IMG_0375.jpeg

Beau Graduates

This was going to be my face book post this morning, but I took it down to Congratulations Beau. It has not been an easy 4 years, to say the least. In fact it has been down right horrible.

Honestly I can't believe he's graduating. I wish I felt joy, or pride or something other that ...flat line...I guess I feel kind of flat line. Maybe that's because up until Monday whether or not he was graduating was still up in the air, and I couldn't really be excited until I knew it was for sure...and what was a going to say if he didn't...with announcements our, a party planned, and family coming into town. It's been stressful to say the least. But he is graduating, and on time, and it is time for me to be proud of him...the last 4 years haven't been that easy on him either. ❤

It is with pride, and a little bit of shock Beau graduates today-from his original high school and on time...miracles happen. 

Sent from my iPhone

IMG_2890.jpeg

Hot Yoga University

I am about to walk into yoga. I haven't been in a month. How soon I forgot the wonderful studio I belong to. My yoga studio is just one more place where I feel loved, and at home. That is a big deal for me. There were so, so many years that I didn't feel loved or at home no matter where I was. The fact that today there are places I can go where my souls sings makes me so very grateful!!

Thank you, Yoga University!

Humbled

I am home safe and sound. I am home a little more humbled, a little more in awwww over my life, and what it is becoming. I'm not sure I have the words to explain the last few days...how do you explain the feeling of being around greatness. I spoke at a establishment that was created by a legend (and I didn't even know it)...I was half way through the event when I realized that Father Martin was the very same man who did "Chalk Talk" (look it up) half of what we hear in recovery came from him (I am sure if he were here he'd correct me on that-it came God...but his delivery was ingenious!) His explanation on the disease of alcoholism is spot on. I'm guessing that not knowing was what kept me right sized. God is VERY smart! Father Martin's Ashley is a beautiful, spiritual place. I feel in love the second I set foot on its campus. My very favorite part was when I entered their chapel...I looked to the right and of course found Holy water, but when I looked down the isles every pew had a Recovery Bible. It was a perfect combination as far as I'm concerned. As for my speech-it went great! I stepped in front of the microphone and the words just came to me, as they always do. I sure wish I would have just had faith that would happen-instead of torturing the hell out of myself the night before. Maybe next time :)

Father Martin's Ashley

I feel honored to be part of such a special event today! I'll blog more about it later-now I must rest!

Father Martin Ashley's

">http://fathermartinsashley.com/Fundraising-Events/Women-in-Recovery-Luncheon.aspx

Mother's Day

Blessed

My Bio

Emily Sadler has made it her mission to lift the stereotype of alcoholism and to help the people suffering from this fatal disease feel less alone. She has told her story in People magazine, on Dr. Phil, and in the documentary Lipstick and Liquor. Although she admits it isn't always easy sharing the most painful and vulnerable time of her life, she has no doubt that it is what she is meant to do. Emily believes that by opening it up, by putting it out there, by keeping the conversation on addiction and alcoholism alive, lives will be saved. Emily is also a motivational speaker and blogger (emilyism.com)

Raw

 I am flying to Washington DC next week to share my story.  I am super raw right now.  In order to get prepared to speak I had to mentally go back to what it was like. I rarely do that....in fact I don't do it at all-unless the story can help another alcoholic. It is uncomfortable, and it makes me sad. I forget how much I have been through-and I like it that way.

 I look at my past as a set of my very own encyclopedias. I can take one down from the shelf, share the information, and gently place it back up on the shelf until I need them next. Right now I feel like I have them all open at once, and it is upsetting.

This seems to happen when I share publicly. I guess everyone would do it if it was easy, right!?

Starting the Conversation

 

 

 

Dr.Ravi of the Journey Healing Center was on the panel that we had after the premier of Lipstick...he said something that's took my breath away..."My wife is a cardiologist-a heart doctor, and I have lost more patients this year than she has. More patients to addiction, than to heart failure...unbelievable"

When are we going to stop acting as if alcoholism and addiction isn't fatal. Everyone skirts around it, no one wants to talk about it, and certainly no one wants to call anyone else out. But what if we started talking openly about it, started talking about it before someone loses their life. What if calling someone out is the very thing that saves their life? All questions that it is time to start asking!

And here's another thing PREVENTION, does anyone talk about that-ever!?

