Friday, October 17, 2014

No Filters

I am finding myself very conscious of what I blog these days. I don't want any old boys to get their feelings hurt - and  I don't want any new ones to see that I have issues with boys. Nor do I want to be ask what the hell cool sculpting is? 

But then remember that I made a choice to live my life out loud. I made the decision to share my pain, happiness and growth whatever it maybe. Waiting till my life and blog are all perfect and healthy isn't an option. That's not real life.

I have a date tonight - which is probably the worst idea ever. But maybe it isn't. Maybe it's a chance for me to learn to date without mentally taking it halfway down the alter. 

Anyway I'll tell you all about my date tomorrow.  Regardless of how the company is we're going for desserts so no matter what it can't suck that badly. 




Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Pain = Growth

They say that pain equals growth. I hope that this is true. I am in a decent amount of emotional pain right now. It seems that a can of whoop ass was open on Friday and I can't seem to get the lid back on.

Sunday I took a deep breath and asked the advice of another alcoholic....that is of course after signing up for Match.com to try and fill the void - seriously!? Cause trying to fix the issue with more of the exact same issue always works great!

Anyway back to the advice of the other alcoholic...she asked if I had ever done a mini 4th step on relationships (4th step is taking a inventory) I said "no" and asked her if I had to go all the way back to my Dad (who is probably the root of these issues)  she loving said "no." Thank God! She suggested that I inventory all of my relationships since my divorce. I started the work this morning and right away saw a pattern that was upsetting. That's the thing about having a bit of time in recovery...you can see your own shit. I only got a little bit of it done today - as I found it very uncomfortable work! Baby steps.

Here's the deal with doing painful work - it is alway, always worth it. God has shown me this time and time again. I trust the process of the steps. So I will do my work. I will face and look at things that may make me uncomfortable or upset, because God is trying to clear the way for something great - I have full faith in that.

This too shall pass.


Pearl MedSpa and Cool Sculpting

Over the last 5 years something has happened to my body that I am totally not loving. I would like to blame it on the fact I have had kids - but I can't - as I had a perfectly flat stomach up until I was 35. But at 35 something happened - like my metabolism came to a screeching halt. Cellulite, fat and weight that I had never dealt with before showed up. Uggg.....

Fat, lets talk about it...I mean lets REALLY talk about it. Normally when my "fat" is bothering me it is because I am packing on some extra weight. Extra weight = fat...Right?! But what about when you don't have any extra weight? What about when you've worked your ass of (in my case literally..squats needed!) When you've eaten as healthy as you possible can, and you still have fat - what then?? Do you just except that it is what it is and move on.....UMM-NO....not if you are me. I'm not looking to be perfect. But what I am looking for is to put on whatever t-shirt or tank top I want and not have a muffin top or side handles...plain and simple- that's what I want.

I do not have the money or time for liposuction - it isn't a option. But I did hear about this procedure called "cool sculpting" - a machine that literally freezers your fat, allowing your body to release it naturally over time. Seriously! Sounds like a magic machine to me!

I have been given the opportunity to have this procedure done by Pearl MedSpa and to write an open and honest review on the experience. The girls at Pearl MedSpa have been amazing, knowledgeable and kind. When I shared about my alcoholism the love I received was untouchable. I feel at ease every time I walk in there - which is good because I'll be walking in there quite a bit in the next few weeks! 

I am excited to share this journey with you! I can't wait to tell you all about the "magic machine" Picture coming soon! 


Sunday, October 12, 2014

Bring yesterday into Today

I had a terrible day at work yesterday. Most of it was of my own doing, which always sucks. Even though I have looked at what can be corrected, it's still screwing with my serenity. A few minutes ago I looked at when the last time I went to a meeting was - Um last Sunday, really?! I'm sure there are  people in the world that can go to a meeting every now and then - I am not one of them. It annoys me when it's an afterthought. I've always had a rough time with the fact that when I'm at my busiest, when I have the most on my plate is when I need a meeting the most. Here I am with a  million things going on and I have this stupid disease that makes me stop everything I'm doing - and go to a meeting. The very thing I don't feel like doing is the absolute thing that I must. It sucks sometimes. Really I want to just lay in bed all day and watch Netflix, but the fact is that will not help my crazy thinking. Off to a meeting! 

