little boy says "Mom, Mom why if big dogs make little dogs and big people make little people, do big airplanes not make little airplanes?" the Mom answers a bit distracted "Go ask the flight attendant honey." So the little boy unbuckles his seatbelt and walks down the aisle. He gets to the flight attendant who is very busy at the time and asks "Maam, if big dogs have little dog and big people have little people then why do big airplanes not make little airplanes?" the flight attendant asks "Did your Mom tell you to ask me that?" the little boy answers "Yes." "Well honey it's because Southwest pulls out on time. Ask her to explain that to you." hehehehehe

Sobriety Sunday

Happy Sunday everyone! It is almost time for me to leave for my morning meeting, I am speaking today. If there is anything you want me to share on that you are going through please e-mail it to me or leave a comment.


8 months sober
In God's time not mine. This has got to get better. I have asked and asked and asked for God to do something about my relationship with (name with held). He is and I am probably taking it back. You left me with no *$@# out. I need him, I don't drive how am I supposed to get anywhere. I am so lonely. I'm just supposed to take it. It is that bad God, it is.

I am grateful for my boys
I am grateful for a roof over my head
I am grateful for bills I can pay

It's hard to feel sorry for yourself when you're grateful I guess.

Not to worry 9 months was my breakthrough. I will share more later:)

I'm back. I wanted to share about my 9th months of sobriety. At 9 months my world opened up. All of a sudden that feeling of complete anxiety and discomfort was lifted. I often share how grateful I am that I didn't give up before then. I would have never known that all the pain was worth it. I guess that's what they mean when they say "Don't give up before your miracle."

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Party Pictures




The party went off without a hitch! The kids (along with Tami and Eric:) had an amazing time jumping on the trampoline, eating cake and roasting marshmallows by the campfire. It was a great night!

Thank God for answered prayers!

I feel all better! I took some flu medicine last night and went to bed then woke up feeling great! Which is a very good thing because I have a crazy busy day. I am cleaning, cleaning, cleaning for the party tonight, then giving a swim lesson at noon. I am so excited for the party, two years ago there weren't enough people who wanted to be around me to have a party. I know it will be great. I am so blessed these days to have such amazing people in my life! I promise to post pictures after the party.

Friday, December 4, 2009

This is my 100th Post!

I was going to title this post "Blogging a Bad Day" because it totally kinda was. It's hard to call any day in my life right now a bad day cause it is so, so much better than it was. But still I kind of had a crappy day.

I feel like I have privileged problems like this one; they showed my article and picture on The Rachael Ray show yesterday and I missed it. See a little hard to feel sorry for yourself when that's your problem. But that was not my only problem, I don't really know how to put this while still protecting the people involved. Mmmm...a sweet business associate called and asked me to come into her office to discus something with her. When I showed up there were 5 people in the room. Entrapment right!?. But I dealt with it like a champ and understood their point and hopefully they understood mine. It's kind of hard not to as I am a bit blunt. Also, I almost ran out of gas on the way there and drove there on a spare. Which all my male friends say is a very bad idea. It must be a really bad idea because one of them took care of it. My Mom is in town and my Uncle, his girlfriend and her grand-daughter get in tonight. I have a big party planned for his birthday tomorrow and I feel horrible, chills, fever, tired and sick...not good! There's also another bad deal going on, but it's "staying in the vault" kind of stuff. I am tired and cranky and am going to go to bed and pray to God that I feel all better tomorrow.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

I had a Flat Tire Today!














I was cruising down the freeway and suddenly... bumpity, bump, bump, bump. I knew it was a flat right away, I have had many. In the bad old days they were from hitting curbs, but today's was just because the tire was old. It was nice to be sober and to know Gods in charge. I just sat there for a minute and thought "Huh, what to do next?" I called my fireman friend Kenny, he is a great friend and always answers his phone. He came to get me right away. We got the spare out to find there was no jack. So we ran to his house which luckily was only about 5 minutes away to get one. We must have only gone a total of 9 minutes and when we returned the tire was changed! So thank you, thank you, thank you to both Kenny and the anonymous good Samaritan.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Blogging from my BlackBerry

My Mom bought me a BlackBerry for Christmas. I have wanted one for a long time and just love it!

K, now I'm on the computer. Come to find out blogging from your BlackBerry is kinda hard. The keys are tiny! But still I love it and the fact I can work without being attached to this computer is super cool! Thanks Mom!

Moms are Great!

My Mom is in town from Washington. We are having a great time. My Mom is so sweet, when I made my amends to her she said "Don't be silly you're my daughter you never need to say your sorry." I explained to her that if I wanted to stay sober it was something I had to do.