Lipstick and Liquor

 

 

 

Stupid Disease

Before last night I hadn't been to a meeting in a week. I don't really know how to explain it, but it was almost like I was frozen. I knew I needed to go to a meeting, I mean I really knew- it was getting ugly up in here-but I just couldn't get myself to go. I could feel my disease winning-you see that's what it does, it catches me at a weak moment, and paralyzes me. But I caught it this time. I called my friends, and made plans to go to meetings with them. For some crazy reason I will disappoint myself-but standing up a friend I would never do. So I secured my sobriety for another day by making myself accountable to another alcoholic.

It is amazing what a meeting can do. I feel much more balanced today!

Xo,
Em

The Non Traditional Family

Yesterday at Gavin's game I had this light bulb moment about my family. It is unique, and to some it is unbelievably odd. But to me it is amazing, and sacred, and mine. The above picture is of Clay (my was-been) and John (my x-boyfriend-best friend guy) they are shooting Beau a txt pretty much telling him that we are all on the same page, and that he needed to shape up. The new guy probably would have been there too-had his week panned out a little bit differently. The deal is everybody just has to get along-we've worked really hard over the years not to kill each other-and trust me at times it was hard. But we always has one thing going for us-the boys came first, plain and simple. I don't care if I wanted to knock John and Clay's block off at the same time...I sucked it up (well, most of the time) I sucked it up, and pretended I liked them even when I didn't, and guessed what happened - one day I didn't have to pretend anymore- none of us have to pretend anymore -we actually like each other. I have seen children, and families destroyed over resentments -and I am so, so thankful that didn't happen to mine. My family may seem odd-it may have few boundaries-It may make no sense to anyone else-but to me it is perfect -and for that I am grateful!

Blessed

 

Grateful to have so many wonderful people in my life these days. The two above are some of my favorites!

Protecting my Low Cards

I read a blog today that very well could have change my life. It was amazing, and in some weird way gave me the permission to share my story at a deeper level.

You see I've been hiding my crazy-and instead acting like a lady (I love that song) Now the acting like a lady part (minus my overuse of the word fuck) it's kind of just me, it's who I am, it is how I was raised-and what is expected of me. In many ways it stops me from being a complete nut job.

But the whole being a lady thing, and the unwillingness to sharing my crazy is stopping me from sharing the stuff that I know in my heart I'm supposed to be. Our life is out testimony... There's never been a doubt in my mind that what I went through was for a reason, and the reason was to help other people. But if I keep it all trapped up in my mind, then who am I helping? No one-not even myself.

It is time in my journey to share "me" To share a little bit more of what I've been through, and and a whole lot more about the survival techniques I use not to go back there.

Xo, em

Soooo Funny!

A Late Birthday Post

I celebrated my 39th Birthday on the 5th of this month. I normally post about my Birthday, I don't  really known why I didn't this year-busyily blessedly I guess. 

I have a lot going on these days! Lipstick and Liquor is opening in Scottsdale (my home town) I have a speaking engagement in May, and I am starting the process of writing a book......

So much exciting stuff in fact that when  I met a friend for coffee the other day we had to go over difference between anxiety and excitement. For so many years I chased the feeling of excitement that anything close to that is uncomfortable for me. I am  trying to look at that feeling in a new light. 

Does anyone have any favorite blog post, or better yet a title for my new book? 

Xo, em 

Perfection

Since as long as I can remember I have had an issue with perfectionism. It is paralyzing at times. My mind tells me "if you can't do it perfectly why even try" it has stopped me from many things in my life. Lately I have realized that there is no perfect-there just isn't. what there is are a lot of people just doing their best. And doing your best is flipping perfect! It is! 

I don't know where this perfect bullshit came from, but that's exactly what it is-bullshit. When I walk around thinking I have to be perfect, then I find myself holding people to that same standard. And who am I to hold anyone to any kind of standard, especially an unobtainable one!  

Note to self: Emily-your best is good enough!

Sent from my iPhone

Right Now...,

Lately I have been a mess, and planning the wreckage of my future.

So today on my way to my morning meeting I reminded myself of this...

I live a blessed life. Right now, right this minute there is nothing wrong in my world. I am sober, my kids are healthy, I love my job, I have amazing beautiful friends, and my new boyfriend is a total hottie. Nothing's wrong-nothing that I don't make up in my silly alcoholic mind.

So today my goal is to stay in the minute, it is to enjoy, and cherish my kick ass life!

 

Happy Easter

Even the Easter Bunny takes a moment to reflect on the year!

What have you accomplished? What would you like to accomplish? What dreams, and goal are going to shoot for? Are you remembering to stay in gratitude?

