I was doing much better after my meeting, then I came home to a complete invasion of my privacy. I know that by putting yourself out there publicly you take the risk of having people think it okay to contact you in anyway they see fit, it is not okay with me!

If you are a women looking for help or support, know you can contact me any time you want pretty much in any way you want. You are why I do this, you are a blessing to me and to the other people on this site.

If you are a man looking for a date or a pen pal and don't know me in real life, unless you have incredible sobriety, pay your child support in abundance and on time, are adorable and wonderful and could give me a letter of recommendation from your x wife, I'm not your girl:)

Fighting Back

Today I'm kind of wanting to hide, to creep back in my bed and not tell anyone about what's really going on. I know it's my disease trying to keep me sick, will I let it? Nope, I text a friend, called another one and am going to a meeting at 3. I had to work really hard to do all of those thing, I didn't "feel" like it, not at all. But I am very sure of one thing, this disease will kill me if I lay down and let it. It waits for me to get weak, to have to much on my plate and then it tries to get me back. No such luck alcoholism, not today. Today I have the courage to fight back. Thank you God!

Class instead of the Bachelor

I was feeling lonely tonight, so I called a good friend. She was on her way to class and asked me if I wanted to go, right away I said "Yes." Then I remembered that the home town date of the Bachelor was on...Dang it, What am I to do? I really want to watch it, but nope I'm going to class. With out class I probably wouldn't even own a TV anymore. A friend told me the other day that anything you put before your sobriety you will lose. Heck no, I love TV. So off to class I go!

My 8th Month

I don't know why I picked this topic, maybe to try to help me stay in gratitude. I am so grateful that I am no longer in my 8th month of sobriety, it was my hardest month. I almost gave up that month, I felt the worst that month, I wrote an angry letter to God that month. I was pissed, I had done everything I was suppose to, and still felt like crap. I often reflect back to that time and thank that same God I was angry with for giving me the courage to hang on. What if I wouldn't of? I would of never known the amazing life sobriety has to offer. My God, I'd still be lost. I know I haven't been sounding very grateful in my last few post, I am, I really am. My entire life is God's grace as a direct result of the time and energy I put into my sobriety. So, if your at that place where you've had it, where you want to give up...don't, IT GETS BETTER-I PROMISE!

I will not Panic

I know I am doing the right thing in life right now and I refuse to let financial fears stop me, I just won't. I will trust that everything will fall into place in God's timing. But that is really hard to do when your scared. Damn it, I am so sick of this! I'm off to call every rehab in the good old U.S.A! Go Real Rehab Review!

Sober Super Bowl

I had a great sober super bowl! I went over to a friends, ate yummy food and watched the game. It was all girls, which was so nice. No screaming and yelling, no belching or beer, no super load high fives, loved it! Maybe next year I will be ready for a big crazy party, but this year I was not. I had such a nice time, and getting out of the house was just what I needed.

Sobriety Sunday

Today I am going to watch a good friend pick up her chip. It's at a meeting that I don't really feel comfortable in. But it's not about me, not today. I will leave my comfort zone to watch a friend celebrate her great accomplishment.

I was talking to a friend the other day and telling her that I often hear "I don't like meetings." My advice is always to same "Then go to another one, until you find one you do like ."

When I feel that I have learned or heard what I need to, or am not hearing anything new, I head to a new meeting. The second I start making excuses to stay out of the rooms, I have mentally relapsed. And that ain't pretty on me.

I know that some people live in places with hardly any meetings, that would be hard. I hear there are great online meetings and if you comment on here we will help you, there really is help everywhere. I am figuring out that there are a ton of alcoholics in this world willing to do anything to help others get sober. We really are a special lot!!

Not to Worry

Not to worry, I have been informed that it was not a party they threw while I was out of town, but a "kick back" Mmmm, lots of kids, trashed house, {information withheld} sounds like a party to me, but whatever! The boys all brought me a card today, which I thought was very sweet.

The card had hot chicks on the front, and on the inside it says "It's nice to have a friend who shares our strict set of values." Very funny! I am going to enjoy this time of them "kissing up" and make them clean the backyard.

Not Calling

I want to call him today, I really do. I go through this every time I go any length without talking to him... Does he miss me? Is this hurting him as bad as it is hurting me? Then one of us calls, we catch up, talk about how much we miss each other, and boom, were back in the same situation we where in before, yuck!. I need to get it through my head that if I call the same guy will answer the phone and even though I love that guy and did consider him my best friend, he is the same guy who broke me heart, the same guy who told me a million times that he was never going to marry me ( yes he actually said that) unless I was just about ready to move on then he'd sent mixed signals. Well guess what I'm never going to marry him either, in fact I'm never going to talk to him again. I mean really at some point enough is enough. I know the definition of insanity, so about calling him today, probably not going to happen.

I know, I know "Never say Never" Okay I am going to try very hard not to call him one day at a time, and move on with my life:) Thanks for your support!

Sober Soles

I once heard dancing sober refereed to as "Sober Soles" I thought it was brilliant! Today I decided I needed to get out of the house, so I'm going out dancing tonight with my friend Kathy. Not to worry, I am going to a meeting first and I'm not going dancing in some big fancy club (which I hated even when I was drunk), but to an old timer restaurant/bar where the average age is 75. It's where I can go just to dance with out feeling insecure or being picked up on! I'm so excited!

I'm back, wild and crazy, I so am not! It was very nice to be able to leave when I was ready to leave. For two years I was on someone else schedule all the time. I went, I had fun, and I left. Perfect night! I didn't end up dancing, not because I didn't feel comfortable to do so, but because come to find out I'm a little bit of a song snob. And they didn't play anything that made me want to be up and boogie, but still, it was nice to get out!

Not Sure

I'm not sure what I have to say really, my computer is broken, so I'm blogging from my phone. I'm a bit of a wreck today. It was 12 this afternoon and I noticed that I had no clue what meeting I was going to and that I hadn't eaten (not eating is a very bad thing for me) so I ate then took a
took a long nap. I needed a nap, I was sad and cranky and did not want to deal with life, wanted to hide really. About not going to a meeting, that is ridiculous! I know meetings make me feel better and I know they are the solution to most of my problems, yet still some days I don't go
until I'm in pain. I'm wondering how sober I will have to be before it is my first solution instead of my 10th. I'm such a stubborn mule sometimes!
Sent from my iPhone

Ask me a question

My computer is acting like poop today, but I can answer comments from my phone, so let's play a game. Ask me a question and I will try to give you an answer. Anything from "What's your favorite color?" to "What's your favorite step?" I will try to answer everyone. I am also hoping to get some story leads, like I did when someone asked for the list of my favorite things about being sober.

Oh and what is your favorite color? I know Annette, Jamee and Randy will answer this question and probably even Kim, but what about you? Are hiding in cyber space? You can so answer anonymously! Come on we don't bite, in fact we have so been know to give big cyber hugs!

Not Wrapping my Brain Around it

I can't, I can't, I can't...really God, you want me to do that? "Yes Dear." That is the thought process I got through before I do something public. How do I do it? I don't wrap my brain around how big it is. I have no clue how many people read People magazine, I have no clue how many people watched the "Driving while Buzzed is Drunk Driving" video, and thank goodness I don't know how many people watch Dr. Phil. I go in thinking if it helps one person then it's worth it, and leave the rest to God, or at least try to. The emails I get show me that it does help people, which is the only thing that is any of my business, if even that is any of my business. The producer of the Dr. Phil show, James (who is super cute by the way!) tried to explain to me how many viewers they have, I was all like..., Woe, woe, woe, don't do that. If I would have wrapped my brain around that, the only thing coming out of my mouth would have been DUH. I was kind of duhish anyway and that was without out wrapping my brain around it!

In Preparation

I got word that the show I was on will be airing February 18th (more info. soon). In preparation I am going to ask somethings of you, my super rad readers!

One, if you see a typo, please email the title of the post where the oops is located.

Two, if you own a small business and would like to advertise please let me know ASAP

Three, if you feel it in your heart, donate. Once the show airs, my focus will have to be answering every email that comes in. It is my pleasure to do so, but doing that while worrying about money is not a mix.

Four, give yourself a big hug from me and know that you reading and commenting is what gives me the courage to do all this.

XO, Emily emily@emilyism.com

Here are a few of our favorite things...

I got a request to write a list of my favorite things about being sober. I asked my BBF'S what some of their favorite things about sobriety are also....

Here was the one thing all of us had on our list... NOT MAKING ASSES OUT OF OURSELVES AND FORGETTING WHAT WE SAID WHILE WE WERE DRUNK! That by far for me is the coolest part of sobriety. The close relationship you end up building with God is also RAD!

Here we go....
1. Getting closer to God, willingly
2. The program we stay sober in and our sponsors
3. Learning a whole new way of thinking
4. Meeting BBF's (best blogging friends)
5. Forgiving ourselves and others
6. Knowing that we only have to clean our side of the street
7. Not throwing up in the morning while brushing our teeth
8. Not having huge unexplainable bruises
9. Being honest with ourselves and others
10. Not offending people or forgetting what we say
11. Being comfortable in our own skin
12. Peace and Serenity
13. Having people to call at any given moment that know just how we feel
14. Being a good Mom that only flies off the handle sometimes, instead of all the time
15. Dancing sober
16. Not blacking out/or passing out
17. Helping other people
18. Knowing that no matter where we are, there is a place we can go and feel at home
19. No more waking up feeling shame, guilt and worthlessness
20. Learning to deal with stuff instead of stuffing it or drinking over it!

Thank you Jamee and Annette! You girls ROCK!

Ping, Flinch, Ping, Flinch

I am a mess today. The ping thing is totally normal for what I'm going through. But the flinching needs to be talked about and turned over ASAP! I know it may seem like it has everything to do with {name withheld} but it so doesn't. I make it all about him, because I am a women and if I can blame it on a man, I'm gonna! -lol- But really, I have a lot of other stuff going on. I have to move in May and I am starting a new business (which is costing me money and I am not making any). I am flinching all over the place today, worrying about things that are none of my business. Don't get me wrong, I trust God, all I have to do is go back and read my blog if I need a reminder of how well he takes care of me, but still I'm a little scared. I don't much like change and there's a ton of that going on in my life. Growth, what a joy.

If I've learned one thing in sobriety it's that I don't have to drink over it and that once I get through it, the blessings on the other side will be plentiful.

A Ping

I have been suffering from one second pings the last few days. When something new happens, or something exciting or anything really, I get a ping in my heart. Little anxiety, can't call, deep breath, ping over. It's interesting actually being that in touch with your feelings, at every point of new contact, strange really. But the thing I know now that I haven't always know, is that it will pass. I will heal. But for now, I miss him.

Widget Heaven

I am in widget heaven this morning! I always do my best work at the crack of dawn. It is when my house is the quietest, and when I am the most creative. I will probably need a nap by 10, but whatever.

I have wanted a sobriety counter on here FOREVER, and I finally found one. Check it out, SUPER FUN!

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thank you for reminding me today that my primary purpose is to be the Mom you intended me to be, to stay sober, and to help other people achieve sobriety. Everything else is just a part-time job. The reminder tonight of how truly blessed I am was nice, thanks! I know I have been slacking on my morning prayers, so I will be adding that to my 30 day count down, with the hope that it becomes a habit. Please help me to show kind and beautiful behavior at every point of contact, all of the time.
You are my Hero,
Emily

30 Days

After getting through my first 30 days of sobriety (which was painful and hard and something I never thought I could do) I started believing that I could do anything for 30 days. Once I committed to doing Pilates for 30 days, and totally did!

So, if you are following me on twitter, you know I am counting days. What for exactly, I'm not sure. No contact with {name withheld} and making my bed, for now. There's something therapeutic about about counting days, about having a goal. My plan is not stop at 30 and just like I did with my sobriety just keep on going. Here's to day 2!

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thank you for getting me through the day with a positive attitude! And for peaceful and healing sleep.
I love you,
Emily

Sent from my iPhone

Grateful for Good Friends

I am so grateful right now for friends who call and ask how I'm "really" doing. I have such a habit of saying I'm okay or I'm fine instead of telling how I'm really feeling.

Come to find out you can be addicted to a person. Even though their not good for you and it's totally unhealthy, you crave them, and miss the fantasy or what you wished it would be, instead of what it really was. Gross really, now alcohol is one thing, but detoxing off a person is odd to me and uncomfortable. I'm not sure how to word this, but after detoxing off alcohol everything else kind of seems like a cake walk. Maybe I didn't win the cake, but it was still worth playing and the cake wasn't good for me anyway. So the withdrawal from a person may be uncomfortable and annoying, but still I'm not grey or sweaty or in physical pain. So I actually have a lot to be grateful for!

I'm just trying to remember that you can't reason your way out of your feeling, they are what they are. And the more I allow myself to feel them, the healthier I will be. I met with my sponsor, can you tell?

My Healing Song of the Month

Thank you Annette!

My BBF Annette sends me a morning meeting reminder everyday. I love them, they are creative and lovely and make my morning happy. This morning she reminded me that it was a brand new month. Which right now in my life, I needed to hear. A new month, a new start. Thank God! I did somethings to help me move on last night, and will do some healing everyday, but for now it kinda sucks. I am going to try and go to two meetings today, one for my alcoholism and one to help me make sure I don't put myself right back in this same situation in my next relationship. GO ME!