Dealing with my 14 year old has taught me how sorry I really am. I was a horrible teenager and dealing with me must have been a nightmare. I flunked out of school, ran away, snuck out, stole the car, I could go on and on but I'm sure my Mom would rather I not. I really am sorry, I can't even imagine how hard that was to deal with.

My Mom is laying by the pool right now. It always cracks me up when people come down here in December and treat it like summer..I guess to them it is. The hotel has a BBQ dinner tonight so we are all getting together for a fun family dinner:)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Teenagers are Tuff

I am succeeding at so many things in my life right now. Being a parent to a teenager is not one of them. I get so mad at him. It's not that I don't understand, I do. But he's so smart and so capable of great things that it irritates the heck out of me that he doesn't seem to care about his grades or anything else besides Call of Duty and football. I was a horrible teenager and at his age doing things that haven't even crossed his mind, so I guess I should actually be counting my blessings. I will pray for patience and understanding. It's not like giving up is a choice.

Lights, Camera, Action...

Today I am shooting a service announcement for the government called "Buzzed Driving is Drunk Driving". It took me two years of sobriety not to feel like a hypocrite when I talked about drunk driving. I did it, so who am I to tell someone else not to right!? Well I am a person who knows first hand the hell you go through when you get a DUI. As I was talking to the people about filming this video I remembered that I did actually get a DUI while driving buzzed, I also got one while driving shit canned but first things first. I got that first DUI before I had lost myself to alcoholism. I didn't drink and drive for years after that. The deal is you forget. You forget the embarrassment, the depression and the pain of what you went through and just like me most do drink and drive again.

Monday, November 30, 2009

The People Update

People magazine printing my website changed my life. I received tons of emails from Moms in the same position I was. It was then I truly got how my article had affected people. Thank you and God Bless People magazine and all the wonderful women that e-mailed me, for it was you guys that I did it for. I never want anyone struggling with alcoholism to feel alone, because the truth is you aren't, there are thousands of us. Many still suffer alone and that just doesn't need to happen. If you are suffering silently know that I love you. I have been where you are and there is a solution.



Sunday, November 29, 2009

Lost Dog (has been found)

Our beautiful yellow lab "Brinkley" got out this afternoon. She is a loving, sweet 3 year old lab. I am sure whoever has her has fallen in love. We posted signs and made a trip to the pound with no luck. We will continue our hunt for Brinkley tomorrow. Please pray for her safe return.

Well y'all must of prayed really hard because Brinkley is home safe and sound. I fed her some pizza rolls and will be taking her to the dog park today. Sometimes when you lose something you re evaluate what it means to you. I am really a cat person but that does not mean that I should neglect my adorable, sweet dog. So to the dog park we go.

Sobriety Sunday

Happy Sunday everyone! Today I am going to grab a journal and share whatever page I turn to...ready, set, go

October 2009
I often hear "You don't look like an alcoholic" It amazes me every time I do. I just want to say "neither does your doctor or lawyer or kid's teacher but they very well could be." Alcoholism is not choosy it will take anyone it can get black, white, rich, poor, women or men.

I am off to get ready for a meeting. Feel free to leave suggestions, I love when you guys do that!

I'm back, I actually went to 2 meetings! I love driving!

April 27, 2008
I took pleasure in someone elses pain. I am sorry God. I talked behind someones back. I am sorry God. I did not pray in the morning. I am sorry God. Please help me to improve.

Making amends is key to staying sober. The quicker and more effectively you do it the better. I know I owe an amends because when I do I am often uncomfortable until it's made. I am willing to do cause the second I do I feel better.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Naps

Naps are great. I take one almost ever day. Like I said in an earlier post I am still pretty new in recovery and know that if I want to stay sober I better remember that. If I get too tired I am a mess. I learned early on to H.A.L.T and ask myself am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired. In my first year it was almost always all of them. Now when I am feeling off it is pretty much always that I am tired or hungry. So I take a nap then I get up and eat a little something and I am all good again. Yeah Naps!

Bionic Bands Rock!

Bionic Bands Rock...do I wear one? Totally, they are amazing! I feel a sense of positive energy every time I have mine on, so much so that I have to take it off before I go to bed. I am so happy to have Bionic Bands on my site! So go check out the link on the right and shop away. Bionic Bands are great for people 8 to 80!

Bionic Bands are a new technology that gives you strength, balance and energy just by wearing one!