I hope everyone had a WONDERFUL Easter! Xo, em

My new Logo

Safety

I have so much going on in my cyber space world these days, that I am happy to have emilyism.com to run home to. It is my safe place, my haven amongst the chaos. I can say what I need to in here, I can share my thoughts and feelings...without it I'm not sure what I would do.

There are so many exciting things coming up in my life-I can't wait to share them all with you!!

For now I am just going to relax and take it easy! Off to bed....xo

Giving what you've got

So if you're in recovery you know that we're supposed to freely give away what we have-in order to keep it. What does that mean? Well, for me it means that anytime, anywhere if someone asks for my help...I help them. End of discussion. It doesn't matter if I like then, it doesn't matter if I don't really have the time, it doesn't matter if I don't want to (and trust me sometimes I don't flipping want to) I do, I do because someone did it for me-plain and simple.

Sent from my iPhone

Dear God,

Thank you.

Sent from my iPhone

Slacking

I haven't been going to enough meetings-at all! Not okay! I mean it's ok, I guess-as long as I am okay with my crazy returning -WHICH I AM NOT-

People ask me all the time "How many meetings should I go to?" And my response is always the same "If you go to a meeting on the days you drank you should be fine"

Time to take my own advice!

I believe....

I believe that dreams come true
I believe in happily ever afters
I believe in take your breath away love
I believe in miracles
and happiness, and gratitude, and myself, any you!

I also believe that you manifest what you believe. So remember to believe and dream big, and beautiful things!!

Sent from my iPhone

Mid week Ski Trip

I went skiing yesterday. It was beautiful, and peaceful, and I was in great company. I am blessed.

Important enough to Share

This blog post not only made me cry, but changed the way I will be speaking to my loved ones from here on out. Definitely a worth while read!! Em

http://www.handsfreemama.com/2012/04/16/six-words-you-should-say-today/


Sent from my iPhone

Losing Yourself

How many of you have lost yourself over a man? You start out with a life, and friends, and peace of mind...and by the end of your relationship you end up not only losing everything you had, but you lose him too. Looking around and wondering how did that happen? And where are my friends? You see you put him first, never a good idea. Wrapping your entire life around some man-isn't hot, especially not to him.

So keep your life. Continue your relationship with your friends. Keep your priorities in place. And then go ahead, and be super excited about the new man...the one you are SO not going to lose your head from your ass over.

Sent from my iPhone

Fear or Faith

You choice, but you can't have both-at least I can't. If I am in faith, if I am trusting God to take care of me, if my heart is filled with gratitude-then there is absolutely nothing to be scared of. God is the best insurance anyone could ever have. I am safe, I am loved, and I am protected.

That's my pep talk to myself to start shopping solely at the new grocery store!

Beginning

The Beginning…

 

The beginning of anything new is rough on me-change, feelings, emotions and the not knowing what to expect. The feeling of being in that odd grey area that is both uncomfortable, and exciting all at the same time.  I hate it.

 

So ya’all know how I just moved, right!? Well, I’ve been going back to my old grocery store to shop, even though I live 10 steps away from the grocery store at my new place.  Why? Because it is safe, because it is comfortable, because it feels like home…..is it not  necessarily the better of the two grocery store, but it is comfortable.  So I go back…instead of just  going shopping at the new store, and trusting that  one day I will know it, and love it….I tend to do this with other things in my life also.

When am I going to let go of the old, and embrace the new?   

Hidden Blessings

Last night I was reminded that everything we go through...ever bit of love, every bit off  pain, every bit of trauma,  is for a reason, and that reason is SO-SO much bigger than us.

I believe that if we are following Gods will than on really special days we get to see how Gods turns our past into a miracle...A miracle that help us to help another person. It is amazing. When I share a situation from my past to help someone feel less alone, less afraid, to give them hope, or courage-it makes whatever that thing from my past was-not matter how painful it, worth it.

And maybe it is just that simple. We go through the stuff we go through, we learn from it -to be able to pass that wisdom on  to another a person.

What if we were look at every situation-painful or not as blessing that God will use down the road? 

Falling

Falling....

I remember awhile ago my Mom telling me "Don't worry about falling in love, just fall in like"

I guess that's what I am doing right now...falling in like. It is scary, and fun, and exciting all at once. It has been a long times since I wanted to stay up all night talking to someone....it is nice. So is he. I am blessed.

Happy Valentine's

For anyone who didn't get flowers today, you deserved them, so here you can share mine.

Sent from my iPhone

Gratitude

Gratitude...I know...gratitude again...but it's where I am right now.