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Sorry I forgot to pray last night, with all that's going on right now I need to stay as close to you as possible. Please help me to reach out and tell people what's going on in my life instead of stuffing it. Thank you for the wonderful support system I have, I am truly blessed. Please take care of my finances and bless my new website and this one too!
I love you,
Emily

Sent from my iPhone

Sobriety Sunday

This weeks Sobriety Sunday is going to be on contempt prior to investigation.

I took {name withheld}to their first meeting this weekend. It was amazing to hear what he thought. He thought it was cool and that the people there were nice. He felt about it exactly the way I was wishing he would. I stayed out of telling him what I wanted him to think and feel about it and let him decide on his own. Which worked, he now knows it's not a scary or cultish place. And if he ever "needs" the program he knows it's there for him. But for now I'm the one who "needs" the program.

A person once told me the program was an excuse, and yes, the person who told me that is a drunk (I try to NEVER label anyone an alcoholic, that is a totally personal decision) An excuse? I'll take that excuse, that excuse saved my life, that excuse gave me new friends and a new family, that excuse keeps me happy and sober for $1.00 a day.

I knew nothing about the different ways to get sober when I first went sober. I knew two things, I COULD NOT DO IT ALONE, and that somewhere along the way you had you had to say sorry, which sounded horrible to me, I was an ass when I drank and saying I'm sorry sounded embarrassing. But I quickly learned that there are things or steps you take before saying sorry that prepare you for it. I am very happy I knew nothing about it, I went in with an open mind , foggy, but open and an open heart

I have heard a lot of peoples opinion on the program, and they are all allowed to have their opinion, but it saved my life, I don't defend it, I don't really explain it. I know it saved my life, so I don't need to.

Did you have contempt prior to investigation, or do you still?

Gavin's Birthday Party

We took Gavin and his crew to Laser Tag today . The kids had a blast, the got to play 3 games of Lazar tag, have pizza, play video games and eat cake, great day! I had to take out a small loan to pay for it, but Birthdays only come once a year, so it was my pleasure.

Locked Out

I am perm-locked out of my car this morning. I forgot to get my Breathalyzer calibrated. I noticed that I was on a -7 on my way home from hanging with Beau last night. A -7 is when they lock you out, so I thought had 7 days to deal with this. I don't know why, but in my head I had till Monday. Damn it! I started to kick my own ass (come on Em how could you be so irresponsible, there's no excuse, you know better) but you know what I realized, I'm not perfect. I have a lot going on right now and I just plain out forgot. I called the company last night and they told me what to do. I am still a bit disappointed in myself, but I'm about to do my morning prayers and turn it over!

Then today is Gavin's Birthday party! Now that is something to blog about!

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thank you for tonight with {Name withheld}. The constant amazement with the program I stay sober in blows my mind. It truly amazes me how special the people you lead there are. Thank you God for letting me be part of such a wonderful thing. Oh and if you could help me deal with the whole Breathalyzer thing tomorrow, that would be great!
I love you,
Emily

Sent from my iPhone

Some Things are Just Meant to Be

K, so my day just completely turned around. When I was in Seattle my Mom and I ran across some adorable chocolate covered fortune cookies called Emily's Cookies. They were very cute and I thought it was very cool that they were named Emily. I bought 6 boxes and jumped right on their website when I got home. Today I decided to call them and see if we could do some business and guess what, some things are just meant to be...

I quickly told the guy who answered the phone a little about me and he passed me on to a nice women named Amy. Amy is my big sister's name. I told her all about me and my blog and she jumped right on board. And guess what - she is Emily's big sister. Is that not cool!?

Here's what I have found... mmm... for every 50 businesses you call maybe and a big maybe, 1 will advertise. And I only call businessses I use or have friends who use and love, so it's even harder. I had gotten so frustrated that I had stopped asking people to advertise all together. But then this, it was the neatest, funnest, most meant to be business deal I have ever made. And on top of that, the cookies are deliciously good. That 10 pounds I lost - so going back on!

No Flinching

If you read my blog you know God and I play a game I call "No Flinching" I forgot, and he reminded me. I am flinching all over the place right now. I know God has got this covered. If I'm supposed to move home, you'll see me moving home, If I'm ready to meet the one, you'll read about him walking into my life, and if I'm supposed to be fully self supporting by May, that will occur.

I am going to allow myself for the first time in my life to just be sad:( I'm not going to fake that I'm not, cause then it just comes back later. I cried today, I never cry, it actually felt great. I even think I heard God say "Good Job" and that's when he reminded me not to flinch. Thank you God, I love you!

What to Do

I have lived in Arizona, with no family besides my boys for 16 years. Today is the first day I really looked at that. I have a habit of just trucking along, thinking of everyone other that myself. I guess when I'm thinking about others problems I don't have to address my own. I am an alcoholic, now I would have been an alcoholic no matter where I was. But the rest of my hard times might have been a lot less hard had I had my family. I don't mean to feel sorry for myself, but I do right now. Without John (who I had to remove from my life out of respect for myself) I am really lonely. I stayed in Arizona after I had Beau, because I knew moving home there was no way I could focus just on him. Then we built a life here, and to me the most important part of being a single Mom was not moving my kids around. No matter what was going on in my life, where we lived and what school they went to stayed solid.

But what about me? I want to move home, I really do. I'm not sure I can mend my heart here, but I will try. I don't need to decide right away. But, in May I have to move and for the first time in 16 years I am thinking about myself, if only a little. The chances of me taking my kids away from their schools and friends and life is slim, in the end it's really not about me, at least not yet. Counseling perhaps??

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
I heard today that when your mentally obsessing on something or someone to add that person or thing to your God box every time you think of them, I'm SO going to need a bigger God box. Please help me to do your will, instead of my own.
I love you,
Emily

Fear as a Motivator

Come to find out fear can be a motivator. I had so little expectation of myself today, I was going to relax and take it easy, then I got a little scared. I need to be fully self-supporting by May, and that scares me straight out of my wits. I woke up today, went to a meeting, and to my suprise hit the ground running. I know I can succeed, it's not like failure is an option:) God has proven to me time and time again that if I do the next right thing and work really hard, he will bless what I am doing. He did it with my sobriety, he did it with this website, and if it's meant to be he will do it with my new project.

I'm off to work! I hope everyone is having a wonderful day!

The Day Ahead

Good Morning Friends! I'm not sure what the day ahead holds, but here are some things set in stone...go to a meeting, rest, help Gavin finish his book report. The other 50 things on my to-do list can wait, they really can, and if I have to remind myself of that throughout the day,I will. The only thing I really, really have to do everyday is stay sober, God has proven he will take care of the rest. EASY DOES IT, ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Please help my eye heal, and in the mean time I will rest. All of the
other stuff I give to you Lord Jesus Christ. I can't do it on my own,
I need you. Oh and thank you for the amazing people you have placed in my life.
I love you,
Emily
Sent from my iPhone

Comments Rock!

You comments make me happy, even when skies are blue, I don't know what the heck I'd do without each and everyone of you!
Sent from my iPhone

Not a Happy Camper

I am not a happy camper. John and I are not speaking...again...I am stressed about money... again...went to the doctor today, I have to take eye drops and antibiotics 5 times a day...again...I am feeling a little insane and embarrassed that I have so many again's going on right now. I do have some good new though, I have lost 10 pounds! Stress can do that to a girl!

On a more positive note, Gavin and I had a fun day for his birthday, he hates when I blog about him though, so I won't.

Thank you for reading my whining:) XO

Eye Infection

When I get stressed out I get an eye infection. It is so not funny at all. It starts with a tickle when I blink, moves from being stuck shut in the morning to a full blown out infection. One time I almost lost my sight over it. So, I will be going to the eye doctor today and then taking it easy. My body has a funny way of laying me out when I have a million things I think I need to get done.

Off to my morning meeting!

Before Retiring

Der Lord,
I can't, you can, I will totally let you!
You are my Hero,
Emily

Cheap Counseling

My Mom and I were talking the other day about the program I got sober in and I described it as cheap counseling. It's so much more than that to me, but I guess in a nut shell cheap counseling works. The coolest thing about going there, is I go and hear stories of people who did and do and think the same way I do. I am not alone in my battle with alcoholism, and I need a daily reminder of that.

My Mom said she thought a lot more people would go where I go to get help if they thought about it as the cheapest form of group therapy you could possibly get. I agree with her, but I totally understand the fear of walking through the door. I was very blessed to have someone incredible lead me through the doors. Luckily I knew nothing about it, so I didn't have a chance to do the whole contempt pryer to investigation thing. I knew that I knew nothing about it, they were laughing and I was not, so I stayed. I'm not unique, it can work for anyone who works it.

I'm now going to knock myself off my soap box and hang with the naughty one:)

Happy to be Home

I am so happy to be home. Still need to unpack, clean and pay some bills. But for right now I'm going to enjoy having the boys here and being home.

Were finishing up the book Gavin was supposed to read while I was gone, I read him a chapter to hopefully get him "into" the book, his book report is due Friday, so we have a lot of work to do. We're reading Tales of the Fourth Grade Nothing, great book! Tomorrow is Gavin's Birthday...the big -10-...

The big guy...still in trouble. The only thing he has going for him right now is he fessed to what "really" went on. It is hard to respect the fact he tells me things and in the same turn deal with it in a way that doesn't break his trust. It's a fine line, and right now I'm having a really hard time with it. I raised him so he knows telling me the truth will always, always get him in less trouble than lying. I guess I just need to remember who my main priority is and it's him, not worrying about how other people raise their children or what they think about me or about him. Tuff one!

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Please help me on my flight tomorrow and to deal with my boys with love and grace once I arrive safely.
I love you,
Emily

Sent from my iPhone

Food + Nature = :)

I was feeling pretty crappy earlier, sitting in anxiety and wanting to go home. Then I remembered something, I had not eating one thing today, that is dangerous for me.

So, I ate a sandwich and some chips, then took a nature walk in the backyard of my Mom's condo. I am feeling much, much better now.

Teri and the Twins

My oldest dearest friend is pregnant with twins. She already has 3 boys under the age of 9, wowzer! She is an amazing, organized Mom and I have no doubt she will do a fabulous job!

We went to Starbucks for coffee this morning, this is how our conversation went...

Me: Are you scared to have 5 children under 9?
Her: I'm to busy to be scared!

Me: When you first told me you were pregnant I just knew it would be a girl. Did you?
Her: I knew I couldn't handle any more boys, so I was hoping.

Me: How did you feel when you found out it was not only a girl, but two of them?
Her: I about fell off the table, but very glad they were girls.

Me: Are you going to hire a housekeeper or nanny or something?
Her: Yes, just to help with the babies, we're going to try and keep the older ones lives as normal as possible.

Me: What do the boys think of this?
Colin (8) -I am going to teach them how to play basketball and soccer.
Jack (6) -I ain't changing any stinking diapers.
Nathan (3) -Asked where their boppy's (blankets) were.

Good thing for Teri our friend Stacy owns a business for Moms of multiples.

www.Alototots.com

Good Morning

So, I'm still in Seattle. They were trying to charge me like a million dollars to change my flight, so I'm staying until my original departure date, which is the crack of dawn tomorrow. I am going to coffee with my oldest, dearest friend Teri today. She is prego with twins (story coming soon:) I love her and am so excited to see her!

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thank you for an awesome day with Dave. Take good care of our crew up there. Also, please take care of my boys and hold the fort down until I get home. Thank you for the ability to accept the things I cannot change.
I love you,
Emily

Sent from my iPhone

Balloons to Heaven

Dave and I have one major thing in common, we shared a best friend. Spencer passed away suddenly a few years ago, breaking not just our hearts but the hearts of everyone that knew him. He was an amazing guy that touched the lives of everyone he came across. To me alone he was a best friend, brother, father figure and hero. Today we sent balloons up to him to left him know we love and miss him, we also sent one to our Dad's. We hope they're all up there together, looking down at us with pride.

Sobriety Sunday

I don't know about you, but I so take my alcoholism with me on vacation. I have said it before and I will say it again, the deal comes along and with force! This time I pre-planned and found school before I even mentally started my vacation. I have learned that planning your vacation around your meetings is how it needs to be done, not the other way around. At least for me.

As for class in other cities, so fun! The school here has a cafe, lounge and Internet, super cool! But, the coolest about going to class out of town is no matter where you are the people are welcoming and the format thought it may not be exactly the same, is comforting.

Update from home: everything is okay, not happy about what went on, but I will let it go for now or at least until I get home to kick some ass!



Sent from my iPhone

Dinner at Daniel's

Okay so here's the scoop... I kind of came up here to go on a date with an old friend. I was having complete failure to launch back home. I would get asked out and come up with some stupid excuse why I couldn't go (I'm busy, I'm not ready, blah, blah, the truth being I love John and I'm scared to move on) I figured going on a date with a friend I've known since high school would be a safe start.

We went to Daniel's Broiler a wonderful steak house, on the top floor of the Bellevue Hyatt (see photo of the amazing view above). I have been to Daniel's many times and it never disappoints. It was so good! I had my favorite appetizer, Filet Mignon Steak Strips and my Mom had hers Dungarees Crab Legs. Yes, he let me bring my Mom, how stinking cute is that? After dinner we all sat at the piano and listened to their wonderful singer/pianist Jim, who has played there for many years and is fabulous!

