Thursday, February 14, 2019
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
Tuesday, February 12, 2019
Delivery attempt fail notification on February 6th, 2019 , 09:24 AM.The shipping failed because nobody was present at the delivery address, so this notice has been automatically sent. You may rearrange shipping by seeing the nearest USPS location with the printed invoice provided below. If the parcel is NOT arranged for redelivery within 48 hrs, it will be shipped back to the sender.
To find out a lot more about Informed Delivery, please go to the Informed Delivery Guidelines .
Delivery unsuccessful attempt notification on February 6th, 2019 , 11:16 AM.The shipping was unsuccessful due to the fact that no one was present at the delivery address, so this notification has been automatically sent. You can rearrange shipping by seeing the nearest United States Postal Service location with the printed invoice mentioned below. In case the package is NOT arranged for redelivery or picked up in 72 hours, it will be returned to the sender.
To learn a lot more about Informed Delivery, please go to the Informed Delivery FAQs.
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Monday, October 17, 2016
I was clearly told to go home (well in my case back to my sister's in New York) after seeing Glennon -Doyle-Melton and attempt to write a blog post.
I don't even know where to start or how to catch you up - but I do know that I am suppose to be writing this post....
My life you guys - it's ridiculously cool theses days - like so cool that when I pause to think about it, it takes my breath away. Seriously, I'm not sure how God pulled it off, but he did - honestly all I did was show up - oh, and managed not to get shit canned or do anything else ridiculously stupid to torch the miracles he has been creating for me.
Tonight when one of the speakers asked us to close our eyes and think about who we really were, my mind scrolled all the way back to when I was a little girl with long brown hair that just wanted to help people and then suddenly I realized that I am the same exact person, just a little bit bigger with a whole lot more wisdom.
It feels good to be back.
Thursday, August 4, 2016
The last thing I ever wanted is for people to relate and identify with and then not be able to find me. In fact that was the very reason this blog was started. The truth be told after many years of blogging I just kind of ran out of things to say and quite frankly I was tired of blogging about being sick - so I stopped. God gave me a brand new life in sobriety and it was time for me to start living it. Please know that I am accessible and love hearing from you. You are not alone- and it does get better, I promise.
Friend me on Facebook...
Follow me on Facebook
or email me....
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Friday, March 20, 2015
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
I also gave up artificial sweetener, because I'm a bit of a Go Big or Go Home kind of girl.
I have proven to myself multiple times that I can set a goal and stick to it (which is a huge deal for me because for years I was pretty sure that I was the most undisciplined person around) The problem is keeping some sort of routine after the goal has been met.
Example: I did 64 days of yoga in a row and then it took me 2 months to get back in a yoga room. My plan was to scale back to 3 classes per week. It didn't help that I got a boyfriend right after which always throws me off my game - not their fault - totally mine. It is something I am working on.
These goals for sure let me see my patterns...
No Boyfriend = big goals that I always accomplish
Boyfriend = no goals and crappy routines.
So as for right now I have no boyfriend, I don't drink, I don't smoke and I'm not eating any sugar... I'm just a peach to be around :)
Monday, February 23, 2015
I know my business will be a success
I know I will meet the love of my life
I know I will always be able to provide for my family
How do you know? Faith told me so.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
My words to her were this.. find one without game. One who doesn't have all of the beautiful words to get you in the sack. One who is a bit shy and reserved. One you have to crack open to get to the good stuff.
I know the following is a bit harsh but it is my observation and I am going to share it... What I have found is that men with game (all the right words) in the end are either mildly sociopathic or at the lease misogynists. They normally had to be very manipulative to get the love and attention from the most important women in their lives (Like their Mom - which is super sad and unfair)
Game = Mommy issues (most of the time) My maternal instant wants to parent, love and fix broken men. But the fact is it doesn't work. No matter how hard I try I will never be able to fix the pain and hurt of poor parenting. Nothing I can do will ever be good enough to fill that void - trust me I've tried.
My advice to her (and myself) is this......find a shy one that loves his Mom.
Friday, February 13, 2015
Here is a post I left on a FB debate about 50 shade of Grey.....