 Lately I have caught myself driving down the street in awww over my own life. I cannot believe I have the life I have today. How did I ever get this lucky, or blessed, or whatever you want to call it?! It brings tears of joy to my eyes on a daily basis.

I was talking to a friend this morning about emilyism.com. He was there when this blog saved my life, he remembers that broken women who was lost and afraid, and felt that financial freedom was an unobtainable thing for a single Mom with little to no education. He sees me today, and tears of joy come to his eyes. Tears of joy for someone else's success, I know right!? (I have amazing friends!) I am not the same person I was when this blog started (we can go ahead and thank God for that!)

Today I am living all of the advice I have given, and have been given.

If I was asked to credit my life today to one thing it would hands down be my sobriety......

Thankful
Thankful
Thankful

And now for some Emily reality 101....John and I lasted one month, and promptly took our title of best friends back. And I have a date with a very handsome man on Saturday. GO ME!

Gavin got Braces

Today Gavin got braces. It seems like such a weird thing to be proud of-but I am. I am paying for half. I am at a point in my life that I can provide for my children. I never thought I would be here-and I thank God everyday that I am.

He is doing well. Ice cream and smoothies on the dinner menu for the night!

Sent from my iPhone

Article-Why is Recovery THE Answer.doc

Any Questions?

Since I have nothing to say these days. Let's do something new...do you have any questions for me? About my recovery? My family? How to get sober? How I stay sober? Whatever you want to know?!

To blog-or not to blog

that is the question.

I started this blog because I wanted people to have a place to go, to connect. I never want another alcoholic to suffer alone.

In the beginning I blogged for you, but this blog turned around and saved my life during a time that I was so depressed that during my drinking days with out a doubt, I would have been hospitalized for. I blogged my way through it. It gave me just enough time out of my head to stay sane. And then once again I was blogging for you.

I'm not sure now who I am blogging for, or what direction this blog should take -if any-

I know this....I don't want to blog about being sick anymore. I have fought, and worked, and prayed-and I have recovered. To talk about being sick all the time will keep me sick. But I have this under line feeling of guilt to get on here and blog about my absolutely fabulous life. But that's what it is. Sure, I have bad days-But I go to a meeting, I call my sponsor, I pray. I don't drink-and it passes.

If you want what I have, do what I do.

2013

2012 was the best year of my life-hands down. Last year I set some intentions, and every one if them came true. I'm living the life of my dreams. If an outsider looked at my life they may see a life far from perfect...but for me, for this alcoholic it has met and exceeded every expectation I ever could have had.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Sent from my iPhone

Sent from my iPhone

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house kids are running crazy, no one's as quiet as any kind of mouse. The stockings are hung by the entry way table with care...as with every year-Santa knows they are there. I in my uggs and John in his cap would very much like to settle in for some kind of nap.

While out from behind the Christmas tree there arose such a clutter-I sprung to my feet to see what was the matter....it was just Elfvis "our elf on the shelf" behind naughty as normal, just being himself.

I"M BACK....
It's 2 days after Christmas, the decorations are put away and life is starting to get back to normal. I love Christmas-but I also love when it's over :)

Xoxo

Testing :)
Sent from my iPhone

Sober Christmas

Another sober Christmas...another Christmas I will remember...another Christmas that I will gratefully not make an ass of myself...another Christmas that it will be about Jesus and not about me...another Christmas that I will try to help people...another Christmas I will not be drinking   and driving...another Christmas that I can be proud of....another Christmas-leading into another year of sobriety and grace...for that I am THANKFUL.

4 Days till Christmas

Okay-would you like to explain to me how that happened?? Where the heck did the month go?? I am grateful to say that I am almost finished Christmas shopping, but all of the other 100 things that I wanted to do this holiday season aren't done-dang it! We did bake sugar cookies, and go look at lights....but we didn't go to Zoo lights, or the train park...or-or-or.......

I guess I'll talk about "enough" it never feels like enough for me -we haven't done enough cool stuff, I haven't bought enough presents, we don't have enough decorations-whatever it is I don't ever feel that it is enough................yes, it is part of our dieEASE. Never enough alcohol, or food, or men, or WHATEVER...

So this year I am telling myself it is enough. It is perfect, and everything is magical, and bright, and wonderful-and most of all ENOUGH.

No Comments

I feel like having a bit of a tantrum over the fact no one comments any more...it makes me :(

I went to a funeral today...that also made me :(

Besides that life is good.

Now you go...

Tragic

Last night I held my kids just a little bit tighter. I appreciated my life just a little bit more.