Then, I got some disappointing news from back home. I am trying to get an early flight out, but it ain't looking pretty. I may just have to stay, try to enjoy the rest of my vacation, and leave it in God's hands, which in this particular situation is difficult. Prayers Needed;)

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
As you know I am very annoyed right now, drama back home when you are on your first real vacation in two years is stressful and putting me in self-pity. I am going to bed and placing it all in your loving arms.
I love you,
Emily

Lunch at Cafe Pirourette

My Mom, sister and I all went to lunch at Cafe Pirouette, a adorable little cafe in Bellevue. It was so nice to be together, it feels like ages since the last time. My Mom and I are relaxing and resting up for our fancy dinner tonight. It feels like all I have done since I got here is eat, better than drinking I guess!

You Can Blog That!

I had forgotten how witty and sarcastic my friends from high school where. Here is a example...

Last Nights Fun

Last night was super fun! We went to the Goose, a small dive bar I hung in often as a youth, If I had not moved I would have ended up on a bar stool there daily for sure. Not to worry, like a good alcoholic, I found a equally divie dive bar in Arizona which I hung in daily. I am very grateful those days are behind me. It was so neat to see some of my old friends.

I am going to class then out to lunch with my Mom and sister, fun, fun, fun!

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
It is so late, but I wanted to say a quick Goodnight. Thank you for getting me here safely, and letting me have a wonderful time with good old friends, sober! I was worried about it, and because of you I was all good.
I love you,
Emily

Taco Time

I am a happy women. My friend Bickel picked me up from the airport and took me straight to my favorite fast food restaurant Taco Time, which we don't have in Arizona. I ordered what i always do, a beef soft taco and mexi fries, yum-yum-yum!

Beautiful

The view when the plane makes the turn to land in Seattle always
amazes me, nomatter how many times I see it. I am so excited to be home!

Washington Bound

Okay guys this is my first "true" sober vacation. I planned it to be my first flight, my first trip home and my first sober vacation alone. But, God had another plan, and slipped Hollywood in there real quick.

I waited 2 years to visit home, as I feared it would be a trigger for me. Families are tuff, even if you have a great one. It is also my first time home since my best friend Spencer passed away:(

I have a wonderful mix of friends up there and should be okay. I will be going to a meeting daily, and if I need more than one the 'school' is right by where I'm staying. GO THE PROGRAM I STAY SOBER IN! I will be blogging my great time and any bumps I have along they way. I love you guys, and know that every time my phone bings with a new comment, you have just blessed my heart:)

I have decided tweeting is my new favorite thing, so you can either follow me on twitter @emilyism or read them on the left of this site!

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
I am calling it an early night. Thank you for the great day today! Please keep me out of fear and anxiety on my flight tomorrow. And please bless John on his vacation of thought, may he figure out what he needs to. I know I don't have to tell you how special he is to me. I hope Beau and Gavin have a great weekend, and know how much I LOVE THEM!. I know you already do, but please keep an eye on all of them.
I love you,
Emily

He Touched Me, He Looked at Me

My kids are driving me crazy this afternoon. I don't know about your kids, but mine are normally just plain rude to each other. He touched me, he looked at me , he's in my room, blah, blah blah. The actually got in a jello fight today, nice right!? I made them clean it up and sent them both to their rooms.

They have this unspoken deal that they can treat each other crappy, but if anyone one else treats them crappy, the other one gets protective and pissed. Even though I really wish they would show more brotherly love, I guess they do in their own backwards way.

How it Was

I want my present and future readers to know how it "was" for me, when I was drinking. Alcohol was my best friend, it was what I looked forward to, what I thought about the most, and in the end all I cared about.

Alcohol lead me to the gates of insanity (I'm saving that for the book) my human best friend "John" left me, I had drunk away every dime I had, I was looking at jail time for a DUI, my house was a disaster and my life was a wreck. But even with all, that I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol. Alcoholism is not a choice, I did choose it, and I did not want it, but there was no denying I had it. I was powerless, and like I have said before, the second you admit that you are, you regain your power.

I remember being around sober people for the first time, they were happy and laughing and I thought what the #*#@ are they laughing about? But I wanted what they had, so I listened to them...Thank God. The best part about being around other alcoholics is they understand, you are no longer alone. And on top of that, we are a fun bunch of creative people, we happen to have a disease that only God and a lot of hard work can be put into remission, but that doesn't make us any less than anybody else. I now have what they had -happiness- and so can you. Hold on tight, have a little hope, give it everything you've got, and I promise you it will get better.

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thank you for all of the incredible and amazing people in my life, I am so blessed. Thy will be done, not my own. Your plan for me is so much more that I could ever have dreamed.
I love you,
Emily

I'm Home

I am so happy to be home. LA was an amazing and a huge eye opening experience, but I missed my boys! I walked into a spotless house (THANK YOU JOHN!) and big hugs! I gave the boys their presents, which I guess weighed 11 pounds, cause my bag was 11 pounds over, which cost me $50.00. But they love their stuff, so whatever.

For the next 3 days I am giving myself completely to my program, I need to refuel, badly. Then I am leaving for Washington on Friday, which was supposed to be my first sober vacation and my first sober plane ride. But, when Hollywood calls I guess you go running:)

Tomorrow I will post the pictures of our fun in Hollywood!

Staying in tne Moment

I am having a hard time leaving yesterday in yesterday, and tomorrow in tomorrow. I am thinking I hope I did okay. I spoke from my heart, but I had so much more to say. I am hoping that the women I came here to help is doing okay and that she will make it - Lord hear my prayer.

I once heard a saying that I thought was a bit crass, but I really get it today. "If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow you are pissing on today."

I will try to stay in the moment by taking it one second at a time today.

I have made it...

I remember when my friend Sasha blogged about getting her own dressing room, I was so proud of her and a bit jealous I must admit. This is a picture of me in front of my very own dressing room! See Sasha were half way to the Sasha & Emily show:) I promise, promise, promise I will let you all know the second I find out when it airs!

Wonderful Women

I can't tell you much about the show until it airs. What I can tell you is that it was really scary, but the wonderful women above made it way less scary! Thank you girls, you ROCK!

My Mom said I did great, good to know cause I can't remember a damn thing. Thank you guys for your wonderful comments! I can't wait to get home so I can post the many fun, fun picture I have for you to see! XO, Em

The Big Day

Well, today is the day, I am so sending God through the door first!

Here is a picture of my darling Mom. We had a wonderful day yesterday, walked around Hollywood, ate a fabulous lunch and looked for stars. I am so happy she is here!

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Please help me to choose my words impeccably tomorrow and may as many people as possible be helped by me sharing my story. Thank you for removing my anxiety today, and I am sorry it took me 4 hour to do that simple task:) I love you God.
Your my hero,
Emily

Sobriety Sunday

Okay, I only have a minute to write, as my Mom is on here way here from the airport:)

What I want to share is the when you go on vacation YOU TAKE YOUR ALCOHOLISM WITH YOU. I didn't plan what meetings I was going to go to before I left, which was a BIG mistake. I woke up needed a meeting stat, and it took me hours to find one(not because there aren't a million, but because I am directionally challenges;) I have never in my life been happier to walk into a room!

I'm off to meet my Mom in the lobby. Happy Sunday!!

Breakfast with the Stars

This morning I had the pleasure to dine with 3 up and coming stars. Tatyana, Aleka and Katrina.They are here for their Aunt and Mom's movie premiere. These little women were fabulous and excited, and it was my honor to have breakfast with them! When you one day see their names in lights, know I always knew they were going to be stars:)

Their Mom 'Getta Anand' wrote a book called The Cure, which CBC turned into a movie staring Harrison Ford. Neat, right!? I got a chance to meet this amazing women, she is witty and wonderful and very humble about her amazingness.

LA is so my kind of town. if just for today. My Mom comes in this afternoon. Tonight is the Golden Globes, which is filmed right on the same block my hotel is on. We will soooo be star watching tonight!!

Off to class......

5:15 in my World

So I woke up and I was all like, "What in the heck am I doing up at 4:00." Then I realized that it is 5:00 in my world. So, Good-morning.

I need a meeting more than I ever have since my first year of sobriety, just do. So today that's the goal. I have this tendicy to think that I leave my alcholism at home when I go out of town, and that's just not the case. The little bugger comes with me, and with force.

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I love you,
Emily

LA

The flight was twice as scary as I thought it would be. I got on the airplane and went straight into panic mode...it was horrible. Then a nice older couple sat next to me. I looked over a few minutes after they sat down and they were holding hands. I thought to myself that is the cutest thing I have ever seen. So every time I got scared or panicky I just looked over at them holding hands, it warmed my heart. So thank you lovely couple from Nebraska. I hope you have a wonderful cruise!

Then I told my story to what could turn out to be millions. My story is now in the hands of the {name withheld} show, let's see what they do with it. All of my publicity stuff has been wonderful so far, I have made lasting friendships and would work with of any of them any time. Let's hope this turns out just as great.

Then to the hotel, which is where I am right now. My Mom gets here tomorrow, thank God and we have all day to play. Then Monday is the big day!

What I found out through this mini time of jet setting, is when it comes down to it, I'm a home body. I miss me kids and the most exciting part of this trip for me will be shopping for something wonderful to bring home to them.

Blogging from the Airport

Okay, so airports have gone way high tech since the last time I flew! I am sitting in a leather chair, with plug-ins right by my gate, cool!! I got a little scared, and started getting a little anxiety right when I got here, but I got a little something to eat and now I am feeling much better.

This is my first sober flight. Airports are a trigger for me because once I entered one I was on vacation, which meant I could give myself an excuse to drink even more than I already did.

So, even though I am a bit anxious, I am happy to be getting the first flight out the way. And if for some reason I panic, I can always have them page friends of you know who:)

Happy 30 days to BBF Annette

I am sooooo proud of you! Thank you for giving me the pleasure of watching you get sober one day at a time! You are a true blessing to me and to the other readers on emilyism.com.

Annette you ROCK!

I wish I was still sleeping....

I so wish I was still sleeping in the fabulous hotel bed, but not in the cards for today.

I am up and getting ready for LA. Here's the deal, I can't blog from my phone, but I can tweet and facebook. I will be tweeting my way through my trip to LA. So you can get updates by reading my twitter or facebook on right side of emilyism. I will write a post as soon as I am settled. Thank you so much for you encouraging words! I love you all!

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
I am so humbled right now, and in awe of my life, which has been given to me through your grace. Thank you God, thank you. Please help me to choose my words impeccably in the upcoming days and to pause when agitated and doubtful and ask you for the right thought or action. Thy will be done.
I love you,
Emily

Dinner at Deseo's

This is me getting ready to go to dinner, could I be any happier, nope! I can't wait to write this review, this is the site where my review will be published, check it out!

swellcityguide.com

My Poolside Cabana

OMGosh... I am poolside in my very own cabana. If I was any happier I would burst! Soon, I am going to float down the lazy river and then take a poolside nap. This is the life! Here is a picture of my cabana...

Heaven

Okay, I am all checked into the Westin Kierland Spa and Resort. I checked in, then they sent me right over to their wonderful spa, where I am happily drinking a smoothie they named "calm" and waiting for my massage. I am in heaven, and quite possibly the luckiest woman on earth.

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
I can't-you can-I'm so going to let you.
(the rest is between me and my HP tonight:)
I love you,
Emily

Drunk Dialing

During the last few years of my drinking all I really wanted to do was sit on the back patio and drink. If I couldn't find someone to drink with, I would drunk dial whomever would listen. I created mass drama via the telephone and woke up every morning with total fear and regret about who I called, or what I said. Looking back, it was horrible, but at the time it seemed normal, it's just what I did. It took me months in sobriety to have a comfortable phone conversation (maybe it was God's way - shhhh, my child - you have talked enough:)

I am so grateful to wake up in the morning and not have to wonder who I called, or what I said.

My drunk dialing cycle looked something like this...

get drunk-drunk dial-pass out-wake up sad and scared about who I called and what I said-drink to feel better-drunk dial-passout- then wake up sad and scared about who I called and what I said-drink to feel better-drunk dial-passout-wake up feeling sad and scared about who I called and what I said....

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results." -Albert Einstein

The Scoop

I keep getting asked if I am in LA -nope, not yet- still in Scottsdale. If all goes as planned I leave for LA on Saturday afternoon. I do have some exciting news for you though....

Tomorrow, I am writing a hotel review for my friend Haya's website! Is that not the coolest thing ever!! I get to spend the night in a fancy hotel, lay by the pool and then go eat dinner at their fine 5 star restaurant. Never in a million years could I have ever dreamed I would end up doing something so cool. Kind of the dream job, right!? So tomorrow, I will be blogging pool side!

Turning my Phone Off

I am shutting my phone off for the next 24 hours. I will still be publishing comments and answering emails, but the phone is going off. I need a minute.

With that being said, I never want to appear ungrateful for the amazing busy life God has given me, because I am so super grateful, but I will be not helpful to anyone if I don't stay healthy.