Thursday, February 12, 2015
5 year ago I walked into the Chicago Cubs Spring training facility broken, broke, sad and afraid. I was at my worst- or at least the worst I had been in sobriety. My heart was so broken that I could hardly take a full breath. And I was so poor that I literally ran out of gas on the way there. I was there to be the caterer having no clue that what I was going to find there was a brand new life. I found confidence and friendship. I found a break from the shattering loneliness I was living with. I spend a lot of time there, even when I wasn't working. It was truly the place that made me the happiest. It wasn't a bad deal for Gavin either as he truly loves everything about the sport of baseball, so being able to "play" in a stadium was pretty magical to him too.
It will always, always hold a special place in my heart. <3 nbsp="" p="">
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
Friday, January 30, 2015
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Monday, January 26, 2015
Thursday, January 22, 2015
It is tough to admit that I am that type of alcoholic - but I am. The last few weeks have taught me that I still have manic in me - I find that to be upsetting and scary - as manic has lead me to very dark places in the past. But not this time. This time I knew exactly what to do and because of that I kept my sanity and my soberity.
Reading the Big Book helped - it always does. Reading the passage about the manic/depressive alcoholic was pivotal - you see I start to feel that I am the only one who suffers with a mental illness. But the truth is.. all alcoholics deal with mental illness in one way or another. I am not unique in my illness and thinking so is just my ego trying to separate me from God (Easing God Out)
I'm not unique, I am not alone. I am one of.
Monday, January 19, 2015
When it came down to it I had to pick my soberity over my job. I know the redirection happened for a reason - I know God needs me in another place to do his will. But I will admit that even though I know it is for a reason it didn't make it any less painful or any less scary. That's the thing about faith just because I have a ton doesn't mean I don't have feelings and emotions and fear.
Obviously there's a little more to this but again I'm just not ready to talk about it.
As for my recovery..I'm kind of looking at it like I'm an emotional newcomer. I'll be going to a meeting every day, read out of the big book, help the other alcoholics and talk to my sponsors.
Easy does it.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Please send some prayers my way.
Monday, January 5, 2015
Thank you for reading and I love you.
Friday, January 2, 2015
Thursday, January 1, 2015
I have a crap load of New Year's resolutions or goals, or whatever you want to call them spinning through my head. Become fully self supporting, start working out, quit smoking, get my house organized, find a new boyfriend, divorce myself from self pity and self seeking motives. Kind of putting a little pressure on myself you think. I am flipping going to get back in bed and sleep this out!
January 1st 2015
I have accomplished most goals set on the above list. Very rarely do I take a moment to look at how far I have come - but God have I come a long way. Sobriety is worth every bit of the work it takes.
I have one goal for this year and it is to keep my house and car clean and organized. It is the one thing that show up on my goal list each and every time.
Here's to a happy, healthy and clean 2015!
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Friday, December 26, 2014
Monday, December 22, 2014
Here's why I'm blogging about it. I was affected - it took away some of my innocence and trust. If you know me in 'real' life than you know I'm WAY too trusting- almost to a irresponsible point - so maybe becoming a bit more aware that not everyone is to be trusted isn't such a bad thing.
Here's my plan I'm going to look at what I can do to make myself, my things and my life more secure. But what I refuse to do is let this make me think that everyone is a piece. I will continue to believe that all people are good - and hopefully always be a bit surprised and taken back when they are not.
And helping the boys on what to get Dad just became a whole lot easier.
Friday, December 19, 2014
I am going to blog throughout the day about sobriety....If you have any questions or comments please leave them. If you want to e-mail me directly do so at email@example.com. Please trust me when I say you are never bothering me! Helping other people get and stay sober keeps me sober. It is my honor to help anyone that asks, if I can.
Here is an entry from my journal...
3 1/2 months sober
I am having a hard time with something and I have no idea what it is, my heart feels heavy. What is my problem (um...you're 3 months sober, now I know that was the problem) I know I should be grateful, and I am...that is all I can do. (yup, stay in gratitude:) I have no idea who I am, I feel at a loss for words. I feel boring and that I have no personality. I want to help people. I want to be funny, maybe I'm just not meant to be funny. I want to be the person that God wants me to be, but who the heck that is I have no clue!
I am so grateful I journaled my first year! There is one entry that says "I hope one day I can look back at this and have it be a faded memory." It so is now. I hope by me sharing my journal with you it makes you feel a little less alone. It gets better...I PROMISE! Emily
I am off to a meeting with my friend Stacy.