As I took a moment to be heartbroken for the families that will never be able to hold their children again. My God-I can't even imagine, I won't lie...I questioned my faith for a second, and asked God what the fuck he was thinking letting that happen. But I know all to well that if we question the tragedy's, we then have to question all of the miracles.

I mentally moved on to how I would present this horrible information to my 12 year old. Do we talk about evil? Do we talk about mentally illness? What do I do when he questions God? How the hell do you tell a 12 year that some crazy ass shot 20 innocent babies for no reason. How do you turn that into a life lesson of any kind.....I did my best, thanks to a face book friend.....

Mr Roger Mom once told him that in the face of tragedy look for the helpers. They will always be there. Focus on that. That is what I told Gavin yesterday. I told him about what happened, and told him that when he sees it on TV to focus on the helpers. There will be many. I then told him to always try to be one.

It is a bitter sweet thing that tragedy brings us closer together, the pain unites us, the sorrow spreads love and empathy......What if we could learn to do that without tragedy's? Would they stop happening?

In the Moment

My job is crazy town right now, I go to meetings,  I have 3 sponcees, a boyfriend, 2 kids, I do yoga, I'm on weight watchers....but yet I still have time to go to crazy town in my mind-it's flipping ridiculous.

I have mentally been all over the place lately. So far out the moment that I'm missing them. I have an amazing life, but by not staying in the present second I miss it. The magic in life happens in the moment...not in the past, not in mentally making up you future...but in the moment-and I know this...yet time and time again lately I feel myself needing to mentally reel it back in. I suppose I should just be grateful that I have tools and the ability to "reel back in", I didn't always-and it sucked.

Dear Lord,
Please help me stay in the moment, and enjoy the love-grace-and sobriety you have blessed me with. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Love,
Emily

Does Blogging it make it real?

He looks really familiar, right!? If you've read this whole blog than you know that  handsome man is John-the man I was dating when I started this blog, the man who left me, went and got engaged-breaking my heart, and the very same man that without even knowing it gave me the time and strength to become the women I am today, the man that has been my best friends with for the last 8 years, and the same brilliant man who finally pulled his head out of his ass and declared his love for me.....smarty:)

He's been back in my life for awhile now, but I just didn't feel like blogging about him. It's like once it hits the blog it's real. Weird that I feel that way, being that it's actually the other way around-but whatever.

John and I put our relationship in God's hands along time ago. We followed the rule "Let's not do any damage to it, just in case" and we didn't. Even when I was out there dating, I was careful, and gentle with him. We knew that if we were supposed to be together that we would be, and now we are.

Dear God,
May you always be in the center of our love. Please help us to always be kind, patient, and loving to each other.
I love you,
Emily

5 Years

5 years ago today my life changed forever. I admitted I was powerless over alcohol. At that time I had no clue what that really meant, but it didn't matter-I knew I had to quit drinking-and I knew that was going to be no small task. Obsession of the mind totally had me-all I could think about was drinking. And the thought of not ever drinking again seemed unobtainable to me.

Getting sober was hard-emotionally, physically and mentally. I have journal after journal telling me so...but here is the good new-I don't really remember. It seems like forever ago.

 It seems like forever ago...
That I stood outside waiting to be be picked up and taken to my first meeting. I had never been to one. Looking back now that is a good thing, I had no contempt prior to investigation. I was scared-but no so much scared to go sober, as to the consequences that lay ahead. My boyfriend had left me, I had no job, I had a DUI to deal with, the loss of my drivers license for 2 years, I was half the Mom that I intended to be, I had no job, and no friends left. Every excuse to drink, right!? That is why the most brilliant advice you can give a person getting sober is "Just don't drink" because all of that "stuff" that seems like such a HUGE deal, isn't....it gets cleared up in sobriety....Every time I would say "I need to do this, or I need to do that" the response from other sober people was always the same "You don't know what you need. just stay sober." because of their calm clear advice my foundation is solid. I was really sick 5 years ago, Alcohol insanity had me, and the old timers in the meetings knew it. I went to a meeting everyday at 6:30 and the first few months I would fall asleep on the table. I could hear my sponsor respond to the people asking if maybe I shouldn't be woken up, she always answered the same"She'll wake up when she's ready" and I did. Not as quickly as some would have liked-but I did. I woke up and I listened, and I prayed, and I didn't drink. I didn't drink, no matter how bad, or lonely, or tired, or sad I felt-I didn't drink. And because of that I have a life far better that I ever could have dreamed-ever.

Thank you, thank you for being part of my journey. I am forever grateful.