So, if you need me send me an email or leave a voice mail which I will be checking:)

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
They say God only gives you what you can handle, boy do you trust me. Thank you for getting me through my fear, it was scary God, and I didn't like it. I am so grateful for the incredible support system I have, you truly have blessed me with amazing people in my life. Please help me stay focused on my primary purpose and I will give you all of the responsibility and all of the praise.
I love you,
Emily

My Moment of Panic

I'm okay...now. I had that moment, that moment of shear traumatic fear of opening myself up publicly the way I'm about to. I guess if doing public appearances was easy, more people would be doing them. I almost backed out of the whole deal, doing stuff in the media is hard on me. But I believe it is the fastest way to help the most people. If I can get alcoholics to understand THEY ARE NOT ALONE, than I have done, what I believe God wants me to do. So when that panic hit I did what I was trained to do, I called my sponsor, I prayed, I called my counsel and my best friends and they loved me through it and then told me... go on with your bad ass self:)

Busy Bee

I am a total busy bee today. I have a list of homework from my web guy, which I am flying through! I am mentally packing for LA, which is way more fun than sitting in fear. I am also trying to clean and set things up so my household runs smoothly while I am gone. John is staying at the house to take care of the boys, which is great, they have some crazy "MEN" things planned, which I've been told is none of my business:) Thank you guys for your beautiful comments during this crazy time, I love you all! Off to be a busy bee.......bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Great job today! Everything just fell into place. I am starting to get fearful about going on {name withheld}. I know it will help people, but it's still scary. I have so many people praying for me right now, can You hear them? Thank You for them God, thank You. I am very tired, so I am going to cut it short, I know You don't mind. Please help me stay in Your will, instead of my own.
I love You,
Emily

Post Pulled by Emily

God's Holding the Cards

I felt like I was holding a lot of cards this morning - great hand, but still a lot of cards. So I handed the cards to Jesus in my morning prayers (let's see what He does with them!) As I did this, the song "Jesus Take the Wheel" came on my ipod - very fitting. My higher power often talks to me through music.

Does yours?

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thanks for keeping me out of fear today. It just kind of felt like I was coasting. It was nice. I am so grateful that You are the one running this show. Please help me to keep it that way. Please help the many people suffering needlessly from alcoholism, and may they each find an angel to help show them the way, as I did. You know I would so write a story on her. but she would kick my butt! Thank You for her God! You really are brilliant!
I love You,
Emily

God's Stimulus Package

I believe God is in the process of creating a stimulus package for the good old USA (the whole world really). I actually think it's always been there for us to tap into, but because of the state of our economy, people are tapping into it more than ever. I think the name of God's Stimulus package should be....

"The Hand that Gives Gathers."

Amazing people in my life whose sole purpose is to help others are starting to succeed in amazing and creative ways. It's wonderful to watch God at work. I think He would like people to stop asking what they can get and start thinking about what they could give. I have this crazy feeling that the people that are doing that will be rich beyond their wildest dreams, they really are already.

So the next time you're in financial fear, think about asking God for a stimulus package, He's way more effective then our government.

Manic Monday

Well, today is Monday, and I easily have 50 things to do. But you know what, I have already been to a meeting today (thanks to the -meeting reminder- from my BBF Annette) and really if that's all I get done today, then so be it.

I heard today that we alcoholics are overachievers, and I realized I kind of was, which is so funny because when I was drinking, I was easily one of the laziest people I know...YEAH BEING SOBER!! I am so motivated in fact that I forget to relax and take it easy...so today if I need to put those 50 things aside and take a nap, I'm going to without guilt. (Okay maybe a little guilt, I was raised Catholic after all:)

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,
Thank You for my serenity. With so much on my plate, the fact I am calm is a miracle, thank You. I am sorry for the times this week that I was quick to anger. It is hard when people are slow to be supportive and it frustrates me, but that is no excuse for me to be rude, sorry. I have a friend in pain, please help her God. Thank You for my wonderful boys and the amazing life You have given us.
You are my one and only hero,
Emily

Sobriety Sunday

Today we are going to stay in the solution, cause that's where I need to be.

When you're in a rough patch or a tight spot, what is the first thing you do?

If you are still drinking, go ahead and say drinking. It's not like we won't understand. That was my solution for everything, scared-drink, happy-drink, anxious-drink.

Hi guys, I'm back! Sorry for the short S. Sunday today. As you can see I'm working on the emilyism title. Crazy busy day! I am sooo ready to chat! I will be logging on at 4:00!

Before Retiring

Dear Lord,

Thank You for my crazy, busy day. I could feel Your presence throughout the day, it was nice. Please go first in my upcoming adventures, and I will follow. To watch what You are turning my life into, which I thought was over, is amazing. Is it weird to say that I am proud of You?

You're my hero,

Em

MomBomb

Today, I got MomBombed. It was amazing! MomBomb is a small Mom owned boutique in Phoenix. It is a child friendly, hip, wonderful place. On top of that their clothes are AMAZING! It came to my attention that my fashion sense was lacking. If I am going to be the fresh, hip, sober Mom that I want to be, I needed fashion help and STAT.

I have some stuff coming up where I really want to look and feel great. So I called MomBomb and gave them the 411 on who I was and what I was all about, and the owner without even asking what she would get out of it, jumped on board.

Getting MomBombed is when they dress you and tell you how fabulous you are while shooting down all your negative thoughts and ideas of your body. It was amazing. I walked away feeling beautiful and hip. Faye, the owner, also told me not ever to wear my overalls again and that I needed my eyebrows waxed, which she promptly hooked up for me, love her!!!. They ROCK, and that's putting it mildly!!!

When it came time to pay, let's just say when I make it to the top they are so coming with me! So if I happen to end up on TV soon in some darling clothes, know they're from...

www.mombomb.com

I have no Clue

I have no clue what I am about to write. I have like 10 stories halfway written that are fun and neat, but I'm not in the mood to finish writing them, or it's not time to write about them. Mmmm...well I guess I'll just write about my day, which was amazing!

See, damn it, that's one of the stories...shit. Ummm...okay look for these stories coming soon....

-MomBomb
-God's Stimulus Package
-The Hotel Review
-The Rad Web Guy
-Dr. Phil
-My New Website
-A Trip to Seattle

As you can maybe tell I have a lot going on this month. It's crazy. I am soooo blessed.

But, enough about me. How in the heck are you guys doing????

HELP

Could someone please tell me why when I add spaces in edit it shows up, then when I publish it they're gone. WTH!?!? Hehehe...Thank you Aaron!

I have a web guy! He is young, sober and brilliant. I will be writing all about him and the new website he is creating for me soon. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. YEAH, Aaron!!!

Thy Will Be Done

Your thoughts are your will, because your thoughts become action.
You can't control your first thought, but you can control your second one.
Turn it over to God and don't take it back.

I heard each sentence of this from 3 different people, at 3 different times. I wonder if they know they changed my life, probably not. Giving your second thought to God, easier said than done right? It was how uncomfortable I was that made me give it a try. I quickly realized that if I turned the thought of wanting to drink over, it removed the obsession. This is what I said each time the thought of drinking popped in my head...

-God I offer myself to Thee, please take that stupid thought away from me-

He did. Then slowly I learned to do it with all my stupid thoughts. Now don't get me wrong, I don't do it perfectly. Sometimes I enjoy stewing in my crap, sick right? But most of the time I'm okay about turning it over. Once in awhile the obsession doesn't leave right away, then I know I need to take action, or call my sponsor or read the special prayer on page 63 of this really cool book. Sometimes I turn a little to many of my thoughts over and God will pop one back in my head and tell me... "that one is not stupid and your supposed to be thinking about it."

Sugar Hangover

I woke up late this morning, with a headache. I was like -What the heck?- Then I asked myself maybe could it have been the 7 Cokes you drank yesterday? A sugar hangover, are you kidding me! I know better. So all day yesterday I was running around like a crazy woman over drinking too much sugar and caffeine:(

I have a gratitude list the length of a novel and instead of sitting contently in that, I was allowing fear and anxiety creep in. So today, no sugar!

I am going to a meeting, getting my breathalyzer re-calibrated (that is a story all on its own) and then cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.

Hope you all are having a peaceful, wonderful morning!

Before I Retire

Dear Lord,
Please help me to do the things I should, to be to others kind and good, in all my work and all my play, to grow more loving everyday. As You know I ran around in fear today and I know that fear is disloyalty to You and I am sorry. During this time of excitment in my life, please help me stay close to You. Help me to follow Your will instead of my own. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all You do for me. You Rock!
I love you,
Emily

My Women's Meeting

Tonight I texted one of my BBF (best blogging friends) that nothing in me wanted to go to my Women's meeting tonight. I almost didn't go, but I knew I needed to. I could not stand myself today. I am acting like a complete bitty. My fear is quickly turning into anger and it ain't pretty. So I went, thank God.

I had forgotten how incredible the women at my Women's meeting are. We didn't meet over the Holiday and I had forgotten how much I needed them. I can tell these women anything, I love them very much. Their support and love is what got me through my darkest hour and keeps me humble through my most exciting moments. I love them all and am so blessed to have them in my life!

Naptime

With all that's going on in my life (like maybe being on Dr Phil:) I almost forgot that I am a 1 nap a day kind of girl. For my first year of sobriety this is how my day went...kids, pray, meeting, pray, nap, pray, kids, pray, meeting, pray then bedtime.

Then life started happening. It's like God handed me a new, amazing life all in a 3 month period of time. I am so grateful, but I am exhausted. So I am going to go back to basics now...nap, pray, meeting. I hope you all are having a wonderful day!

Before Retiring

After reviewing my program I realized I am a total slacker about praying at night. So, as part of my -Keep Emily Accountable- project, I am going to start blogging my nightly prayers.

Lord,
Thank you for my many blessings today. Please bless my upcoming projects and may they be Your will instead of my own. Please keep me out of fear and selfishness. Please help me to stay focused on my primary purpose.
You are my hero,
Emily

A Cure for Carter

I have had the title "Cancer is starting to piss me off" saved in my drafts for a few months now, I was just waiting for the passion to write the story.

A few months ago someone very close to me had a brother diagnosed with cancer, then someone in the program I stay sober in, was diagnosed. To see their pain is painful. I started to feel my passion brewing. I felt powerless...what could I do? I was already sending in the pink lids from Yoplait yogurt, such a smalI thing, I wanted to do more. I wondered for a split second, if I took on another cause would I lose sight of my primary purpose? Talked to God about it, he said "Nope, you'll know when."

Then I friended an old friend from high school on Facebook and found out his little boy has cancer...it made me so sad that it knocked the wind out of me, now I felt PASSION and God said "when".

This angel's name is Carter Kronmal and his Daddy's name is Dan. Carter has a rare form of cancer called, neuroblastoma, he was diagnosed right after his 2nd birthday and has endured 6 rounds of chemo, see...PASSION. I want him all better God, please!

For the month of January all donations on emilyism.com will be going to Carter's family. I know most of the readers on here believe in the power of prayer, so pray for his complete recovery-please-let's pray our way to a miracle guys...Carter deserves it! You can also donate on behalf of Carter here....

http.seattlechildrens.org/way-to-help/donate/commemorative-giving/

Amazing Blogs

My friend Sasha has given me some homework...go check out other blogs and ask to be added to their blog roll.

So high ho, high ho off to be added to blog rolls I go.

Holy cow, I had no clue how many AMAZING blogs were out there. I am humbled. I am impressed. I am a bit jealous of their talent. I was so stuck in emilyism land that I had no clue how many amazing, incredible blogs were out there. So start checking out my blog roll as I soon will be adding fabulous blogs. If you want to be added to my fabulous blogs-blog roll please email me at emilyism.com@gmail.com

Good Morning

Good Morning everyone! Here are my goals for the day....

- call people interested in advertising
- find a "web guy"
- work through my enormous laundry pile
- go to a meeting
- stay out of fear

That's it in a nutshell. What's on your agenda?

Accountability

Okay guys, I'm going to ask for a little help this month to keep me accountable. Could someone ask me every day what meeting I'm going to? I went 4 days without one. I meant to go, I planned to go, I think I might even have blogged that I was going, but I got too busy. That is just not okay! I got sober by going to meetings and like I have said before, they are my insurance. So for 4 days I was driving around recklessly with no damn insurance. I went to one today, so I am insured and safe to return to the highway of life. I have a crazy busy month ahead, and need to stay insured, so please ask me - feel free to ask me, "What meeting are you going to today"?

A Family of Three

Tonight I realized that one of my biggest dreams had come true. I was happily making dinner, and it dawned on me that I was excited for dinner time with the boys. For years I felt sad at dinner time, like without someone playing the role of "Dad" at the table, what was the point? But tonight that feeling was gone. We sat down and did our normal routine of praying and then sharing one good thing, and one bad thing, about our day. We have done it a million times, but tonight there was something different. I was content. Not in the routine of dinner time, but in me. I was content for the first time in a long time with my family being a family of 3. I feel so blessed to be in that place!

How the People article came about...

I have been asked a few times to write about how the People article came about. So here it goes...

Okay, so I had just ended it with {name withheld} and was sad and lonely, so I sent a txt out to my girls saying I was going to need all the love and support I could get. They rallied, it was great! So that Friday Tam and I headed out for girls night out. We were out way later than we ever stay out and were having a blast. Then a scary friend of the guy Tam was talking to goes to sit down at our table. It was the craziest thing as he sat down I stood up, like God had a string attached to my head. I knew it was odd and decided to go out for a smoke. As I walked out the door I run smack dab into a good old friend. You know the kind of friend that no matter how long it's been since you've seen them you take up right where you left off. I hadn't seen him since sobriety so I told him all about that, and how I did it and felt about it, then we talked about recovery theories. Then he asked me if I knew what he did and I was like "Yes, you're a doctor." he then explained to me that he was a medical director at a rehab and kind of offered me a job. I was in a spot in my life where I had no financial hope and he shined a light at the end of my tunnel.

So I started volunteering there and one day the owner came and asked to talk to me. I was like "Oh no I'm in trouble again". But I wasn't, she sat me down and told me a reporter had called from People and was looking for an alcoholic Mom to do a story on. I knew what an amazing thing it could be right away, and told her to go ahead and give the reporter my number. Then I went straight to fear, I had Facebook friends that didn't know I was sober and I was about to tell millions...OMG. The reporter called me within 20 minutes and did a brief interview over the phone, then she told me she would let me know. The 3 weeks it took for them to pick me were the scariest weeks of my life. I went from excitement to panic to anxiety and then all over again. I had to prepare for them not to pick me and then for them to pick me all at once. Prayer, a ton of prayer went into it.