Friday, October 10, 2014

Moving Right along..,,

Lunch went great yesterday. Thank you to those of you who prayed for me. It's tough talking business in an anxiety ridden state - but I did it and it went perfectly. I got one of my clients a very large opportunity that they wouldn't of had otherwise...  I asked for a courage commission...FUNNY!!! Lol

When the relationship (or whatever you want to call it) with {{we need a funny name for him}}  ended I went to my sponsor to talk about it and she said words that I probably will never forget, she said "you still have a sweet heart, protect it." I understand what she was saying. Each time I let my heart get hurt it hardens just a little bit. One of the special things about me is that I still have the ability to love at a huge level. I still have my heart to give, it isn't complety broken (some cracks maybe but I have faith that those can be filled with love) For now my heart is safely in Gods hands. I trust him to protect it and know that when the time is right my prince will come (yes, I very much have a 12 little girl inside me) 

Off to work! Xo 


Thursday, October 9, 2014

Sick Excitment

Tomorrow I am having a business lunch with an x-boyfriend. If you know me than you know that my x's are some of my best friends - this one is not. Not really because he's a jerk or because he did anything wrong, but because our friendship only ends up in one place - and it isn't at the dinner table...sometime on the table but not at the table - if you know what I mean. (Sorry Mom!)

I am having some serious anxiety over this. It resembles the feeling of sick excitement that I use to love during my drinking days. I'm not liking it at all. The truth is I'm really excited to see him ....okay the real truth is I'm really excited for him to see me. I have worked really hard on looking my best  over the last month and I feel very good about myself. There is a very big part of me that wants him to be sorry. Even though he wasn't a complete jerk, I did allow him to be treat me in a totally unacceptable way. I'll cut myself a break on that one, as he was my first boyfriend in sobriety.

That's really all I have to say. I felt that writing about it may help.

Please wish me peace and serenity tomorrow - as I will need it!




Monday, October 6, 2014

Sponsorship

Today I had a moment that took my breath away - I love and care about the women I work with in sobriety to an almost indescribable level. I am protective of them - sometimes overly so. I have this maternal instinct to take care of them. With that being said I am also extremely hard on them. The work I ask them to do is often extremely painful. But they do it, most of the time with very little griping. 

They are courageous and I love them.

 If you are trying to get sober and you don't have a sponsor I strongly suggest you get one. It is one of the most wonderful relationships you will ever have in your life. 

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Options

A friend wrote a blog post the other day about options and how they aren't alway that great of a thing. I try so hard to stay opened and flexible in most areas of my life. I want everything to be by Gods design and in order for that to happen I have to leave the outcome of situations up to The Lord. With that being said I think I may have been too loose at times looking at everything as an option, when the fact is that it isn't. 

Dating a man who doesn't believe in God- not an option. Lying or cheating to further my career- not an option. Putting anything in front of my children-not an option. Moving to Antarctica- not option. I think you get my point. 

As obvious as it sounds that those things wouldn't be an option I still tend to find myself negotiating with things that really should have a hard line.

Just the mindset of something not being an option has truly truly changed my life over last few days.

Getting a new perspective on things is always an option!

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Helping Others

I have been a little bit torn about which direction to go in my life lately, I have so many amazing opportunities in front of me. I have prayed numerous times over the last few months to help me with my path. 

Something happened today that reminded me of why I started this blog. When I got sober I was more lonely than I could ever described. My insides felt like shattered glass. I started this blog and I went public so nobody else would ever have to feel that lonely.

I had the opportunity to tell somebody my story this afternoon. She shared her experience of seeing the Dr. Phil show I was on and shared with me how it had affected her. 

I sometimes forget that my true job in life is to help other people. If I was asked what my one purpose on earth was, the answer would be - to be of service. I sometimes forget that but today I got a beautiful reminder.