Thanksgiving

I am thankful for so much this year, I don't even know where to start. My kids, my sobriety, my job, my family, my friends, my life.

It's so easy to say we are grateful for the many blessings in our lives, but I think gratitude is a verb. How do we  treat the people, things, and situations we are grateful for? Do we treat them with respect and love? Or do we take them for granted? I have found (and often the hard way) that we lose whatever we are not grateful for.

So even if something is trying your patience, stay in gratitude. They are only kids for a minute. That elderly family member who gets on your last nerves won't always be here, and you will miss them when they are gone. That food that you are exhausted from cooking- some have no food to cook. The house you spent hours cleaning......you get it. BE GRATEFUL!

I love you all. And I am SUPER grateful for you.......and this blog!!

Oh' and the fact that tomorrow I will be 5 years sober :)

Ain't no Mountain High Enough

Today the boys and I climbed Mummy Mountain. It was a GREAT day. First off, any day that I spend time with the boys where we are all "in the moment' is a great day. As they get older, and have lives of their own this special times seems to happen less and less-I feel that I am grasping onto the moments that I have with them.

. 

 Today Gavin was little again-searching for rocks, carving things, just being little. He is standing on that line between little boy and teenager. It is a wonderful thing to watch. He is one of the funniest children I know. I just adore him, and I am in no hurry for him to grow up

Then there is Beau, also standing on the line...the line between teenager and adult. He is evolving into the man I always knew he would be. He was the brightest most serious little boy, and now he is a bright serious man. I am so proud of who he has become. In the last year I have seen this out of control teenager mature into a man I am proud of.

 

 

            They really are my light.

Love

 

Last night in yoga I was reminded of something I use to do while I was in a deep depression...it is crazy the practices we forget when we no longer need them to survive.

 

The yoga instructor was going through each part of our bodies "Relax your feet, now feel your toes." and so and, so on. It reminded me of the depressed days on my couch-when I would start at my toes and with all my heart think-happy, happy, happy (or love or whatever survival word I had chosen for the day) into each body part. It was almost like mentally rebooting my brain chemistry. It was powerful. And the amazing thing about it is that it worked.

                                                    The power of thought-it is amazing.

So today on your journey through this crazy hectic world  be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself as if you were your best friend...with love, and understanding. You are perfect, you are perfect right now, right where you are.

Yoga and Sobriety

I have committed to doing HOT yoga for 21 days. It is hard, and I feel close to death each and every time I go...but the sense of accomplishment I feel when I am finished is amazing. Very much like sobriety-hard, and painful-but worth it!

The practice of yoga is very much like working a recovery program-they speak of the same things..."Let Go" "Be positive" "Do your best" You have to commit to it, and keep on going whether or not you want to or whether or not it 'feels' good, Even if every fiber in your body is screaming that you can't do it-go anyway...try anyway!

There is also one HUGE difference between sobriety and yoga. If you miss a day of yoga you probably won't die-but if you skip a day of sobriety you just might. I know that sounds dramatic, but it really isn't, untreated alcoholism will eventually kill you, or worse yet land you in a hospital, jail, or institution-no fun-no fun at all!

Off to yoga I go....Namaste

Powerful Women

 

LA was amazing, and brilliant. I am so grateful I was able to go. It renewed my spirit, and reminded me why I do what I do. It's not always easy to be so public about my sobriety, but I see why it is necessary. If no one is willing to stand on the firing line and talk openly about it then alcoholism will stay the dirty, little shameful secret it always has been. It doesn't deserve that much power.

 

I got to meet all of the beautiful women in the documentary-what a powerful force.

 

 

LA Bound

For some reason last night I was very conflicted....was I going to LA because of my ego? Were my intentions not pure? Why did it seem that the trip was being blocked if it was Gods will for me to go?

It took awhile, but I finally let go and let God. I am going to LA. I am going because I believe it will help the documentary, I believe it is important-not only to get the word out...but also to show that all of the beautiful women in the documentary are safe, sound and still sober today. To show that sobriety works-if you work it, and that it is 100% worth every ounce of pain it takes to get sober. I believe if they asked any 4 of us "Was it worth it" the answer would be an unanimous "yes." I am going because I am a part of something very special-and I want to be there.

I text my friend that is going with me that we were on a shoe string budget...she txt back ..."Who needs to eat?... lol" Now that's a good friend. I may be broke-but I am so flipping blessed.

Off to LA we go.....................................

Deep Breath

Two seconds away from throwing in the towel.....

One of the last things to do before leaving was get my car checked to make sure it is trip ready-it is NOT. Needs new front breaks-along with numerous other things. The mechanic is a family friend, so it really does need it.