Friday, November 27, 2009

Our Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving was wonderful. We had no real plan...just to go with the flow. I took a sponsee to visit her litter mates at her rehab (a litter mate is the group of people you got sober with) Then we came back here and cooked. While the turkey was cooking and everyone was taking a nap I snuck over to my friends house to visit with them for awhile. When I got back in my car to come home and check on the bird it wouldn't start...I tried and tried and tried, but no cigar. So one of my friends drove me home. Then we ate...It was great! I am actually a pretty good little cook! It was wonderful, no stress, eating with the people I love and help with the dishes. It was an all around great day. Then I went back to get my car and still it wouldn't start. I called the company they promptly called me back and said it's probably how I was humming. I retried and it started right up!

We are decorating for Christmas today! Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Em

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Hugs are Free

I know first hand that the holidays can be hard. I will be checking my e-mails throughout the next few days. Please do not hesitate to send me an e-mail if you are having a hard time and need a cyber hug.

What a difference a year can make!

Last year on Thanksgiving my boys were at their Dad's, John was with his family and I was alone. My x was threatening to leave me homeless and I was financially and spiritually broken. I felt that there was no chance for me and that I had stayed sober and done all that work for nothing.

What a year can do for a girl! I am so thankful! If you read my blog you know all the neat and wonderful stuff going on in my life. There are a ton of exciting things happening in the near future that I can't wait to tell you guys about! But you'll have to wait cause as of right now I am on vacation!

Have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving. God Bless, Em

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

multitastical

Today I dealt with a drunk kid (no, not my own), met with a newcomer, got my nails done and did an interview with a Colombian radio station live all at the same time. No I am not kidding...it was CRAZY! Gavin said "Mom you are multitastical" gavinism. O' and yes I picked up my chip:)

I'm Legit!

I just drove myself to the store to get milk, for the first time in 2 years! I am super excited to be able to go where I need to go when I need to go. YEAH!

Monday, November 23, 2009

I am 2 today!

Today I am two years sober. I remember in meetings seeing other people say they were 2 years sober and thinking that was so much time, maybe you are reading this and thinking the same thing. The deal with that is after my 1st year, time flew. Last year I was in a depression on my sobriety day...it was horrible! I had worked so hard and a depression? Everything happens for a reason and it got me where I am today, so I ain't bitchin. I have learned that excitement is not a feeling I like. I have also learned to be very in tune to my ups and downs, to stay balanced. If your curious why that depression happened here's why I think it did...my good friend got a DUI, I was eating like shit and was way to excited about making it a year, along with life happening. So this year I am just going to take it easy. I have a very busy day today so I am going to get what I need to get done and maybe think about going to a meeting to pick up a chip.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Sobriety Sunday

Good Morning everyone! I received a request to share on my experience with having another alcoholic in your life. I will be taking requests all throughout the day:)

July 2008

I almost drank this weekend. The only thing that stopped me is God and the thought of having to stand up for another 30 days. (Name withheld) drank 4 days straight, it hurt so bad, I have never been so angry.

So I went to a different kind of meeting. I hated it. I would rather dump him, but I will give it 30 days. With the help of God I will stay calm, not say a word about his alcoholism and transmit nothing but love. The meeting I went to teaches you how to detach and maybe that's what I need to do.

May 2008
I am trying to find something to do on Sundays. Sundays suck. (Name withheld) hangs out and gets drunk with his friends all day. I am resentful. I loved drinking all day on Sundays, which is sad being that it is the day of rest and all. My sobriety is becoming more and more important to me. It is the most important thing in my life. Check Spelling

Present
It took me a very long time, but I now know I can control no one else drinking. And If I try to I could lose the chance to be helpful somewhere down the line. I don't want to make it sound like I'm perfect with this, I am not. When you love someone it is really hard not to say anything especially if you're worried about them or it hurts you...I just do my best!

It took awhile but I did find something to do on Sundays... Sobriety Sundays...Thanks God!

Tomorrow is my sobriety date...I will be 2, explains some of my bratty behavior:)


Requests

I am taking requests and suggestions for Sobriety Sunday. Do you have any questions? Would you like me to share about a certain problem or feeling or topic? Or I could share from my journal on whatever month most people are in (2 months sober, 12 months sober etc.) You can leave me your suggestion in the comment section below or email them to me at emilyism.com@gmail.com

Broken Promises

Do you make plans time and time again with the best of intentions? "I am going to get up early, make a pot of coffee and hit the ground running" Then after a night of drinking blow them all off and find yourself sleeping in, not doing what you promised yourself you would? Well, I did that all the time when I was drinking and blamed it on everything else besides my drinking...I deserve to sleep in, it's Monday or Sunday or Friday, I am depressed, I will do it tomorrow, but tomorrow never came. I was constantly disappointed in myself. You know how I know it was my drinking? Because I don't do it anymore. Now when I tell myself I am going to do something as long as it is in God's plan for me it gets done.