K, I'm back. Went to a meeting, got a hair-cut then took a nap. Sundays are great!
Here's a little more from my journal.....
7 months sober
I am finally learning how to turn my thoughts over. But I still walk around with an uncomfortable feeling, it is wearing on me. God please guide me and show me how to heal.
11 months sober
O' my God, life is amazing. Thank you God. I have never ever been happier.
Has every second of sobriety since then been bliss...no. I have suffered a depression in sobriety, been poor, almost homeless and cried a ton. What sobriety has given me is the tools to deal with anything that comes my way sober and with grace. Here is some wise advice my sponsor gave me "Don't drink, not even if your ass falls off."
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
I am really working on self-esteem these days - I'm also working on staying in the moment and like 100% other things...but self-esteem is for sure on the top of my list.
Monday, December 1, 2014
I have not always been responsible when it come to birth control, and me getting my tubes tied was my way of being responsible for my own body. So on one note not having it happen today was very disappointing.
With that being said, in the car on the way there I started to freak out...what if I meet someone and they want kids. The happiest time of my life was when the boys were little. I absolutely loved raising them. So today when I asked myself if I was positive that I didn't want anymore kids I couldn't answer with 100% certainty that I didn't. Then the surgery didn't end up happening....Odd or God?
I am pretty damn sure I don't want any more kids. Really, I am! But I'll be honest today I spooked a little bit. I need to look at that a bit more. My surgery is rescheduled for the 23rd. Lets see if it's in Gods plan for me then.
Here's a questions for you ... Does the maternal part of us always have a bit of longing for another baby? Does that ever completely go away?
Sunday, November 23, 2014
7 years ago I had no job, no friends and no self esteem. I was broken to the core. I can proudly say that is not the case anymore. This morning when I got my chip I was surrounded by people that love me...friends! Tomorrow I will go to a job that I absolutely love...job! I know my worth and can set healthy boundaries...self-esteem!
Thank you for all of your love and support. Words can not explain how important you guys have been to my sobriety!!
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
A very intoxicated woman takes a tumble down our stairs (luckily we were not the ones who over served her) Here she is on the stairs, crying and confused and completely lost. I held her and rocked her back and forth as she cried in my arms - so sad :( Once 911 arrived Firemen do what they normally do with intoxicated people....5 firemen in your face asking you questions does not help matters - I know this because as the title of this post says, I was that girl. It took me back to a place I never want to go again.
As I come up on 7 years of sobriety I find myself forgetting what it was life. I NEVER want to underestimated the horrible shape I was in before I got sober - Losing my mind, in and out of institutions, driving drunk, wanting to die...It was horrible and going back there is not a choice for me.
This weekend I had a glimpse at the life I've left behind....probably just what I needed.
Friday, November 14, 2014
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Sunday, November 9, 2014
As a suicide attempt survivor, and also having lost my own Father to suicide, this topic is very near and dear to my heart. I'm 35 years old and so very lucky to be sitting here writing this. I have had 3 very serious suicide attempts over the past few years, each time landing me in the ICU fighting for my precious life. Each time I tried to kill myself, I failed. Was there something more this world needed me around to finish?Almost two years ago, I was on death's doorstep. I got extremely depressed and took 14 full bottles of prescription pills and anything else l could find that would put me out of my misery. I felt like I was all alone, floating on a rickety raft sinking in the far-out ocean. That is just how horrible and real my sadness felt to me. I had plenty of loved ones around and close, none of that mattered....I simply wanted the pain to stop.
As soon as I downed the last bottle I realized that I was going to die. I reached out to my twin sister, and her and my brother-in-law, Matt, rushed over, scooped me up and took me to the emergency room.
When I was admitted to the ER, I was still somewhat coherent and they immediately had me drink lots of activated charcoal; cups and cups full. I was then starting to become so out of it that I was having the charcoal pour all down my mouth and chin. Then, that's about the time things got really bad. I had to have tubes placed down my throat to pump my stomach and tubes up my nose-- I honestly don't even know what all was done to me, and maybe that is for the best.