The fear of the spin. How were they going to spin it? Anything I said could be used in whatever way they wanted. Even though I had read People for years and never seen them turn a story into something mean it was SCARY!

Then I got the call that they had picked me, and wanted to send a reporter out. Sheer panic ran through me and I almost backed out. Then I paused and said a quick prayer..."It's just fear stopping you Emily." then I remembered what fear meant: face everything and recover. I asked the reporter on the phone if she would be the one coming out, we had talked often and I felt really comfortable with her. When she said yes I said yes and it was on. The reporter's name is Alicia, she is a wonderful person, as is every person I came in contact with during my People experience.

I didn't actually believe I was going to be in People until my issue came out, it was just to big to wrap my mind around. I was very happy with how the article turned out. It did end up taking on a spin of its own, as I was way more of a crazy ass drunk than they made me out to be, but the article helped people and that's all I care about.

Sobriety Sunday

What are you doing to stay sober today?

I am...praying, calling my sponsor and going to lunch with some sober friends, then having open chat right here on emilyism.com (I am so excited!) I am thinking it may be a bit of a pain at first, but once we have it figured out it will be smooth chatting!

Something just came to mind. Someone asked me the other day if I was open for debate about the program I got sober in, my answer "Nope." There's nothing to debate. I learned early on don't explain and don't defend. Today I'm thinking maybe I should have explained (damn thinking) so I will here. Meetings are my insurance policy, they are where I go to hear where I came from, and where I go to learn how not to go back there. It's not open for debate, it's what works for me..

I hope it's okay with you guys, but I may be all over the board today, as I have a ton on my mind. I am off to fly, I will write more later.

Had a great and wonderful lunch with some sober friends. I spent a year feeling a little bit sorry for myself that I didn't really have any close sober friends. Then the other day I asked what part in that did I play? The answer was a decent amount. Had I asked anyone to do anything lately...nope. So I did, and he was like okay lets do it Sunday...boom lunch with friends. I really can be a pain:)

It's Complicated

Tonight, I went to see It's Complicated. It's only the second movie I've seen in the theater in sobriety and I had forgotten how much I enjoyed going. Very cute movie!

In a nutshell this movie is about a divorced couple who have a fling. The woman quickly figures out that her ex is still a douche. The douche was played by Alec Baldwin, who I actually think is a bit of a douche in real life, but that's just my opinion. Meryl Streep, the wife, was darling and brilliant as always. But the true star of the movie was young actor John Krasinski, as Harley. He is a total hottie along with being witty and aborable. I now have a decent size crush on him, and will be doing some internet stalking on this young man:)

Beau's Birthday Breakfast

Today is Beau's 15th Birthday. I often make my boys breakfast in bed for them on their special day. This year Beau requested, bacon, sausage and hash browns. Good thing he's young and his heart is strong, cause that breakfast is kind of an instant heart attack.

I love you Beau and am very proud of the young man you are becoming. XO, Mom

FlyLady

Flylady is a very cool organizational program that I once happily lived by. It's a simple, one day at a time program to get your life back in order. I am a huge fan of Flylady....

You start by shining your sink and the goal is to keep it that way! Then to follow simple routines. You can copy hers from right off her site or make up your own. Here is my morning routine...

-Turn the coffee pot on and unload the dishwasher
-Tweet a quote and check email
-Pour myself a cup of coffee and get ready all the way (meaning put my shoes on)
-Make bed and tidy bedroom and bathroom
-Throw in a load of laundry

I will add more after I make these ones habit. To keep me motivated I will remember how nice it was not to live in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) I'm off to fly, wish me luck!

The Law of Attraction

Happy New Year everyone! I stayed home last night. I hung out in my room so Beau could have a little party. It was great actually!

I'm going to try a little law of attraction here...

1. I will stay sober this year
2. I will quit smoking this year
3. I will say the am and pm prayer daily this year
4. I will eat healthy this year
5. I will start working out this year
6. I will follow FlyLady this year
7. I will find an amazing boyfriend this year
8. I will become fully self supporting this year

and you know how I am going to do all this, one day at a time. I will pray, give it to the universe (God) and go about my business of trying to do the next right thing. I'm off to class!

Not Looking Pretty

I just woke up from a very deep afternoon nap. I'm not sure if it's my PMS, the full moon or if I am hiding from the New Year. But whatever it is, it's not looking pretty.

I have a crap load of New Year's resolutions or goals, or whatever you want to call them spinning through my head. Become fully self supporting, start working out, quit smoking, get my house organized, find a new boyfriend, divorce myself from self pity and self seeking motives. Kind of putting a little pressure on myself you think. I am flipping going to get back in bed and sleep this out!

What are some of your resolutions or goals for the New Year?

Taking my Inventory

Last night the person closest to me totally took my inventory. I don't know about you, but I hate having my inventory taken. And yes, it pissed me off, and I turned around and took his (it is progress not perfection). What I am amazed by, is that it didn't take me long to reflect on what he said, and come to the conclusion that he may be right. Sometimes people close to you can see defects in you that you are totally unaware of. So even though I got defensive and it pissed me off, I am very grateful. I have some work to do, and because of sobriety and my relationship with God I am not scared to do it. So thanks for taking my inventory, you jerk:)

New Year's Eve?

This is how "not" into New Year's Eve I am...I am sitting here thinking, is this the night people are supposed to go out? I feel old, really old. I may be going to a dress up party with my friend Sasha, which is exciting. I love dressing up! But for some reason what I really feel like doing, is crawling back in bed and ignoring the whole deal. I will be blogging my way through the day, if not for sanity sake alone.

Movie Night

The other night I rented the movie Julie&Julia. I have wanted to see it for the longest time, not only because it looked cute, but because it's all about blogging.

I'm not sure how great I thought this movie really is, I was only really interested in the blogging parts. Which I totally related to. When Julie got all stocked about her first comment, I totally understood how she felt, that's how I feel when I get a comment. And blogging even when you don't feel like it, so you don't disappoint your reader, I get that also. It was a cute movie. My favorite line was "Damn, that's hotter than a stiff cock." So funny coming out of the mouth of classy Julia Child's.

I can't remember the last time I actually sat down and watched a movie (well actually I do, it was the Hannah Montana movie). I use to go to bed watching TV every night, but since I started this blog I've been to tired at night to watch it at all. So it was very nice to relax and take in a movie!

Funk

I am in A FUNK. First off, it is totally my PMS week, which always sucks and makes everything seem so much worse.

I woke up late this morning for class and almost didn't go. I was full of excuses. I went to class last night, I am going to be late, I didn't tell anyone I would be there. Dangerous place for an alcoholic. I felt like laying in bed and feeling sorry for myself all day. Thank God I didn't, as I have a tendency to turn one day of self pity into a month. I got up, got ready and went. I was 15 minutes late, but I made it.

There is a whole lot going on in my life right now, some good stuff, some bad. Just a lot and I'm overwhelmed. I'm not really ready to share about it yet, but maybe one day.

So for today I am trying to make this my mission statement..."You have everything you need right this second," which I do, but it's still super hard to stay in the moment with so much going on. I need a hug!

Teenagers + Liquor Cabinets = :(

When I first got sober I had a bottle of Bailey's in my refrigerator, and when I shared that with my sponsor, she told me "Get rid of it, or I won't sponsor you." So I did. Once in awhile my drinking friends bring a bottle of wine over. They always ask if it's okay, and take it when they leave. So my house is pretty much alcohol free. Deliver me not into temptation.

It has come to my attention that some of the kids in my son's freshman class are drinking. It is so scary. I drank when I was a teenager, and never stopped. I know every trick in the book. Sure I know my house is alcohol free, but what about other kids' houses. I can't expect every one's to be. But parents please, please be aware that even if you have a "good kid", curiosity is still always going to be there. It's hard for teenagers to say no. I taught mine that he's going to be offered shit throughout his entire life, so to come up with his own funny way of saying no. I suggested "No, I'm good. If I drink my Mom will put her foot up my ass." hehehe. All I can do is give him the information, like if you get a MIP (minor in possession) or an MIC (minor in consumption) you don't get your license until you are 18. Now, to a boy that's a huge deal (I'm hoping huge enough). I also teach him that no matter what, he will get in less trouble if he tells me the truth. And yes, sometimes that's hard, I don't always want to hear the truth (like freshman drinking for example) but it is better that being clueless.

Here are some suggestions to get your house safer....

1. Lock your liquor cabinets
2. Take a black sharpie and mark your bottles (that only worked for my parents once, as I learned to add water)
3. Keep your cigarettes (if you smoke) and car keys close to you
4. Know their friends and friends' parents

If they are going to drink or smoke, at least you are not the one providing it, right!?

This could be interesting, share your tricks to help stop teenage drinking or share your story of your own teenage drinking.

The Chat Room

Look for "Emilyism.com Group Chat" on Sundays. Time to be determined by our rad readers.

If you would like to join in on our group chat send me your email address emilyism.com@gmail.com

Sobriety Sunday

Let's talk about the holidays. They're hard, expectations are high, family issues are brought to the surface and it's just an all around stressful part of the year. Like I've said before, last year I was in such a funk that I swore I would not celebrate the holidays again. I got over it and came out with a whole new outlook. This year I decided that we would do exactly what we felt like. No commitments, no painful family obligations and no expectations. It worked - we had a great holiday. But it took 3 years in sobriety to get there...year 1, too wet brained to care, year 2 too depressed to function, year 3, BAM got it... IT ROCKED! See what I mean about holding on, it's worth it!

Now let's talk about New Year's. My first New Year's in sobriety sucked. I had plans with some other sober people and they never called. Being dissed in sobriety is painful. I laid on the couch feeling sorry for myself all night:( Then last year was a bit better. I was just coming out of my funk and went to a neighborhood party for a bit. This year I could care less what we do, really for me everyday is a New Year. And as for New Year's resolutions I've never stuck to a one. So this year I am not going to set myself up for disappointment. My New Year's resolution is...sometime this year I hope to start working-out.

What I really think we should celebrate is national "Thank God we made it through the Holidays Day." Who's in?

Date Night

Gavin and I had a date night at BuzzBerry tonight. Gavie had a banana & strawberry smoothie and I had a yummy blended coffee drink. I am so glad to have them in the neighborhood!

Financial Insecurity

Well, it's over and like most of America I am sitting in financial insecurity. I didn't go crazy this year, it was a very modest Christmas. But still when you start out broke even modest spending is a strain. I am flinch, flinch, flinching. It's stupid really in the last few months every time I went to freak about how I was going to pay my bills something would give. I need to trust that I am doing the right thing and give the rest to God. In the beginning of my sobriety I turned my finances over. I had never paid my bills on time and was horrible with money. So I just turned it over to God, and when I did amazing things happened. There were times that I was positive I had overdrafted, I would call and check and there would be like $1.00 left in my account. I never did the math on it, I knew who was taking care of it. So today I am going to remind myself that right now, right this second I have everything I need.

I so hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! I am so excited to hear how yours went!

30 minutes later...
OMG, it just happened again. I had just enough money in the bank to pay my car insurance and then the boys accidently charged my card to download songs instead of using the itunes gift cards. I had accepted that I may have to return one of my presents to take care of the overdraft fee. I just called the bank to hear the damage and sure as shit I have $1.20 left in my account. YEAH!! GO GOD!!

Our Family Dynamics

It all started out with just Beau and I. We have this like silent special thing that we don't really ever have to talk about...we just have each others back. My kids are my light, had I not been blessed with them my road would have been way more brutal. Beau's an awesome kid and even though he's 14 and that can be tough, we're still pretty tight. Beau and I both have a kind of strong we'll kick your ass personality, unlike these two...

Gavin is everyone's baby, but he's mostly John's. John doesn't have any kids of his own and he kind of (well totally) babies Gavin. He lets Gavin climb all over him, sit in his lap and has been caught still carrying him around. It's adorable really. They are both so sweet, way sweeter and more laid back than Beau and me, I mean really, they let me dress them alike today:)

and sometimes it looks like this....

even when they gang up on me I know how totally blessed I am to have 3 amazing boys to love and adore!

Merry Christmas

We are to sexy for our boots, to sexy for our boots, boots, boots!

It was a wonderful Christmas morning! I hope everyone is having a fabulous day!

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

'Twas the Night Before Christmas all through the house no one was sleeping it's so damn loud in here it could wake a mouse.

The stockings are hung on the entry way table with care, and the kids know they had better not go in there.

Oh, how I wish the children were nestled all snug in their bed, their about 2 seconds away from seeing stars in their heads.

And I in my PJ's and John in his cap are wishing we could settle in for a long winter's nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I ran out the door to see what was the matter. It was Gavin and his Nerf gun... O' what do we do...I keep telling them if you don't go to bed there's no Santa for you!

I'm off to play Santa as I do every year. The kids don't know this, so I will stay out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Gratitude List

I'm going to go ahead and make a gratitude list before one of my sponsors tells me to;)

1. For my two beautiful healthy sons
2. For my super rad friends
3. For food in the pantry
4. For the roof over our heads
5. For being sane (sort of) and sober
6. For knowing what live and let live means
7. For being able to drive again
8. For having all my Christmas shopping done
9. For you reading my blog!