If you ended up on my website reading this post it may be for a reason. If you're not sure if you're an alcoholic try not drinking for 30 days. If you can do that happily with no help maybe you aren't an alcoholic, But if you can't maybe you are. And if you can and your life gets better in that 30 days why would you ever drink again, so maybe you are.

Here's the deal...The only person that can decide you're an alcoholic is you. Kinda powerful don't you think.

Friday, November 20, 2009

The Police

Beau has 5 friends spending the night tonight. They know the rules... no sneaking out, no smoking of anything and no drinking or you're not allowed back. My house is the "fun" house, they like it here so they follow the rules.

They baked cookies, had pizza, played video games and dished on each other. Then they asked to build a fire. I let them do that. Once it gets as big as I am comfortable with (which isn't very big) I tell them it can't get any bigger or they're putting it out. They listened to that, cause the fire isn't why the cops came to the door, it was a noise complaint. Now my bedroom window is facing the backyard...I could only hear whispering voices, they were not being that loud.

I answered the door and two young cops are standing there, They tell me they got a noise complaint. I explain that there are 5 14 year olds in the backyard and at least they aren't running the streets. I told them I would tell them to come in. I then go in the backyard and see a beautiful sight, there they are all sitting around their little fire quietly talking. They are still out there, I told them to be very quiet and come in once the fire burns out. They are kinda adorable young men (if they knew I called them adorable they would call me a douche) But they are,6 football playing freshman, sitting around the fire bonding...adorable!

Pizza Fridays

When I wasn't so broke I always had "Pizza Fridays" for the boys. Beau called from school today and asked if he could have some friends sleep over... I said sure! He has been grounded for weeks now because of his poor grades. He's a great kid but his grades...they suck! I am letting him have some friends spend the night because he has been trying so hard this week. He even went to family reading night with Gavin and was an incredible big brother. I am happy that I have a tiny bit of money to order pizza for them...it has been awhile. No drivers license yet...but that's okay having "Pizza Friday" is worth waiting an extra day or so to get my license back:) (Thanks Sheryl! Go Bionic Bands!)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Cravings

I often get asked if I still get cravings...not very often anymore and when I do I know what to do about it. In the beginning of sobriety I had cravings so bad they actually hurt. One day I sat on my hands on the couch and prayed until they went away. I look back now and think "God how did I do that?" that's the answer God. My sponsor and I got together when I was about 2 months sober, she took my hands and we said a special prayer. She told me that many peoples cravings went away after doing this step.Was it the power of words or God?...who cares! My cravings did go away, at least the ones that hurt did. It went from me thinking about drinking every 5 minutes or so, to ever hour, to a few times a day, to every few days, to once a week, to just when I was upset or in trigger places...crowded rooms, places that smell like alcohol, airports (I have yet to fly sober) and once in awhile when people drink on TV.

That's part of what I mean when I promise it gets better. I no longer have to drink or even think about drinking. It had a flippin death grip on me and today I am free of that. Thank God!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

My Morning Meeting

This morning I got to go to the meeting I got sober in. I love it there, when I walk in the room I am home. I sit in the same chair, next to the same person and get love and hugs from many of the same people. Two years ago when I walked into that special room I was broken, but my life changed forever. I finally found a place where people knew how I felt, what I was going through, how I was thinking. I was no longer all alone. The difference between them and me was they knew the solution. They were laughing and I was not, so I listened to what they told me to do, because of that and the Grace of God I am sober today. I love every single person there, they saved my life.

Doing the right thing

It has sadly come to my attention that there are a few people out there compromising doing the right thing to save their own ass, don't they get that doing the right thing is what saves your ass?

I am only going to say this once...

-I will not be involved with any show, article, campaign, commercial or book that mentions the name of the program I got sober in. Thank you for respecting this.

-Also I am asking that only the faded picture of my children in People magazine be shown on TV. I understand that People magazine gives shows permission to show the article and that is fine with me (I <3 People Magazine) It is just my personal request.

With that being said I want to thank a few people. Thank you to Alicia Dennis the best reporter in the world. Thank you to Laura Frank for your kindness and understanding. Thank you to People magazine for both doing an article on such an important topic and publishing www.emilyism.com. I will do a story for you anytime! It is helping a ton of women and doing it was worth every bit of fear I had to walk through. You guys ROCK!!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Up and Down

The up....Gavies Thanksgiving feast. I just love that kid. Mostly I love that he is still at the age where he likes me to be involved and still hugs me before I leave. Gavin is an all around great kid!