I was then quickly rushed to the ICU (intensive car unit) on what I guess was the cardiac side. My heart was giving up and stopping; everything in my body was quickly shutting down as my body laid there preparing to die. I went into a deep coma and all I know is that they were constantly working on me, for days and days, to get me stable.
In the time I was in the ICU, I had the best doctors, nurses and room sitters (people employed through the hospital who watch you every second). I am not sure what day I woke up from the coma. But, I couldn't eat because the tubes hurt my throat and tummy so much. I couldn't walk; everything hurt. My eyes were so dilated they were solid black and I could hardly see anything. Physical therapists had to help me walk again. My friends and family all flooded my room with love and support to bring me back to life. This was right before Christmas 2012 and my room was literally blanketed in pure Christmas joy; trees, holiday flowers, nutcrackers, etc, as I was fighting hard to survive what I had done to myself. Just to recall those long days in an area of the hospital where most people don't walk out alive from, is seriously chilling.
Fast forward to Christmas Day 2012, my most favorite day of the year! A room sitter colored my nose tube tape red so I looked like Rudolph; that was amazing. The doctor came in and we went over what my daily life would be like from there. Her words as I recall were, " Merry Christmas. I want you to know that you are very lucky and blessed, as most people admitted here in the ICU with cardiac arrest, do not walk out of this hospital alive. " I think about that every single day of my life.
I'm sorry to have put my loved ones through this.
Jenny, my twin sister, had taken these photos, and I'm so thankful for the reminder of the worst times in my life and just how far I have come. One of my favorite yoga instructors once said, "The biggest the challenge or obstacle, the bigger the transformation." Well, boy do I have one strong comeback!
I have always loved the holidays. Christmas has a new meaning for me; I'm alive. I can help people with what I have learned in my recovery.One huge help in my recovery was to start DBT therapy. This is nothing crazy, it's just another way to retrain your brain to think and react to things without being impulsive. I highly suggest this to anyone struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts. Also, I found a love of yoga and meditation. I now start every day with a yoga class! I have started eating better and truly nourishing my body with food, instead of turning to my compulsive binge over-eating to cope with the myriad disappointments and stress in life. I also transformed my once very negative thinking to using the power of the law of attraction; like thoughts attract like thoughts. Between dbt therapy, yoga & meditation, eating healthier and using the law of attraction, I have 100% turned my life around.
I'm literally the luckiest woman to ever grace this lovely planet.
What a beautiful difference a little time makes!
Thursday, November 6, 2014
It is event season in my world. I eat, breath and sleep events from October until June. I dream about them when I sleep, and normally wake up fearing that I have forgot one (praying before I go to bed will probably help that one) and when I am not at one I am doing the planning, staffing, etc. for the next one. I love what I do.....but I can only do what I do if I stay healthy....
So couch time it is!
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Monday, November 3, 2014
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Thursday, October 30, 2014
For me getting "stuck" in a relationship I don't want to be in is one of my greatest fears. It has happened and I don't want it to happen again. My ability to trust that I have the strength and courage to remove myself from an unhealthy situation is critical, as I believe it will greatly impact my future relationships.
I will eventually have to learn to stay in a relationship even when boundaries have been crossed, or they are annoying the hell out of me, or whatever... but that's a later lesson - for now I am just practicing trusting myself.
Monday, October 27, 2014
I have dated one way most of my life. It looked something like this...boy meets girl, boy kisses girl on 2nd or 3rd date, boy and girl are now in a relationship...It's how it has always gone - some call it 'falling' which for me is complete crap...it's actually lust and the life span on it is about 3 months. I have done this A LOT of times, and I am over it.
I've been told numerous time that you learn to date my dating - so if someone I kinda like asks me out I'll go....but a friendship needs to be built first. Men aren't really loving that idea, but that's tough.
My heart is special and I'm not just handing it over to anyone.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Last night was one of the first times that I felt maybe I was a catch, maybe I am special..defects and all.
I don't know how to explain what is special about me....I go to say that I'm laid back and to some extent that is true - but it's more than that. During my marriage I was so high strung - I bossed him around, worried about shit that totally didn't matter, and had to have control over every situation. I'm not that person anymore - thank God.
I have some work to do when it comes to my romantic relationships. But I think that work may be a little bit easier now that I see as far as chicks go I'm a pretty cool one - if I do say so myself...lol