Thursday, September 25, 2014

Balance

I'm am a Mother, daughter, business owner, employee, blogger, public speaker, yogi and a women in recovery...... BALANCE - without it I am a mess. Shit, who am I kidding even when I have it I'm sometimes a mess. 

When I first got sober I had two things to balance - being a Mom and staying sober. That was all I had in me. I had nothing more to give. I was really sick. At the end of the day when I layed my head down sober I had accomplished all I needed to. 

It's still the same really - if I stay sober it's a win. But sobriety has given me this big huge full life that I am so, so grateful for that.  I think the gratitude is the reason that sometimes I feel like I need to do it all perfectly. Perfectionism...ugh! 

Lately I've had to go back to the basics and remind myself to love and embrace the beautiful blessing of my sobriety and to stay in the moment. 

As busy and crazy as it can be, my life is truly blessed.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Setting a Goal

I have a friend who just started blogging, and does it daily. It's a nice treat to know that when I click on his blog there will be fresh content for me to read. That use to be the case on here. In fact you could click on here numerous times per day and find something new. Then life happened....which I am so not complaining about, but I made a commitment when I started this blog that it would always be here - that it wouldn't be the kind of blog you feel in love with and then disappeared. I promised myself that I would blog in sickness and in health, that I would share my heart with you, and I hoped in return you would share your heart with me and the other readers....and for a very long time that is exactly what happened. It was amazing.

I am sorry if you are on of those readers who looked forward to content,  and then clicked on here only to find less and less of it over the years.

I am good at sticking to the goals I set. So I am setting a goal to blog more often. (((hug)))  

Monday, September 22, 2014

Annette visits Arizona

If you've read emilyism.com for any amount of time then chances are you know who Annette is...if not, she is the first friend I made on emilyism. She saw my article in People magazine and then emailed me. It's been insta friendship since. She has been the emilyism editor and quite often the comment moderator. There was a time when people had to be reminded that this blog is here to be a safe place for people to share their hope, fear, happiness and struggles - the only way to do that is to keep it kind and loving in the comment section. There's enough blogs out there where people can be assholes - this is not one of them.

I don't know if Annette knows this but there was a time in recovery where she absolutely saved my ass. After the Dr. Phil show came out I was so overwhelmed that I could hardly function. On top being totally overwhelmed from the show I was also going through a horrible break up and I had decided to quit smoking - because God forbid I do anything in moderation. She sent me a meeting reminder e-mail every morning through that time. Some times they were serious, sometimes they were very funny, but they came like clock work every morning. They were a life line and the thing I used to tell myself that I was okay.  Here she was thinking I was saving her ass, when truly she was saving mine (God is so smart) I am truly blessed to have her in my life.

We had a wonderful visit this weekend. Were's a picture to prove it.....







Thursday, September 18, 2014

No Time

I just recently rejoined Weight Watchers and went back to yoga. I am in my first year of starting a  business. I took on a part-time job that is quickly turning into a full-time one. I am raising two teenage sons - all while trying to work a recovery program strong enough to keep me sane and sober. It's a lot.

Don't get me wrong - I am not complaining. I have an amazing life. The only reason I am bringing it up is an x-boyfriend said I was incapable of being in a emotionally healthy relationship. He was wrong - I am capable - I am just too fucking busy catching up on the 10 years of life I missed while I was shit faced.


Sunday, September 14, 2014

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Sunday Sober Fact:

The thing is you don't want to tell your sponsor are the things you need to tell your sponsor.

Monday, September 1, 2014

Baby Steps

As my last few post talked about, I've been in a bit of a change/depression/funk whatever you want to call it. The answer to these spells is always the same....

Baby steps. 

If I go into panic mode and scurry about trying to change everything at once I end up crashing and burning. But if I take a deep breath, put my faith in God, and put one foot in front of the other I do okay. 

More meetings, healthy eating, back to yoga........and in time the funk lifts - it always does. 

I would be wise to remember that when I get off course it is always the same result...ugh. 

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Getting off the freeway sooner...



I heard the term "getting off the freeway sooner" from a friend. I liked it. 

