Friday, October 17, 2014
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Sunday I took a deep breath and asked the advice of another alcoholic....that is of course after signing up for Match.com to try and fill the void - seriously!? Cause trying to fix the issue with more of the exact same issue always works great!
Anyway back to the advice of the other alcoholic...she asked if I had ever done a mini 4th step on relationships (4th step is taking a inventory) I said "no" and asked her if I had to go all the way back to my Dad (who is probably the root of these issues) she loving said "no." Thank God! She suggested that I inventory all of my relationships since my divorce. I started the work this morning and right away saw a pattern that was upsetting. That's the thing about having a bit of time in recovery...you can see your own shit. I only got a little bit of it done today - as I found it very uncomfortable work! Baby steps.
Here's the deal with doing painful work - it is alway, always worth it. God has shown me this time and time again. I trust the process of the steps. So I will do my work. I will face and look at things that may make me uncomfortable or upset, because God is trying to clear the way for something great - I have full faith in that.
This too shall pass.
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Friday, October 10, 2014
Thursday, October 9, 2014
I am having some serious anxiety over this. It resembles the feeling of sick excitement that I use to love during my drinking days. I'm not liking it at all. The truth is I'm really excited to see him ....okay the real truth is I'm really excited for him to see me. I have worked really hard on looking my best over the last month and I feel very good about myself. There is a very big part of me that wants him to be sorry. Even though he wasn't a complete jerk, I did allow him to be treat me in a totally unacceptable way. I'll cut myself a break on that one, as he was my first boyfriend in sobriety.
That's really all I have to say. I felt that writing about it may help.
Please wish me peace and serenity tomorrow - as I will need it!
Monday, October 6, 2014
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Thursday, September 25, 2014
When I first got sober I had two things to balance - being a Mom and staying sober. That was all I had in me. I had nothing more to give. I was really sick. At the end of the day when I layed my head down sober I had accomplished all I needed to.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
I am sorry if you are on of those readers who looked forward to content, and then clicked on here only to find less and less of it over the years.
I am good at sticking to the goals I set. So I am setting a goal to blog more often. (((hug)))
Monday, September 22, 2014
We had a wonderful visit this weekend. Were's a picture to prove it.....
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Don't get me wrong - I am not complaining. I have an amazing life. The only reason I am bringing it up is an x-boyfriend said I was incapable of being in a emotionally healthy relationship. He was wrong - I am capable - I am just too fucking busy catching up on the 10 years of life I missed while I was shit faced.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Monday, September 1, 2014
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Friday, August 22, 2014
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
The ripple affect - an alcoholic only sees what it does to them and most of the time not even that - but it doesn't just affect them, it hurts the entire family. Below is a picture of a very good friend of mine holding the hand of her 56 year old mother as she dies from alcoholism. No child deserves that.
We think we have forever to get sober - we think that it'll never happen to us - I mean really? I'm not a daily drinker - you don't have to be to get cirrhosis. Alcoholism is fatal - and that's not me being dramatic.
This Mom gave birth to 4 amazing children, and left then with the last vision of her in full liver failure, yellow and clinging to life. I share their story in the hopes that it saves other children from going through the pain they did.
There are no second chances, there isn't a rewind button when you are on your death bed ... only regret.
If you're reading this you still have time. You are so lucky and so blessed. If you're wondering if it's time to get sober - it is.
RIP Kathy ... may you now be the angel your children deserve <3 nbsp="" p="">
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Monday, August 11, 2014
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Monday, July 14, 2014
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Friday, June 27, 2014
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Isn't it really about the dash. What have I accomplished in the time God has given me on earth. Have I been kind? Have I been loving and empathetic to people who are suffering? Did I try not to judge what I didn't understand. Did I take the lessons God gave me and help people with that wisdom? Did I let my heart lead even though that can be painful. Did I live a life that I can be proud of?
The answer to all of the above is ... sometimes...but the fact is I try. If at the end of each day I can at least say I genuinely tried than that is good enough for me.