 I am financially cutting it way to close.

Is it worth it? What are my motives? Do I really need to go?

Help Emily get to LA

As many of you know a few years back I shot a documentary called "Lipstick and Liquor" Well, that very same documentary has been chosen to be in the "Reel Recovery Film Festival" Which is a HUGE deal, and if I have my way will start to lift the stereotype of the "alcoholic women" We are not bad Moms, nor bad people...we are sick with a fatal disease - the second we take the courageous step into sobriety we are then sick-getting better. There are thousands of women that won't reach out, that won't ask for help because of the judgment attached to  the word alcoholic...well here's the deal it's a disease, you wouldn't judge someone for having cancer-now would you?

Okay, off my soap box and to the point. So far the screenings have been too many miles away for me to attend...but there's one next week in LA...that's only 6 little hours away from Phoenix...I can go! Well, with  little help from my friends. I am gladly accepting donations to help pay for this trip-just click the donate button (it works now) any amount will help! (Thank you ahead of time :)

One more thing - if you live in LA and would like to attend the documentary please let me know. How cool would that be!!!!


(Also I promise to let 'ya all know when it is available to watch on-line :)

All in God's Time

 

All of things I prayed for are happening-in God's time. Here's the thing about "God's time" it's sure as heck not mine. God is slower, plain and simple. If I look at my life today and I think back really hard everything I have, everything I am, I at one time prayed about it. Now my expectations from that prayer was for it to happen some time that day, or if God was really busy sometime that week...but that's not how it works...I get it now-well sort of. God has to get you from point A to point B while making sure that you learn the lesson you need to learn, and that you help the people you need to help then if it's the best thing for you he does grant wishes per say, or blesses goals...how ever you want to look at it.

Give God all of the responsibility and all of the praise (that's in this really smart book I read) I take that sentence very seriously. Everything I have accomplished, every bit of Grace I have, everything I am today is because of God...that's it. If I look at it any other way it's ego (easing God out)  Now that's not to say I haven't worked really hard, I have...God has just taken that hard work and worked it all out in a way that no human power could have...and for that I am grateful.

Check out this blog....

Check out my brilliant cousin-in-laws blog. She is such a fashion genius!! Her blog is not only darling, but smart!!



               http://www.rebeccadashow.com

Weight Watchers

I was thinking today how bad it would suck trying to do weight watchers if I was still drinking. For those of you who know nothing about weight watchers...you count points-a chicken breast is 2 points- a can of beer is 4....you're only allowed like 25 points a day... Catch my drift?? Even with the 46 cheat point you get per week you would have to keep it at no more than like 4 beers per day.....no flipping way could I have ever done that...control my drinking?! RIGHT!?

That's really all I have on my mind today. Life is going along pretty well.....what about you guys??

Coping Skills

I shared at a meeting this morning and my focus kept on coming back to coping skills. So I guess today I will stay with that topic and chat a bit about coping skills....

I flipping had none-nada-zero......When you come from a family that drinks (I won't call my family an alcoholic family as my Mom will kick my ass, but you get my point.) coping skills are not taught. When the adults in a family drink to cope with THEIR stress it is nearly impossible for them to pass down healthy coping skills to their children. They have a program for just that reason called Adult children of alcoholics.

Coping skills are one of biggest blessings that the program has given me. I have solutions and skills to cope with whatever life puts in front of me. On top of that being a healthy adult with coping skills I have the ability and knowledge to teach my children coping skills.

In this day in age most people are lacking the ability to handle life on lives terms....it is so much quicker to pick up a drink or a drug....so the fact of the matter is they should have coping skill taught in every school in America to help stop the next generation from the train wreck they are headed towards. But they have no such class. Kids are dying at an alarming rate, and all we can worry about is the fucking budget. Gross really.

Anyway, I feel blessed today-Blessed that I have skills, blessed that I have a sober and sound mind, blessed that I have a place to go where I am loved and embraced. Just all around blessed for the life that sobriety has given me.

A weekend in review...

It was a long weekend...this may sound weird, but I am happy that it is Monday. The house is quiet-as the little noise makers are off at school. I'm going to work from home today-I am so grateful to have that flex ability.

As for my weekend...it was emotional. In fact I had a bit of a break down. I took Gavin and some friends to our local high school football game. And what should have been fun-was not. That high school is the very same one that my oldest got his jaw broken at last year. Just being there brought back sadness, and a bit of anger. Beau wants to go back to that school after winter break to graduate. Which I will back up 100% - after checking to make sure it doesn't traumatize him.