In life we may choose the wrong road numerous times, but as we grow we learn to see that we are headed in the wrong direction. That the road we are on takes us to places we do not want to go. So we start getting off an exit sooner. We recognize sooner and sooner that we are once again on the wrong road.  

We may still get on the wrong freeway but as time goes on and lessons are learned we find ourselves gettin off on the very next exit. 


Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Just Do your Best

I have been having a very difficult time lately. A lot of change and growth- neither of which are comfortable. 

Today I found myself sucked into self-pity. It was actually paralyzing. My mind has a sneaky way of convincing me that I have a right to feel sorry for myself. But the deal with self-pity is it's toxic - and completely blocks you from the sunlight of the spirit. 

So I called out. I called out to God, Jesus, all of the saints, and the angels too.... and what came to me was - Just do your best. Sometimes it's as simple as that. 

A deep breath and a reminder that doing your best is always good enough.

Friday, August 22, 2014

AGING ALPHA: Vulnerability

AGING ALPHA: Vulnerability: My 17 year old daughter declared I need to be more vulnerable.  Perplexed, I asked what she meant.  After all, the past decade+ has been spe...

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

No Second Chances

I truly want this to be the most impactful blog post I ever write. I have gone to more funerals in sobriety that I have in my entire life. It is heart breaking to see what the disease does - this disease that millions have but nobody wants to talk about. Well,  I'm going to talk about it - and I'm going to keep on talking about it - because if I don't it will win.

The ripple affect - an alcoholic only sees what it does to them and most of the time not even that - but it doesn't just affect them, it hurts the entire family.  Below is a picture of a very good friend of mine holding the hand of her 56 year old mother as she dies from alcoholism. No child deserves that.



We think we have forever to get sober - we think that it'll never happen to us - I mean really? I'm not a daily drinker - you don't have to be to get cirrhosis.  Alcoholism is fatal - and that's not me being dramatic.

This Mom gave birth to 4 amazing children, and left then with the last vision of her in full liver failure, yellow and clinging to life.  I share their story in the hopes that it saves other children from going through the pain they did.

There are no second chances, there isn't a rewind button when you are on your death bed ... only regret.

If you're reading this you still have time. You are so lucky and so blessed. If you're wondering if it's time to get sober - it is.




RIP  Kathy ... may you now be the angel your children deserve <3 nbsp="" p="">

Saturday, August 16, 2014

My One

I want the though of you to excite me - to feel your presents in my soul. 

I want to know that you think I am the sexiest thing out there. When I see that 'look' in your eyes I so know where we're headed when we get home. But then there's this other look - the one that tells me I am adored and protected and so, so loved - the one that makes me feel safe. That one makes me give YOU the 'look' 

You safely bring my mind to places it's never been. I can tell you anything - knowing that even though you may give me a new way to look at it - you are always, always on my side. 

You are my safe spot, and I am yours. 

People look at what we have - and shoot for it.   

Monday, August 11, 2014

One More

One more amazing and incredible person dies of this disease - honestly I don't ever want to fucking talk about it.

Heartbreaking. 

RIP Robin Williams 

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Saturday, July 26, 2014

10 things to do besides drink....

1. Take a walk
2. Pray
3. Go to a meeting
4. Call a friend 
5. Eat something sweet
6. Clean the house
7. Journal
8. Play a game with your kids
9. Watch a netflix series 
10. Comment on this blog :) 

Monday, July 14, 2014

The Beginning

I keep on getting questions about the beginning of soberity. 

The beginning is rough. I was lucky in that I knew I couldn't drink anymore, and I knew without a doubt that I couldn't quit on my own. That denial of maybe I could moderate, or maybe I wouldn't drink or drive this time, or maybe I would stop making embarrassing phone calls late at night or maybe or maybe or maybe was lifted from me. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results - I finally came to the point where I understand what that meant and I stop bullshitting myself. 

Denial was over for me. I knew I was an alcoholic and I knew I needed help. I was luck to know someone in recovery that I could call on. For that I will be forever grateful. She walked me into the rooms of recovery. And by the grace of God I stayed.

You are worth recovery. You are! I promise. If you have questions you can ask them in the comment section here - there are people everywhere willing to help her. You don't have to do it alone. 


Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Baking Phase

I'm going through a baking phase. My boyfriend is a happy man, and Gavin figured out he loves pineapple upside down cake. What else is there to do when it's 115 outside?!?! 

Friday, June 27, 2014

Asking for help

I have every reason to be in fear right now - I am financially living one day at a time (again) but I'm not in fear. I've been here before  and my faith has gotten me through (and a ton of help from my family and friends) 

I will admit I do have "the voice" the one that sounds like this "for Godsake you are 40 years old, get your shit together. There's no reason you should still be needing help" But the fact is everyone needs help - it may not always  be financial - it may be spiritual, emotional or physical - but everyone needs it. 

Asking is tough. Infact asking for help may be one of the hardest things I have to do (the voice doesn't help) Right now in my life I have no choice but to ask for help. I know I'm doing everything I can. Like my last post said "I am trying" 

How many of you need help, but are scared to ask? 

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

The Dash

I got asked an interesting question today....What would your head stone say? Good Mom? Genuine and caring person? I didn't really know how to answer it right off the bat - but it did get me thinking.....

Isn't it really about the dash. What have I accomplished in the time God has given me on earth. Have I been kind? Have I been loving and empathetic to people who are suffering? Did I try not to judge what I didn't  understand. Did I take the lessons God gave me and help people with that wisdom? Did I let my heart lead even though that can be painful. Did I live a life that I can be proud of?

The answer to all of the above is ... sometimes...but the fact is I try. If at the end of each day I can at least say I genuinely tried than that is good enough for me.

Emily Sadler
1974-
Everyday she woke up and tried to be the best person she could be.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Trudging

I've had some back to back hard days lately. At this point in my recovery I know they are temporary and that they will pass. I didn't always know that - I use to think bad days would last forever. They don't. I know that today. But that does not stop them from sucking. 

There's nothing really "wrong" going on in my life - I'm just feeling very flat line. For a girl who was always chasing chaos and drama flat line can be a pretty uncomfortable place. I realize that it is me growing in recovery. I get it - but just because I get it doesn't mean I like it.  

Trudging - I hate that word - but I suppose it is what I am doing right now. 


Thursday, June 12, 2014

The time this blog saved my life.....

I had a meeting today that turned out nothing like I thought it would be. It started out having nothing to do with this blog - and ended with this blog, along with Lipstick and Liquor and the other pieces of media I have done being the main discussion.

When I was sharing about emilyism.com I got to the point in its story where it truly saved my sanity. If you've followed this blog over the years then you know that I went through a very rough patch right after the Dr. Phil show aired. It was like a emotional perfect storm. There are a few times in sobriety that had I not been sober I would have needed to be institutionalized - and that was one of them. I could hardly leave the house, and putting words and thoughts together was nearly impossible. I blogged through it. I logged on and blogged. Sometimes it was just a quote, but I said something - I believe it stopped me from getting completely and totally  trapped in my own mind.

Today at me meeting I said "When I started emilyism.com I didn't care if it helped 1 person or a million - I just wanted it help someone - and during that time it was okay that was just me" When it came out of my mouth I was reminded how special this blog is.

Thank you - thank all of you and please know that there was a time (more that 1 one actually) that you truly kept me sober and sane....and for that I am so, so grateful.


Thursday, June 5, 2014

Dear God,

I am sorry - Yesterday I was frustrated, and lashed out at you. I felt like I had asked you for help on a specific situation so many times that it was my right to get frustrated with you. Thank you for loving me anyway. And thank you for listening.

It is two hours before my meeting and I am showered, packed and I have prayed - that is proof that not only did you hear me but you were listened. Thank you for giving me the motivatation to change what is frustrating me in my life.

Is it weird to say that you are my favorite thing ever? Anyway - you are! 

I love you and thanks again! 

Xo,
Em

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Surrender

In the beginning of sobriety I spent a huge amount of time on my knees in front of my bed...not sitting up in a prayer like manner...but slumped over the bed in a state of complete surrender. I had had it. Mentally, spiritually and physically I was so uncomfortable that there truly was nothing else I could do but pray. If the truth be told it was much more like begging that praying...but whatever works! And it did work, it truly did.