Beauism

Beau just asked if today was Christmas Eve, When I told him it was tomorrow he declared today "Christmas Adam." hehehe

Poor Me

Yes, I know what they say about self pity "Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink." But I feel like a little cry baby today. So I am going to get it all out, then continue on with my day...

I have a friend who is suffering terribly from this disease, it is so hard to keep your mouth shut when you know the solution. I know all I can do is reach my hand out, but it's really hard when you care about someone and they don't take it.

My computer, which is a piece of crap, is making what should take me 30 minutes a day take me about 3 hours. Even though I am grateful to have a computer at all, I still often feel like throwing it.

And last but not least I don't feel well. I totally have a damn cold:(

All done:)

I am Sick

I am sick again. It happens when I get stressed. It's like God uses it as a way to get me out of my own way. It forces me to relax and take it easy. Damn, he's smart. Good-night everyone, sleep tight!

This amazing house is right in my neighborhood and the ditto house is right across the street from it. So funny!

Making Sugar Cookies

Today we are making sugar cookies. I am not much of a baker and what I mean by that is I can't even get jello to set. I am a pretty good cook, but baking not so much. So I bought the pre-cut easy to bake ones.

Other than baking cookies we have very little on our plate today, as I locked myself out of my garage. The garage is where my Santa workshop and laundry are which is what I had on my agenda for today. So I am just going to enjoy having the boys home and holiday spirit in the air (talk to me in a week and I most likely will have about had it with them) but for now it's wonderful!

Don't Defend and Don't Explain

I was taught early on in sobriety not to defend or explain my actions. It is so much harder than it sounds, but I try. I know I am doing the right thing in life right now. Not everybody can be an Emily fan, come to find out, as I have 1 hater commenter. Here's the amazing news I don't take it personally cause it's not, nor do I feel the need to defend myself any further.

I prayed for two years to be able to support my family in a comfortable fashion, and though we are not there yet I am working every second to get there. Here is something I have not shared, I have no high school diploma and no matter how much I study to take the GED test, the fear of taking it is overwhelming. I will face it one day, but not today. The fact God gave me an opportunity to support my family doing something I love, amazes me daily. I am starting a new website (I can't wait to tell you guys all about it!) and don't worry emilyism.com will always, always, be my top priority, but I need to make a little money so my prayers of being able to support my family can come true. Thank you guys for reading my blog. I love that it is becoming a place where people come to share. Your amazing comments and emails warm my heart. XO, Em

Sobriety Sunday

It is crazy how my attitude on drinking has changed when it comes to my children. I used to think that when my kids turned into teenagers I would be the "cool" Mom and let them drink here, as long as no one left in a car. Now, not so much. Beau my oldest is 14 and he, along with his friends, are easily some of the most informed kids out there. They know all about alcoholism and drugs and what the use of each of them normally leads to. That's all I can do really is inform them, as I believe knowledge is power. Of course the fear of them drinking or using is there, but if they do the chances of getting caught are pretty good. I have a hand held breathalyzer (I sell them if anyone wants one) and his Dad sells drug test kits for a living. But I also know that teenagers experiment, and to think that he never will is naive. I just pray this disease skips my kids. My little one once said "I'm never going to know if I'm an alcoholic, cause I'm never going to drink." Brilliant really!

I am off to class. I will write from my journal later:

I am picking a journal entry that is close to my heart. When I read it I can feel the feelings like it was yesterday. I guess that's good,the fear of ever going back there keeps me willing. I'm not sure if I have shared it with you guys but it's the page I opened up to so here....

July 2007 (I think)
I almost drank this weekend, the only thing that stopped me was God and the thought of standing up again. {name withheld} drank 4 days straight. It hurts so bad and I have never been so angry.

Reading that sentence takes me back to that lonely, horrible weekend. The day I wrote it I talked to another sober person who said to me "Do you really want make him your God?" It pissed me off enough not to give him my sobriety. She also told me the thing you think about the most becomes your God, and that's what I was doing. I went home and prayed and just like everything else eventually it did pass.

No Flinching

Right now if I didn't stay in the moment I would be in huge trouble. I have a ton of things I think I need to be worrying about, but I don't. God's got this life of mine covered and for the first time in my life I know and trust that completely. So God and I have this little game called "No Flinching". The second I go to worry ("How am I going to pay my bills, will my websites take off, what is going to happen with my house?") the sentence no flinching goes through my head and throws me back in the moment. I am really grateful for it, right now this moment is all we really have. And right now, right this second I have everything I need.

There are so many people I want to thank for the amazingness of this video, I don't even know where to start. First off thank you God for giving me the words, as this video was completely unscripted. Thank you Sheryl for allowing us to use your home. Thank you Vance for the practice run and stepping in before I totally froze. Thank you Ali for making my hair look better than it ever has. Thanks John for showing up just in the nick of time. And thank you to the amazing, wonderful people at Home Front for being understanding and patient with me and for making a video I can be proud of. Last but not least thank you to the ad council for doing a campaign on this important topic. I love you all!!!

Great Day

I had a great day today. I got a ton done which always feels good, then sat in gratitude for the rest of the day. I am so grateful for having such awesome friends. Thank you Sasha and Bickle for making my rad day even radder, you guys ROCK! Then Gavin and I took a road trip (so I am blogging from Surprise). We loaded up on gas and food, then chatted the whole way there. It is so nice to be sober and able to focus on him and all of the amazing and brilliant questions and things he has to say. I will go to bed to tonight counting my blessings!

Excellence

"Excellence is caring more than others think is wise; risking more than others think is safe; dreaming more than others think is practical; and expecting more than others think is possible."

It is None of your Business

In early sobriety I constantly bitched about these court appointed alcohol classes I had to take because of my DUI. I hated going, as far I was concerned I was doing what I was supposed to be doing without having to be told, and why should I have to go to classes with people still in denial. I don't know about you but most alcoholics I know don't like to be told what to do. I felt like I had to defend the program that was saving my life. After enough bitching someone came up to me and said "IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU!", and yes that person did kind of yell it, but it worked, that one sentence changed my life. I was always worried what people thought about me and whether or not they liked me, now I try to remember that is none of my business. It is like what they say in "The Four Agreements" (great book by the way!) Don't take anything personally. What people do, or say or think, is a reflection of them and their realities, and has very little to do with you. I still worry about what people think about me, but it doesn't consume me like it used to. Thank God for the book "The Four Agreements" and that wise person!

Wisdom or an Opinion?

Here's my opinion if you haven't actually been through something and learned from it, then go to give someone advice it is your opinion, not usually wisdom. Now I do believe that God uses people which is why I added the word usually. I also believe that when I hear something twice I had better check it, which I do with a group of very wise people. I have a friend who asks if I would like feedback before he tells me what to do, now that is wisdom! We all know what people say about opinions. If you don't, here - "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one." Sorry for the little rant had to get it out:)

Happy Birthday

To my wonderful, fabulous, beautiful commenter Mommaof3 Congratulations on 1 year Sweetie. What an incredible accomplishment! May this coming year be the best year of your life! And girls she wants a party so get on under neath this post and throw her one!

I couldn't imagine my Life without Alcohol

Before I got sober I couldn't imagine going 1 day without drinking (sure if I was so hung-over I couldn't get out of bed, otherwise I was drinking). How was I going to talk on the phone, go to the boys' games, hangout with friends, without drinking? I couldn't even fathom the idea. And for about 8 months of sobriety, doing all that stuff was hard and totally awkward. Then slowly as I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, without even noticing, I start enjoying that stuff sober, to a much greater degree. I am present now and focused on what I am doing. When before, I was always distracted and creating drama. I am so thankful I stuck in there, had I given up I would have never known how wonderful sobriety is!

Driving Buzzed is Drunk Driving

Check out my story...

http://buzzeddriving.adcouncil.org/

and remember to always designate a driver! Let's all stay safe during the Holidays!

Grateful to be an Alcoholic

Weird right!? What I mean by that is if I wasn't an alcoholic I never would have taken the steps to get better. The steps I took to achieve sobriety gave me my life back. From the minute I walked into "class" and saw other sober people laughing and having fun I knew it could be done ( I actually thought what the hell are they laughing about, this is not funny) but they were laughing and I was not, it gave me hope. Today I giggle and laugh and in a weird way my alcoholism gave me that, if you know what I mean.

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will.
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill.
When funds are low and debts are high.
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with it's twists and turns.
As every one of us sometimes learn.
And many failures turn about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don't give up though the pace is slow-
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out.
The silver tint of the cloud of doubt.
And you can never tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when your hardest hit-
It's when things seem worse that you must not quit.

An Anonymous Place to Comment

This post is for people to comment and find people chatting with each other, asking questions, giving or getting advice or just to come and read to feel less alone. I love you and all of your comments, they help remind me why I do this! You all ROCK!

Sobriety Sunday

I am going to talk a little about the holidays. The only thing this holiday season and last holiday season have in common is that I am poor. Everything else is totally different, thank God. Last year just like with Thanksgiving I was so depressed that I could hardly leave the house. This year I am doing great. I am remembering what the holidays are about, for me it is about Jesus' birthday and spending time with friends and family. I teach my kids that it is about giving not getting. Now don't get me wrong, they get plenty, as Santa "their Dad" has plenty of money. I explain to them how neat it is that they get all this stuff and it isn't even their Birthday, and that I think all Jesus would want for his birthday is for us to do good for others, pretty good deal really. One year we visited a nursing home. I am not sure what we are going to do to give back this year, but am open to suggestions.

If anyone has a certain topic they would like me to share on please let me know:)

A Night on the Town

I am going out with a group of friends tonight. Most of them drink, so this will be my first official time being the designated driver. The only deal is that sometimes I can't hang long with people that are drinking. Sometimes I can, but sometimes I can't and I never know how it's going to go. So I'm not sure I will make that good of a DD. I guess I will just drive the people home who are ready to go when I am, and the rest can cab it. I will share all about my night and post pictures later.

I am home sober, safe and sound. Will write all about it in the morning!

Good Morning! The last picture I posted is of the ceiling of the place we went. Crazy right!? Some of you may recognize it, yes it is "The Coach House" one of the oldest bars in Scottsdale. They really go all out for the holidays and so do their customers. There were people dressed up as Santa, Mrs Claus and elves. But what I remember the Coach House for is that it opens at 6:oo am, I went sometimes that early...now that's yuck!

So about my night, we got there around 7 and until about 9:30 I was having a great time chatting it up with friends. Then I noticed a switch in the environment, more people bumping into me, people starting to slur and so on. I thought my friends Becky and Tiffany are at their house watching a movie, maybe I will head over there. But I stuck it out. I did a little experiment to see how long it would take to get a cup of coffee or a glass of water, they were really quick about it, but didn't have a hot pot of coffee. I chatted with who I think was the manager and told him that it would be nice for sober people and designated drivers to have some coffee, I don't think he had ever looked at it that way and seemed open to it, nice guy!! So all in all it was a great night!

BuzzBerry

A super cute new little smoothie and coffee shop just opened in my neighborhood. Here's the deal with my neighborhood. Neat things open up and people think it's wonderful, but then they don't go often enough to keep a new little business open. I love BuzzBerry. Its staff and owner are great and I want to keep this wonderful little business in the hood. So I guess what I am saying is, buzz your butt over there and get yourself a wonderful cup of coffee and pastry or a delicious smoothie. You will be impressed, I was. My blended coffee drink was way better than the one I get at Starbucks and $1.00 cheaper. So buzz on over and get your buzz on!

http://www.geturbuzz.com/

Home Alone

I am home all alone tonight. Beau is spending the night at a friends and Gavin is at his Dad's. I remember the nights of being alone in early sobriety being horrible. I was physically and mentally uncomfortable and painfully lonely. The only thing that got me through the weekends I didn't have my kids was watching reruns of America's Next Top Model. It was the one thing that made me feel a little bit better. I would practice saying "Easy breezy beautiful Covergirl" in the mirror. I got my chance to do it for real with the People photographer (so super cool!) Now being alone is something I cherish, something I look forward to. I never want to go back to that lonely place and I know as long as I stay sober I don't have to.

The Pawn Shop

I went to a local pawn shop to sell some old video game equipment yesterday. I was hoping to get a bit of Christmas money. Holy crap what a twisted little world Pawn Shops are. I worked at a Bail Bonds place once, so I am not totally clueless, but was still in a bit of shock yesterday. First of all there was a kid in there I knew, trying to pawn stuff, I really doubt he was doing that to buy his Mom a Christmas gift. Then they offered me $20.00 for equipment that retailed at $700.00. I thought to myself "Who in their right mind would do that"? Then the Pawn Shop world started to became crystal (Crystal being the operable word) clear to me. Who would do that? A person desperate for money to buy drugs or alcohol (by the grace of God go I) or on the brighter side a single Mom trying to feed her children. I once pawned some very special earrings to feed Beau, so I do understand it's not always bad. When I came clean and told the sales guy I was going to write a story on his shop he got a bit nervous. He made a decent trade with me. I asked if they give more money in trade and they normally don't, which is a bit disturbing. I asked him if he was aware of the fact people often pawn things for drugs and he answered "Yes, but I like to go with the belief that there are more good people out there than bad" Cody was his name, nice kid really. I asked what items they sell the most and they told me tools and DVD's. I walked away thinking it may be a really great place to shop, they had some great stuff at really reasonable prices. The only problem is I then had to ask myself how much of it is stolen?

Prayers Needed

My friend Alicia's little girl is very sick and in ICU right now. Everyone please pray for a complete and speedy recovery for this 4 year old little angel!