On top of that I had a HUGE pity party over still being a single Mom. I had just had it-my insides felt like broken glass-its been a long time since I have felt that way.

Gavin had a baseball game up north the next day and just the though of going alone made me want to crumble. I snapped...on John...who is presently playing the part of stand in guy (I guess) I could write a book on our relationship-but how about I don't. He ended up going with me, as he is not a big fan of hearing me be a huge mess.

It did get better after that. Gavin pitched a shut out inning. I am so glad I went, missing that would have stunk.

Oh' and weight watchers is going great. I'm down 9 pounds:)

Sobriety Sunday

It is Sunday, and I am sober. By the Grace of God, I am sober. Grateful, and sober, and happy, and content. Now lets talk about how I got that way.....

I made a decision that my was unacceptable to me, and that drinking was the reason. Then I prayed, then worked my ass of. What I have been blessed with takes hard work, but it there for everyone who wants it.                                   It is, I promise.

So if you are sick of the way you are living, If alcohol or drugs are controlling your life, If you can see no out, and have very little hope left....please know that you are not alone, I felt that way once-but not anymore. You can change it all around. You can have a better life. But that change starts with you.

How long have you been thinking that you need to do something about your drinking?

Lonley

I have an amazing God, the perfect job, two beautiful healthy children, a new car, great friends and solid sobriety...I could go on and on about my blessings and how grateful I am for them.

With that being said, I am also a bit lonely. I have been single for a very long time, in fact most of my sobriety. As you have read I have been on a few dates over the years, but I have yet to find that special one. Being alone is getting old. I am glad that I have learned to live alone, to take care of me, and that I can support myself without a man. But still-I'm lonely.

They say that you meet the special one when you stop looking. But I give that a big huge WHATEVER! lol

Recovery

Fragile

It is amazing to me how mentally fragile I still am. I forget. I forget where I came from. How bad it actually was. Being out of my mind, having no control over my thoughts and the scary-horrible places they took me to.  I was insane. It was horrible. It seems so long ago. I forget.

Until I don't. Until somethings occurs that triggers me, that brings back those old feelings. I know what to do today. I am the master of my own thoughts. I decide where they go. I didn't always have that gift. Insanity use to be able to grab my thoughts and run with them. Not anymore.

But my state of mind is a fragile thing. I must treat it with care. I am by no means "cured" it is more like being in remission. If I don't take care of myself I will once again become sick.

I don't like being throw back to thinking of that dark time in my life, but I understand that it is necessary. For each time it happens I am more and more grateful for my sobriety, for my sanity, for my life.

Weight Watchers

Yup, I joined. After 3 years of trying to get my weight under control I finally admitted to myself that I needed help. I chose weight watchers because I do very well with structure....and meetings:) So far-so good-I am on my 3rd day-and loving it! It's a brilliant program actually. And with the apps and website they have, it's super easy. I have yet to feel hungry!

I knew some gals in the meeting I went to...they asked what my skinny ass was doing there?! (lol) It's not that I have a ton of weight to lose, it's that my eating was out of control. I was eating like I drank-to much, to often, and to cover my emotions. Great example of the saying "Put the cork in the bottle-and the fridge flies open."

Have any of you been on Weight Watchers? Do you have any tips?

In your Skin

The other day I observed someone who was clearly uncomfortable in their own skin...I remember being there-the feeling of crawling out of your skin, of not fitting in, of having no clue who you were, and being scared as shit as to who you were going to become...being lost, and confused. I think everyone feels that way in the beginning of sobriety.

Or maybe we felt that way since the beginning, and that's why booze came into play...who knows? All I know is that by the grace of God, and my recovery program, I am happy and comfortable being me. I never in a million year thought that would happen.

Another Attempt

I have attempted to update the blog easily 25 times in the last week...I log on-get kicked off-I write a post-it disappears-so on and so on...ANNOYING!

So here I go, giving it another shot....

 I had surgery on my hand this week. They put me all the way out, which was a bit scary. But it all went well. It hurts a little bit, but not enough to bull shit my way into a pain killers prescription:) I warned the doctor that I was an alcoholic/addict and not to write me one. As silly as it seems I was actually pretty proud of myself for that.

Besides that-life has been going pretty great. The boys are back in school, and it has been quite on the home front. And if you were wondering...the teenager was well behaved while I was out of town (thank you for your prayers)

I am going to go ahead and post this now before it major mailfunctions:)

I miss you all, and promise to post more often!