I was thinking today about how infrequently I actually hit my knees these days.  For a girl who spend her first hear of sobriety slumped over her bed in a state of surrender you'd like I'd hit them a little more often.

Note to self:
You are not too busy to hit your knees everyday!

Friday, May 30, 2014

A New Day

I ended up going to a meeting last night. Today in my soberity sitting around feeling like shit and feeling sorry for myself just doesn't fly. 

I bet if I read back I would find a pattern in May/June of not feeling well. As many of you know I live in Arizona -  May is the beginning of the HEAT, and seems to chemically affect me. I don't really have a solution as of yet, so for now I'm just going to recognize it as a pattern and pray about it from there. 

For me the beginning of any change starts with prayer...... 

Thursday, May 29, 2014

It's a Pity Party kind of Day

FWD:
can't find my computer cord, I just spent $150 I didn't have on gavin's football, I completely emotionally ate everything I could from McDonald's, I know I should go to yoga or a meeting but I absolutely don't feel like it. I am a fucking mess and I want a hug.

This is the pity party text that I just sent to a friend. I am having a shitty day. Ugh! 

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

God's Will for Me

Yesterday I was having a  conversation with my new boyfriend; (yes, I  have a new boyfriend!) we were talking about our prayer life and how often we pray for things other that God's will for us. We decided to try and go 7 days praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.

The first thing I have noticed is how often I pray - my thought are almost always in a constant state of prayer. For an alcoholic like me that is necessary to keep my sanity. This little experiment has brought to my attention how many things I ask for while in prayer.....seriously....."God help me with this, God help me with that ... blah, blah, blah"

I know God wants us to come to him with our troubles -  but I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to be giving him the solution to them - which I totally have been been doing.

Here's to my week of praying - without telling God what to do! :)




Wednesday, May 7, 2014

One Comment

One comment saved this blog. Yesterday I decided to stop blogging - partly out of self pity (no one reads it anyway, there's never any comments...blah, blah, blah) and partly because I really haven't had much to say.

Then I read a comment and remembered why I started this blog in the first place - it was to help people feel less alone.  

I still don't have much to say - but I will keep blogging anyway.


Tuesday, April 22, 2014

A Woman's Love

I can't remember the last time that I was in love. Okay, so that's a lie- I actually can. I got crushed. The story is on this blog. Heartbreaks in sobriety are a shitty deal. But that heartbreak taught me something amazing - actually a whole lot of amazing things. It taught me that I could go through excruciating pain and not drink, it taught me that I didn't need to get another boyfriend to heal the pain and that in fact I needed to do exactly the opposite. It showed me what co-dependancy was. And through the healing process I learned that I never have to be codependent on another human being again. I learned that I was women of  grace and strength. I wouldn't change one minute of that heartbreak. And I would go through it all over again in order to walk away with the lessons and wisdom that I learned.

With that being said there is one hurdle that I am facing - I am petrified to love that way again. I reread something today that totally helped me to understand why I would be scared.

I am this girl once I am completely and totally in love....

Nothing on this planet can compare to with a woman's love. It is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet - unconditional. Pure. If you are her man she will walk on water and through a mountain for you too, no matter how you've acted out, no matter what crazy things you've done, no matter the time or demand. She will encourage you when you are at rock bottom and think there isn't any way out.  Hold you in her arms when you were sick and laugh with you when you are up. And if you're her man and that woman loves you - I mean really loves you - she will shine you up when you are dusty, encourage you when you are down, defend you even when she's not sure you are right, and hang on your every word, even when you're not saying anything worth listening to. No matter what you do, or what you say she will give you her very best, and then some, and then keep right on giving. That is a women's  love it stand the test of time, logic, and all circumstances.

See scary........



Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Unmanageability


This is my laundry pile. Talk about unmanagability at its finest. I have come so far in so many ways - but then I look around and there's still a decent amount of unmanageability in my life - even at six years of sobriety. And you know what? That's okay! 