The down....Finding out once again that not everyone can be an Emily fan. Here's the deal for now this is my personal blog. It is about me, my life, my journey in sobriety, my fun times and my sad times. If it helps you, makes you laugh or you relate that is wonderful! I love getting your e-mails, they help keep me sober. It is hard to put your life out there to be judged, but I know this is helping people and to me that's all that matters.

The up....Having your super cute new neighbor drive you to kinkos to fax a contract to 'The Rachael Ray Show' it has been all up from there:)

The up....Then I went to visit my neighbors and ask them to re-send the RR contract, I guess it didn't go through the first time. Thanks Amanda! They are the funniest family I know. Mom, Dad and 5 daughters. They are flipping hilarious! They told me I had to pay them to use any of their stories, they swear like truck drivers, Dad is a truck driver in fact, so I'm not sure I could have used it anyway. But it was just the thing I needed. They are wonderful, they always welcome me into their home. When I ask If I may have something to drink they answer "Hell yes, it ain't your first time here you know where the sodas are, grab yourself something to eat while your in there." I did a freshly baked, beautifully decorated, sugar cookie. Thanks guys for having me over and letting me be part of your fun family!

The up....Reading my Beau who is 14 years old some of "A Boy called It" before going to bed is priceless and a perfect way to end the day!
"Never be scared to ask for what you're worth, just remember that God is your appraiser." emilyism.com

Gratitude

I just wanted to let everyone know I am feeling much better today. The power of prayer, tears and sleep is amazing! I also want to thank you all for your e-mails, helping other people helps get me out of my head, and reconfirms why I am doing all of this! Thank you. I love you all, Emily

Monday, November 16, 2009

Tuff Day

I don't talk much on here about my relationship troubles. But for my own healing I am going to a little bit tonight. I have never ended a relationship without a fight, someone cheating, mass drama or without threats of a restraining order. Just knowing it is not what's best for me, knowing it is time to move is a blessing of sobriety. But here's the deal it hurts, you can feel it, there is no more numbing agent. I have a heavy heart and am sad. Even though it was a long time coming and I have tried doing it a million times it still sucks,the guy's my best friend. It was a very very co-dependant relationship and at this point in my sobriety I recognize that...even picked up a chip for it tonight (that was weird)I just want this person to know I love him and am thinking about him and wish him the best! With that being said I am going to cry myself to sleep. You can't reason your way out of your feelings and right now I am feeling sad:(

Dancing Sober

When I first got into recovery I could not imagine dancing sober. I would try at home, while no one was watching, and it was like...Go Feet, Go Feet. I couldn't even get my feet to move. I wrote about it in my journal and then let it go. Then months later my neighbor invited me to go to a restaurant with dancing she goes to every Friday. She warned me it kinda had an older crowd (like people between 50-99 years old) I thought "Why not? If you can't dance in from of them it's just ego" So I went and I gave it a shot...first dance, kinda hard...I looked at my feet and thought, "Go Feet, Go Feet...get your groove on...Go Feet" Then they played the Electric Slide and it was on like Donkey Kong. I haven't had a problem dancing ever since. Go Feet!!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Sobriety Sunday

I am going to be blogging throughout the day about sobriety.

Here are a few things I do to stay sober... go to meetings, pray, call my sponsor, help other people, pray, go to meetings, call my sponsor. help other people:)

Here is an actual entry from my journal...

December 2007
Powerless- O' my Gosh I am, even the thought of trying to quit on my own is funny. There was no way. Alcohol was my best friend, my support system, my comfort. Boy, did that back fire. I knew for a long time that I couldn't control it, I didn't even try. It was easier to drink. It make me feel better. I didn't even think about how I couldn't get out of bed, how I couldn't get anything done, how I drank instead of playing with my kids, how I fought and argued with everyone and how I went totally crazy. I didn't think of any of that just when I could take the next drink. It had total and complete control of me.


May 2007
Sobriety is the hardest thing I have ever done. There are so many things I can't imagine doing. Going on a sober vacation, dancing, being excited. I am writing this in the hopes that I can one day look back and this will all be a faded memory, like I do with my first week. I have faith and I am hopeful.

UPDATE: I have danced sober, gone on a sober vacation and I get excited all the time!