Everyday she woke up and tried to be the best person she could be.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Thursday, June 12, 2014
When I was sharing about emilyism.com I got to the point in its story where it truly saved my sanity. If you've followed this blog over the years then you know that I went through a very rough patch right after the Dr. Phil show aired. It was like a emotional perfect storm. There are a few times in sobriety that had I not been sober I would have needed to be institutionalized - and that was one of them. I could hardly leave the house, and putting words and thoughts together was nearly impossible. I blogged through it. I logged on and blogged. Sometimes it was just a quote, but I said something - I believe it stopped me from getting completely and totally trapped in my own mind.
Today at me meeting I said "When I started emilyism.com I didn't care if it helped 1 person or a million - I just wanted it help someone - and during that time it was okay that was just me" When it came out of my mouth I was reminded how special this blog is.
Thank you - thank all of you and please know that there was a time (more that 1 one actually) that you truly kept me sober and sane....and for that I am so, so grateful.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
I was thinking today about how infrequently I actually hit my knees these days. For a girl who spend her first hear of sobriety slumped over her bed in a state of surrender you'd like I'd hit them a little more often.
Note to self:
You are not too busy to hit your knees everyday!
Friday, May 30, 2014
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
The first thing I have noticed is how often I pray - my thought are almost always in a constant state of prayer. For an alcoholic like me that is necessary to keep my sanity. This little experiment has brought to my attention how many things I ask for while in prayer.....seriously....."God help me with this, God help me with that ... blah, blah, blah"
I know God wants us to come to him with our troubles - but I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to be giving him the solution to them - which I totally have been been doing.
Here's to my week of praying - without telling God what to do! :)
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Then I read a comment and remembered why I started this blog in the first place - it was to help people feel less alone.
I still don't have much to say - but I will keep blogging anyway.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
With that being said there is one hurdle that I am facing - I am petrified to love that way again. I reread something today that totally helped me to understand why I would be scared.
I am this girl once I am completely and totally in love....
Nothing on this planet can compare to with a woman's love. It is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet - unconditional. Pure. If you are her man she will walk on water and through a mountain for you too, no matter how you've acted out, no matter what crazy things you've done, no matter the time or demand. She will encourage you when you are at rock bottom and think there isn't any way out. Hold you in her arms when you were sick and laugh with you when you are up. And if you're her man and that woman loves you - I mean really loves you - she will shine you up when you are dusty, encourage you when you are down, defend you even when she's not sure you are right, and hang on your every word, even when you're not saying anything worth listening to. No matter what you do, or what you say she will give you her very best, and then some, and then keep right on giving. That is a women's love it stand the test of time, logic, and all circumstances.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Saturday, April 5, 2014
I won't lie - the first 20 days were rough. Teaching my brain to stop making excuses was hard. You know that BS dialogue that our brains play. I'll go tomorrow, I'll go to a later class, I set a goal - I don't really have to go everyday...blah-blah-blah. The mental fight to get up and to get in the room, even though I know every time I walk out of the yoga room I feel better, it was still hard to get up and go everyday.
Then something shifted, my brain stopped making excuses, and instead would set my day around which yoga class I was going to attend. Four days ago I got sick -not deathly sick, but sick. Yoga was the last thing I wanted to do - but I went anyway. I took it easier, but I went.
I have always considered myself to be decently undisciplined. The past 64 days have taught me that this is absolutely incorrect. When I mean business it will get done. On my intention list for this year I wrote -to have my perfect body by 40- And by perfect I don't mean what you see in a magazine, I don't mean the body I had at 20, or even 30 for that matter. I mean a body of a woman, a woman who has curves, a woman who is comfortable not only on the outside but even more importantly on the inside. I wanted to walk into my 40th year at the top of my game with as much pride, grace, and dignity as I possible could.
Happy Birthday to me!
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Boy: I have a date with a pretty girl tonight.
Think about and look forward to date numerous times throughout the day.
Girl: I have a date with a cute boy tonight.
Color hair, get a pedicure. Pick out and outfit - decide you hate the outfit - along with every other article of clothing in your closet. Force your self not to get ready 3 hours before your date in order to not look like a hooker. Change clothes 15 times - finding the perfect outfit 5 minutes before cute boy knocks on the door.