I'm not going to say I don't beat myself up about it sometimes, but the fact of the matter is if I'm chipping away at what I need to improve on, that's good enough!  

So I'm back to one load of laundry ever day. As Fly Lady would say "One load a day keeps the chaos away!"

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Change

I always think that I have to take all of this action to change something. But the truth is I don't. I need to pray about it. Any change that stands a chance of being consistent or continual needs to come from God. 

For years and years I would try so hard to change all of these things in my life, continually failing - leaving me completely disappointed in myself. 

I don't know when the shift took place, but suddenly I realize that I was actually incapable of changing one little hair on my head without the grace of God. I would try, and try, and try, and fail every time. Very often the disappointment would lead to a depressions. 

I think as alcoholics we are so hard on ourselves. The idea that we need to be perfect and should be able to conquer the entire world is in most of us. 

I suppose that's where  powerlessness comes in -  for me I kind of go about it like this...I have an idea of what I want to do or what I want to change -  but the inspiration, intuitive thought and drive to actually accomplish it comes from God.  That way when I can't change something on my own or in the 5 seconds I give myself,  I know that it's in God's timing and not mine. it helps me be kinder to myself.

I'm sort of rambling today. I guess the moral of my story is change starts with with prayer. �� 

Saturday, April 5, 2014

64 Days of Yoga



It wasn't like I meant to set that long or large of a goal. It actually happened by accident. On February 1st I Facebooked that I was going to "set a goal" to do yoga everyday until my 40th Birthday. It was just a goal I was shooting for. I had no idea it was one I was going to accomplish. But I did, I did accomplish it. Here's what happened to push me from the mind set of "I'll try" to the mind set of "I will go to yoga everyday regardless of how busy I am, what else is going on, or whether on not I feel like it" I posted on Facebook everyday of my journey and on about day 5 someone commented that it was nice to see someone do what they said they were going to do....I knew at this that point that I was going to accomplish my goal. It became a top priority.

I won't lie - the first 20 days were rough. Teaching my brain to stop making excuses was hard. You know that BS dialogue that our brains play. I'll go tomorrow, I'll go to a later class, I set a goal - I don't really have to go everyday...blah-blah-blah. The mental fight to get up and to get in the room, even though I know every time I walk out of the yoga room I feel better, it was still hard to get up and go everyday.

Then something shifted, my brain stopped making excuses, and instead would set my day around which yoga class I was going to attend. Four days ago I got sick -not deathly sick, but sick. Yoga was the last thing I wanted to do - but I went anyway. I took it easier, but I went.

I have always considered myself to be decently undisciplined. The past 64 days have taught me that this is absolutely incorrect. When I mean business it will get done. On my intention list for this year I wrote -to have my perfect body by 40- And by perfect I don't mean what you see in a magazine, I don't mean the body I had at 20, or even 30 for that matter. I mean a body of a woman, a woman who has curves, a woman who is comfortable not only on the outside but even more importantly on the inside. I wanted to walk into my 40th year at the top of my game with as much pride, grace, and dignity as I possible could.

Happy Birthday to me!


Wednesday, March 26, 2014

I have a date tonight....

Boy: I have a date with a pretty girl tonight.


 Think about and look forward to date numerous times throughout the day.  


 Girl: I have a date with a cute boy tonight. 


Color hair, get a pedicure. Pick out and outfit - decide you hate the outfit - along with every other  article of clothing in your closet. Force your self not to get ready 3 hours before your date in order to not look like a hooker. Change clothes 15 times - finding the perfect outfit 5 minutes before cute boy knocks on the door. 

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

You deserve to be happy....

I cannot believe I am where I am right now - I probably wrote the same thing in my last post - but that is okay - I am still in the same beautiful place. And that in its self is a miracle - my first few years in soberity I was lucky to have two good days in a row. God, looking back that was really hard - all of the ups and downs, all of the emotions, all of the fear...I battled it on a daily basis. I don't anymore. That is a blessing of sobriety. 

It is super hard to get sober, but once the light shines in, once you deal with some of the underline issues, it isn't really that hard to stay sober. 