In my first year of sobriety even though I felt better in meetings, like there was a power there you couldn't see, I still felt like I didn't fit in, like people didn't really like me and that I was still all alone. I know now that was my disease trying to keep me out of the place that would save my live. I still sometimes feel that way, I just don't care anymore. I go there to stay sober not to win a popularity contest. I am now okay with being alone with myself. That is such a blessing of sobriety...being comfortable in your own skin:) I am off to walk to the store with Beau, will write more later, Em

In a few minutes I am going to meet with another sober person to go over my resentments. Fun right!? Not really it's like pulling the band-aid off, it hurts pretty bad for a minute and sometimes opens the wound. But this is not my first time at doing this step and I know it's worth it! Trust me it's worth it, or I so wouldn't be doing it.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Blogging before Bed

I got so many heartfelt e-mails today. They reminded me of why I do all this. I never want anyone suffering with alcoholism to feel alone again. I remember in the beginning of sobriety I often felt lonely but never alone. It was true when other sober people said they would love me until I could love myself. Once I got what "We" truly meant I never felt as alone again. Please feel free to leave your comments here or e-mail me at emilyism.com@gmail.com.

Tomorrow I will be blogging some from my journals!

Good Night and God Bless, Em

Sobriety Tweets

I know this is not for everyone, but if you would like me to tweet your sobriety date send me an e-mail with your first name and sobriety date to emily@emilyism.com then follow me on twitter @emilyism....super fun!!!

It will be tweeted something like this...
Congratulations on 30 days Mary!

"Staying Sober One Tweet at a Time"

The Newcomer

I am starting to get a lot of e-mails and think it is important I explain some things. I answer every e-mail myself and it is my honor to do so. I treat every person in the beginning of sobriety as a newcomer. Without newcomers to help no one would stay sober. If you have relapsed in the past and feel bad about it or think of yourself as a relapser, know that I don't feel that way about you. You're a precious newcomer starting out on the amazing journey of sobriety. I love you and am proud of you. Hang on tight guys, it gets better, I PROMISE!

Friday, November 13, 2009

http://www.abc15.com/content/living/familylife/story/Why-Valley-moms-secretly-drink-to-get-through-the/PVkKGW8z3UGPhTVXDybUGg.cspx

http://www.abc15.com/content/living/familylife/story/Why-Valley-moms-secretly-drink-to-get-through-the/PVkKGW8z3UGPhTVXDybUGg.cspx

One Person

On the news I said "If it helps even one person, then it was worth it." Hoping it would help way more, but being okay with never "really" knowing.

I never expected to get to see the miracle first hand. But yesterday I did....

I go to volunteer on Thursdays at a rehab. I help with their book study. At the very end of the meeting I always ask if anyone has a burning desire. No one ever really does. But yesterday a new client did. She said "I just want you to know your People article is the reason I am here" I quickly teared up. She had read the article many times and knew she had a problem. Her bottom was when she drove her grandchildren to the store after having a few glasses of wine. She went home and told her husband she needed help. She found The Journey at Sundance on-line, having no clue it was the place I volunteered. Later she shared with me that the People article scared her. She said "I saw myself in writing." I am so proud of her. Asking for help is the hardest part, but it is also when healing can begin.

I am so blessed to have gotten to meet someone the article helped. Thank you God and Bless this amazing Wife, Mom and Grandmother on her journey!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Driving is a Privilage

Okay so when I got my DUI 2 years ago I lost my license for a year. It is normally only 3 months, but in Arizona if you refuse the blood test you automatically lose it for a year. I was a stubborn drunk and of course refused (I do not suggest doing that, they just come to the jail and take it from you anyway) Then 2 days sober I was on my way to a meeting at 6:00 in the morning and got pulled over and lost it for another year. I probably could have fought that ticket (I had yet to get anything in the mail from the DMV) but I knew it was suspended and I knew if I wanted to stay sober I had to start telling the truth.

Everyone asked me "How do you not drive when you have kids?" my answer is good friends. Thank you John, Tami, Monica, Seth, Nancy, Chris and the girls, Lori, Ken and everyone who gave me rides to meetings. And a special thanks to all the people who drove Beau and Gavin places. That was the hardest part, I knew I deserved it but they didn't. My kids are amazing they took it with grace and very rarely complained. Thank you everyone!

I am eligible to get my license back in 7 days. I cannot afford it yet, but it will be a big day in my sobriety. Did I feel sorry for myself for not being able to drive, sure a few times. But I knew that there was a reason for it and I respect that. I have prayed about getting it back and told God I don't want it if it's going to lead me to a relapse. So I will wait and respect the process.

And yes I have to have one of those damn breathalyzers...now that sucks!