Those Classes

We had family dinner night over at Tami's last night. Her new man, Eric,and I were chatting about me dating (he is much like an overprotective brother) he goes "Maybe you should wait for those classes to be over." I'm all like "What classes?" I can see Tami in the background about to crack up. "You know the classes you go to." A bit confused I ask "You mean meetings, that's a rest of my life kinda deal"? Tami quickly joined the conversation, and gave him the 101 on recovery. Here's what I know, when I am acting like a bizo my boys always ask "When was the last time you went to a meeting Mom?" I am guessing a new boyfriend will quickly learn that meetings not only help me stay sober, but help keep me sweet. I am thinking of calling meetings classes from now on, cause they kind of are.

Thank you Tami and Eric for the wonderful dinner and great family time! I love you both!

The Donate Button

Yes, I have re-added the donate button. Here's the cool thing about donations, you can donate if you want and if you don't want to, you don't have to. I got a little crap for adding one last time so I removed it, and consulted my peeps who promptly said "Put it back up" so I am. Please don't feel like you have to donate, you don't and I understand times are hard right now. But if you would like to, feel free. Thank you, Emily

The South Beach Diet

What I eat has a great affect on how I feel, I know this, so you think I would eat super healthy right!? Not so much, I do great for awhile then before I know it I am eating like crap and drinking way to much caffeine again. I have woken up the last 4 days with a headache and stomachache. I know it is because I am eating poorly. Food also affects my mental health, I am just way happier when I eat right and lay off the caffeine. I am also getting a bit chubby which you women know is just depressing all on it's own!

So tomorrow I am officially starting the South Beach diet (again). That means two weeks of no sugar not even fruit, no bread and no pasta. For 3 days you feel like shit, then after that it's pretty easy. I am sure I will have a ton of complaining to do so here's the deal - I will do it all under this post so it does not become the main topic on my blog. If anyone wants to join me on this difficult yet rewarding journey that would be fun. And feel free to leave any questions or share your helpful hints with me in the comment section.

Gavin and The Oscar Mayer Mobile

Yesterday as we were pulling into the parking lot of the hotel my family was staying in Gavin goes "Look Mom, that is the coolest car ever!" I look and next to us and parked there was a hooptie car like ours. I asked him if he was kidding, he's all like "No, no Mom look." and there it was the Oscar Mayer hot dog mobile. Very cool! We looked around for the driver, but no luck.

I love Oscar Mayer hot dogs! My best friend Teri and I lived on them growing up along with deli turkey and Diet Coke. Anyway, Gavin thought the wiener mobile was super cool!

UsendU.com

Ever been on facebook and seen that it was a friends Birthday and wanted to do a bit more than just the old Happy Birthday to their profile? Have you ever forgotten a loved ones Birthday? Or ran out of time to send Christmas cards? We all have right!? Well it never has to happen again.
Without further ado I proudly re-present the working link to

UsendU.com

"Thinking outside the mailbox."
This site is amazing and one of a kind!
They are offering the first card free! Just add the promo code ei2001 at checkout.

Under Pressure

The power disconnect guy came to my house today and reconfirmed that good guys are still out there. He said the whole spiel "I'm here to disconnect blah,blah, blah" I asked him if he could come back or if he could wait while I called the company. He said "This is what I'm going to do blah, blah, blah" I don't want to say what he said because I don't want him to get in trouble, but it was very nice! And just in case you're wondering, no I do not just ignore my bills I paid them $100.00 last week, but you can't pay it all if you don't got it.

So I guess that's what I needed to light fire under my ass. I hit the pavement looking for advertisers. I got a few maybes and one company is going to do a trade. The selling part is my least favorite part of what I do. I wish I could just blog and answer emails, but I can't - that doesn't pay the bills. Now I know some of you are saying "Why don't you just add google ads"? There are a few reasons why, first I want to help promote businesses I use and love, second sometimes those google ads are racy if you know what I mean and the last reason is I find them kind of annoying. So I figure I put it out there, I did the foot work and now I will just go on with my day.

And a special thanks to Dan the smartest web guy ever for fixing the www.usendu.com ad! Look for the story on this great site soon!

A Funny Joke

A friend told me this joke today...

A Mom and her little boy were on the plane, the little boy says "Mom, Mom why if big dogs make little dogs and big people make little people, do big airplanes not make little airplanes?" the Mom answers a bit distracted "Go ask the flight attendant honey." So the little boy unbuckles his seatbelt and walks down the aisle. He gets to the flight attendant who is very busy at the time and asks "Maam, if big dogs have little dog and big people have little people then why do big airplanes not make little airplanes?" the flight attendant asks "Did your Mom tell you to ask me that?" the little boy answers "Yes." "Well honey it's because Southwest pulls out on time. Ask her to explain that to you." hehehehehe

Sobriety Sunday

Happy Sunday everyone! It is almost time for me to leave for my morning meeting, I am speaking today. If there is anything you want me to share on that you are going through please e-mail it to me or leave a comment.


8 months sober
In God's time not mine. This has got to get better. I have asked and asked and asked for God to do something about my relationship with (name with held). He is and I am probably taking it back. You left me with no *$@# out. I need him, I don't drive how am I supposed to get anywhere. I am so lonely. I'm just supposed to take it. It is that bad God, it is.

I am grateful for my boys
I am grateful for a roof over my head
I am grateful for bills I can pay

It's hard to feel sorry for yourself when you're grateful I guess.

Not to worry 9 months was my breakthrough. I will share more later:)

I'm back. I wanted to share about my 9th months of sobriety. At 9 months my world opened up. All of a sudden that feeling of complete anxiety and discomfort was lifted. I often share how grateful I am that I didn't give up before then. I would have never known that all the pain was worth it. I guess that's what they mean when they say "Don't give up before your miracle."

Party Pictures

The party went off without a hitch! The kids (along with Tami and Eric:) had an amazing time jumping on the trampoline, eating cake and roasting marshmallows by the campfire. It was a great night!

Thank God for answered prayers!

I feel all better! I took some flu medicine last night and went to bed then woke up feeling great! Which is a very good thing because I have a crazy busy day. I am cleaning, cleaning, cleaning for the party tonight, then giving a swim lesson at noon. I am so excited for the party, two years ago there weren't enough people who wanted to be around me to have a party. I know it will be great. I am so blessed these days to have such amazing people in my life! I promise to post pictures after the party.

This is my 100th Post!

I was going to title this post "Blogging a Bad Day" because it totally kinda was. It's hard to call any day in my life right now a bad day cause it is so, so much better than it was. But still I kind of had a crappy day.

I feel like I have privileged problems like this one; they showed my article and picture on The Rachael Ray show yesterday and I missed it. See a little hard to feel sorry for yourself when that's your problem. But that was not my only problem, I don't really know how to put this while still protecting the people involved. Mmmm...a sweet business associate called and asked me to come into her office to discus something with her. When I showed up there were 5 people in the room. Entrapment right!?. But I dealt with it like a champ and understood their point and hopefully they understood mine. It's kind of hard not to as I am a bit blunt. Also, I almost ran out of gas on the way there and drove there on a spare. Which all my male friends say is a very bad idea. It must be a really bad idea because one of them took care of it. My Mom is in town and my Uncle, his girlfriend and her grand-daughter get in tonight. I have a big party planned for his birthday tomorrow and I feel horrible, chills, fever, tired and sick...not good! There's also another bad deal going on, but it's "staying in the vault" kind of stuff. I am tired and cranky and am going to go to bed and pray to God that I feel all better tomorrow.

I had a Flat Tire Today!

I was cruising down the freeway and suddenly... bumpity, bump, bump, bump. I knew it was a flat right away, I have had many. In the bad old days they were from hitting curbs, but today's was just because the tire was old. It was nice to be sober and to know Gods in charge. I just sat there for a minute and thought "Huh, what to do next?" I called my fireman friend Kenny, he is a great friend and always answers his phone. He came to get me right away. We got the spare out to find there was no jack. So we ran to his house which luckily was only about 5 minutes away to get one. We must have only gone a total of 9 minutes and when we returned the tire was changed! So thank you, thank you, thank you to both Kenny and the anonymous good Samaritan.

Blogging from my BlackBerry

My Mom bought me a BlackBerry for Christmas. I have wanted one for a long time and just love it!

K, now I'm on the computer. Come to find out blogging from your BlackBerry is kinda hard. The keys are tiny! But still I love it and the fact I can work without being attached to this computer is super cool! Thanks Mom!

Moms are Great!

My Mom is in town from Washington. We are having a great time. My Mom is so sweet, when I made my amends to her she said "Don't be silly you're my daughter you never need to say your sorry." I explained to her that if I wanted to stay sober it was something I had to do.

Dealing with my 14 year old has taught me how sorry I really am. I was a horrible teenager and dealing with me must have been a nightmare. I flunked out of school, ran away, snuck out, stole the car, I could go on and on but I'm sure my Mom would rather I not. I really am sorry, I can't even imagine how hard that was to deal with.

My Mom is laying by the pool right now. It always cracks me up when people come down here in December and treat it like summer..I guess to them it is. The hotel has a BBQ dinner tonight so we are all getting together for a fun family dinner:)

Teenagers are Tuff

I am succeeding at so many things in my life right now. Being a parent to a teenager is not one of them. I get so mad at him. It's not that I don't understand, I do. But he's so smart and so capable of great things that it irritates the heck out of me that he doesn't seem to care about his grades or anything else besides Call of Duty and football. I was a horrible teenager and at his age doing things that haven't even crossed his mind, so I guess I should actually be counting my blessings. I will pray for patience and understanding. It's not like giving up is a choice.

Lights, Camera, Action...

Today I am shooting a service announcement for the government called "Buzzed Driving is Drunk Driving". It took me two years of sobriety not to feel like a hypocrite when I talked about drunk driving. I did it, so who am I to tell someone else not to right!? Well I am a person who knows first hand the hell you go through when you get a DUI. As I was talking to the people about filming this video I remembered that I did actually get a DUI while driving buzzed, I also got one while driving shit canned but first things first. I got that first DUI before I had lost myself to alcoholism. I didn't drink and drive for years after that. The deal is you forget. You forget the embarrassment, the depression and the pain of what you went through and just like me most do drink and drive again.

The People Update

People magazine printing my website changed my life. I received tons of emails from Moms in the same position I was. It was then I truly got how my article had affected people. Thank you and God Bless People magazine and all the wonderful women that e-mailed me, for it was you guys that I did it for. I never want anyone struggling with alcoholism to feel alone, because the truth is you aren't, there are thousands of us. Many still suffer alone and that just doesn't need to happen. If you are suffering silently know that I love you. I have been where you are and there is a solution.

Lost Dog (has been found)

Our beautiful yellow lab "Brinkley" got out this afternoon. She is a loving, sweet 3 year old lab. I am sure whoever has her has fallen in love. We posted signs and made a trip to the pound with no luck. We will continue our hunt for Brinkley tomorrow. Please pray for her safe return.

Well y'all must of prayed really hard because Brinkley is home safe and sound. I fed her some pizza rolls and will be taking her to the dog park today. Sometimes when you lose something you re evaluate what it means to you. I am really a cat person but that does not mean that I should neglect my adorable, sweet dog. So to the dog park we go.

Sobriety Sunday

Happy Sunday everyone! Today I am going to grab a journal and share whatever page I turn to...ready, set, go

October 2009
I often hear "You don't look like an alcoholic" It amazes me every time I do. I just want to say "neither does your doctor or lawyer or kid's teacher but they very well could be." Alcoholism is not choosy it will take anyone it can get black, white, rich, poor, women or men.

I am off to get ready for a meeting. Feel free to leave suggestions, I love when you guys do that!

I'm back, I actually went to 2 meetings! I love driving!

April 27, 2008
I took pleasure in someone elses pain. I am sorry God. I talked behind someones back. I am sorry God. I did not pray in the morning. I am sorry God. Please help me to improve.

Making amends is key to staying sober. The quicker and more effectively you do it the better. I know I owe an amends because when I do I am often uncomfortable until it's made. I am willing to do cause the second I do I feel better.

Naps

Naps are great. I take one almost ever day. Like I said in an earlier post I am still pretty new in recovery and know that if I want to stay sober I better remember that. If I get too tired I am a mess. I learned early on to H.A.L.T and ask myself am I hungry, angry, lonely or tired. In my first year it was almost always all of them. Now when I am feeling off it is pretty much always that I am tired or hungry. So I take a nap then I get up and eat a little something and I am all good again. Yeah Naps!

Bionic Bands Rock!

Bionic Bands Rock...do I wear one? Totally, they are amazing! I feel a sense of positive energy every time I have mine on, so much so that I have to take it off before I go to bed. I am so happy to have Bionic Bands on my site! So go check out the link on the right and shop away. Bionic Bands are great for people 8 to 80!

Bionic Bands are a new technology that gives you strength, balance and energy just by wearing one!

Our Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving was wonderful. We had no real plan...just to go with the flow. I took a sponsee to visit her litter mates at her rehab (a litter mate is the group of people you got sober with) Then we came back here and cooked. While the turkey was cooking and everyone was taking a nap I snuck over to my friends house to visit with them for awhile. When I got back in my car to come home and check on the bird it wouldn't start...I tried and tried and tried, but no cigar. So one of my friends drove me home. Then we ate...It was great! I am actually a pretty good little cook! It was wonderful, no stress, eating with the people I love and help with the dishes. It was an all around great day. Then I went back to get my car and still it wouldn't start. I called the company they promptly called me back and said it's probably how I was humming. I retried and it started right up!