Just start. Start right now. Start right where you are. You do not have to spend the rest of your life consumed with the though of alcohol. There is a better life for you. I promise. 

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Putting it into words

I haven't written lately because where I am in life is almost impossible to put into words - it is as if God - in one day - in one moment gave me the willingness that I had been praying for my entire sobriety. They say when you put out into the universe your wants make sure that you are ready to receive them. This month I started a business, and in one months time it is holding its own. I made a commitment to do yoga everyday until my Birthday - and I have kept it. I am clearing the things in my life that have been blocking me from the sunlight of the spirit, and I have done a load of laundry everyday for 17 days (if you know me then you know I have a laundry issue) 

I set my intentions for the year so high that I couldn't fathom them coming true - but they are. 

My life takes my breath away. Thank you so much for being a part of it. ❤️


Friday, February 14, 2014

A new perception on my Valentine's Day Pity Party

Yesterday I posted on Facebook that I was having Valentine's Day pity party - but then today I woke up with a brand new perception. I was having a pity party because I had expectations of what I thought I should have or receive on Valentine's Day - it suddenly dawned on me how ungrateful that was. Valentine's Day is a day that is suppose to represent love - and to me loving is all about giving and gratitude - neither of which I was doing..... 

The truth is if there is one thing that I have a ton of to give and it's love. So today instead of focusing on what I could get, I focused on what I could give. It's amazing how much love I got in return - funny how that works :) 

May your Valentine's Day be filled with love - lots and lots of love! 





Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Blog Roll

I miss comments! Will ya' all do me a favor? If you're still reading this blog will you drop a comment into the comment section. Maybe telling how long you've been reading and where you heard about emilyism. 

Thank you! xoxo 

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Guy Friends



If you know me in real life you know that I have a ton of guys friends. I'm that girl. The one who has to be explained about to the new girlfriend. I am friends with my x-husband and pretty much every boyfriend I've ever had. My guy friends are the bomb. They are the reason that I haven't gotten myself into any codependent relationships in sobriety. I think women stay in relationship that may not be healthy for us because men take care of a lot of things. I don't know about you, but for me life is much less scary with a man around. So I'm so blesses to have not one but many men in my life who will suit up and show up. 

The above picture totally reminded me of my guy friends. They put up with a lot from me. There are times I am needy and annoying - but there is not one day that goes by that I don't feel loved and protected. <3 

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Self talk

 I am entering into a peaceful new place. I have been uncomfortable and in a little bit of fear. I took it as the normal feelings that come from being in between jobs. But I recently found out that wasn't really what it is at all. It was my self talk. It was me worrying about what I was going to do, how was going to do it, when it was going to happen - which is stuff I normally turn over- As much as my self talk was in prayer, it was just as much in fear. The only way for me to explain what I did is to say I sort of -rebooted my brain- ever thought is either accepted or paused and replaced with something beautiful. 

I talk a lot about mastering your own mind. If it is true that we become what we think - then aren't our thoughts the most important thing we have? 


Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The UnBlogging Blogger

If you know me in real life you know that I'm pretty simple and not really all that wordy. It makes me excellent at tweeting and facebooking. Getting out what I need to get said quickly and in as few words as possibly is the way I roll. 

But here's the problem with that - right now to make ends meet I'm running social media for businesses - I can rock twitter and Facebook - but what everyone really wants is a blogger. You may be all like, what? You are a blogger, Emily! And you're right, I am! But if you go back and read my blog posts you'll find that they aren't really all that long. I'm scared I don't have enough content in my head to pull it off. 

This one is sooo in Gods hands - if the content is to flow it going to have to come from him - or Annette who can rock a long blog post like nobody's business!! LOL 

Monday, January 27, 2014

Happy 14th Birthday, Gavin!

                               
Today is Gavin's 14th Birthday. God, what a joy he has been. He such a funny, neat kid - and I'm not just saying that because I'm his Mom. He really doesn't like when I talk about him on the blog - so I'll keep it short. 



Gavin Dean,
You are amazing and funny, and so so caring. The quote above is totally true - your kind ways steal the hearts of everyone in your path. I love you more that words can say. 
xo,
Mom