Here are some of the many things I am excited to do......
Going to a meeting anytime I want
Going garage sale shopping with Gavie on Saturday mornings
Going to the mall all by myself
Going to a meeting anytime I want
Going to visit my girls in LA
Going to Church
Going to the grocery store when I need to
Taking Brinkley (my yellow Lab) to the dog park
Taking the kids places!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Bobble Head

Thank you to everyone that watched and commented on the news video from last night. I really appreciate it. I am so tickled about how it went. They talked about recovery and life after...which really makes me happy! The only thing I would have changed is the fact I came off like a bobble head (hehe, LOL) So bobblie, but whatever, that's so not the point. Thanks for watching guys! I hope everyone has a safe and blessed Veterans Day. Em

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The News

I am going to be on the local news tonight (ABC channel 15 at 10:00). I am a little nervous. I am starting to ask myself questions that are not in my control. Are they going to talk about what a gift recovery is? Did they respect that I don't want mentioned the name of the program I got sober in? Is it going to help anyone? When I do press I am doing it to help people, that is the only reason. The outcome isn't mine. I have to trust that even though it may not turn out the way I think it should, it is still helping people. It is not about me. It is about getting the message across that you can have a fun, happy and wonderful life without alcohol.

It went really well. I will post it as soon as I figure out how. It is way past my bedtime so I'm off to bed with a grateful heart! Good-night everyone, sleep well! Em




"isms"

If you are my facebook friend you may know all about "isms." In emilyism.com world an "ism" is something funny someone says.

Here is how it works if you say or e-mail me something funny and I use it, I will give you an "ism." I give the "ism" to the person I hear it from. If you know the actual author please let me know and I will give credit to both of you. It would be impossible to know where every quote actually came from. Most everything is a Godism anyway, but I talked to him and he said he didn't mind.

Here are some examples....

"I need a mental douche" tamism

"Please let me know if I get too big for my britches, you know how badly I want to fit in my skinny jeans" emilyism

"Pulling a brittany" sashaism

Fun right!? If anyone feels like sharing an "ism" or a story please e-mail me at emilyism.com@gmail.com

God is super smart!

The other day my best friend boyfriend guy John said "You are so much smarter than I thought you were" Here's the deal I am not. God is so much smarter than I am. I have gotten blessed throughout this entire deal. I know nothing about computers, yet run a blog. I know nothing about business and have a very hard time asking for what I am worth, yet I have ads on here. Besides sobriety I have never stuck with anything, but am sticking with this. Thank you so much guys for your love and support! Em

Monday, November 9, 2009

PMS

Okay I said I would blog about PMS...here it goes. Once a month for about 4 days I am a mess. I am tired, cranky and sometimes down right mean. I am normally a very patient person, those 4 days...not so much! It is like clock work, you'd think my kids and boyfriend guy would get that, but nope! Now I know there is no excuse for bad behavior but I kinda look at it like I used to be that way all the time in my drinking days, 100 times worse really. So it would be nice if my loved ones would cut me some slack. And in the mean time I will watch my sugar intake, get enough sleep and maybe make a doctors appointment and see what can be done about this problem.

Other than that I am having a great day! My Internet was down this morning so I cleaned a little. I ate a good lunch and am in a pretty good mood...maybe we are on day 5:)

I feel blessed right now, sobriety had taught me patience and today I needed a lot! I am trying to get my friend Bill's ad up. http://www.usendu.com/ is an amazing site and I really want the ad up and working by tomorrow. I talked to my website helper and we cannot figure out why it's not working. The logo looks great then you click on it and it takes you to the site, but the envelope that is supposed to show up and open doesn't. If anyone knows how to fix this please let me know. I feel so blessed to have sobriety though...The old me would have freaked, but I didn't. Sure I want it done, but I know it will be in God's time, not mine. Off to say a little prayer about it:)

The Reporter

So I accidentally deleted the story about the reporter. Here it is again....

If you follow my tweets the last thing I tweeted was, "I am a cranky ass, going to take a nap." While I was taking that nap something amazing happened...Beau came in and woke me up "Mom...Mom get up there is a reporter from ABC at the door."Beau is a totally honest kid, but also a huge joker so I was like "Come on Beau there is not" he was like "Mom there is too, get up." I asked him if he pinkie promised and he said "Yup" So I got up and sure enough there was a sweet reporter from ABC channel 15 at the door. She asked if I would do an interview. I asked her to come back in an hour so I could make the calls I needed to and brush my hair (I did just get up from a nap after all) The interview went great. I got to talk all about recovery, which you know made me happy!