We are decorating for Christmas today! Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Em

Hugs are Free

I know first hand that the holidays can be hard. I will be checking my e-mails throughout the next few days. Please do not hesitate to send me an e-mail if you are having a hard time and need a cyber hug.

emilyism.com@gmail.com

What a difference a year can make!

Last year on Thanksgiving my boys were at their Dad's, John was with his family and I was alone. My x was threatening to leave me homeless and I was financially and spiritually broken. I felt that there was no chance for me and that I had stayed sober and done all that work for nothing.

What a year can do for a girl! I am so thankful! If you read my blog you know all the neat and wonderful stuff going on in my life. There are a ton of exciting things happening in the near future that I can't wait to tell you guys about! But you'll have to wait cause as of right now I am on vacation!

Have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving. God Bless, Em

multitastical

Today I dealt with a drunk kid (no, not my own), met with a newcomer, got my nails done and did an interview with a Colombian radio station live all at the same time. No I am not kidding...it was CRAZY! Gavin said "Mom you are multitastical" gavinism. O' and yes I picked up my chip:)

I'm Legit!

I just drove myself to the store to get milk, for the first time in 2 years! I am super excited to be able to go where I need to go when I need to go. YEAH!

I am 2 today!

Today I am two years sober. I remember in meetings seeing other people say they were 2 years sober and thinking that was so much time, maybe you are reading this and thinking the same thing. The deal with that is after my 1st year, time flew. Last year I was in a depression on my sobriety day...it was horrible! I had worked so hard and a depression? Everything happens for a reason and it got me where I am today, so I ain't bitchin. I have learned that excitement is not a feeling I like. I have also learned to be very in tune to my ups and downs, to stay balanced. If your curious why that depression happened here's why I think it did...my good friend got a DUI, I was eating like shit and was way to excited about making it a year, along with life happening. So this year I am just going to take it easy. I have a very busy day today so I am going to get what I need to get done and maybe think about going to a meeting to pick up a chip.

Sobriety Sunday

Good Morning everyone! I received a request to share on my experience with having another alcoholic in your life. I will be taking requests all throughout the day:)

July 2008
I almost drank this weekend. The only thing that stopped me is God and the thought of having to stand up for another 30 days. (Name withheld) drank 4 days straight, it hurt so bad, I have never been so angry.

So I went to a different kind of meeting. I hated it. I would rather dump him, but I will give it 30 days. With the help of God I will stay calm, not say a word about his alcoholism and transmit nothing but love. The meeting I went to teaches you how to detach and maybe that's what I need to do.

May 2008
I am trying to find something to do on Sundays. Sundays suck. (Name withheld) hangs out and gets drunk with his friends all day. I am resentful. I loved drinking all day on Sundays, which is sad being that it is the day of rest and all. My sobriety is becoming more and more important to me. It is the most important thing in my life.

Present
It took me a very long time, but I now know I can control no one else drinking. And If I try to I could lose the chance to be helpful somewhere down the line. I don't want to make it sound like I'm perfect with this, I am not. When you love someone it is really hard not to say anything especially if you're worried about them or it hurts you...I just do my best!

It took awhile but I did find something to do on Sundays... Sobriety Sundays...Thanks God!

Tomorrow is my sobriety date...I will be 2, explains some of my bratty behavior:)

Requests

I am taking requests and suggestions for Sobriety Sunday. Do you have any questions? Would you like me to share about a certain problem or feeling or topic? Or I could share from my journal on whatever month most people are in (2 months sober, 12 months sober etc.) You can leave me your suggestion in the comment section below or email them to me at emilyism.com@gmail.com

Broken Promises

Do you make plans time and time again with the best of intentions? "I am going to get up early, make a pot of coffee and hit the ground running" Then after a night of drinking blow them all off and find yourself sleeping in, not doing what you promised yourself you would? Well, I did that all the time when I was drinking and blamed it on everything else besides my drinking...I deserve to sleep in, it's Monday or Sunday or Friday, I am depressed, I will do it tomorrow, but tomorrow never came. I was constantly disappointed in myself. You know how I know it was my drinking? Because I don't do it anymore. Now when I tell myself I am going to do something as long as it is in God's plan for me it gets done.

If you ended up on my website reading this post it may be for a reason. If you're not sure if you're an alcoholic try not drinking for 30 days. If you can do that happily with no help maybe you aren't an alcoholic, But if you can't maybe you are. And if you can and your life gets better in that 30 days why would you ever drink again, so maybe you are.

Here's the deal...The only person that can decide you're an alcoholic is you. Kinda powerful don't you think.

The Police

Beau has 5 friends spending the night tonight. They know the rules... no sneaking out, no smoking of anything and no drinking or you're not allowed back. My house is the "fun" house, they like it here so they follow the rules.

They baked cookies, had pizza, played video games and dished on each other. Then they asked to build a fire. I let them do that. Once it gets as big as I am comfortable with (which isn't very big) I tell them it can't get any bigger or they're putting it out. They listened to that, cause the fire isn't why the cops came to the door, it was a noise complaint. Now my bedroom window is facing the backyard...I could only hear whispering voices, they were not being that loud.

I answered the door and two young cops are standing there, They tell me they got a noise complaint. I explain that there are 5 14 year olds in the backyard and at least they aren't running the streets. I told them I would tell them to come in. I then go in the backyard and see a beautiful sight, there they are all sitting around their little fire quietly talking. They are still out there, I told them to be very quiet and come in once the fire burns out. They are kinda adorable young men (if they knew I called them adorable they would call me a douche) But they are,6 football playing freshman, sitting around the fire bonding...adorable!

Pizza Fridays

When I wasn't so broke I always had "Pizza Fridays" for the boys. Beau called from school today and asked if he could have some friends sleep over... I said sure! He has been grounded for weeks now because of his poor grades. He's a great kid but his grades...they suck! I am letting him have some friends spend the night because he has been trying so hard this week. He even went to family reading night with Gavin and was an incredible big brother. I am happy that I have a tiny bit of money to order pizza for them...it has been awhile. No drivers license yet...but that's okay having "Pizza Friday" is worth waiting an extra day or so to get my license back:) (Thanks Sheryl! Go Bionic Bands!)

Please feel free to e-mail me any questions, comments, suggestions or feedback to...emilyism.com@gmail.com

Cravings

I often get asked if I still get cravings...not very often anymore and when I do I know what to do about it. In the beginning of sobriety I had cravings so bad they actually hurt. One day I sat on my hands on the couch and prayed until they went away. I look back now and think "God how did I do that?" that's the answer God. My sponsor and I got together when I was about 2 months sober, she took my hands and we said a special prayer. She told me that many peoples cravings went away after doing this step.Was it the power of words or God?...who cares! My cravings did go away, at least the ones that hurt did. It went from me thinking about drinking every 5 minutes or so, to ever hour, to a few times a day, to every few days, to once a week, to just when I was upset or in trigger places...crowded rooms, places that smell like alcohol, airports (I have yet to fly sober) and once in awhile when people drink on TV.

That's part of what I mean when I promise it gets better. I no longer have to drink or even think about drinking. It had a flippin death grip on me and today I am free of that. Thank God!

My Morning Meeting

This morning I got to go to the meeting I got sober in. I love it there, when I walk in the room I am home. I sit in the same chair, next to the same person and get love and hugs from many of the same people. Two years ago when I walked into that special room I was broken, but my life changed forever. I finally found a place where people knew how I felt, what I was going through, how I was thinking. I was no longer all alone. The difference between them and me was they knew the solution. They were laughing and I was not, so I listened to what they told me to do, because of that and the Grace of God I am sober today. I love every single person there, they saved my life.

Doing the right thing

It has sadly come to my attention that there are a few people out there compromising doing the right thing to save their own ass, don't they get that doing the right thing is what saves your ass?

I am only going to say this once...

-I will not be involved with any show, article, campaign, commercial or book that mentions the name of the program I got sober in. Thank you for respecting this.

-Also I am asking that only the faded picture of my children in People magazine be shown on TV. I understand that People magazine gives shows permission to show the article and that is fine with me (I <3 People Magazine) It is just my personal request.

With that being said I want to thank a few people. Thank you to Alicia Dennis the best reporter in the world. Thank you to Laura Frank for your kindness and understanding. Thank you to People magazine for both doing an article on such an important topic and publishing www.emilyism.com. I will do a story for you anytime! It is helping a ton of women and doing it was worth every bit of fear I had to walk through. You guys ROCK!!

Up and Down

The up....Gavies Thanksgiving feast. I just love that kid. Mostly I love that he is still at the age where he likes me to be involved and still hugs me before I leave. Gavin is an all around great kid!

The down....Finding out once again that not everyone can be an Emily fan. Here's the deal for now this is my personal blog. It is about me, my life, my journey in sobriety, my fun times and my sad times. If it helps you, makes you laugh or you relate that is wonderful! I love getting your e-mails, they help keep me sober. It is hard to put your life out there to be judged, but I know this is helping people and to me that's all that matters.

The up....Having your super cute new neighbor drive you to kinkos to fax a contract to 'The Rachael Ray Show' it has been all up from there:)

The up....Then I went to visit my neighbors and ask them to re-send the RR contract, I guess it didn't go through the first time. Thanks Amanda! They are the funniest family I know. Mom, Dad and 5 daughters. They are flipping hilarious! They told me I had to pay them to use any of their stories, they swear like truck drivers, Dad is a truck driver in fact, so I'm not sure I could have used it anyway. But it was just the thing I needed. They are wonderful, they always welcome me into their home. When I ask If I may have something to drink they answer "Hell yes, it ain't your first time here you know where the sodas are, grab yourself something to eat while your in there." I did a freshly baked, beautifully decorated, sugar cookie. Thanks guys for having me over and letting me be part of your fun family!

The up....Reading my Beau who is 14 years old some of "A Boy called It" before going to bed is priceless and a perfect way to end the day!

"Never be scared to ask for what you're worth, just remember that God is your appraiser." emilyism.com

Gratitude

I just wanted to let everyone know I am feeling much better today. The power of prayer, tears and sleep is amazing! I also want to thank you all for your e-mails, helping other people helps get me out of my head, and reconfirms why I am doing all of this! Thank you. I love you all, Emily

Tuff Day

I don't talk much on here about my relationship troubles. But for my own healing I am going to a little bit tonight. I have never ended a relationship without a fight, someone cheating, mass drama or without threats of a restraining order. Just knowing it is not what's best for me, knowing it is time to move is a blessing of sobriety. But here's the deal it hurts, you can feel it, there is no more numbing agent. I have a heavy heart and am sad. Even though it was a long time coming and I have tried doing it a million times it still sucks,the guy's my best friend. It was a very very co-dependant relationship and at this point in my sobriety I recognize that...even picked up a chip for it tonight (that was weird)I just want this person to know I love him and am thinking about him and wish him the best! With that being said I am going to cry myself to sleep. You can't reason your way out of your feelings and right now I am feeling sad:(

Dancing Sober

When I first got into recovery I could not imagine dancing sober. I would try at home, while no one was watching, and it was like...Go Feet, Go Feet. I couldn't even get my feet to move. I wrote about it in my journal and then let it go. Then months later my neighbor invited me to go to a restaurant with dancing she goes to every Friday. She warned me it kinda had an older crowd (like people between 50-99 years old) I thought "Why not? If you can't dance in from of them it's just ego" So I went and I gave it a shot...first dance, kinda hard...I looked at my feet and thought, "Go Feet, Go Feet...get your groove on...Go Feet" Then they played the Electric Slide and it was on like Donkey Kong. I haven't had a problem dancing ever since. Go Feet!!

Sobriety Sunday

I am going to be blogging throughout the day about sobriety.

Here are a few things I do to stay sober... go to meetings, pray, call my sponsor, help other people, pray, go to meetings, call my sponsor. help other people:)

Here is an actual entry from my journal...

December 2007
Powerless- O' my Gosh I am, even the thought of trying to quit on my own is funny. There was no way. Alcohol was my best friend, my support system, my comfort. Boy, did that back fire. I knew for a long time that I couldn't control it, I didn't even try. It was easier to drink. It make me feel better. I didn't even think about how I couldn't get out of bed, how I couldn't get anything done, how I drank instead of playing with my kids, how I fought and argued with everyone and how I went totally crazy. I didn't think of any of that just when I could take the next drink. It had total and complete control of me.

May 2007
Sobriety is the hardest thing I have ever done. There are so many things I can't imagine doing. Going on a sober vacation, dancing, being excited. I am writing this in the hopes that I can one day look back and this will all be a faded memory, like I do with my first week. I have faith and I am hopeful.

UPDATE: I have danced sober, gone on a sober vacation and I get excited all the time!

In my first year of sobriety even though I felt better in meetings, like there was a power there you couldn't see, I still felt like I didn't fit in, like people didn't really like me and that I was still all alone. I know now that was my disease trying to keep me out of the place that would save my live. I still sometimes feel that way, I just don't care anymore. I go there to stay sober not to win a popularity contest. I am now okay with being alone with myself. That is such a blessing of sobriety...being comfortable in your own skin:) I am off to walk to the store with Beau, will write more later, Em

In a few minutes I am going to meet with another sober person to go over my resentments. Fun right!? Not really it's like pulling the band-aid off, it hurts pretty bad for a minute and sometimes opens the wound. But this is not my first time at doing this step and I know it's worth it! Trust me it's worth it, or I so wouldn't be doing it.