It will air on ABC channel 15 on Tuesday the 10th at 10:00 pm. It is on the Arizona local news so I will try and post it on here for family and friends out of town to see.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Sobriety Sunday

I am going to blog throughout the day about sobriety....If you have any questions or comments please leave them. If you want to e-mail me directly do so at emilyism.com@gmail.com. Please trust me when I say you are never bothering me! Helping other people get and stay sober keeps me sober. It is my honor to help anyone that asks, if I can.

Here is an entry from my journal...

3 1/2 months sober
I am having a hard time with something and I have no idea what it is, my heart feels heavy. What is my problem (um...you're 3 months sober, now I know that was the problem) I know I should be grateful, and I am...that is all I can do. (yup, stay in gratitude:)
I have no idea who I am, I feel at a loss for words. I feel boring and that I have no personality. I want to help people. I want to be funny, maybe I'm just not meant to be funny. I want to be the person that God wants me to be, but who the heck that is I have no clue!

I am so grateful I journaled my first year! There is one entry that says "I hope one day I can look back at this and have it be a faded memory." It so is now. I hope by me sharing my journal with you it makes you feel a little less alone. It gets better...I PROMISE! Emily

I am off to a meeting with my friend Stacy.

K, I'm back. Went to a meeting, got a hair-cut then took a nap. Sundays are great!

Here's a little more from my journal.....

7 months sober
I am finally learning how to turn my thoughts over. But I still walk around with an uncomfortable feeling, it is wearing on me. God please guide me and show me how to heal.

11 months sober
O' my God, life is amazing. Thank you God. I have never ever been happier.

Has every second of sobriety since then been bliss...no. I have suffered a depression in sobriety, been poor, almost homeless and cried a ton. What sobriety has given me is the tools to deal with anything that comes my way sober and with grace. Here is some wise advice my sponsor gave me "Don't drink, not even if your ass falls off."


Saturday, November 7, 2009

Go Big Red!!

K, so I love going to watch Nebraska games. So funny, because I am totally not from Nebraska, never even been in fact. But I love the fans. Everyone wearing red, doing cheers and getting all pumped up! I have found Nebraska Husker fans to be amazing people, with a shit load of team spirit and patience, come to find out they have been on a bit of a losing streak (like 4 years) See amazing fans. I thought they won every time with the attitude of the crowd! GO BIG RED...GO BIG RED! Thanks Robby for the cool sweatshirt, it makes me feel like a "real" Husker fan!

Friday, November 6, 2009

Football

My oldest son Beau played freshman football this year. They were a really good little team, 7 and 2 in fact!

He loved it and wants to play all the way through high school. I couldn't be happier about that. Here are some reasons why...when a player gets hurt from either team the whole team gets down on one knee(such respect), the strength behind a team is amazing and being a single Mom you can use all the help you can get. They listen to their coaches way more than they do their parents. Here is an example, "Mom guess what coach said, he said high school is all about time management" I must have told Beau that like a million times, but coach says it and he hears it. I could care less who he gets the message from as long as he gets it.

This week they had the football banquet. Here is a quote from one of the coaches "Your son will walk out of -----high school a better person, a better son, a better brother and one day a better husband and father" Music to a Mother's ears! Thank you freshman Coaches! I am so grateful for the time you put in to make these boys better men. Let me know where I can sign up to get you guys a raise:)

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The First week of Sobriety

This is an actual journal entry written in the first week of my sobriety...

November 2007
Somewhere in my brain I always knew that sobriety was my only hope, but I fought it until the bitter end. Until my life was so out of control so unmanageable that I had no choice.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am scared. I am sad. All I can think about is drinking. I know they say One Day at a Time, but for me it is minute by minute. The constant craving in my body is almost painful. I want it gone, I will pray. I know everyone goes through this, people in meetings understand. I know I better reach out or I will fall flat on my face. I can not do this alone. Tonight I will.

On a positive note I am getting things done that I would have put off. I can now get out of bed in the morning and I wake up in a good mood to meet the day. It is not all bad just very very hard. Emily

"Don't give up before your miracle" my sponsorsism

If you are in the beginning of your journey in sobriety...I can promise you this, there is a miracle on the other side of the rainbow and it is better than any old pot of gold.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Coming soon

Ads will soon be running on the side of my site (not to worry no pop-ups)... Please know that each and every ad I run has been hand picked by me. I either use the business myself, know and trust someone who has used the business or think highly of the business or business owner. The fact I am about to have ads running of products that I think are great is a dream come true! Please visit their sites often.
Thank you,
Emily